Morning Song
by Thyme In Her Eyes – ariadne@btopenworld.com
Author's Note: Looks like I still need to write more about FFVII... Well, I've got quite a big story coming up soon but I just had to write this one-shot first. It's a bit short, so it's also a bit crappy (or so I think), but please be nice to it. The story is also told from Aeris' perspective and contains some mild C/A and C/T. Also, in case anyone wondered, these characters don't belong to me. It's a shock, I know.
* MORNING SONG *
"Morning, Aeris."
A turn, a nod of the head, followed by that moment when he looks as if he's going to ask me something. He never asks. Then a hesitant smile before he takes off.
"Hi Aeris! Good morning!"
She's always second, bursting out straight after him. She turns and smiles before waving, trying to be as cheery as she can. Then she takes a deep breath and follows.
Every morning, while the others still sleep in their tents, Cloud and Tifa go running together. Bright and early, when the morning mist is still in the air. When it's still really chilly.
I'm the one awake first. I'm used to getting up early. Back in Midgar, I had to keep on my toes. I'm naturally something of an early riser, so it was never a problem for me to lose the luxury of being able to sleep in. Besides, in Midgar, the earlier you wake up, the earlier you start working, the more money you make during the day. That was pretty much the way of life in the slums. On top of that, it was never a good idea to stay in one place for to long when the Turks are chasing you, not even your own home sometimes. I swear, even now when friends surround me, whenever I step into a building, I always find myself scanning the interior for escape routes. Old habits die hard, or so they say.
But here, out on the road, I like being up early. It's great to just wander around the campsite all alone sometimes and just look at the world. We travel so fast sometimes, so it seems like there's completely different scenery every day. So I wander out, appreciating the things around me that I finally got a chance to see. I sit down, usually outside my tent and I stretch out and yawn real loud. I sometimes doze a bit; sometimes I close my eyes and just listen to the sound of the Planet. Then, I look around and appreciate some peace and quiet. Believe me, I love being with people (especially the people I'm with right now) but sometimes it's nice just to be able to think by yourself for a while. Or maybe Cloud's influence is starting to rub off on me.
Soon after I'm up and about, Cloud and Tifa usually emerge from their respective tents (Cloud's is the boring moss-coloured one, while Tifa got the neon-blue one), just a minute or two separating them. And then they'll go for a run, usually circling the general area twice, maybe more. Whoever reaches back here first gets to talk to me.
They're never up before I am and they never leave with more than three minutes between them (a lot of the time, the difference is only something like twenty seconds) and Cloud's always the first to leave. I'm not sure if they've arranged to go running together each morning and that's the reason the leave at the same time, or if maybe they're in harmony with each other. Personally, I think it's a little bit of both.
It's their morning ritual. Not just mornings, I mean early mornings. It's probably because they like to have enough time for a good run and then a little time to relax before the others wake and we all have to be on our way, moving to the next place. I wish I was that fit. Instead, I sit down, watch and shout my support.
"Morning!" I always call back before they get too far out of hearing range. "Hey, don't strain yourselves out there! I'd hate to have to heal you this early in the day!" I shout, then I laugh and wave.
I'd love to join in and go running to and get in a bit better shape but I don't think so. I've been on a few runs with them but they keep holding themselves back to be fairer to me, and it really annoys me when they do that. I don't like to see them hold back just for my sake. Also, I'd feel like I'm intruding on something that belongs to just the two of them, something private. I don't mind – I get plenty of exercise from all the continuous battles and there's something very pleasant about just watching the two of them run. I think I prefer to start my mornings in more of a serene manner, anyway.
Cloud's up first, always outside first. He wishes me a good morning and starts running. Tifa follows, a few seconds behind him. She's always at her brightest in the mornings, maybe because of the running, maybe because she knows that she has these private moments with him to look forward to. She has to shout out her Good Mornings to me while running if she doesn't want him to get too far ahead of her (if he did, he'd slow down for her – she just doesn't know that). Somehow, early every morning, Cloud and Tifa find time to go for a run together.
Officially, they're not running together, they're just running at the same time. Apparently, it's just a coincidence that they wake up for a run at the same time. We all know that. I only question it now and then when I feel like teasing them. But I happen to know that they do it more than out of a love for exercise. Or at least, that's my sure guess.
Yeah, fitness is the surface of it. It has to be – I can't imagine anyone going through that amount of physical exertion every day, just to be able to spend some time with someone else. Cloud's more practical than that and Tifa's more subtle than that.
I should know that it's about health and working out – I was there when they first started doing it. It was while we were travelling to Kalm, and Tifa was giving me lessons in how to pace myself properly in running one morning. Cloud was watching us and smiling a little when he thought we weren't looking. Then he started running and Tifa demonstrated her technique of pacing herself by following him. They had a lot of fun. Thus endeth the lesson and thus beginneth Cloud and Tifa's early morning run.
The main reason is because they both like to shake off tiredness this way, to keep their minds and bodies fresh. They're both incredible physical fighters so constant exercise is a part of their lives – they enjoy a challenge before having to cope with battling monsters on the road. They've both told me plenty of times that it's fun and relaxing, and won't get them covered in monster-slime.
