Flirting With Death, Chapter Seven:
One More Time
By Darknightdestiny
(A/N): Okay, I realize Chapter Six was kind of weird…like, some of the sentences even, dare I say, contradicted themselves the next second? Like, for example…oh, nevermind; I'll ruin the illusion of the magic of the thing.
And now I will answer some questions because I just love you all so much and you're all so deserving. Answer time, answer time!
1. The driving lesson went well.
2. A sconce is one of those elaborate candle or torch holders that can be found on the walls of a house. It's okay, I'm sure there are plenty of people who don't know what that is. And I don't own one of my own, though I plan on getting some for my new place when I move in.
3. I too would love to live in the Shinra Mansion.
4. Yes, they will get to kill something (next chapter, hooray!)
This chapter is quite long compared to the others. I added an incident I thought would be just perfect, and you guys can tell me what you think of it. I hope I did this well…this is the strange and awkward chapter where I try to make my previous ideas stick together and I hope this fic still makes sense. I've been running around in circles rather than taking this anywhere, but now it's going to start moving! Next chapter, they leave the mansion. And things will really start to pick up when they reach Wutai!
Now… Here we go!
Tifa awoke a bit groggy, the sun shining straight down into her eyes, for she happened to be resting just underneath that horizontal line of orange. That was quite uncomfortable for her, because she was still plagued with a headache due to her unfortunate accident. Her eyes fought the invasion of light with all their strength, but try as she might, she could not squint the pain away. In fact, it only made matters much worse when she released the hold she had on those muscles.
She groaned in the wake of the sunrise. Tifa was known to be cheery and resilient, but that was in the middle of the day. She was not a morning person. She rolled over on her side, one hand beneath her pillow. Looking down at the sheets she asked herself again why she had given in to taking Vincent's room for the night. He couldn't have stayed awake all night, could he have?
This room was certainly beautiful. Tifa tried to imagine what the rest of the house would look like if it had been fixed up like that. She wondered where in that mansion Vincent was. She didn't know if he would be coming to wake her, but she decided it would be best if she got up on her own before he got the chance.
But Tifa Lockheart did not want to get up. She was whining inwardly, something that seemed childish and that she would have never, ever done aloud, but she felt she had the right. Her head hurt badly, and she felt like she could stay in bed for weeks. For the second time in a row, she heard a throat being cleared behind her.
She started a bit, but surprisingly she did not jump high into the air as she had been finding herself to do quite often as of late. She slowly turned over in all her disheveled glory to face the man she knew it to be. She gave him a pained look of desperation.
"Vincent?" Her voice was hoarse and whiny with lack of sleep.
"…I thought it best if I gave you some warning this time."
"Couldn't you have just knocked on the door?"
"…"
"…I guess not."
"…I did not want to disappoint you." He held two tablets out to her in the palm of his claw, and in his hand he held a mug of water."
"Ah…the mystery mug," she croaked. She took hold of the black mug, rimmed with gold and chilled with the cold water inside. She then reached for the pills in his claw, noticing the way the morning light played across its surface. She took them gratefully, tossing them back and taking the water down with them. "Thank you," she said, voice a little less cracked after the drink, and handing him the mug.
"You are welcome." He stood and turned to leave.
"Wait!" Tifa called after him. "Uh…what time do I have to be up?"
"…I suppose you may rise whenever you wish. Mayonee has been fed and is ready to depart." And with that, he walked out the door.
Tifa sat upright in Vincent's bed, staring after him. She figured he was right and that it was time to be on her way. Seems a shame to leave him here though, all alone. Wish I could do something to make it up to him. She thought for a moment about Vincent's life and what it must be like. She had wondered what had happened to him all this time. He obviously never had any visitors, because he never even bothered to get himself bowls or glasses or anything. She giggled at the thought of Vincent downing his wine straight out of the bottle, as polite and as proper as he had always seemed to act around the rest of them. Then again, if he was all alone…
And we all know that guys act differently when there are no ladies around.
Tifa giggled again and hopped out of bed, her headache nearly gone. After pulling on her boots, she stepped back out into the hallway, her eyes scanning the wing for any sign of Vincent. He was nowhere to be seen, so she continued on to the other side of the house, searching the rest of the top story, minus the basement. She figured that if he had retreated to the basement, she should probably just leave him alone. When she didn't find him upstairs, she searched downstairs.
