Pushing the Sky
#
cosmic dare
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Usagi screamed as she threw herself off the roof.
Quatre shaded his eyes and followed Usagi's flailing path through the sky. His eyes widened, and he let loose a terrified shriek and flung himself to the side. Usagi, still bellowing, hit the trampoline hard, and was catapulted back into the sky.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!" the blonde continued hysterically, connecting with the mattress they had rigged up on the studio apartment the Tsukinos had in their backyard.
Groaning slightly, she fell backwards onto the mattress they had laid out on the ground. Goddamn the game they had come up with, she thought muzzily. They had been playing it for three hours now, and the repeated blows to the head were really getting to her. Rolling onto her stomach, she pushed herself up onto her knees, coughing.
"Holy shit," she muttered darkly.
Quatre (who Usagi had managed to bounce onto the roof) cupped his hands around his mouth. "You alright?"
Usagi coughed again and waved a hand dismissively. "Oh yeah, I'm great! Just great," she said, dragging herself to her feet. "Great," she repeated. "Great like going on a mass murdering spree."
"I heard that, you know," Quatre said conversationally.
Usagi lowered her voice and continued to mutter black obscenities. Grumbling still, she pulled herself back onto the trampoline. Having fun was going to kill her one day. It was really honest to god going to kill her, and most likely Rumi. It was three weeks after they had first met, and so far life as idyllic. Dr. Tofu hadn't demanded her presence. Magic hadn't really been incorporated in with piano yet— they were all still learning how to read music. Ranma had been strangely silent lately. Not that she minded, of course. It was just a little unnatural. Quatre Rabera Winner (becoming known as Rumiko Winner, however) was like a slightly bizarre extension of her family. Usagi was just beginning to get used to the feeling of walking inside and seeing a cross dressing pretty boy sitting on her couch and chatting merrily with her mother.
But, you know. Whatever.
And that, lately, was Usagi's philosophy. Whatever happened, happened. Lay back. Relax. And her life was suddenly and magically stress-free. It was really very nice, but Usagi was just waiting for the bomb to drop. And drop it did.
Shingo came around the back yard right in time to see Quatre slam into the studio wall. He opened his mouth, thought better of it, and then sighed. Sisters were so weird. They'd never change, either. Four weeks before he never could have pictured his sister doing something so mildly suicidal as her current pastime, but hey. Weird shit happens. Live with it.
"Usa-baka, your friend's here to see you."
Usagi squealed in excitement and dropped delicately to the ground. Running around the trampoline, she grabbed Quatre's hand, yanked him off the mattress, and ran around the side of the house. True to her brother's word (she had had her initial doubts) Shampoo was standing in the front yard, arguing hotly with a brown haired woman holding a spatula.
"I DON'T WANT HIM ANY MORE!" Shampoo shrieked loudly. "NO MORE!!! NO! DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING TO YOU??????"
The woman regarded Shampoo suspiciously. "This isn't some kind of new plan that you have? You really honestly don't want him? After all your homicidal fits over him? Ah!" she said in surprise, noticing a curious Usagi. "Who's this? Is this the girl that you came to see?"
Usagi walked over to them cheerfully. "Hey, Shampoo, what's up? Oh," she said, sticking her hand out to the other girl, "I'm Usagi Tsukino. Pleased to meet you," she said politely.
The girl looked at her warily at first, and then a reluctant grin came over her face. "Sorry, I'm just not used to people having manners. Nerimans don't really give a rip about that—it's depressing sometimes. I mean, whatever happened to the good old days when guys pulled out the chair for a lady? Or stood up when they left the table? It's not like I want men to treat women like fragile flowers, just a little common respect would be nice, you know?"
A little startled by the girl's speech, Usagi nodded. "I know exactly what you mean. Er… what was your name?"
The woman laughed sheepishly. "Ah, sorry. I forgot myself. I'm Ukyo. I'll be leaving you and Shampoo— what in God's name are you doing?" she demanded, looking behind Usagi with an expression of total shock.
Ranma had her hands wrapped around Quatre's throat, and was shaking her… him… madly. "YOU GODDAMN FREAK!!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID IN NERIMA!!! YOU PERVERTED LITTLE—"
Usagi, crossing the distance between them in a few long strides, shoved Ranma hard. "What the hell do you think you're doing, asshole? What the fuck's wrong with you?" she yelled furiously, yanking viciously on Ranma's hair.
