Where the Grass is Greener

Chapter Seven

Sara was glad to be back at work. She was beginning to feel restless at home. The adjustment of going back to work was easy, but not without a few changes. Now that she and Warrick had been seeing each other every week during her absence of leave, they had to work around each other's schedules. No one else but Nick knew about the love affair that they had been having, and it wouldn't have been a secret if Nick hadn't intercepted Hodges.

The lust that Sara and Warrick shared for each other died down, and they spent a lot of time together just talking. They discussed where the relationship was going and how quickly they wanted it to progress. Sara decided that it was best to take things slowly because she still had a plethora of things to tell him about her life; both about the past and the present. He understood and he basically said the same things of himself. They both loved each other beyond words, and they made sure that one another knew that before talking about anything else.

Sara was in the break room examining some evidence from a recent break-in when Warrick walked in.

"Hey," he said, sitting next to her.

"Hey sweetie," she said whilst looking around for anybody close by. When the coast was clear, she leaned over and gave him a quick kiss then she huddled back over the evidence.

"Why don't you take a break?" He asked, slipping a hand between her thighs. She glared playfully at him. Well, the lust had almost died down.

"Warrick, not here," she whispered. "Besides, where are we going to go?"

"I don't know," he said, his hand going down her thigh. "How about the dry room?"

"No, people go in there quite a bit you know," Sara said. "How about you wait until shift is over, then I can go over to your place and you can do whatever you want to me. Sound good?"

"Yeah," he said.

"Only if you're good," Sara said warned.

Warrick grinned then looked at the evidence with her.

"What have you got?" He asked.

Sara sighed. "Nothing, I don't even know what I'm supposed to be looking for," Sara said in frustration. "I think Grissom is just giving me busy work until I go back out in the field."

"Have you talked to him yet?" He asked.

"No, but I will sweetie," Sara said before Warrick got on her for putting off talking to Grissom. "I promise, okay? I won't 'forget' this time."

Warrick looked at her skeptically then he pulled her to him and hugged her. "Sara, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You had a break down. It wasn't anything that you could have controlled. It just happened. It's okay. You're not a bad person."

Sara hugged him tightly. "I'm so scared."

"Of what?"

"That Grissom might fire me or put me on a different shift," Sara explained. "I don't want that to happen. I want to stay with you, Nicky, Catherine, and Greg. I wouldn't be able to stand being away from you guys."

"He's not going to do that babe," Warrick assured her. "And if he does, I'm going with you."

Sara felt so loved and confident in his arms. She could feel his heart beat, and it soothed hers. She was afraid of what people would say about her and that they wouldn't be the same around her because she had a break down. She was more ashamed of that than Warrick would ever know. She didn't want anybody to even know that she tried to kill herself a few years before she came to Vegas. Both she and Warrick were very much aware of the scars on her thighs. He kissed them both every time they made love. Sara wondered what he thought of them. Did he think that it was a sign of weakness on her part? Was it out of pity? Reverence? She didn't know.

***

As usual, Sara had been good to her word. She talked to Grissom, and she came by his apartment after shift, bearing a bag.

"Hey," she said with a glint in her eyes.

"Hi," Warrick said, giving her a once over.

She came in and dropped her bag where they stood and she kissed him slowly but sensually. She ran her hands down his chest and under his shirt. Warrick cupped her butt and pulled her closer to him. Sara tried to get his shirt off, but they were holding tightly to one another.

Warrick was fully aware that his door was still wide open.

"Sara," he managed through their kiss. "Sweetie…the door is still open."

Sara pulled away and let him close his door. When it was closed, Warrick took her hand and led her to his bedroom. Sara put her bag in his closet as she always did when she stayed with him, then she began taking off her clothes. Warrick couldn't help but watch her. She had a beautiful body, and he liked admiring her when she was half or completely naked.

"It's a bad habit, staring," Sara quipped with a smirk.

"It's hard not to," Warrick said with a grin.

She came over to him and planted a light kiss on his lips.

They made love slowly then they held each other tightly. Warrick was kissing her neck and shoulders whilst caressing the side of her body from her breast to her thigh. Sara sighed at his touch and she snuggled closer. Warrick kissed her cheek then he planted kisses down her body. Sara turned over to her back and she let Warrick kiss her body tenderly. He loved every inch of her, and he couldn't find the right words to express that to her.