She searched every room in the house for him. She couldn't leave without saying goodbye, and the truth was…well, she wasn't quite ready to go yet. Being up late the night before had left her alone with her thoughts and when Tifa was left alone with her thoughts, she got ideas. Ever since she had stepped inside the mansion, she had been flooded with thoughts of everything that had gone on in that place before. She hadn't actually expected to run across Vincent, but she had thought about the possibility of him being in his coffin. She had hoped that he wasn't sleeping in that crypt; she'd figured he was most likely to have gone traveling instead. Being inside the mansion made her think more and more about his story.
Now, looking up and down the halls, her eyes finally resting on the scratch in the old piano, she thought to herself, How can he possibly be living in this place with all of these memories? How can he dwell in one of the objects of his pain? He must be so lonely. But… why doesn't he ever visit Cid or Shera?
The more she thought about Vincent's seclusion, the more she thought about how lonely his life must be. True, he wasn't sleeping in his coffin. But he was living in an abandoned house, much too big for only one person, in the middle of an abandoned town, refusing the opportunity of the company that resided directly on the other side of Mount Nibel. In that instant, Tifa's thoughts and feelings about the mansion were changed. He had made this place, with all of its terrible memories, his home. Perhaps he was still trying not to be a burden on those who cared for him? Tifa made her way around back, to the stable behind the mansion.
She was surprised to see Vincent already there, gently and silently stroking the feathers of a black chocobo. She walked over to where Mayonee was standing and pet her on the head asking, "Did you sleep well?" Mayonee warked happily in response and bobbed her head up and down, ruffling her feathers. Tifa glanced to her left at Vincent, who seemed to be lost in thought. She had so many questions to ask him; no one really knew much about him, since he avoided conversations that took a personal turn, keeping to himself as if he was afraid of being found out for something. She was almost afraid to go on with her initial idea, and now her hesitancy was getting the best of her. It was then that she made a quick decision that would change her life forever.
"Vincent, can I ask you for a favor?" Vincent shifted his gaze to another invisible dot in space, seeming to contemplate whether or not she really could.
"…I suppose that would depend on the favor."
"Ok. Well…can I stay here for just one more night?"
"…"
"If you don't want me to stay, I can understand." He hesitated before answering.
"I would hate to leave you alone in the mansion all day long."
"Why? Where are you going?"
"To Rocket Town…for supplies."
"Oh. Well, could I come with you?" She was expecting him to say "No," and then tell her that he would rather be alone, because misery loves company, but not when said company is bright and cheerful. He would leave, and she would leave, and they would split at Rocket Town, she going to Cid's house to visit and he going to get whatever he needed before returning to the mansion alone.
"It can wait."
…He's going to stay with me? Well, no one would understand loneliness better than Vincent. "Thanks," she said aloud. She turned her attention to the other chocobo, which was busily eating some greens as Vincent groomed it. The chocobo's black feathers reflected different colors in the sunlight, which was peaking through cracks in the wood. It reminded her of Vincent's hair. "What's its name?"
"…Dante."
"Boy or girl?"
"…Male."
"I like him."
"…" Vincent finished with Dante and turned to go back inside. Tifa just followed him as she was used to doing. There really wasn't anything else to do in the mansion, big as it was.
She stepped inside the mansion and looked around. Vincent was nowhere to be found again, as if he had just vanished into thin air. She complained to herself silently. How exactly, is this any different from leaving me all alone?
Tifa went back up to Vincent's room and threw herself backwards onto his bed. She hadn't wanted to leave before finding out more about him. She had never had time while they were busy fighting Shinra and Meteor, because they were always on the run and had other tasks at hand that required immediate attention. If she left, there was no guarantee that she would ever see him again. She would know where to look for him, but there was always a chance that something could happen to her while she was away, and Tifa was not the kind of person who left things unsaid. Unless, of course, she didn't know how to say them.
I wish I had more time! What is it with me anyways?
She had always thought she had trouble with words and tended to become nervous and uncertain when facing others. Still, she somehow always found the right thing to say when it came to her friends. She spent a lot of time thinking there, wondering what she would say to him, what questions she would ask. She was surprised when she awoke later, having drifted off in her thoughts. Vincent, why did you have to get such a comfortable bed? She had no idea how much time she had wasted, and she would have to be leaving the next morning. She felt her stomach making noises again and went across the hallway to munch on dry cereal.
When she had returned, she pulled back the curtains, hoping to catch a glimpse of what the time might be. The sun had already started to go down. "No way, you have got to be kidding me!" she exclaimed aloud. If she said nothing to Vincent tonight, she figured tomorrow would be out of the question for conversation; Vincent disliked talking most when he was traveling, for he was always listening or watching for things only he could detect. She had a gut instinct that told her if she just left him on his own a second time after Rocket Town without at least getting to know something about him that wasn't common information (such as his reasons for joining, Lucrecia and Hojo and all of that, but everybody knew that, at least whatever version he had told them), then she would regret it.
