A/N: Argh, I want more romance...

Oh well, we'll have to wait.

Chapter Three

"The Bribe"

"This is getting ridiculous," Snape observed, watching from the corner of the library as numerous students, mostly Gryffindors, scattered themselves amongst the shelves. Dumbledore sat next to him, slightly amused, gazing at an enraged Madam Pince who was scolding a first year for dropping one of the books in the toilet.

"They are all just eager to help Miss Granger, Severus."

"Yes, either that or they're eager to receive the hundred Galleon reward you offered."

"Everyone needs a bit of incentive now and then."

"Hermione never-" Snape caught himself, immediately noticing that not only was he about to compliment the girl, he had called her by her first name. He knew that there was no possible way that Dumbledore had missed his slip of tongue.

He hadn't.

"Yes, well, there is no one quite like her, is there?"

Severus ignored his patronizing question and posed, "Why is this so difficult? She's been unconscious for a week. Someone should have found the cure by now."

"Well…" Dumbledore learned toward him from across the table, his voice lowering as his bright blue eyes shone clearly through the half-moon glasses. "The problem is that no one's heard of the curse before."

Snape's stomach suddenly settled into his groin, his mood taking a downfall worse than usual. "Then we have no chance but to dispose of her."

"Come, Severus, don't be such a Negative-Nancy." Dumbledore ignored the questioning expression he received from the younger man and continued. "I am thinking…I know…if someone finds Professor Umbridge, she will have the answer we're looking for."

Snape settle back in his chair, rolling his eyes. "Oh yes, that should be simple enough, especially as she seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth."

"Nonsense. She's around, somewhere. And that's where you come in."

Snape lowered his dark eyebrows, trying to bite back the bitterness in his voice. The library seemed to have grown rather quiet, as Madam Pince was standing in the center with her wand out, a very severe look on her aging face.

He turned his attention back to Dumbledore. "I, Professor?"

"Yes. I believe you could do a splendid job." He smiled warmly, pulling a cloth bag out of his robe pocket. "Lemon drop?" He turned his back against the librarian, guarding the pouch with an unusual fervency. "Don't tell Madam Pince."

Severus waved them away with a dismissive hand. "No, thank you. Anyway, I do not want to sound greedy, Professor, but I wonder what is in this for me…" He had to cram at least one snide remark in. "Besides the sheer joy of Miss Granger being back in my classroom."

"Why, having her as your wife, of course."

Snape clenched the table, measuring the Headmaster up to size. There was no way he could take on the most powerful wizard in the world, even if he was a bit senile. And annoying. Really, really annoying.

"And," Dumbledore added. "The position as Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts, beginning next year."

Snape stared at him, not knowing what to say.

"Everyone," Dumbledore said with a little smirk. " needs a little incentive now and then, Severus."

§

It was frigid in his dungeon office, but Snape refused to light so much as a candle. The few torches were light enough to pack by, and he wasn't expecting a visitor anytime soon, so it didn't seem like there was any need.

A loud, heavy knock on his door was the last thing he had expected to hear…that was, until the guests carefully entered. There, standing somewhat sheepishly in the dim light, was the giant form of Hagrid, flanked by a frazzled Harry Potter and an indifferent Lupin.

Hagrid lifted his hand in some sort of greeting. "How're ye doing, Professor? We jus' wanted te know if ye needed any help with packin' and such."

Snape, however, had lost all of his patience long ago. "I am not doing very well, thank you, as I have been sent on a quest to find the ugliest woman in the world, who's probably hiding underwater in a submarine in Nova Scotia…"

"Whatsat, now?" Hagrid asked, scratching behind his ear. "Some sorta sandwich? Dunno if that would do 'er much good, you'd think it'd get soggy…"

Think calm thoughts. Think happy thoughts.

"No, Hagrid."

"Erm…well," Lupin cut in, before the Groundskeeper could say any more. "The thing is, Dumbledore has ordered us to help you. Be your sort of…Fairy Godmothers, I suppose. If you believe in that sort of thing." He gave a tired smile in an obvious attempt to keep Severus from zapping him.

"Yeah," Harry muttered, his voice indistinct. "Ron was asked before Hagrid, but all he said was that you were a greasy git and you were stealing Hermio-"

"But we're still glad to have Hagrid along," Lupin covered, elbowing Harry severely in the side. "And we believe we can do a lot to help you."

"But how…"

"Harry and I can Apparate, Severus, and we're ready to assist you in any was possible. Just call on us by floo. And Hagrid…well…Hagrid is Hagrid. He's only here to annoy you...and take over your job while you're away."

Snape's mouth hung open, horrified. How could that doof teach his classes? He couldn't even talk correctly! How could he handle it, the exact art that is potion making...

Well, Snape thought, that bloody figured.

"'Ell, Professor," Hagrid lumbered over to him and shifted a heavy arm around Severus's neck until he felt like he was going to collapse. "We're with ya all the way."

That was the final straw. "Everyone…" he growled through clenched teeth, feeling like he was going to explode into millions of tiny pieces. "…out…now."

