My Heart My Home - by Darlin

A/N - Many thanks to bluemist418, Isis Aurora Tomoe (looking forward to reading your story this week!), Lerie, Nienna of Sorrow, Raeyna, Redhead2, Voli, and Verena Gruen. Very special thanks to Skyz whose words of wisdom and medical knowledge were beyond helpful.

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Chapter Twenty-three - Of Death and Madness

It isn't an easy thing to control lightning nor is it easy to kill. Most people don't enjoy killing and no one, not even seasoned soldiers look forward to it. To say that Ororo hadn't looked forward to wreaking a little mental havoc and even a little physical damage to Mariko would be wrong but Shiro's death was still too fresh on her mind and she had no intentions of repeating the same mistake.

When Mariko aimed the gun at Ororo in her crazed state Ororo had shunted aside too quickly and hit her head hard on a tree branch. She felt blood oozing out of the wound but she had ignored the pain and tried to steady their descent. The weather, however, reacted to Ororo's drastic emotions and rain fell like a monsoon just as she fell. She had tried her best to contain it but it was too much and when she'd hit the ground she and Mariko were done for.

Logan was the first one to enter Mariko's room closely followed by Yukio. Spying the broken window he rushed to it fearing the worse. He saw Mariko on the ground below her hair spread out like tentacles around her head, eyes open to the sky, and lips moving but no sounds emanating. And then he saw Ororo sprawled on the wet grass looking like a rag doll that had been carelessly tossed aside and his heart leapt within him. The smell of blood was thick in the air and though rain was beating down upon her Ororo was covered in blood.

"Ororo!" he yelled and started to run out of the room.

"Wait," Yukio caught him by the arm and pointed out the window.

They saw Hank running up to Ororo with Keniuchio close behind him neither concerned with the torrential rain that poured. Keniuchio shook his head when he stopped in front of Mariko whose lips were no longer moving. Her eyes were now closed and a thin trail of blood trickling down the side of her face only to be rinsed away by the rain.

Hank knelt over Ororo and checked her pulse then he too shook his head. Logan would later admit to himself that it felt as if something inside him died at that moment and all reasoning left him. But it was Keniuchio's actions that sent him over the edge where nothing but feral fury reigned over his soul and his berserker rage was unleashed.

"This has been a profitable visit but it is a pity about your friend. She was very beautiful," Keniuchio said in his booming voice as he bent over Ororo, his large hand brushing a wet strand of silver-white hair from her still face.

It was then that Logan snapped. Without thinking he dived through the window, barely catching hold of a drain pipe then leapt into the same huge oak tree that Ororo had hit her head on and half climbed half jumped the rest of the way down. He leapt over Mariko and shoved Hank aside to get to Keniuchio. Keniuchio was just standing up when Logan punched him hard in the jaw then quickly followed with a solid left to his solar plexus. The larger man buckled over with a grunt.

Logan snarled, his six claws shooting out, his hair wet and looking as wild as he felt.

"Logan, no! Wait a minute for crying out loud!" Yukio screamed as she followed Logan's route and swung down from a branch.

No one noticed that Mariko was not dead. She was moving her hand inch by excruciating inch. Her back was broken and she was bleeding internally but oblivious to all but her wrath she managed to extend her arm just enough to reach the fallen gun. When her fingers grasped it a demonic smile lit up her race. She fired. Her target was hit. Logan fell. He rolled over; feeling the hole in his chest. He let out a horrific yell that startled everyone and then he laughed. He laughed like one possessed or one wishing for death though knowing death would never come.

Weak but determined, Mariko pointed the gun at Keniuchio. Her coarse laughter ended in a harsh cough as blood spilled from her mouth. Hank put his hands up waiting for a chance to wrest the gun from her.

"You worthless pig!" Mariko spat. "You are not fit to be my husband! And you, Keniuchio I will see you in hell!"

"Calm down, Mariko. Let me take a look at you. I can help you," Hank spoke as soothingly as he could and slowly took a step towards her.

"You will not kill me this day, Mariko," Keniuchio snickered.

"Logan kill him! Kill him!" Mariko screamed.

"Your hero is dying," Keniuchio laughed.

Ever quick to act Yukio threw a shuriken that settled in Mariko's hand before she could shoot again. The gun almost fell but Mariko merely cried out in pain and grasped the slippery gun with both hands though she screamed out in agony. She waved it frantically around at all of them. Logan was up now and growling like a beast. He lunged at Keniuchio who let loose a round house kick that hit Logan solid in his wounded chest. Logan growled and staggered back falling into the muddy ground.