So she set out for the basement. Somehow, she knew he would be down there. There wasn't anything else to do in the house anyways except read, sleep or snack, and she'd already been to the refrigerator and he wasn't there. In fact, she never remembered Vincent eating much on their travels. Whatever the reason was, perhaps that was why he barely kept any food. No wonder he's so thin.
Tifa found Vincent in the library as before, reading a book on…painting? "Didn't know they kept that stuff in here," she said.
"I picked it up in town," he replied, not once taking his eyes from their place in the pages.
"Oh." She stood on the other side of the desk, wondering to herself when she was going to start this conversation and how in the world she was going to do it. Then, she had an idea. Without warning, she turned around and walked back down the aisle of books. Vincent didn't seem to notice. He had, however, and he noticed it even more when he heard the grating sound of wood bumping and scraping against wood, startling him into tearing his eyes from his book. He looked up from the object and down the hallway where he saw Tifa coming back, and dragging the other chair along with her.
She's going to want to sit? This could be awhile…Tifa settled the chair on the opposite side of the desk from where he was sitting and placed herself neatly into its cushions. Vincent kept his wary eyes on her. "Can I help you?" he asked, not rudely, but with suspicion.
"I just want to talk to you."
"…"
"You know, I love what you've done with the place."
"…"
"Your room is very comfortable. The candles add a nice touch."
"…"
"They smell lovely."
"…"
"Vincent, I feel like I'm talking to a wall."
"…What would you have me say?"
"I don't know! Something!" He just stared back at her and massaged his jaw through his cloak with his hand.
"I am not in the habit of speaking if there is nothing to say…"
"If I ask you a question, will you answer it?" He shifted back in his seat and folded both arm and claw over his chest, sitting up straight. He pulled his right leg up and let his ankle rest on his left knee.
"I suppose…that will depend on the question."
"I'm not sure if it's too personal or not, but I'd really like to know."
"In that case, you will have to ask to find out." Tifa felt her face grow hot.
"Okay, here goes. Why…"
She was sure he was going to give her a simple two-word answer…"… do you live here?" she finished.
"…Why do I live here?" he reiterated, faking a look of confusion in his eyes. He knew what she meant by her question.
"I mean," she continued, starting to become extremely nervous, "why do you live in this place in particular? I mean it seems like it would be so lonely…" she trailed off, realizing that no matter what she said, it came back to the inevitable fact that he had no one to share his company with anyways and that this was a bad icebreaker to use with Vincent. But it was the only one that she could come up with.
Vincent waited for a while before answering her with another question, all the while watching her as she grew even more uncomfortable and started to fidget in her seat. "So you are asking me why I live alone?"
"Well…"
"…A lot of people live by themselves."
"But not in towns that are completely abandoned!" she shot out, surprising herself. Her heart beat faster as she continued, without even thinking about what she was saying. "This place is full of sadness! You're all alone here…I can't understand why you would want to come back here! Think of all the horrible things that happened here! Why…" Uh-oh…
"…"
"I'm so sorry…" she said, her eyes starting to become wet, proving that she really was. "I shouldn't have…I shouldn't have said that…I shouldn't have even brought it up. I'm so-"
"Do not be sorry."
"-sorry." Tifa just looked at him, her mouth partway open, trying not to cry. She thought he was going to be angry with her, or hurt by her. She still was sure she had hurt her friend, no matter whether or not he would ever show it. She was surprised and confused when he told her not to be sorry about it. She looked at him with a look that begged for an explanation, lest she burst.
Vincent saw this and couldn't help but feel sorry for her; he had knowingly coaxed her outburst for he knew how much she hated the town and realized a long time before that she had stayed for his benefit and not her own. She could have been over the mountains and into Rocket Town by late night the day before if she had gone ahead. He was touched by her care for him, but he had still thought that she was wasting her time. He lowered his chin so that his hair fell over his face, hiding his delicate features from view. "…The mansion is but an empty shell like myself. It seemed fitting that I remain within it." Tifa just stared at him, eyes wide as if he had just shot himself in the foot for fun. She could not believe he had just called himself…empty…
It was then that she realized that this place was not his home. It was merely a place where he lived, out of the way of the rest of the human population. Sure, he had made his living space livable. Sure, he had found himself something to do in his spare time. But the mansion was still haunted by his memories, and he probably still thought about them all the time, standing in the middle of the lab where the horrifying events of his life took place. It was as if there was nothing left for him, but to wait for death. This place was not his home- it was his grave.
