The Christian at Hogwarts

Directors Cut

Chapter Two: Insanity with Feeling

Disclaimer: Kiss my Blue-Green German Fish...um...Fin...it's not mine

(FPG:MORE MORE MORE!!!)

of what?

(FPG: Random Insanity. Complete and total random-ness.)

~Cait: yesh~

PLOT: simply? there isn't one. just a story embracing randomness, The author is writing whatever happens to pop into her head.

(FPG: goddess, help us.)

"Oh Se-----verus?" Serena called in a singsong voice

*Snape looks down at the strange group of Hogwarts students, the Author and Company*

"What do you want?" He growled.

"ready for more Muggle Torture?" Serena smirked.

"Always." severus allowed a small smirk to cross his face.

Cait stood, and pointed towards the exit of the classroom. "To the Torture Chamber!"

"errm...Cait...this is the torture chamber." Serena remarked.

"Oh. okay." Cait hurridly sat back down.

"You are Truly a Muggle." Severus hissed, his lip curled slightly as he spoke. "Surely you are not so narrow minded as to believe that I would need torture devices in which to torture another human being?"

"I......." Cait trailed off, staring at snape with fear, while Jeni and Pamela snickered evilly.

"She isn't accustomed to being around someone with such a...gift...for torture." Serena replied immediatly, worried that the muggle torture would turn towards cait.

"Clearly." Severus returned. "Now. Who are we torturing...ah...i mean to say, Correcting today?"

Serena closes her eyes and points randomly around the room. "HER!" (points to Broadwaypoetess RANDOMLY)

"Whoa. When you said that little thing about Catholic priest reading HP in your introduction, I thought of this one Lithuanian (R. Catholic) priest I know from Camp that sings "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" whenever he gets slightly annoyed.

*laughs* And nuns founded the Camp so we had to make cards for them because it was their Order's 85th Anniversary. And well, my happy Punky friend wrote "Nuns Kick Buns."

But that's beside the point!

(Freaky fic, a bit Mary Sueish, but still funny.)"

"Severus?" Cait asked expectantly.

"That's PROFESSOR SNAPE to you." Severus growled, and then added in an undertone: "Damn Muggles."

"But...you let Serena call you Severus!" Cait Protested, standing to her feet. out of reflex, Serena and Jeni, on either side of Cait both reached up and pulled Cait back down into a seated position.

"I Have Reasons for my decisions." Snape began very dangerously, in a voice barely above a whisper that Made Caits breath catch in her throat. "You will not question them."

Cait stared up at Snape for a moment before finally leaning over and whispering to Serena.

"He has a really Sexy voice."

"Cait, he's old enough to be your grandpa." Serena replied.

"but, he's not my Grandpa, and that's all that matters." Cait whispered.

both Jeni and pamela gave automatic shudders, the mental images will not be defined.

"Moving On." Severus began. "I believe i have a Review to Comment on?"

"Yesh Professor Shnape...hehe..professhor Shnape." Cait giggled.

"A Lithuanian Roman Catholic priest singing don't cry for me argentina. Fascinating." Severus began. "it is astounding the strange things that pop into our heads at the most inoppertune of times...." he suddenly looked directly at cait, who shrank back in her chair looking guilty.

"You need to watch out." Serena heard Jeni explaining to Cait. "we think he can read minds"

cait stared wide eyed at Jeni, jaw dropped.

"Nuns Kick buns...." Severus continued. "Muggles astound me with their skating around what they really mean to say."

"why is that?" Pamela asked loudly.

"I personally say what I am thinking. I do not Coddel people. If I desire to say that someone is a God-damned-son-of-a-bitch-in-hell, i say such. I have no desire to dress up the words and call them mean, or not-nice." once again he looked at cait.

"i don't like this guy...he's not very nice." Cait whispered to Serena.

"And Finally, Miss Broadwaypoetess has stated that the Story is Mary Sue-ish" Severus finished, looking at the computer screen with an eyebrow cocked.

"Professor, what's a 'Mary Sue'?" Ariana asked, she, Michelle, Shane and Sarah had been quiet until this point.

