ReBoot Blind Date #2- Bob vs. the Mary Sue

(Ext. The Diner. Mike the TV is standing in front of the camera staring at the ground. A crew member is frantically motioning to him that he's missed his cue.)

Mike (looking up): Eh? Oh! Right- this is Mike the TV coming to you live from the heart of downtown Mainframe! Welcome to the second-ever episode of everybody's favourite not-so-reality show, Mainframe Blind Date! Today we'll get to peek in on every little minute of our couple's time out together in wonderfully excruciating detail! Sounds great, doesn't it? Now let's meet our fiiiirrrrst dater, Bob!

(A flourish of game show music. Camera pans to Bob, who waves at the camera awkwardly.)

Mike: Now Bob, tell our home viewers- what do you hope to get from this date?

Bob: Nothing at all. The only reason I agreed to be on your show is because you said you'd leave me alone for the next 3 cycles. Remember?

Mike: Of course, of course. But now, let's meet the fortunate lady who's paired up with our resident Guardian!

(Music plays as a beautiful female sprite enters. She has green skin, aqua hair and a scowl on her face. She's wearing a version of AndrAIa's outfit in black, and 2 big guns in holsters. And she has wings.)

Bob (mouth agape): AndrAIa??

Mary: No, my name is ChrystalandrAIaraven-rogue-marysue-jewel-tempest. Mary, for short. I'm an amalgamation of all those impossibly perfect and aggressive fanfic versions of AndrAIa and Matrix's kids out there. I'm stunningly beautiful, I have too many deadly weapons to count, and I'm a trigger-happy renegade with attitude.

Bob: Mary for short, eh? Guess that's why you're so contrary, heh heh...

Mary (pointing a gun in his face): Can it, chrome boy. Now let's go.

Bob (shrinking back): yes ma'm....

(Cut to a bench on Baudway. Bob is staring at his ice cream cone. Mary has finished hers.)

Mary: You're not eating your ice cream.

Bob: Well, uh....

Mary: You don't like chocolate?

Bob: Oh, I do, it's just....you made these ice cream cones appear out of thin air.

Mary: Of course I did. Didn't I mention that I have mysterious magical powers?

Bob: I see. So, um, how do you find Mainframe so far?

Mary: It's a nice little system. I could definitely see myself settling down here and immediately befriending everyone. Maybe I'll save the city along the way.

Bob: I guess you could, even though I usually do that. Dot alerts me whenever a game's about to land. It's amazing how on top of everything she is-

Mary: there you go about Dot again.

Bob: Was I? Sorry. That reminds me of something Dot said the other day-

Mary (scowling): You know, you keep talking about her- and I'll bet she doesn't have nearly the amount of attitude or firepower that I do!

Bob: Well, no, but you two might be equal for temper...

Mary: Clearly this Dot is a hindrance to us developing any sort of relationship, so she'll have to be disposed of somehow.

Bob (surprised):What?

Mary: There are several options, don't worry. We could have her go insane and I'd step in by default; you could save me from certain deletion and then decide you like me better...

Bob: No, no, you've got the wrong idea! I'm never gonna leave Dot!

Mary: Could I clone you then?

Bob: No!

Mary: Worth a shot.

(They sit there, at an apparent impasse. They then spot a mysterious stranger walking towards them. He's dressed in black leather, a cape, and is carrying a large gun.)

Stranger: Excuse me, but do you know where I can get some fresh bullets in a hurry? I must be getting back to Userworld soon.

Bob: W-where? You mean you're a User?

Stranger: That's right. Isn't it obvious?

Mary: I think there's a gun shop back that way. Nice weapon you've got there.

Stranger: Your guns aren't so bad either. Care to show me the shop and accompany me to some target practice after?

Mary (smiling): It'd be my pleasure. You coming, Bob?

Bob: No, it's okay. You two go ahead. I have to be getting back to the Diner anyway.

( the stranger walks off with Mary on his arm. Bob sits back and sighs.)

Bob: At least Mike won't be bothering me for a while. Wait 'til Dot hears about this...