to kill him
........
disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing..
.......
[(entry 7)]
[5:32p.m. -Monday, February 17th]
I couldn't do it. I cant do it. He knows now anyway.
Last night I stood before him upon confrontation. I had him cornered. He had nowhere to run. I couldn't believe it. There I was. Standing before him, gun in hand, ready to fire. My fingers once again sweaty.. I pictured myself before him the first time. Only that time he was sleeping. Last night he had his hands in the air. It was dark in his room. He had a questionable look on face. He didn't look scared though. He was used to having his life on the edge I bet. I was breathing heavily. My hands were shaking. I shook my head to get a grip. Apparently it didn't help any.
"Berit..what's up? What's goin on?"
"Shutup!"
My voice cracked a bit..i was about to kill him. I was about to kill the guy I was in love with.. there I said it.. no..im only 15.. oh what the hell..
"Berit, what's this all about?"
"I said shutup!!!"
I pulled the trigger.. I missed. It shot the wall behind him. He was supposed to die with that shot. But he still stood there. Hands over his head. He seemed confused as ever. I cried..I cried before him.. It started with just a few silent tears. But I ended up collapsing onto my knees. But Duo immediatley came to my aid asking whats wrong.
"Berit..what is this?"
He took my gun and threw it against the wall. I couldn't say anything..my crying was getting on my nerves. He hugged me. Rocking me back and forth. I pushed him away at a desperate attempt to contain my reasons..i dunno.
I couldn't kill this beautiful creature before me.. He's such a different person.. I've never met anyone like him. Uniqueness like his shouldn't be waisted..
He looked hurt, that only makes me cry more. I betrayed him..i lied to him. Its his falt he believed me. He was too eager to trust. But I did trust him too. God.. why did I have to screw up my life? Why do these things happen to me. The funny thing, you would think I would have been a good girl. Everyone else thinks I am. Growing up in a large family surounded by love. That's not how it was though. I never could talk to any of my sisters.. never could make, or keep many friends. A lot say I'm shy or something.. the docters said I had 'trust issues'. I've never really had a true friend. I look at that now. If I were to die today..nobody would even know..or care for that matter. Well, there is that gossiping bunch down at St. Charles. But, even so..i have only a couple friends there. But they don't care enough about me to feel the slightest emotion if I were to die.. but if they knew who I was..they would certainly kick me out of their precious city. I bet Duo wouldve cried.. but not anymore.
I just sat there and cried in his arms..i was actually about to fall asleep with exhaustion. I was scared. I didn't know what I was going to do next. But one thing was for sure, I couldn't stay in his arms like that..it was too awkward for me. I pushed him away again.. if he knew that the whole time I had means to kill him.. I stood, my legs were shaking slightly.. I have never had this kind of trouble before killing someone.. I cant take it.. I stood and looked at him, about to make for the door. He was still kneeling on the floor. Then I heard the last thing I wanted to hear.
My cell phone..
I screamed as I took it out and threw it against the wall.
"Leave me alone you bastard!!!!!!!"
Duo stood to his feet again, trying to control me. I ran for the door, but my gun. I ran for my gun and grabbed it, giving my self a bit of a rugburn on my knuckles. I headed for the door once again, but he stood in my way.
"Don't you get it idiot!!! I was supposed to kill you a long time ago!! Back on the colonies.. get out of my way!!!!"
He stood shocked..it didn't surprise me. His face changed to anger a bit. My heart tore in two. He still wouldn't move. I pushed him to the ground and shot him.
I stood above his unconscious figure. A tear rest on his cheek. Two tears fell to the floor from my own eyes.
I ran.
[(closure)]
:'(
........
disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing..
.......
[(entry 7)]
[5:32p.m. -Monday, February 17th]
I couldn't do it. I cant do it. He knows now anyway.
Last night I stood before him upon confrontation. I had him cornered. He had nowhere to run. I couldn't believe it. There I was. Standing before him, gun in hand, ready to fire. My fingers once again sweaty.. I pictured myself before him the first time. Only that time he was sleeping. Last night he had his hands in the air. It was dark in his room. He had a questionable look on face. He didn't look scared though. He was used to having his life on the edge I bet. I was breathing heavily. My hands were shaking. I shook my head to get a grip. Apparently it didn't help any.
"Berit..what's up? What's goin on?"
"Shutup!"
My voice cracked a bit..i was about to kill him. I was about to kill the guy I was in love with.. there I said it.. no..im only 15.. oh what the hell..
"Berit, what's this all about?"
"I said shutup!!!"
I pulled the trigger.. I missed. It shot the wall behind him. He was supposed to die with that shot. But he still stood there. Hands over his head. He seemed confused as ever. I cried..I cried before him.. It started with just a few silent tears. But I ended up collapsing onto my knees. But Duo immediatley came to my aid asking whats wrong.
"Berit..what is this?"
He took my gun and threw it against the wall. I couldn't say anything..my crying was getting on my nerves. He hugged me. Rocking me back and forth. I pushed him away at a desperate attempt to contain my reasons..i dunno.
I couldn't kill this beautiful creature before me.. He's such a different person.. I've never met anyone like him. Uniqueness like his shouldn't be waisted..
He looked hurt, that only makes me cry more. I betrayed him..i lied to him. Its his falt he believed me. He was too eager to trust. But I did trust him too. God.. why did I have to screw up my life? Why do these things happen to me. The funny thing, you would think I would have been a good girl. Everyone else thinks I am. Growing up in a large family surounded by love. That's not how it was though. I never could talk to any of my sisters.. never could make, or keep many friends. A lot say I'm shy or something.. the docters said I had 'trust issues'. I've never really had a true friend. I look at that now. If I were to die today..nobody would even know..or care for that matter. Well, there is that gossiping bunch down at St. Charles. But, even so..i have only a couple friends there. But they don't care enough about me to feel the slightest emotion if I were to die.. but if they knew who I was..they would certainly kick me out of their precious city. I bet Duo wouldve cried.. but not anymore.
I just sat there and cried in his arms..i was actually about to fall asleep with exhaustion. I was scared. I didn't know what I was going to do next. But one thing was for sure, I couldn't stay in his arms like that..it was too awkward for me. I pushed him away again.. if he knew that the whole time I had means to kill him.. I stood, my legs were shaking slightly.. I have never had this kind of trouble before killing someone.. I cant take it.. I stood and looked at him, about to make for the door. He was still kneeling on the floor. Then I heard the last thing I wanted to hear.
My cell phone..
I screamed as I took it out and threw it against the wall.
"Leave me alone you bastard!!!!!!!"
Duo stood to his feet again, trying to control me. I ran for the door, but my gun. I ran for my gun and grabbed it, giving my self a bit of a rugburn on my knuckles. I headed for the door once again, but he stood in my way.
"Don't you get it idiot!!! I was supposed to kill you a long time ago!! Back on the colonies.. get out of my way!!!!"
He stood shocked..it didn't surprise me. His face changed to anger a bit. My heart tore in two. He still wouldn't move. I pushed him to the ground and shot him.
I stood above his unconscious figure. A tear rest on his cheek. Two tears fell to the floor from my own eyes.
I ran.
[(closure)]
:'(