Mariko coughed and laughed and cried all at once, delirious with pain and grief. Yukio pulled her tranquilizer gun from her jacket. Taking her time she fired. The dart found its target sinking deep into Mariko's shoulder. The gun slipped from Mariko's hands. It hit the ground and went off. Yukio fell. She was hit. No matter. She laughed and shot again. Her target wasn't Mariko this time. A dart landed in Keniuchio's arm.

"Ronin fool!" he shouted then touched a ring on his finger and disappeared.*

Logan howled. His prey had escaped. He sniffed the air then darted off as if the petering rain could not deter him. No other thought on his mind but to kill or to be killed.

"What on earth are you playing at woman?" Hank snapped when he went to tend to Yukio's wound.

"They're just tranks," Yukio said quietly.

"You can't just go around shooting everyone!" Hank said.

"Oh no?" Yukio looked around pointedly. "He's the Silver Samurai - the one trying to kill Logan!"

Hank was silent as he opened her shirt and looked at the damage.

"W-where do you think he went?" Yukio asked.

Hank looked at her rather sheepishly. "Not far," he admitted.

"Can't get far if you're knocked out, huh?" And with that Yukio passed out.

Hank stood up and looked around. The ground looked like a battlefield. Three women down. One dead.

"Yukio!" Kurt cried as he appeared in a plume of smoke. "Is she . . .?"

Hank shook his head sadly.

"She vas so sure that he teleported like me and I did not believe her. She vanted to tell Logan but he vouldn't listen and now . . ." Kurt knelt beside Yukio and began to pray, his eyes filled with tears.

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The smell of blood was strong in Logan's nostrils as he raced over the grounds. Ororo's blood, Mariko's, and his own - so much blood and death - it was all he could see. His mind, his sense of self, his humanity had been lost. His thoughts were like demons whipping at his mind punishing him cruelly. It was his fault Mariko and Ororo had come to this end. He should have gone with Mariko, helped her, trusted her, and not followed his heart. If he'd been thinking with his head he could have stopped all of this.

His heart had caused him to put the woman he loved at risk. It was his fault that Ororo was dead, his fault for allowing her to love him, his fault for loving her in return. It was his fault for still living, for still existing when he should be dead from Mariko's shot. But he was cursed. Cursed to live while those he loved or should have loved died all around him.

Those thoughts were eating him alive. He could still see Ororo lying lifeless on the ground. Still hear and see Mariko's hatred. He wasn't worthy. Mariko had been right. He was worthless. All these thoughts kept circulating in his head. And the sight of Keniuchio standing over Ororo touching her, his words sounding clear in Logan's head were emblazoned in his mind playing over and over.

He couldn't let himself think and so he refused to think. He'd lost Ororo and because of him his wife, along with the answers to his past, was lost as well. Guilt and despair and anger consumed him. Nothing now mattered to him. It was almost with relief that he had succumbed to the wild beast inside him. Primeval thoughts now danced in his head. Hurt. Maim. Kill. Death.

Haunting Images flashed, Ororo lying broken on the ground. Mariko shooting him. Mariko dead. Yukio shot. Blood everywhere. He wanted to get rid of the images - had to get rid of them. So much blood. Blood of his loves. He wanted to rip them out, cut them out do what ever was necessary to forget. Blood. Death. Kill. Destroy. Blood. Blood everywhere. And then it was all he could see. A dark abyss, dark, dark red. Blood red. Blood everywhere. And it was all his fault.

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In moments the grounds would be cleared of all signs of struggle as X-Men came rushing outside to help. Peter lifted Ororo up onto a gurney. Jean was monitoring her vitals but she had no hope. Ororo had suffered a concussion, a bullet had gone straight through her stomach, and punctured a lung. Her pulse was so low they could barely detect it. What internal injuries there were she couldn't be sure. She and Hank shared a worried look but neither spoke.

Kurt held Yukio in his arms and teleported to the med lab. He had not stopped praying and would continue to pray through the long night for prayer was all that had kept him sane through his long hard life. Prayer had saved him and he would not give up on what he believed in with all his heart. He had lost one woman whom he loved and he refused to lose Yukio and so he turned to God.

Mariko was last but not forgotten. Scott and Bobby carried her into the school.

"Will she be all right?" Peter asked Jean when they had reached the med lab.

"I don't know, Peter," Jean admitted.

"Jean I've sent for a healer - one of the Morlocks that Ororo pledged to help sometime ago," Charles said as he wheeled into the room. "He's on the way."