They finally got the hint that they weren't exactly welcome and carefully exited the room. Lupin was the last one out, and before shutting the door, he peeked through and said, in his gently teasing voice, "I'll be looking forward to attending your wedding."

§

"Name."

Snape fingered his wand in aggravation, the wizards constantly fluttering by him adding to his anxiety. The heightened security at the Ministry of Magic had not only become an inconvenience, but almost downright rude.

"Professor Severus Snape," he said flatly as the security wizard eyed him over suspiciously. He didn't even know why he had to answer, the sticky piece of paper on his chest clearly read, Hello, my name is Severus Snape!

"Snape, eh?" the balding man flipped through a few pages on his clipboard. "Says here that you're a former 'Eater. I'm gonna have to take your wand…and pat you down."

Every muscle in Snape's body went tense. "Excuse me…you're going to what?"

He walked away from the checkpoint feeling extremely violated and naked without his wand. He kept reaching for the empty space in his pocket, wishing he could have at least kept a bit of his dignity.

It seemed like Death Eater has-beens couldn't go anywhere, especially the staff room at Hogwarts, without being molested in some way.

He was Snape, for Merlin's sake.

He sighed angrily, knowing there was nothing he could do to get it back before he left. He would just have to live without it, which might be incredibly hard if he managed to run into Fudge, or, even worse, one of the Weasley's. Especially the boy…Percy. He had been even more unbearable than Hermione.

Argh…Hermione. Couldn't he stop thinking about her for one minute?

Obviously not. Not like he was helping himself by trying to get her soft brown hair, chocolate brown eyes, her lips…

Out of his bloody mind.

He pushed past a flurried crowd of wizards to get to the golden gilded gates of a lift, receiving various mumbled curses as he elbowed them aside, only to greeted by two familiar bug-eyes as soon as he had stepped inside. Two paper aeroplanes quickly followed him, flapping idly near his ears, before the gates noisily clanked shut.

"Why, hello Severus. I predicted I might be seeing you again."

Oh, Merlin.

There stood Trelawney, the thick-glasses wearing, airy-voiced, faux-Seer and former Divination Professor in all her praying mantis glory. She carried her tall, thin frame with a stiff dignity, staring down at him with a false sense of authority. It was just then that Snape noticed that not one other person had joined them in the lift, nor had they when they passed "Level seven, Department of Magical Games and Sports". On the contrary, the Interdepartmental memos had flown out through the grilles at tremendous speed. He didn't have to guess why.

"Ms Trelawney," he said in a hesitant greeting.

The tone of her voice had suddenly lost her airiness. "Severus, my title is "Professor". I would wish that you would treat me with the same respect as I treat you."

"Unless I'm incorrect, Silibus, I believe you have not been a Professor for two years now."

Her face was turning red; her eyes growing larger behind her glasses. "It's Sibyll. And for your information, I now have a new job in which I am well-known and well-respected. Now, if you will excuse me, I have work to do."

The cool female voice said, "Level four, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, incorporating Beast, Being, and Spirit Divisions, Goblin Liaison Office, and Pest Advisory Bureau."

"Hey, Trelawney!" a drawling voice yelled as soon as the grates opened. "You're late! Get over to the Owlery and start cleaning up those droppings!"

Snape managed to see her blush deeply before the golden gates rolled shut again, leaving him alone with a new little memo fluttering by his ear. A bit annoyed by its persistence in being near him, he glanced upward and saw that it flinched lightly at his movement. It was for him.

Seeing that he had some time before he reached…wherever it was he was going, he snatched it from the air and it immediately unfolded itself, relaxing in his palm.

A short sentence was sprawled in cursive across the page, the warm green ink glistening in the yellow light of the lift. Snape read it carefully, then reread it, trying not to believe what it was saying.

Ah, Severus, I thought you might need a little help as of now.

"Level two, Department of Magical Law Enforcement, including the Improper Use of Magic Office, Auror Headquarters, and Wizengamot Administration Services."

As soon as the doors opened, Snape was unpleasantly greeted with the looming site of Dumbledore, looking warmly down at him through his half-moon glasses. His robes were the darkest of blues, speckled with silver stars.

"Come boy," he said, beckoning with his aging hand. "I can't help but feel you're a bit lost, and Miss Granger won't be young forever, you know. I think I have a few ideas…"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THANKS TO: Sherri, Angus Hardie, Amethyst9, Cassandra22 (x2), Rosmerta, piper, JennyRad, KDarkMaiden, Brittany Malfoy, whyMMM, nightcrawler7082 (Umbridge is the DADA teacher in Harry's 5th year. I keep forgetting you're not allowed to read the books. But if you want to know right away who some characters are without waiting for me to update, I recommend visiting the Harry Potter lexicon (search for it)), The-Rouge-Thorn, JoeBob1379, Tracy3, DarkShadowFlame, Voldie On Varsity Track, usapie28, Meriadoc / Celithrathien, kittypilla, Kyra Invictus Black, pumpkinpiebaby.

Sorry this chapter wasn't as good as the last.

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