Sara was a unique woman. He wanted to know everything about her. He wanted to be with her and just love her for the rest of his life. But he didn't want to rush things with her. That was the problem with most relationships; they moved too fast and people didn't give each other time to talk and to really get to know one another. They dive into a relationship without really knowing their partners. Warrick was confident that he knew Sara enough to carry on a successful relationship, but he knew it would take some time before they discussed anything really serious like living together, getting married, and the like. Of course, he would be willing to do anything for Sara, and if she said she wanted to get married, that's what he would do. He tried to imagine life as a married man a few times before. It didn't seem half bad, except that he was with different women at the time. He knew he had to take it seriously. He didn't want to have multiple divorces because he couldn't find the right woman.

Warrick took it all in stride, and he was confident that he and Sara were going to last. Looking at her, it was hard to believe that she had a break down. She looked so calm and centered; free of her inner struggles. Warrick knew that for Sara, it was going to be a step by step thing. She talked to Grissom at the end of shift. She was making progress. The next step would be telling Nick, Catherine, and Greg what happened. Warrick told her that she didn't have to explain her break down to anyone. He just told her that she needn't be ashamed of it.

Warrick concentrated on her nude body as he kissed his way down. She had the softest skin, and it was flawless, even with her two scars. He made it to her thighs and he kissed first one scar, then the other, then he continued his way down. He kissed her calves, then he came to her feet. He smiled at her feet. They were quite little for her being so tall. She wore size eights. Her toes were perfect, and she had a beautiful arch in them. He kissed her feet and Sara pulled them away playfully, declaring that she was ticklish in her feet.

He came back up to her face and kissed her lips tenderly.

"Warrick?" Sara started.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we'll be okay together?" She asked.

Warrick pushed a strand of hair from her face and said, "Yes, I think that we'll be just fine."

Sara smiled and he leaned down and kissed her.

***

Sara woke up after a long nap. It was in the afternoon, almost evening. She yawned and stretched luxuriously in bed. Warrick was next to her and he began to stir. She got up and went into his closet. She opened her bag and found a robe and put it on. Her hair was tussled and she ran her fingers through her hair as she headed to the kitchen. She retrieved a glass from the cabinet and filled it with orange juice. She took her glass then she walked over to the large window and opened the curtains. Warrick had a breath taking view of Vegas from his apartment. Sara sighed contentedly as she drank her orange juice. Something in her told her that she would love to wake up to this everyday.

She felt Warrick's arms wrap around her waist and he gently rocked her from side to side. She leaned her head back on his shoulder. Yes, she would definitely love to wake up like this everyday. With Warrick, she couldn't complain. He made her happy. She was feeling happy, something she hadn't felt in a long time. Warrick simply made her happy. It felt so good to be happy and content with no worries and inhibitions. She didn't have to change or pretend around him. She could be herself, and she could do anything.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," she whispered back.

They stood there for a time, admiring the skyline as the sun was getting ready to set. She never really paid much attention to the sunset since she would normally be asleep, trying to rest up for work, but she and Warrick had the weekend off, and she got a chance to slow down and admire nature's beauty. She then realized that she never took the time to admire the simple things. She really did work entirely too much before she had her break down. As much as she wised that it didn't happen, it did, and the memories of it still burned her. She never really got over the embarrassment of it all because people knew her to be calm and collected most of the time.

Warrick had assured her several times that she shouldn't be ashamed, but she couldn't help it. Sara was indeed a stranger to shame. She always stood proud because no one else was proud of her. She had to be proud of herself.

As far as her relationship with Warrick went, she was sure that she loved him, but what more did they want and desire from each other besides ravaging each other's bodies every week? She was not sure of what she wanted or expected out of their relationship. What they had now was okay with her. She wouldn't care if there wasn't ever anything else. As long as she got to stay with Warrick, she was content. She would like nothing more or less. Simplicity was what she always longed for.

She finished her glass of orange juice then she broke from his embrace gently to go wash it out. He sauntered over to the kitchen.

"You know babe," he started. "There's this thing, it's called a dish washer."

Sara grinned. "I know, it's a habit," she explained. "I grew up in a B&B. We had a dish washer but we never used it because people were hungry all the time, so why not just wash them out?"

