*****

Ryan forces himself to eat the bagels Kirsten left for him but his nausea has returned. He feels like he needs to purge his system but he realizes that he can't keep throwing up. He's not sick but he can't convince his body of that fact. He leans back, stretching across the bed as he tries to control his nausea. He hopes it's the hangover but he knows better.

"How you feeling?"

"Sick," Ryan replies honestly.

"How big was that bottle of vodka you drank?" Sandy asks.

"A fifth," Ryan answers.

"You drank a fifth of vodka? Ryan, my god…" Sandy gasps.

"It was stupid. It was irresponsible and inconsiderate and I'll take whatever punishment you want to give me," Ryan says immediately.

"Ryan, I'm worried about you. You. . .It seems like you have a family history of alcohol problems. . ."

"True, I know that, that's why I usually stay the hell away. . ." Ryan starts.

"Good, but you're going through a rough time and instead of trying to talk it over with us, you went out and started drinking. Do you understand why I'm worried?" Sandy asks.

Ryan hesitates. "Yes. I get it. I'm sorry."

"If you can't bring yourself to talk to us. . .we want you to talk to someone else."

"You're going to send me to a psychiatrist?" Ryan asks slowly. "You think I'm crazy?"

"No, Ryan, not at all. I think that we should have encouraged you to talk to someone when you first agreed to stay with us. The transition. . .It's been harder on you than I expected. . ." Sandy admits.

"Sandy, I'm fine, look. . .I'll do whatever you say. . .you want me to talk? Ask me something. . . you want me to do something, just tell me to do it. . . but don't make me talk to a stranger. . .please. . ." Ryan whispers desperately. He doesn't want to talk to a shrink.

"Then you have to trust us. I don't know what you said to Seth last night, but he was really upset when you ran off. . .he said that you had talked to him and I think that's good. . .but Seth isn't a trained professional, Ryan. He can listen, if he stops babbling long enough, but he can't really help you. . ."

"I don't need help," Ryan replies.

"Ryan."

"My brother is dead," He states suddenly. He keeps his eyes lowered. "I'm sorry that I can't just shake this off and move on, I'm sorry I have this baggage interfering in your nice lives but it might take me longer than a couple of days to deal with this." He meets Sandy's gaze finally. "I won't upset Seth anymore. . .I won't drink anymore. . ."

"Ryan, stop for a second and listen to me," Sandy says gently.

"Okay," Ryan says. Sandy doesn't speak until Ryan looks up at him.

"I want you to stop thinking for a minute and relax. I don't want you to push yourself to get over this because you're worrying about your place in this family. Your baggage, as you call it, is not affecting our lives except that we're worried sick about you. You won't talk to us and we don't know what you're going through," Sandy explains quietly. "The next time you feel like you need to drink, I want you to consider coming and talking to me. If you feel like. . ."

"Like I'm going to explode?" Ryan interrupts. "'Cause I feel like everything is hitting me all at once. . .Trey's gone, you're pissed, Seth's upset. . ."

"Ryan, I don't want you to feel like that. I'm not pissed at you, I'm worried. . ."

"Don't be worried, I can handle this. . ." Ryan replies.

"You can't, kid. You're not handling it," Sandy replies.

Ryan sighs. "What do you want me to say, Sandy? 'Cause I'm not used to this and I really don't know what I can say to make you happy."

"It doesn't matter if it makes me happy, Ryan, as long as you talk to me. . ." Sandy says, frustration on his face.

Ryan's body revolts suddenly and he has to throw up. He makes it to the bathroom and closes the door behind him before emptying his stomach into the toilet.

"Ryan?" Sandy calls from outside the bathroom door.

Ryan stands up slowly and turns to look at himself in the mirror. He's shaking again and his skin is pale. Sandy opens the door slowly, concerned and steps inside.

"Hangover?" Sandy asks, sympathetically. He puts his hand on

"No. I have trouble eating when I have stuff on my mind," Ryan says slowly.

"So this isn't a new thing?" Sandy asks quietly.

"Nah. It always happens to me. I lose my appetite. I usually just don't eat until I get over it. . ." Ryan admits.

"You still think you're okay?" Sandy asks.

"I'll get over it, Sandy," Ryan whispers. "Can I just have a little more time?"

Sandy nods, realizing that he's done all he can for the moment. He's given Ryan several things to think about and he hopes that Ryan will get better.

"Kirsten's working from home today. She'll be out to check on you later. I hope you'll let her know if you decide to go anywhere."

"I won't run off, Sandy."

"I'll be home around lunch to check on things. Get some rest," Sandy urges.

"I'll try."

*****