The look in Jean's eyes was doubtful. Though the Morlocks were mutants they were outcast of their own accord and lived underground in a series of tunnels beneath New York. Some of their tunnels actually ran beneath the school but how long would it take for the healer to arrive?

"Could we fly her to him?" Scott asked.

Hank and Jean shook their heads. "We have the medical technology that we need here but onboard the Blackbird all we have are emergency resources," Hank explained. "Now if everyone will remove themselves from the premises Jean and I can get to work. And someone please contact Kitty. We need her now."

Everyone left the room. They gathered outside where they could watch the proceedings from the large glass window. Charles turned on the intercom so they could continue their conversation. In the meantime Scott started issuing orders.

"Peter, you'd be the least affected by Logan if he's out of control, so I need you go look for him. Let's hope he doesn't leave the grounds so we won't have to involve the local police and don't forget to take your communicator and stay in touch.

"Bobby you're in charge of the children. Keep them under control. If they have any questions tell them as little as possible. I don't want anyone jumping to conclusions or getting upset. Is that clear?"

When they nodded he went on - "And, Bobby get Kitty down here ASAP. Peter get a move on and remember lives are hanging in the balance here! Let's move it people!"

As Scott finished giving orders they could hear Hank and Jean's talking inside. They had just finished scrubbing and now they were doing everything they could to save Ororo.

"Jean I need a saline IV, gauze, and what's Ororo's blood type? Scott, can you hear me? Where's Kitty? Jean can you help me here? We'll need blood bags - a lot!"

"What about Yukio?" Kurt asked.

"Of course we will attempt to save Yukio as well. Now please . . ."

"How did things get to this point? I knew I shouldn't have been goofing off with . . . I should have been able to stop this from happening," Scott groaned as guilt engulfed him.

"You can see if Bobby needs any help with the children," Jean suggested without looking up feeling as guilty as he did.

Scott frowned, not willing to desert his co-leader at a time when he felt she needed everyone's support. He watched helplessly feeling completely useless.

"Is she going to live?" he asked after awhile.

Neither Jean nor Hank answered.

"Maybe I should go look for Logan too," Scott said hesitantly feeling that there had to be something he could to do redeem himself.

"I think Keniuchio is the one that we should be concerned with," Hank said as he loomed over Ororo, his gloved hands covered with blood. "According to Yukio he's the Silver Samurai and has the power to teleport. He disappeared right in front of all of us after Yukio shot him with a tranquilizer gun."

"Again? What's with her shooting people all the time?" Scott muttered feeling disgusted with himself for not having figured it out long ago and for not having been able to prevent the slaughter that had taken place.

"Well what's done is done," he mumbled when he looked at Kurt who looked hurt by his words. "At least he won't be able to cause any more trouble if he's sleeping somewhere but I'd sure like to now where he is. Anyway, it explains how he was able to get through our security measures. Man, I should have been able to figure that out at least!"

"It's not your fault, Scott," Charles said. "I knew he was a mutant but Cerebro picked up no signs of him being a teleporter. I should have probed deeper. If it's anyone's fault it's mine. I could have prevented this if I had looked further."

"Professor, this isn't anyone's fault," Jean assured him looking up at her mentor for a moment with imploring eyes. "Not yours, not Scott's, not Logan's or Ororo's or Yuiko's."

"True," Hank agreed. "A visitor came and we gave him the benefit of the doubt. Hospitality at it's best although I suppose his unfriendliness should have been the first indicator. Never the less he's gone and Scott's right - what's done is done."

"I should have been able to tell what his mutant abilities were though," Charles said weakly. "I should have . . ."

"Should have what, Professor?" Jean asked. "Should have gone against all that you believe in and violated our guest's privacy? This isn't your fault. It's no one's fault but Mariko's and Keniuchio's. They took advantage of all of us!"

Scott glanced at Jean but he bit his tongue and kept his thoughts to himself.

"Kurt can you see what's taking Kitty so long?" he asked instead.

"Ja. Of course," Kurt said and with a bamf he was gone.

"Is Yukio going to be okay?" Scott asked when Kurt left.

"I don't think she's going to make it," Jean said quietly as she looked down at Yukio.

Scott ran a hand through his hair and tried to think. Kurt was no good to them now any more than he would've been if it had been Jean that was lying between life and death and no more than Logan who was roaming the grounds like a mad man. That left two doctors to care for the women, himself, the Professor, and a bunch of children. He had no choice but to protect the children first. Logan would have to fend for himself if Peter couldn't find him. More than anything Scott hoped Logan would be able to locate Keniuchio, drugged or not, and put an end to this mess.