Warrick nodded. "So, what was it like, living in a B&B?"

Sara shrugged. "It was okay I guess," she said. "My brother and I have a lot of good memories there. The kids at school used to call me innkeeper's daughter. They thought I was spoiled because my parents were former aristocrats from Italy. They moved to Tamales Bay shortly after I was born."

Warrick nodded. "What does the B&B look like?"

"Oh, it's nothing spectacular," Sara said, going into the living room. "It's just a little villa type thing. Pure Italian. My parents love anything from the Old World Italy."

Warrick chuckled as he sat down next to Sara on the couch. She sighed as she laid her head on his shoulder.

"My parents are going to be so ashamed of me," she said despondently. "I haven't told them about my break down yet. We haven't talked in years. They disowned me because I wanted to go to Harvard. They paid for most of my schooling there, but my dad excluded me from his will, and we haven't spoken since."

"Have you tried talking to them?" Warrick asked.

"Yes," Sara said. "But I don't care anymore. They never really cared about me that much anyway."

Warrick held her and pushed a strand of hair from her face. She looked up at him. "What about you? I bet you had wonderful parents."

Warrick chuckled mirthlessly. "No," he said. "My mom disappeared when I was seven, and my dad's never really been around. He's trying to make up for it though. He bought this condo for me a few years back, and has been giving me checks in the mail."

Suddenly, Sara knew that her situation with her parents wasn't nearly as painful as it probably was for Warrick. Both of his parents had performed disappearing acts. At least Sara's parents had been present for her childhood.

"Oh Warrick," Sara said. "I'm so sorry honey."

"It's okay," Warrick said. "I don't really miss them. My grandmother was the one that took me in."

"And she raised you into a good man," Sara commented with a smile.

"I beg to differ sometimes," he said with a chuckle. "I wish you could meet her. She was a very feisty woman. Even more so than you Sara."

"I'm sure she was," she laughed.

She found it great that they were talking about their childhood together. It made her feel so much better. They had both suffered through awkward teenage and young adult years. Sara mentioned the fact that she thought it was amazing that their paths crossed. She never expected being with him, in his arms, smiling brightly. If her nineteen year old self appeared in the room right now, she would be shocked and appalled.

"I love you," she said.

"I love you too," Warrick said, then he leaned down and gave her a sweet kiss.

Sara deepened the kiss and she untied her robe and pulled it open, enticing him. Warrick pushed it off her shoulders as she pulled him down on the couch with her.

***

At work, Warrick had been acting normal, despite the many times he'd made love to Sara over the past two months. He didn't look like he'd been romancing and satisfying her. Nick was apparently unaware of the intimate nature of his and Sara's relationship because he wasn't bugging him or asking any questions.

Sara was pretty much the same, going with the flow, as if nothing was happening. She was even elusive to the ever-observant Catherine.

That was how he and Sara desired it to be for at least another month. They couldn't hide their relationship from their friends forever, plus, it was becoming rather difficult to explain missed phone calls at one or the other's residence.

The lust they had for each other heated back up after the night on the couch. Warrick smirked at the memories. A woman had never done what she did to him, and he liked it, surprisingly enough. He could tell that Sara fully enjoyed it herself. Every time she passed by him, she would smile at him lustfully, seductively, letting him know what to expect when they got home.

"Home" was either one's residence. They had not talked about living arrangements yet because they felt that it was too early in the relationship. Warrick was sure of the fact that he loved Sara, but how far was their relationship going to go? How far did Sara want it to go? The possible answers to that question frightened him. He tried not to think about that question too often. He was sure that Sara had been asking herself the same questions during their relationship.

Warrick was in the break room when he spotted Sara coming towards it. She looked happy and relaxed. To everyone else, that was rare form for Sara, but Warrick knew that it had become her normal mood.

"Hey," she said with a smile. They avoided using pet names at work, so as not to give themselves away.

"Hey," he said back. "What are you so happy about?"

Sara turned and looked at him with a glint in her eyes. "I don't know," she admitted. "I just feel so much happier and content now. I swear it's the medicine."

Warrick knew when she went off her medication. He frequently scolded her for not taking her meds, thinking that she was better. She would get upset at him, and not talk to him. He didn't care if she threw a tantrum. She needed to stay on her medication. If she didn't she would be right back to square one. Sara insisted that she was better and that she didn't need them, but Warrick wasn't taking any chances.

