Where the Grass is Greener
Chapter Two
The next morning coffee meeting was accompanied by Jason. Sara had called Warrick early the next morning to ask if he wanted to meet her for coffee again. Warrick accepted her offer and he told her that Jason was coming with him. She didn't mind.
The three of them sat in silence. Jason looked between the two of them, waiting for one of them to start a conversation. Sara buttered her scone, and Warrick stirred his coffee endlessly. Jason felt left out. He wanted somebody to say something. He figured that somebody should be him.
"I'm having a good time this weekend," He started with a smile.
"Good," Warrick said.
Jason just nodded. He was running out of things to talk about. He didn't want to talk about school, so he decided it was best to stay quiet. They would talk in their own time.
"How was shift last night?" Warrick asked.
"It was okay," Sara said. "New case, a break in. Open and shut."
Warrick nodded as he sipped his coffee.
"Did you have to pull your gun?" Jason asked.
"No," Sara chuckled. "We rarely have to do that. It's just for protection just in case."
"Have you ever had to?" He asked, his interest piqued.
Sara smiled and nodded. "Yeah, a few times."
"Cool," he said.
Sara chuckled at how easily amused a kid could be. She only really recalled drawing her weapon twice in her entire career. The second drawing an error on her part.
She remembered Jason. She had been investigating Warrick because there were accusations that he was gambling on company time. She was at the front desk to deliver some paperwork and he had been sitting there.
"You look lost," she said.
"Do you know Warrick Brown?" Jason asked politely.
"Yes, do you want me to tell him you're here?"
"No," Jason answered. "He's probably working right now. He works very hard."
All Sara could do was nod.
"Hey Jase," Warrick greeted the young boy.
That morning, Sara realized that she had made a serious error in judgment. Warrick was trying to help a boy in need. She grossly misjudged that and she still felt rather embarrassed at her behavior toward him to the day. There were a lot of things that she didn't know about Warrick, and she wanted to know him more. She couldn't believe that she had been so open to him the other day. It was not like her, and no one knew about her suicide attempt. Not even her parents knew. Then again, her parents were unconcerned about her. They had been her whole life and it frustrated her. She was simply ignored. Her older brother got most of the attention, and her parents were willing to do anything for their son. But when it came to her, they mostly paid for her college tuition, but she worked through most of college. She loved her parents, but she felt a bitterness toward them. She had to work to get to where she was, and everything was handed to her brother on a silver platter.
"Hey, we better get going," Warrick said.
"Oh, okay," Sara said. "It was nice seeing you Jason. He's a good kid."
"Thanks," Jason said.
"Yeah, when he's not causing his mother any grief," Warrick quipped. "I'll see you later."
"Okay," Sara said with a smile.
***
Jason was sifting through the CDs while Warrick was driving them to his apartment.
"Hey, you don't have any Jay-Z?" Jason asked.
"No, never like him," Warrick said. "And what are you doing listening to Jay-Z anyway? Didn't your mom tell you not to listen to those songs?"
"I can't help it," Jason said. "Kids at school listen to it."
Warrick shook his head. The boy couldn't obey his mother to save his life.
Jason finally decided on a CD and put it in. Warrick was barely aware of what was in. He was thinking about Sara. She seemed distant, then again that was not unlike Sara, but she seemed more withdrawn today. Ever since she told him that she had tried to commit suicide, he had feared the worst for her. He knew that the second time Sara tried it, she would be serious about it. She was good to her word, even if it was deadly. She was lonely, and she certainly did not know how to deal with it properly. She was too prideful to get help. But he didn't think that therapy would help her. It would just drive her insane to have someone analyze her for an hour. She was extremely unhappy. How does a person go about helping that? Only Sara could make herself happy. Not even being at CSI was making her forget her struggle.
When Warrick entered his apartment, Jason ran past him and went to the kitchen. The boy could eat. He was going through a growth spurt and boys tended to eat every waking moment. His mother probably spent most of her income on food for Jason.
Warrick shook his head. He was trying not to think about Sara, but it was hard not to. He didn't want to worry all weekend.
***
Warrick had left again, and Sara was starting to get the impression that he was tired of her. He always left after about thirty minutes, and he always seemed to leave in a hurry. She knew that she probably scared him when she told him about her attempt to kill herself.
Memories of that night had been haunting her for quite some time, and her loneliness became all the deeper to know that if she did commit suicide, no one would mourn her. She couldn't let herself slip away. She had to stay strong. Now was not the time to break down. She had worked too long and too hard to throw it all away because she was crazy. There was no room for the crazy anymore. There was so much intolerance. Plus, her feelings about her coworkers were changing, and she didn't know how to handle that either.