Ranma gave a pained shriek, letting go of Quatre in favor of Usagi. Usagi felt Ranma's fingers brush her throat, and she jabbed her fingers up into Ranma's eyes. The other girl yelped again, and jumped away from the blonde, who leaped up and got right into her face.
"Don't you EVER do that EVER again!"
Ranma let go of her eyes, cheeks blazing with fury. "If I wasn't supposed to really fight girls, I'd—"
"Oh, so you're not supposed to fight girls, huh? Then what the fuck were you trying to strange us for? Huh? WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?" Usagi roared.
"I DON'T FUCKING HAVE A PROBLEM!" Ranma yelled back.
"Usagi—" Quatre interjected.
Usagi ignored him.
"USAGI!" Quatre yelled, finally gaining the livid blonde's attention. "About time," he grumbled. "Listen, Ranma was perfectly justified in what… uh… she did. I kind of surprised… her… the last time we met. In Nerima," he clarified.
Usagi snorted. "Whatever. I still think she's a maniac."
There was a low whistle from behind them. "Well this is certainly interesting. Girl fight, I suppose? Or, more accurately, a fight between genders. Usagi, dear, I really don't understand why you're bothering to fight with them. There's much bigger game afoot," the voice continued smoothly.
The girls in the yard turned slowly around, and Usagi's face went white, but she rapidly smoothed her expression out and walked calmly over to the man and woman standing in the yard. Quatre watched closely—Usagi's initial reaction was of shock, mingled with what was definitely fright. Then came a cool calm, like she was determined to handle whatever this was with pride. That meant that these people were people Usagi wanted respect from.
Then he noticed something— the girl, man, and Usagi all bore an uncanny resemblance to each other. The girl wore Usagi's exact same hairstyle, except her hair was blacker than black. Her eyes were a dark blue, and her skin was totally white. Red lips moved in a smirking greeting to the blonde, and when she reached them, the man put a hand on Usagi's back and drew her into a closer circle.
"Chaos," Usagi greeted with a slight nod of her head.
The girl smiled slightly. "Afraid? Jesus, Usagi, it's me who should be afraid of you. You nearly killed me that last time, remember? Well, I suppose you can't exactly forget. You can forgive me, however, for trying to rule the world. It was a worthy cause."
Usagi's blonde head tilted. "You wouldn't happen to be wanting to try again, would you?"
Chaos laughed, but trailed off when she saw Usagi was totally serious. "You're joking."
Usagi shook her head. "I don't want to do it by force, though, if you know what I mean. I think it would be much more fun to do it in kind of a battle of wits, you know?"
A spark of hunger ignited in Chaos' eyes. "Well this fits in perfectly with what I came to tell you. There's a kind of tournament between the magical girls, " she said, choking on the phrase. "Basically it's like this. Each girl enters a school in pairs. Whoever does the best wins."
"What's the prize?" Usagi asked immediately.
Chaos shrugged. "Dunno. All I know is that there'll be a website of some kind that keeps a constant update on the progress of each Senshi. I heard that there will be tests in things like intelligence, strength, social skills, and I think even emotion. Main idea: to be the best you've got to be pretty damn well rounded. And I was thinking, since we are the two greatest superpowers in the entirety of creation, we should be on a team together."
"And then once we win that, go on to rule the world," Usagi said with a grin, completing Chaos' train of thought.
"Exactly," she said with a grin.
The man beside them whistled again. "Well this is certainly a change from what I expected. Hell, Chaos just dragged me along to make sure that you didn't flip out and start trying to blow things up. Jesus Pete, Moon, we leave you by yourself for a summer and you decide you want to rule the world. What the hell," he muttered.
Usagi raised an eyebrow inquiringly at Chaos, who smirked. "This is my guardian demon, Kaze. He's quite a looker, isn't he?"
The addressed blonde coughed. "I'll decline from answering that, thank you," she muttered.
Chaos laughed. "Good answer. I'd have killed you, otherwise. He is mine, after all."
"I am here, you know, and would really appreciate it if you acted so," he said in annoyance.