"Vincent…I'm sorry. I-I'll go now." Tifa got up and left the room swiftly and silently, not even bothering to take the chair back to where she had found it. Vincent watched her leave and he sighed as he picked his book back up and tried to lose himself in it once again. He didn't understand why she had tried to get close. He had no need of friends; he couldn't share in the joys of friendship for he had forgotten how to be happy a long time ago. As soon as she had exited the lab, he could hear her footsteps break out into a run.
Tifa slumped down on the floor outside of the secret passageway. She knew Vincent had contempt for himself over his past, but she had had no idea of how little he thought of himself. She felt so badly; she had gone too far and now she was almost sorry that she had even tried. She was sure she had hurt him, and she thought she would be even more distressed if she hadn't, for she was truly afraid that he had forgotten how to feel. The way he talked…
Tifa stayed there- for how long, she did not know. She had cried herself to sleep over what she had hoped would be an insightful conversation. She had learned more than she had wanted to, and that scared her because she didn't know how she was going to help him. How could she? How could she not? She was thinking over this as she felt herself floating through the space between sleep and animation, and when she opened her eyes, she was back in Vincent's bed, staring at his ceiling. Sitting up and glancing behind her, she saw that it was dark outside. She figured that Vincent must have moved her to the bed, and noticed that he had lit the candles for her as well. She rubbed her eyes and winced at the irritation she found there. Her eyes started to water up again to flush out the dried and salty tears that had been left behind, and her heart plummeted as she realized she hadn't dreamed the whole thing up.
She was interrupted from her thoughts by a soft sound floating up to her room. The sound was echoing throughout the entire mansion and she knew it all too well. She hesitated; she was unsure of whether or not she could face him just yet, but the noise was too much for her to leave alone. At that moment she wanted more than anything to see what was causing that sweet, sweet noise…
Piano?
Five minutes later found Tifa Lockheart standing in the doorway of the huge room with stained-glassed windows, wondering how on earth Vincent had managed to convince someone to travel all the way to Nibelheim to tune and replace the strings in that awful piano. Now, it sounded absolutely beautiful. She watched Vincent's face as he played, searching for any emotion. There were no distinguishable expressions that she could pick out, but his eyes seemed softened. It may have just been the fact that they were half-closed, but he appeared to be lost in some peaceful trance. His chest was moving up and down with even breaths, while his body rocked back and forth, from side to side as he shifted his posture over and over to better reach the correct keys. His arms were moving back and forth across the keys and his wrists were spinning the notes as a spider spins its web. His right hand was without his glove, his long, pale fingers stretching over the keys, racing over them as if they had a mind of their own. She listened intently and the corner of her slightly open mouth started to pull upwards as she heard the faint clacking sound of his metal digits on the ivory keys. The piece was just so…beautiful…
Empty my foot, Tifa thought. So, there was hope for him yet. Vincent, apparently lost in his music had just now caught her out of the corner of his eye. He immediately ceased his playing and lifted his head, looking like a child who had just been caught doing something he shouldn't have been doing. Vincent, a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck. He quickly shifted his expression to one of expectance as if he was waiting for her to ask him something.
"Don't stop," she said, almost in a whisper, afraid that she would disturb the entire atmosphere with her presence. She tiptoed softly over to him as if any sound she might make would shatter the looming glass windows or bring the entire roof down over their heads. "That was beautiful. What is…the name?" Vincent stared at the piano, absently trailing the fingers of his right hand over the keys.
"…It has no name."
"You mean…you? You wrote that!?" She would have shouted this in surprise if not for her whole fear of upsetting the ambiance of the room. Instead it was a whispered shout.
"I haven't written it down."
Wow. Vincent really…wow. Tifa found herself with the sudden urge to run over and squeeze the life out of him, but she quickly repressed it. She knew he really wouldn't appreciate that, but she was just so impressed with him in that moment. She had no idea Vincent could be like that; it turns out she did learn something new about him after all. She was so excited. She wasn't going to let this go; in this instant she had made up her mind, and she was going to ask. She drew herself near to his side. "Vincent…"
"…You really should be wearing shoes out here. I would not wish for you to cut your foot on something…"
"I'm fine. Vincent, I'm going to ask another favor of you."
"…I believe you already know what I am going to say."
"It depends on the favor, right?"
"…"
"Okay. Well, I was wondering…if you would come with me?"
"…I suppose that would depend on where you are going…"
"Well, first I'm going to Rocket Town to visit Cid and Shera…"
"…"
"…And then I'm going to ask to borrow the Tiny Bronco. I want to go visit Yuffie in Wutai."