In less than five minutes Kurt appeared beside Scott in a whiff of smoke and Kitty phased through the floor, solidified, and began to wash up. Kitty was a child genius and mature beyond her years. She was an able assistant and had assisted both Hank and Jean several times before in dire emergencies.

The others watched as the doctors and their capable aide worked to save the women's lives. When the surgeries were over the women were still in critical condition. All they could do was wait. No one left. They refused to leave Ororo. Kurt couldn't leave either of them even if he had tried though he was growing impatient. The healer still hadn't arrived nor had Peter been able to find Logan and outside rain continued to pour as if reflecting the mood of its mistress.

When Ororo's brow wrinkled as if she were in pain Hank got up to check on her. It was too soon for her to recover yet her eyes opened slowly as he stood over her taking her pulse.

"She's awake!" Hank whispered with relief.

Everyone gathered around Ororo eagerly. Her bright blue eyes were staring up at the ceiling, her brown contacts having been removed earlier. Kurt stared quite fascinated by the sight for he had never seen her without her contacts.

"Vhat is vrong vith her eyes?" Kurt whispered.

"She wears contacts," Charles said. "How are you feeling, Ororo?"

"W-what . . . ?" Ororo tried to speak but her voice was brittle and raspy laced with pain.

"You were shot," Hank said.

Ororo closed her eyes and it all came back to her. Mariko mad as a hatter, the shooting. She remembered attempting to dodge the bullet and still keep them both from falling but when the bullet had burst inside her she had lost control. She remembered hitting something - the large oak tree outside the window she thought and that was the last thing she remembered.

"I've requested that the Morlock healer come. He should be here shortly," Charles told her.

"W-what?" Ororo's throat was too dry to talk and she looked at Charles with large fear filled eyes.

"I spoke to Callisto and she agreed to bring him. They're on their way now." Charles said

"We're hoping this healer can help Yukio too," Jean said quietly as she took Ororo's hand in hers and squeezed it slightly.

"Ja, but vhen vill he get here? Vhat is taking him so long?" Kurt asked mournfully.

"Y-yukio . . . ?" Ororo's question died on her lips as she stifled a groan as pain shot through her chest and stomach.

"She was shot too. Mariko went a little crazy," Scott said. He couldn't help the grin that spread over his face now that Ororo was awake.

"That is the understatement of the year, honey," Jean muttered under her breath.

"Wh . . . Lo-logan?" Ororo asked when she realized he was the only one missing now.

Everyone save Kurt looked anywhere but at Ororo. None of them knew how to tell her that Logan had given in to his bestial nature and was running wild somewhere.

"Jean, where is he?" Ororo managed to get out.

"Sweetie, he's out right now," Jean said with a nervous smile.

Ororo pulled her hand away from Jean and tried to sit up but cried out in excruciating pain. Jean tried to help her lay back down as Ororo coughed and moaned despite her efforts to control herself but Ororo pushed Jean away and tugged at the tube in her mouth.

"Ororo wait a minute - I'll help you with that. Take a deep breath." Jean quickly removed the tube when Ororo obeyed and she laid it aside.

"Where is he?" Ororo asked again with much effort.

"Here, drink this," Hank offered her a small plastic cup of water, titling her head back slightly.

Ororo drank slowly then coughed again. She saw blood spread in the cup and she looked up at Hank apprehensively.

"It's all right, Ororo. You just need to rest. Everyone can you please vacate the room?" Hank asked.

At the sight of Ororo's panicked filled face Scott intervened.

"I think Ororo needs to know what's going on, Hank." Then to Ororo he said, "Logan's on the grounds somewhere. He didn't take you being shot very well."

"What do you mean?"

Scott sighed. "I mean he's not the Logan you know anymore. That Logan's gone."

"What . . . ?" Ororo stopped, too sore to continue. Determinedly she flung her legs over the side of the bed ignoring her aching body though she couldn't quite stifle the long moan of pain that escaped her lips.

"What do you think you're doing young lady?" Hank asked.

"Finding Logan which one of you should be doing already!" Ororo snapped then brought her hand up to her throat coughing and spitting up blood.

"Storm, Peter's looking for him right now," Scott said.

"Ororo you can't do this," Jean said. "You need to recuperate . . ."

"As long as I'm alive I can do this."

"Jean's correct. It's truly not advisable," Hank confirmed. "You were shot in the stomach. The bullet went through straight through but some muscle and tendons were damaged and you have a punctured lung. You've lost a lot of blood, Ororo. There's no way that you can leave - not yet."