Sara entered her quiet apartment and she closed the door. She walked over to her phone and checked her messages. There were none. She felt a sharp droop in her shoulders. She went into her kitchen and opened her freezer. She took out a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. She grabbed a spoon from her dish rack and stabbed it into the soft ice cream. The silence in her apartment was deafening. She turned on her television to a morning show. The death of Amelia Ruben was featured. She couldn't watch it. She turned the channel.
All of a sudden the phone rang, it was one of those urgent, shrill kind of rings. Sara put her ice cream down and she went quickly to answer her phone.
"Hello?" She answered.
"Sara," Warrick started.
"Hey," she said while licking her finger. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I just wanted to know," he said. "If you're going to want to hurt yourself again anytime soon."
"No, not at the moment," Sara said calmly. "I'm fine, Warrick."
"Good," he said. "I have been worried about you lately, and I hated to ask you, but I needed to know or else I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything."
"Well, I'm going to be okay for the time being," she said. "Thanks for checking."
"You're welcome," he said in his usual collected manner. "Well, I'll talk to you later. I've got to watch Jason before he eats me out of house and home. That kid's growing like a weed."
Sara chuckled. "Okay, bye."
"Bye," Warrick said then hung up.
Sara placed the phone back on its receiver and then she went back to her ice cream. If anything, she thought that she could lose a few pounds. She had been getting a little soggy in her midsection. And her clothes were becoming a bit small. She could afford to lose a few pounds. Maybe four. Four pounds. She would go to the gym. Instead of indulging in coffee and pastries, she could lose some weight. No, she could still have that morning coffee, just without the pastry.
She thought about it, then shrugged the idea off. She was fine the way she was. At least she had that much confidence in herself. It wasn't the fact that she wasn't pretty, or that she was overweight either, it was just the fact that she was alone. She felt that if she did open up, they would leave her. Like Hank did. And like Warrick was currently doing. People had no desire to get to know her for who she was, and that made her feel like she wasn't worth anybody's time. She didn't feel like she had any worth at all.
She just sighed and laid down, after consuming the entire pint of Ben and J's ice cream. She was feeling pretty lousy, but she figured some sleep would help.
***
Another night, another crime. For some reason, Sara kept getting the minor cases like break-ins and smash and grabs lately. She was wondering what Grissom's deal was. She made a note to ask him when shift was over.
Warrick was assigned to a case with her. She was glad. She didn't want to be partnered with anyone else. Warrick was quiet and understanding. He was smart, and he put together pieces of the puzzle faster than she did. With Sara, it was more about the physics of a scene. How was it done? How was it physically possible? She did, after all, have a master's in physics. Warrick was more about the human aspect of a crime. What was the motive? Who were the suspects? What was the intent of the actions? In all, working together, they accomplished solving a crime on all levels. There were no loose ends.
"Hey Sara," Warrick said. "You with me?"
"Yeah," she answered. "I'm okay."
Warrick gave her a wary eye, then went back to processing the scene.
"This guy was very specific in what he wanted," Warrick said. "And he was smart too. He left very little evidence, and nothing else was taken."
"What if it was a she?" Sara mused. "A woman is just as capable of a heist as a man."
"Well, of course she is," Warrick said with a smirk. "But women tend to have more to leave behind, like a finger nail or a strand of hair, an eyelash."
"Now you're just being stereotypical," Sara laughed. "Women know how to handle themselves in certain situations."
"Yeah, only because they put themselves in certain situations," Warrick said. "Women are prepared for anything and everything."
"That must get you a lot of dates," Sara said with a smirk.
"No," he said modestly. "I like to think that it's my mind."
Sara cocked her head to one side. "You're afraid to admit that it's because of your good looks."
Warrick glared at her. "Anyway, back to the subject at hand."
"Now who put themselves into that situation?" Sara joked as she walked past him.
Sara felt much happier that they were able to carry on like that. She didn't think that they're friendship would be the same after telling him about her attempt to end her life.
The shift had been a good one, but Sara was ready to go home. Go home to what? She wanted to ask Warrick if he wanted to join her for coffee again, but he always seemed to be anxious to leave. She decided against it. She felt something different about him every time she looked at him. She didn't know if it was his gray-blue eyes or his serene manner. He was a mystery to her, and she really did have this uncontrollable desire to want to know him better lately. She knew more about her other coworker than she did him.
Sara wrapped her arms around herself and she looked up at the ceiling, trying to keep her tears from falling. It was in vain. Her tears fell heavy with her pain. Her heart was hurting, and her stomach was suffering pangs of agony. It wasn't long before she was almost choking herself with hysterical crying. She put her hands on the location of her scars. Even though they had completely healed, she could still feel the pain. She could still see the blood flowing from her body and into the bathwater, turning it red in seconds. After a few seconds, the pain seeped into the bathwater, and she could no longer feel it. It took her internal pain away.