"…You have visited the others already?"
"Yeah. I've kind of been on this journey. See…ever since Cloud left to go and find Aeris…"
"…"
"…I got really uncomfortable just staying at the bar all day. There's gotta be something more to life, you know?"
"…I can understand your feelings. You are still young…"
"Right! Anyways, I don't know if it was nostalgia or what, but I decided to take a journey…I don't know, a quest for…self-discovery. There's something missing, something important. I want to know what it is, I feel like I've lost my purpose in life. After AVALANCHE, and Meteor, and all of the events that took place five months ago, I just feel like everything's come to a close and there's nothing left to do. And I've got all these years and nothing to do with them. Anyways, Cid had said that the planet was really small from space, and so I figure that I must be really, really small. So, what is there for me to do, really? If I don't find something soon, I think I'm going to just…I don't know. I have no idea."
Vincent sat there, taking in everything she had said. Tifa was so young, and already she had lost her sense of purpose in life. "…Just because you are small, does not mean that you have no significance. You have accomplished things that many could never have…"
"See, that's what Nanaki said. Sort of. But I can't just sit around and do nothing."
"…I do see your point. However, it would seem to me that a quest for self-discovery would be best achieved by the self in question alone."
"Huh?"
"It would seem that you would have an easier time exploring your own feelings if you were not distracted by others around you."
"…I would feel much safer." While she was extremely strong and agile and an exceptionally talented fighter, being around Vincent made her feel…both insecure and secure at the same time. More like, insecure in her own adequacy and more secure in his…care? And she wasn't about to tell him she thought he needed this as much as she did. She wasn't ready for that yet.
"…"
"You haven't even called any of the others, have you?"
"What would lead you to believe this?"
"You said you didn't even visit Cid, and he lives right over the mountains! You go there all the time to stock up, remember?"
"…I did not say that I do not visit Cid."
"What? Yes, you did. I know you did, because I remember thinking how ridiculous it was that you had a friend who lived right on the other side of Mount Nibel that you didn't even talk to when you went into town."
"I did not say that-"
"Yes you did-"
"I merely did not reply."
"…Are you sure?"
"I am positive."
"Well, do you visit Cid?"
"…"
"Vincent!"
"…No. And now I remember…I did say that at one time…I only failed to mention why."
"Vincent! You knew that…! And what about why? That would be?"
"…"
"Vincent…"
"I was swift in correcting myself…"
"Vincent!"
"The reason is not important." Tifa just sighed in defeat. She silently wondered if sometimes he was difficult on purpose.
"Does this mean you won't come with me?" He hesitated.
"What is it that you would like me to say?"
"That you'll come with me."
"…You should get some sleep. You do not wish to be tired when we leave tomorrow morning."
"So you'll come?"
"I… am going to Rocket Town tomorrow."
"Please, Vincent. I would really like it if you came…"
"…"
"…Vincent?" Tifa asked, her voice almost faltering, sure that her hope would be shattered any second.
"Get some sleep. I will give you an answer in the morning." At that, Tifa forgot her manners and bent down, giving him a bear hug in all her excitement. As soon as she had done this, she realized her mistake and pulled away, her cheeks starting to flush. She would have been grateful that the house was dark inside, save for a few scattered candles, if it wasn't for the fact that she already knew Vincent had excellent night vision.
"…G-goodn-night," she stammered, and made her way around the corner and back up the stairs.
Tifa threw herself on the bed again, somehow hoping that if she buried her face in the pillow, it would take away the hot feeling in her face. She hadn't stopped to check Vincent's reaction before hiding her face earlier; she had placed her hand over her forehead, overshadowing her features, as she might if her headache had come back. She knew that whatever his decision, she was going to have to face him the next morning, and she was dreading the coming of dawn.
(A/N): Oh wow! That was long! Well…compared to the others. Especially that one conversation, but I tried to make Vincent as silent as possible through the lengthiness of it all. I hope it made sense; it took a while, but I loved every minute of it! Except, of course, for the parts where I got writer's block and wasn't sure how I was going to pull myself out of my confusion…and couldn't connect my ideas…yeah. Well, I appreciate all you guys reviewing my writing! Tell me what you thought. I'm hoping to really get things rolling in the next couple of chapters, oh and I apologize for the thought processing being just Tifa's again. I'm really going to work on that. Tomorrow is job hunting and I have to find a roommate so I can afford my place, and it's a really good deal, so I don't wanna lose it! And then classes start. I've always been pretty good with making time outside of school, so it probably won't be hard for me to keep writing at a steady pace, but if not…then that's the reason why. I won't leave you all hanging!