"I think he feels insecure," Usagi whispered confidingly to Chaos, who laughed.
"Well Usa-chan, we must be off. I'll check back in later and give you the form to sign up for a contest. And if it helps, think of it as a dare. A great big cosmic dare to be the best. Ciao," she said with a little wave before vanishing.
"Well that was interesting," Shampoo remarked calmly, seemingly unperturbed by Chaos' vanishing show. "So who were they?"
Usagi spun around and smiled. "Friends of mine. Don't know her name—she usually goes by Chaos. The guy was her boyfriend. Chaos and I are planning to take over the world."
Shampoo blinked, and then grinned. "You know, oddly enough, I wouldn't be surprised. Oi! Ranma, Ukyo! When are you guys heading off? Akane will be getting worried, Ranma," she said pointedly.
The redhead looked away. "Nah, she won't," she whispered under her breath as she followed Ukyo away.
Usagi, the only one gifted with super-hearing, frowned slightly. That didn't sound like the Ranma she knew. It was really kind of worrying her. They didn't exactly see eye to eye all the time… but sometime during the weeks of verbal sparring, she had kind of become fond of the volatile redhead. And she didn't like seeing her unhappy.
"Say, Shampoo, what's eating at Ranma? I don't like seeing her sad like that."
The purple haired girl folded her arms across her chest and gazed after the retreating duo. "Ranma…. What's eating Ranma, huh? Well, for starters, Ranma has a family life worth shit. Her dad is always shoving her at possible marriages, and is always pushing her to be this amazing martial artist. She's trying to maintain healthy relationships in the most chaotic town in the world, and she can't do it. She's struggling to deal with her world falling apart around her, but she has no idea what to do. I was part of that chaos at first, and then when I realized what was going on, I just wanted to help. But she won't let anyone get near enough. It hurts," she confessed, looking right at Usagi.
"You know," Quatre said, venturing into the conversation, "I used to have this friend whose life was shattering, too. He was a soldier in the war, you know, and he couldn't stand it. He went mad for a bit, but was jarred back to reality by a close friend of his. Life got worse for him from there. He was the peacemaker— he was always in charge of dealing with other people's emotional stress, and he couldn't handle it. So when the war was over, he took off and completely changed his lifestyle. Made new friends." He shrugged. "Sometimes all it takes is distancing yourself from the problem, or finding something outside of the problem to anchor you to sanity. You know?"
Shampoo was nodding. "I totally agree. We need to find some way to get him away from Nerima and the losers that live in Nerima." A gleam entered her eye, and Usagi paled and began to back up. "Say, Usagi…."
The blonde held her hands up. "No. There is no way—"
"Please, Usa-chan! I know you don't like Ranma very much, but you said yourself that you wanted to help him! What better way to help him than to do exactly as your friend says and distance him from the problem?"
"Her," Usagi corrected.
Shampoo stopped, confused. "Huh?"
"Her," Usagi repeated. "You've been calling Ranma "him". Last time I checked, Ranma was a girl."
The Chinese girl laughed weakly. "Heh, heh, heh…. Right. Sorry. My Japanese is still bad sometimes," she said, fishing desperately for an explanation. Lucky for her, Usagi totally bought it, and continued on with her half-hearted protests.
"At any rate, I refuse to spend time alone with that maniac!" Usagi snapped.
"But that sad look on her face…. You know you want to make it go away…. It will be great! You'll make a new friend, and Ranma will be happy for once!" Shampoo wheedled.
Usagi finally broke down and raised her hands in defeat. "Fine, fine, fine. But I won't guarantee a happy smile on Ranma's face by the end of the day. I fact, I won't guarantee that she comes home in one piece, either!"
Shampoo, ignoring Usagi's negativity, clapped her hands in delight. "Wonderful! It will take sucking up, though. You can come home with me tomorrow, and you can see Ranma, 'kay?"
Usagi looked inquiringly at Quatre. "Is that cool with you?"
Quatre grinned. "Yeah, sure! I was supposed to play video games with Shingo sometime anyway. Now he'll stop bugging me! Finally! I CAN SLEEP IN PEACE!" he said ecstatically, clasping his hands under his chin.
Shampoo raised an eyebrow. "You have got to be the best cross-dresser I have ever seen in my entire life," she said, sounding very impressed with Quatre's skills.