"Vhat about Yukio?" Kurt asked now somewhat angry with the conversation that was going on around him. "Ororo is avake but Yukio is not! Can you help her?"

"Kurt we've done everything we can. All we can do now is wait," Jean said though she felt guilty and quickly moved back to Yukio's side. How could she tell him that Yukio wasn't going to make it no matter what they did?

"Vhere is this healer? Tell me and I vill get him!"

"In the tunnels but there are so many of them," Charles said.

Kurt looked at the Professor desperately. "Can you not locate him? Surely vith Cerebro!"

"I can see if I can locate them with Cerebro but you can't teleport where you've never been before," Charles reminded him.

"I vill do vhat I have to do," Kurt said determinedly. "I love her, Professor even though she is crazy and many things that I am not. I do not vant her to die. "

"Very well. Ororo I'll be back to check on you. Please listen to Hank and Jean," the Professor requested as he left.

Ororo didn't answer. She was too weak. She sat on the side of her bed trying to catch her breath as blood began to soak through her bandage.

Lightning flashed in the dark angry skies and rain continued to fall but Ororo did nothing to stay it. She was worn out, more so than she could have ever imagined. She had no time to wait for a healer. She had to find Logan. If it was true that Logan had lost himself she had to help him.

She did sit back and let Jean check her stitches and put a new bandage on her. She went over her options while Jean wrapped her midsection more thoroughly this time and slipped a medical robe on her. Her options didn't look good but she was Storm after all – mistress of the storm, and she had a will of steel and would not give in to even this.  She would make her own options.

When Jean finally finished applying the new bandage Ororo once again attempted to rise. Jean stared dumb stricken but Hank was quick to speak.

"Lay back down, Ororo! To try to get up is foolish and undoubtedly life threatening," he said.

"No," Ororo said and she stood up though she clutched the metal headboard to the bed.

"Please don't do this," Jean begged.

"Ororo, I don't want to use force," Hank started but she ignored him and started to the door.

"All right then," Hank went to call for help.

"Help me . . ." Ororo asked Jean.

Jean didn't have the heart to stop her. She slipped an arm under Ororo and helped her to the door. It was the Professor who managed to stop them. With his telepathic powers enhanced by Cerebro he needed no one to tell him that Ororo and Jean had made it to the front entrance.

"Jean, what do you think you're doing?" Charles demanded.

And before either of them knew what was happening they were both unable to move. It's an odd sensation to fill your soul being sucked from your body but there is no other way to describe it when a telepath brings you to the astral plane. Your body lies helpless in the corporal world where anything could happen to it and no matter if it was broken and ailing before you no longer feel the aches and pains or the handicap you suffered from but you're whole and feel capable of doing anything. So it was now when Charles met Ororo on the astral plane.

"Let me go, Charles," Ororo said. "Let me go or I will die fighting you!"

The two stood head to toe in their ephemeral bodies neither willing to give in and neither willing to hurt the other. Exhausted and wounded as Ororo was it was no easy thing to defy the most skilled telepath in probably all the world but still she struggled. Charles could have forced her to submit in the end but his heart made him hesitate.

"Charles, I have to do this," Ororo said. "Let me go."

"Ororo, please don't do this," Charles implored.

"If it was Lilandra or Moira you would do the same thing. I've never asked anything of you before, Charles but please let me go to him!"

There was a long silence as Charles thought of his past loves and then Charles gave in.

"I haven't been able to locate Logan, which is not a good sign. I don't know how dangerous he's become," he paused while contemplating the consequences of his next actions. "Ororo, please be careful."

The hold that the Professor had over her was released and he turned his attention back to finding Callisto and the healer.

She was back in her body no longer on the astral plane and being held by Jean. Without a word they made there way to the door. Jean let her friend go and Ororo stood straight and tall as if defying Jean to say a word. Jean said nothing. She was sending Ororo to her death. There was nothing to say. She loved Ororo despite their problems earlier. She would have done anything for her friend but this was too much.

Ororo took a deep breath, looked at her friend and opened the door. Jean's heart sunk but she tried to smile though tears streamed from her eyes. Ororo did smile. She turned back to Jean and hugged her briefly then took to the skies like a bird released from its cage. Jean sighed heavily as she watched her friend disappear into the dark wet skies. In her heart she wished Ororo well. Somehow she knew Ororo was Logan's only hope.

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* Ronin - a master-less samurai with no ties to a clan or an organization.