to kill him

........

disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing..

.......

[(entry 9)]

[12:23 a.m. -Friday, February 21st]

He took me to Earth. Im here, on Earth. Im sitting on my own bed..in my home town..in the united states. Im in my old home I lived in with my ever so large family. Im here, with Mom, Zoe, Paul(Zoe's Husband),Shelly, Josh, Michael, Jeremi, Liam, Oliver, Lucas, and Anna(the last three are Zoe & Pauls' kids). Half the family is gone though. John, Dillan, Sara... Duo's here too. My family loves him.

He took me home in his gundam. I would have never thought that he would make me sit squished beside the seat. I didn't mind though. It was actually fun. He had other places to go before he figured out where to go. He ran into a group of Leos..that was really fun.

Of course.. the whole time Duo refused to talk to me.. practically the whole time. He believed I had never been honest the whole time. I was in a rather good mood though, being inside that Gundam was the most coolest thing ever.

I admit, I was scared when he ran into those Leos..he had to stop them from reaching the 3rd Colonial position 3.92 Old John Mathews base. He didn't have trouble though.. I was weird sitting there to the side as he sliced through half of the group with one swipe.

It reminded me of why I hated the mobile suit gundams.. I felt sick in my stomach. He had to flee, he knew they would send backup..probably cancers.. Duo got hit once pretty hard. I think I screamed..i don't remember. All I could think about was Duo.

He was still injured due to my gunshot. It was probably bleeding again already. He was thrown neer the screen as three Dolls {which he didn't expect} atacked him at once. There were so many. The vid screen started fuzzing.. I was scared. I sunk as low as I could to the bottom of the floor.. You could feel the attackes but you couldn't.

Then they stopped. I looked and saw another gundam. Attacking the dolls..

"Need help maxwell?"

"Wu-Man!!"

Duo shouted with joy and releif. I noticed as he finished the last of the dolls and things slowed down, he was glutching onto his stomach..but you would never know he was in pain.

I cried, for it was all my fault. It was my fault he's hurting..it's all my fault..

Then the fight was over..it was hardly a battle though..or so Wufei told Duo..i sunk low again in the corner when Wufei Chang..the fifth gundam pilot came onto the vid-screen.

"Hardly a fight Duo.."

"Yeah..well."

"Later Maxwell..I have business to tend to"

"Thanks Wufei.."

It clicked off.. Wufei..he was interesting. I don't know why..he was different than Duo, or the other few pilots I've seen. He didn't see me in Duo's Gundam..thank God.. He went off in a different direction than the Deathsythe.

Then it was all silent again. He sighed to himself..he was hurting..his cut had reopened again.. I could see the blood through the shirt. He looked at me with peaceful eyes:

"Are you ok?"

I nodded. They were the first words he said to me since we got in the gundam.

He proceded to the base. We engadged in coversation. About what happened and such.. I think he thinks I've lost my mind. He told me to stay in the gundam while he was gone. I sighed in releif when the cockpit closed. I was alone in the machine, safe in the machine..

No body would try and kill me..no one knew I was there. Not even Erin Briant..creepy person.

He had a way with words, Erin did. He have me the reason to smile back then. I believe I would have fallen in love with the guy if Duo hadnt screwed everything up. But it was me. I screwed everything up.

I was safe in the gundam nevertheless. I sat in the chair and stretched while he was out. I even went through the small compartments I found.. I felt like a little girl again. Searching through everthing mischieviously.

I found a hat and a jacket in one of the bigger compartments along with an old rag..looked like an oil rag..with a small cross in it. I dared not touch it..even though I questioned it. But I put his hat on ^_^

I found a carpartment with pens..there were lots of stuff in there..

I went through his CDs.. He liked the whole variety..from the Beetles to the Red Hot Chili Peppers.. what music..

When he came back I was still going through the Cds.. still had his hat on.. I was caught.

I greeted him with an innocent cutie pie smile.. and waved lightly.. He only chuckled and sat down..slapping me outta the way playfully. I carfully put his Cds back and he eyed me with a smile. He never said anything though.

But when we headed toward Earth..i was the speechless one. I had wanted to go back for what seemed so long. But then there we were, just breaking through Earths atmospere. Headed for the Cinq Kingdom.

I stayed in the gundam alone for about four hours. I fell asleep.

When I woke up I was on his chest..partially on the floor though..there just wasn't enough room. I looked up after I nuzzled my head to his chest. We were above Earth still..i couldn't see more than clouds beneath us. Then he ducked beneath the clouds to reveal a very familiar coast.

I grew up on the coast..the gulf coast.. he took me home.

So here I am.. sitting on my bed. As happy as can be..at the moment anyway. I hadnt remembered what my room looked like..but its just as I left it. Dolls were lined along the shelves. Along with glass figures..that daddy gave me. Another shelf with fine chrystal that mostly was given to me by Erin. I always wanted to be a princess. My room fasioned an english princess's. Suits me doesn't it? If only they knew..

I don't think duo is as mad as he was.. I still feal guilty. Hell, I have killed more people than I can count..last year I knew I had counted 89 people..but sometime in the previous months..i lost count.

It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. I'm going to hell..and I know that for a fact.. Cant wait till my lil' shinigami sees I'm the one he's sending to hell next.

I hate being in this room now..i hate being home..but I love it all the same. There's kids running around ranging from 10 to 2.. god..now I remember why I left home.

I love it but I hate it..so many memories..

Dad.. if I could only see him now. If I could have had one last chance to talk to him. On last hug.

I cant stand being in this house..you know mom and dad had a fight before he died..how ironic? He told her he wasn't coming back..well he was right. I don't remember what they were fighting over exactly..im sure it was something my mother started..

I cant take this..i have to walk.. This neighborhood is so huge..i could walk all night..and still not cover every street.

Wait a minute..duo's not in his room.. did he leave?

**** 1:00am ****

he left a note. He went for the colonies again. He had to stop the dolls from reaching the New Edwards Base..or something.. he didn't say he'd be back this time. Just sent the best of wishes. He left me here..all alone.

This is shit.. I have to get out of this house.

[(closure)]

OMG!!! it has been.FOREVER since I last updated..really sorry bout that..