Startled, Quatre was broken out of his euphoric state. "Huh? What gave me away?"
Shampoo gave a little shrug. "Something in your voice. Also that story you told earlier— the mad soldier was you, ne? It's just that you sounded so sincere in your storytelling— and then I'm a damn good judge of character. So how'd you get so good?"
Usagi's hand shot up into the air. "I helped him!" she yelled happily.
Shampoo was startled into laughing. "I shouldn't be surprised, I guess," she said laughingly. "God Usagi, your life is kind of… bizarre. I mean, really. Between magic pianos and creating women out of your male friends— do you ever even have time to sleep?"
Usagi tossed her blonde pigtails over her shoulders. "I never sleep during the summer. I catch all my shut-eye when school starts."
"Funny. I thought that you'd sleep less during the school year. When do you rest, then?"
"During school," Usagi replied with a laugh. "Except that I'm not going to be able to do that this year," she said regretfully, turning towards the backyard.
"What? Why?" Quatre and Shampoo asked simultaneously.
Usagi laughed at her two friends. "Because I've been dared to be the best. And I never back down from a dare. Unless it's something really terrible. Like killing myself or someone else. Or licking a toilet seat. Or letting someone hurt me. Or letting a spider touch me. Or keeping my eyes open during a scary movie. Or humping something. That's just stupid," she said seriously to Quatre and Shampoo as the trio walked into the backyard. Upon sighting the setup they had, Shampoo stopped dead in her tracks.
"What the hell is this?"
Usagi and Quatre looked at Shampoo uncomprehendingly. "It's just how we've been entertaining ourselves all day," Usagi said, wounded. "Don't you think it looks fun?"
"It looks suicidal!"
"But exciting, right?"
"Suicidal!"
"But fun, right?" Quatre chimed in.
"Suicidal!"
"Join us," Quatre and Usagi said together, their voices melting eerily together.
A look of total horror dawned on Shampoo's face. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Usagi and Quatre erupted in high-pitched laughter and ran after the fleeing Shampoo.
Shingo looked after them with a completely unreadable expression. He shook his head. Women were insane. That's all there was to it. Women were completely, irrevocably whacko. God save mankind, he pleaded, rolling his eyes toward heaven. Distant laughter reached his ears, and he blanched. He ducked back inside the house and locked the doors, just in time for his blonde sister to run right into the glass. She turned her head slowly towards him, revealing her wide eyes and her toothy smile.
"Hiiiiiiiiii…." She said in a frightening, high pitched voice.
Shingo screamed like a small child, closed the curtains on their back door, and ran to find a hiding place. God obviously hadn't been listening to Shingo very well. He said that he wanted salvation from women— not an instantaneous and gruesome death at their hands.
He heard the back door open, and three high pitched giggles.
Shit.
~~~*~~~Alternate Ending, v.1.0~~~*~~~
Shingo: ::desperately picks up phone:: ::dials:: ::listens to ringing:: Pick up the phone pick up the phone pick up the phone—
::Answering machine kick in:: "Welcome to Kami's Hotline! Here we try to help everyone who calls with anything; whether it's love problems, sibling problems, or even problems with your stupid technology. According to our database, however, you've exceeded your free trial package of 500 free calls. If you'd like to pay for a new package, press one. If you need our operating times, please press two. If you need our assurance that Kami gives a shit about you, press three. If you want to know how many days it is until Christmas, press four. If you'd like the current weather report, press five. If you want to know how many fish there are at any given time, press six. If you want to know the best pick up line for a female, press seven. If you'd like to know the best pick up line for a male, press eight. By the way, you can hang up at any time. If you'd like to know the probability of said pickup line working, press nine. If you want to know how much snow there is in any given area, press zero. If you'd like to purchase a Kami action figure, please press 11. If you'd like—"
Shingo: ::click:: ::weeps in despair::
Usagi & Shampoo & Quatre: Eeeeeheeheeheeheeheehee!!!!!!!
Shingo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!
USQ: ::eats Shingo alive::
Shingo: ::is dead::
~~~*~~~(")~~~*~~~ ß KIRBY STRIKES AGAIN!
Alternate Ending V.1.0
THE END
*laughs madly*
