AN: My thanks again to Gryffinjack and Alezandrian for the beta help; I really don't know what I would do without the two of you. Special thanks goes to The Good Doctor Monaco for help with the pink descriptions. Also of note, part of this chapter was taken from my entry into The Forbidden Forrest Challenge. That work stands alone. It is an early version of what hopefully, I have done better here and in the chapter to come.
Chapter 6 ---Memento Luna
It was an odd sight indeed. Remus Lupin stood behind his former desk in the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. He was holding a frilly pink bow at arm's length between the tips of his fingers. He had just plucked the bow out of the corner recesses of the desk drawer. A curly grey hair still clung to it.
"Will the memory of this woman never end?" grumbled Remus aloud. He flung the detestable item across the room where it landed on top of the heap of garbage he had compiled. The heap was quite a collection: discarded Defensive Magic Theory editions, out-of-date dueling charts, and a never-ending supply of contraband laceration quills; they were among the many items Remus had amassed there this past week. The bow put the crowning touch on the memorial to the sanctimonious ineptitude of Dolores Umbridge.
Remus had spent the past week going through the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. Albus Dumbledore had asked him to see, "what was needed for the fall term." Remus rapidly determined that the answer to that question was, everything. Dolores Umbridge had decimated the classroom of its usual supplies. There was not so much as a Fire Crab shell, or caged Hinkypunk to be found. Remus sincerely hoped that the classroom's previous contents had been released deep in the Forbidden Forest. At least there, they would pose no immediate threat to anyone.
The classroom wasn't the only thing in questionable shape. The quarters for the Dark Arts professor had also been "Umbridgised." Remus had tried to sleep there his first night back at the castle, but found himself unable to do so. The once classic frescos depicting Dumbledore's battle with Grindelwald that had majestically graced the walls were now gone. Granted the room color was now brighter, but two-toned walls of pink and chartreuse were hardly an improvement. It was as if an entire crate of Droobles' Best Blowing Strawberry Gum had exploded on the walls. The alterations did not stop there. Lace curtains now hid the view of the grounds, and the windows had apparently been sealed shut with a sticking charm that made Mrs. Black's portrait look like it was hung with mere Spellotape. The worst, however, was her lingering perfume. It was undoubtedly purchased on clearance at The Pampered Witch. According to the bottle that was left behind, it was Pernissa's Magnolia-Lilac Garden; it still hung in the air like thick syrup. As far as Remus could tell, the only improvement he had managed to make to the room was when he removed the chains that once had held hostage the broomsticks of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team.
Given the circumstances, Remus requested that Dumbledore allow him to use the currently unoccupied students' quarters in Gryffindor Tower. Dumbledore consented, stating that, "Any Gryffindor would always have a home there." It seemed like a good and logical choice at the time, but any home comes with memories.
Each night as Remus retreated to Gryffindor Tower he was able to do what he had been avoiding for over a month; he now really had time alone to think. At Grimmauld Place he never let his guard down, no one there really knew his thoughts, not even himself. It wasn't that he hadn't thought about Sirius' death; it was the extent. This past month he had gone from denial, to anger, to avoidance, to self-blame. Now that he was alone, without the worried eyes of others constantly boring into his back, he let the emotion come. High walls, carefully built over time, came crashing down. He realized grief was inevitable, but knowing he would eventually come to feel it did not make it any easier.
Every corner of the Tower, every portrait, every window seat, every crack in the walls held a memory of his youth. His mind was alive with flashback after flashback of what was and what might have been. Despite the happiness many of those memories held, they led back to one inevitable conclusion. Never again could it be. Every night these emotions grew stronger as the pull of the full moon approached.
The thirtieth of July arrived at last. It was the second full moon after Sirius' death, the second this month. Remus was still in a state of shock when the first moon occurred; that wasn't the case now. As much as the full moon pulled the tides, it felt as though it was pulling his emotions to the surface with equal strength.
Remus tried to distract himself by reading. He picked up a volume of poetry left behind by one of the students. Even in books, he was not to find refuge tonight. The words of the first poem were haunting.