Of course, there's something else to it too. Sometimes they talk while they run, but most of the time it's an intense and above all a silent experience. But I don't think it's about the talking so much as just being able to be in each others' company for a while, away from the real world and all its distractions. I know that I'm definitely picking up on an unspoken sense of comradeship that they both appreciate when they come back. I think it's also about sharing something, just the two of them. Maybe it's about just being childhood friends again. Tifa runs because he runs, because she wants to keep up with him and be with him, no matter where he goes. And Cloud, I can tell, runs to impress her, to get her to notice him. It's really cute.
When they return, I can see all that they can't – not only are they less tired, but the run lets so much collected negativity just slide off. Their eyes are always that much brighter and their smiles come a little easier every day. Tifa's expression when she returns is always a little brighter and Cloud's is always a little looser, a fraction more open and within reach.
That's why I can't begrudge them something that has such a refreshing effect on them. Maybe you'd think that I'd get jealous, sitting on the sidelines, watching Tifa run away with him. But I'm not.
I sometimes find it a bit odd and weird, that I'm not jealous. Of course I'm sometimes attacked by that green-eyed monster, but it's never big, bitchy jealousy, just a little nip of envy. Like when he talks to her first, or puts her in his travelling party. But I never feel like that at all other times, least of all these mornings, when they spend absolute ages together.
It's strange, but it's never bothered me that Tifa and I both like him and that he likes both of us. It's never bothered Tifa either, not deeply. But in the end, we all feel love stronger than any other feeling, and that's what's important. I have to admit though, I still wonder sometimes...
Maybe it's because I like Tifa so much. Maybe it's because I understand why they both need this, and need some time alone together. Maybe it's because I'm well aware that I'm going to have plenty of chances to talk to Cloud whenever I like. Maybe it's because I know that jealousy is so pointless, that all it does is hurt and ruin things. Hmm...I think it's all of them. And none of them. I believe it's possible for it to be both. I sigh out loud.
"You okay?"
Startled, I turn around and see Cloud standing there. I smile and sit down, knees drawn up.
I half expect him to try and impress me by flashing Zack's confident grin at me (the biggest difference is all in the teeth; Zack's were straight and perfect pearl-whites, Cloud's are a little wonkier and discoloured). Instead, he looks a little self-doubting but concerned. Concerned about me. Did I really look so distant when I was thinking, just then?
I look at him again. He looks like Cloud today. That makes me happy – I'd much rather see the real him than the fake Zack. I know that I have to talk to him about that sometime – there's a limited amount of time for me to just ignore the issue. I have to tell him about Zack, the guy he looks, acts, walks, talks and fights like. But not here, not now.
"Good morning, Cloud." I smile at him. "I'm fine thanks. Just a bit sleepy."
He wanders around for a bit, skirting over the campsite, unwilling to commit himself to any particular part. He looks like a lost child, all of a sudden. He looks like he has no idea what he's doing.
"Hey Cloud, are you okay?" I ask. "You look a bit distracted. You thinking about something?"
He looks as though he wants to tell me something, and takes a few steps towards me, but then halts.
"Don't you usually go on your morning run?" I ask. "I'm gonna miss watching you."
He approaches me now. "Um..." he says, running his hand through his hair (like Zack) "Has Tifa started running already? Or isn't she up yet?"
I shake my head. "Sorry, but I don't think she's awake yet. I think she was having nightmares last night, because of where we're going. I don't think she got too much sleep."
We're heading to Nibelheim, following Sephiroth. I can almost sense something...wrong about it, but I can't tell if this is some sort of sixth sense, a message from the Planet, or just my own paranoia. I feel so bad for Cloud and Tifa, having to go to what's left of their hometown. I can't imagine what it must be like. Tifa hasn't been herself since yesterday, since the mountains first came into our sight. All the colour and light just left her. I tried to talk to her about it, but she shut me out. It's something you never have words for. Her tent is right next to mine, and I'm sure I heard her shouting out something in her sleep. I practically felt the horror of her dreams.
Cloud and I both know that this means she probably won't be running this morning. I know he'll miss it. I look at Cloud sympathetically. He hasn't said anything, hasn't asked if she's alright. The colour's left him too and he looks drawn, distant, older. I know what he's thinking about. I know that he's remembering. There's so much pain and confusion there. It troubles him more than he lets on, I can see. His stark blue eyes meet mine and for a moment his eyes soften and look vulnerable.
I pat at the grass next to me in invitation. "Why don't you tell me about it?" I ask.
I just want to make it alright for him, I suppose, and I know that I don't have my work cut out for me. I want to know the real him, the guy I see sometimes hiding behind this shadow of Zack. I want to see who he really is and help him see that man for himself. I want to do it for his sake, and mine. I want to help him and be close to him, to learn more about him. He's the one I care about, not the debris of Zack.
He smiles, a thin almost shy smile, like it's too afraid to show itself. It's silly, I think to myself, to ever be jealous over a little running. There's so much opportunity to have something special with another person and I have this moment right now and I'm glad if it. It's good that we're both up so early. We have all morning together.
He sits down next to me, accepting my invitation and we talk.
[FIN]