"A Mary Sue, quite Simply, is a Perfect Individual. a Glorified version of the Author." Severus Explained

Ariana looked at the Author, Serena, and furrowed her brow. "I look nothing like her."

"And i Certianly don't want Freckles." Serena scowled. "Besides, you couldn't PAY me to be that age again."

"whats' wrong with being 11?" Ariana stood to her feet, hands placed forcefully on the desk.

"Everything!" Serena shot back. "you don't really have a sense of personality at 11...you just wander from fad to fad until you finally settle into one between 14-16."

"i'm perfectly Normal!"

"Yeah for all neo-gothic Hippy Christians that become evil witches serving voldemort and wanting to eat death..." Cait muttered.

"by the gods, muggle, the term is DEATH EATERS!!!!" Severus took to his feet as well, looking sternly at Cait.

"yeah, see? they eat death."

shaking his head, severus sat back down and looked between serena, Jeni and Pamela. "and you choose to associate with this...muggle...why?"

"Because she's just as good at scaring muggles as the rest of us." Serena Smirked.

"I see." Severus cocked an eyebrow.

"So, overall verdict for Broadwaypoetess?" Serena asked.

"She views Ariana as being a Mary Sue due to the fact that when she looks at Ariana, she sees herself." Severus began. "a realitivly good girl with a hidden...or Not so hidden" he looked over at Ariana, who was idly drawing the dark mark on a piece of parchment. "Darker Personality. Perhaps she envies Ariana for the fact that Ariana was given this, oppertunity to come out of her shell."

"riiiiight" Cait commented. "So, you don't know."

to that, the Dungeons fell silent. Serena, Jeni and Pamela all fell silent and looked down at their table, while Sarah, Michelle, and Ariana stared at Cait. Shane was currently air Drumming to a song in his head.

"Miss......." Severus trailed off.

"Burford." Cait replied.

"Miss Burford, Are you a Professor?"

"No." Cait replied boldly.

"Then kindly refrain from speaking." Severus stated very clearly and dangerously.

the four eventually left the Potions classroom, and, walking down the hallways began to babble randomly.

"So you see, The price of tea in China is mainly affected by the suicide rate of the African Ape." Cait began clearly and punctually.

"But, the African Apes only commit suicide when they recieve news of the recent rise of unemployment within the English Rat Communities." Serena continued idly.

"for being a muggle, that one's certianly....odd." Jeni whispered to Pamela, referring to Cait.

"Hai." Pamela agreed.

--

~Cait: Snape's mean!~

(FPG: quit being so nice. call him a fucking git like the rest of us.)

I don't call him a (Censored) git.

(FPG: i'm going to pretend that you didn't just censor YOURSELF.)

why?

(FPG: it's abnormal, unnatural, and just....strange.)

Thanks. ^)^

(FPG: that wasn't a compliment.)

really?

(FPG: nope.)

anyhoo, second chapter done, broadwaypoetess, i wasn't necessarly picking on you, except for the mary sue comment...i really just wanted to pick on our little muggle friend, Cait.

~Cait: bitch~

(FPG: *applauds wildly* I KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU!!!)

{NJG: was there any point to that chapter?}

when are you going to learn: theres never a point?

*Suddenly a dart shoots out of no where, and sticks in the cube wall. Instead of jumping, Serena simply looks at the dart in all it's dangerous glory.*

Hi Shane

*Shane responds by bowing slightly, holding the blowgun.*

(FPG: FUCK! *dives under desk whimpering*)

I've decided to make my muse a Chibi.

(FPG: a Muse Chibi version of Snape? thats....different.)

I think so too :-) just wait 'till you see him.

~Cait: what's a Chibi?~

(FPG: it's a style of Japanese art that makes people very....strange looking...disgustingly cute. *Hugs Chibi Nick*)

Which, i found out, is Nick from BSB.

~Cait: AHHHHHHH! you're one of those people?~

(FPG: one of what people?)

~Cait: those freaks that like...*shudders* i cannot speak the name, you-know-who~

(FPG: were you dropped on your head as a child?)