Moon!
Moon!
I am prone before you.
Pity me,
And drench me in loneliness.
He slammed closed the book, picked up his goblet, and leaned wearily against the window seat. So many times as a student he had found peace quietly sitting here; he looked out of the window towards the Forbidden Forest. The sun was almost entirely down, and soon her companion would rise.
Remus sipped the final dose of his Wolfsbane Potion; in about an hour the change would overtake him. As he looked out of Gryffindor Tower towards the Forbidden Forest, the magical memories of his youth again came flooded his mind and stabbed at his very soul. He could not shut them out.
All I want is to have us back the way we were at sixteen. Tonks said it the best when she found me at the water's edge that day.
"All I want is a little thing…"
I know what she means. It's not the Quidditch Finals, or House Championships, or Yule Balls I long to see again. It is the little things. All I want is just one more day of sitting around this room with Peter teasing, James joking, and Sirius laughing…all of us laughing. What I wouldn't give to have but just one more day of laughter. Any day at all, before the world turned upside down and we all lost our innocence.
Remus couldn't take it any longer; he had to get out of Gryffindor Tower. He fled down the great staircase and out the front door. Once he was outside he just ran. With his energy sapped, he finally had to stop. He found himself at the edge of the Forbidden Forest just before the change overtook him.
It was coming. Remus looked up at the second moon of the month as she rose, the rare Blue Moon, the moon that superstition said was supposed to bring good fortune. The only good fortune Remus thought it might bring was a chance to escape the sobs that he was barely keeping in check. They threatened to wrack his body with grief at any moment. In the body of a dog Sirius had been able to think simpler thoughts: perhaps the same refuge would be afforded him in the body of the wolf.
"I am so tired of always being strong. Why am I always alone? Even if we can defeat Voldemort, what is left for me? All of the past is gone, there is nothing left--" then it hit him. Just as the change began a final thought entered his head, "Maybe everything wasn't gone; maybe there was still a link to the past."
Perhaps the Blue Moon did have some magic to work. If it were not for the moon, he would never be able to reach what he now wanted more than anything. How could he have forgotten what the four Marauders had hidden in the Forbidden Forrest almost two decades ago.
In their daring as newly accomplished animagi, the Marauders had often entered the woods on nightly exploits. Padfoot and Prongs were large enough to ward off the creatures within. On one occasion, they had found a clearing where they could look up at the night sky. It became a sanctuary where they could transform back into their human selves--to retreat and to ponder their futures. In the uncertain world of the First War, the danger of the Forbidden Forest seemed nothing compared to facing the Dark Lord himself.
Remus had to find that clearing again. He entered the forest in the body of the wolf. He went forward on sheer instinct fueled by sorrow and desperation. Soon enough he found the clearing he sought, the moon illuminating his surroundings in an eerie yet magical blue hue. He could see the hollowed log in the distance.
Let it be there. Please, let it be there! He paused to look up; his eyes wandered to the Dog Star. Can you be looking down on this Sirius? Please, Sirius, let it still be there; I need it to be there.
In another moment, he was in their old familiar spot. The log that they had sat upon all those years ago as they pondered their futures was still there. It showed all the marks of time, but it was still there. He pounded the log with his front paws until the decaying timber fell apart under his weight. A well-worn metal box previously concealed within was now revealed. He grasped the handle in his teeth as he departed the clearing.
By the time Remus made his way out of the Forbidden Forest and back to Gryffindor Tower, it was almost dawn. There was nothing more he could do until dawn broke, and he could resume his human form. He needed to be human to open the box without damaging its contents.
After the retransformation, as sore and bone weary as Remus was, he could not sleep. He had to continue with last night's quest.
"Alohomora", although his voice was weak, the spell worked nonetheless. The lock opened. With trembling hands Remus opened the lid. He closed his eyes hoping he would not be disappointed; He needn't have worried.
"It's all here; after everything, it's all still here." a solitary tear rolled down his cheek as he closed his eyes and breathed in the memory of the last time he had seen the contents.