She got up and tried to calm herself before she talked to Grissom, but she couldn't. She tried taking in a deep breath, but it only made her cry harder.
"Oh God," she cried.
She walked down the halls to Grissom's office. Catherine stopped dead in her tracks to inquire about her.
"Sara, what's the matter?" She asked in a motherly tone of voice.
Catherine put her hands on Sara's shoulders and looked into her eyes.
"Sara, what's wrong?" She asked a little more firmly.
Sara sniffed and shrugged Catherine off and made a beeline to Grissom's office.
Sara entered and closed the door, moaning with more tears. Grissom looked up at her from his paperwork.
"Sara, what's the matter?" He asked, coming over to her. "Honey, what happened?"
She continued to cry, and like a little girl, she coughed and choked. She tried calming herself enough to talk, but she couldn't do it. The pain within her body was too much, and she let it all out at a bad time. She really needed to talk to Grissom, but her tears were coming in torrents. She had to get out what she needed to say.
"Do you love me?" She asked, distraught.
Grissom was obviously taken aback by her question. "What?"
"Do you love me?" She asked, hiccupping.
Grissom pulled back and gave her one of his looks. She stood against the door, exhausted from crying, her cheeks soaked with tears, and the collar of her shirt was stained with her tears.
"Answer the question!" She shouted. "Do you love me?"
Grissom didn't know how to answer her question. It had been a question that lulled in his mind for years. He knew how she felt about him, but he never reciprocated those feelings toward her. He did love her, but not in the romantic way. He loved her as a scientist. She was unique, and she was not to be contended with. She was fiercely independent and she lived by her own terms. He was very much aware that she fell hard for him, and he never took the time to talk to her about it. Now she had broken down.
"Sara," he started. "I don't love you the way you love me."
Sara nodded in fury. "You selfish bastard!" She screamed whilst hitting his shoulders. "You knew all this time and you used it against me! You selfish bastard! Why did you hurt me? Why didn't you just tell me the truth? You lying bastard!"
Grissom pulled her off of him and then she collapsed to the floor, exhausted, shut down, and fragile.
"C'mon, Sara," he said soothingly. "Please get up."
Sara just cried. Grissom had never seen her cry so hard. He knew it was a break down, and he had expected it to happen one day. He didn't know how to deal with it, but he knew it would come sooner or later. Sara was an intensely private person, and whatever trials she faced in her personal life carried on into her professional life and it had finally taken its toll on her tiny frame. She could only take so much.
She started coughing as she cried. Grissom tired to get her up, but her body wouldn't allow him too. She would not stay on her feet.
"Sara, you've got to stay with me," Grissom said to her firmly.
At this point, Nick had entered and immediately aided Grissom.
"What's wrong with her?" He asked, the fear obvious in his voice.
"She's having a break down Nick," Grissom explained.
"Why? What's going on?" Nick asked as he tried to calm Sara. "Sara, c'mon sweetheart, you've got to stop crying and tell us what's going on. Sara, come back to us."
Sara continued to cry. The pain was unbearable in her heart and stomach. The anguish was too much. She felt the pain from her scars all over again and her threshold for it weakened.
Catherine, Warrick, and other employees of the lab looked on in concern. Warrick had never seen Sara so hysterical before. Actually, he'd never seen her cry.
"Call an ambulance," Grissom said. "She needs to go to the hospital."
Warrick quickly took out his cell phone and called an ambulance. He looked down at Sara, deeply concerned about her. She was having a serious break down, that he should have seen coming. She'd told him just the past weekend that she was fine. Clearly, she wasn't. Earlier, she was bantering with him and laughing. Now she was at her lowest.
Sara was not aware of what was going on. It was like she was out of her body. It felt like her spirit left, but the body remained, uncontrolled by her. She was soaked with sweat and she had chills. Grissom was trying his best to at least calm her crying, but there was no succeeding.
"Grissom, please don't leave me," she cried. "Don't leave me."
The paramedics rushed in.
"Step aside sir," one of them said. Grissom and Nick moved away from Sara.
Sara held onto Grissom's shirt tightly. "Don't leave me. Please don't let them take me away. I'm not crazy!"
Sara kicked and screamed as the paramedics put her on a stretcher. "DON'T LET THEM TAKE ME AWAY! DON'T LEAVE ME!"
They had to restrain her. Sara cried and screamed all the way to the ambulance.
Everyone was in shock at her episode.
"NO!" She screamed as they rolled her into the back. Warrick ran to catch up.
"Let me on!" He called.
The paramedic was too busy trying to calm Sara to care who came along for the ride.