"Have you been taking your meds?" He asked her firmly.

She scowled at him and turned her back to him and sighed. "Warrick…"

"Sara, you need to take your medication," he said. "You don't want to get depressed all over again do you?"

"Warrick, we go through this almost every week," she said in frustration. "I'm fine. I feel better and I don't need them."

"Sara, yes you do," he sighed in frustration. "You're a grown woman, I don't want to have to make sure you take your medicine like a little kid. Sara, you need to take your meds. I can tell that you haven't been taking them."

"Warrick, I wish you would stop treating me like some fragile piece of China," she nearly shouted. "You're right, I am a grown woman, and I know when I feel better, and I do feel better. I'm not crazy, Warrick. So stop treating me like some escaped psych patient."

Warrick was slightly hurt by what she said. Is that how she felt he'd been treating her?

"Sara, how can you say that?" He asked, his anger boiling. "I have been nothing but supportive of you. If you feel that way, then why do we keep seeing each other?"

Sara turned to him, glaring. "I don't know," she said. "But maybe we should stop seeing each other. Maybe this whole relationship was forged out of pity. I was lonely, and you were the only person who really gave a shit about me."

He words stung him even more. "So, this is it then?" He asked solemnly.

Sara crossed her arms stubbornly over her chest. "Yeah, I guess it is."

Warrick sighed heavily and turned from her.

"Maybe it wasn't really love in the first place," she said. Each word felt like a lash striking his back. "I'll come by after work and pick up my things."

Warrick said nothing as he heard her leave the room. He didn't even give a look her way down the hall. He instantly regretted what he said about her taking her medication. He shouldn't have brought it up. It was true, he hadn't been treating her right lately, but only because she would stray from taking her medication. He loved and cared about her deeply and the last thing he wanted to see was Sara depressed. She made him privy of the fact that she tried to commit suicide before. That did not help him overcome his fears for her.

***

Sara's heart was aching. She didn't know if that was her speaking to Warrick like that. It was as if there was another part of her that lashed out. She didn't mean to let it out so coldly. Maybe it was about time that they took a break, but she really didn't want to. She was fully aware that Warrick was right. She hadn't been taking her medication regularly. She really did think that she was okay, but she truly wasn't. She only found herself falling even harder for him.

Sara entered her apartment and she collapsed on the bed, crying hysterically. The pain and guilt she felt was excruciating. It was tearing her heart and mind to pieces. She was in love with Warrick, and she knew that he was in love with her. What was the problem? She was sure that she had ruined their friendship and their chances at ever getting back together. Her tears soaked her pillow as she screamed and moaned out her deepest sorrow. She still had many things on her mind that she had not told Warrick about. Something that she had kept hidden for many years, even her parents were unaware that the event took place. She had truly succeeded in burying it within her soul, and now it was rearing it's ugly head yet again…

It was the summer of 1979, and Sara was enjoying her summer vacation. She was only eight years old, and she had passed the third grade with grades that were phenomenal in all areas. The teachers proposed that she skip to fifth grade level so that she would be more challenged. Her parents refused. It was one of those things that made her mad at her parents.

Anyway, it was summer, and she didn't want it to be overshadowed in any way.

In the middle of a breezy, temperate afternoon, Sara walked the back road into town to go get some small items from the grocery store. The ocean breeze was light and calm. Her mother told her that it would be a good day to wear her blue cotton dress. Sara wore a dress or two at that time, and she wore the blue one on special days, when she felt extra pretty.

So, Sara walked along the roadside, admiring the nature all around her. She then realized what God was talking about when he took the seventh day of the creation to admire his work. The forest in the summer time was like a large green tapestry; a tapestry that could only be weaved by angels.

Sara noticed the sound of a very rundown pick up coming her way. It's transmission was truly in need of some serious work.

The men behind the wheel were looking at her in a way she couldn't recognize; the first word that came into her mind was approval. She found nothing wrong in that because her father looked at her mother that way. She faced forward again and began walking a little faster. She heard the pick up going a little faster. Sara's quick walking turned into jogging, then it turned into a full sprint. She had no idea that she could run as fast as she was running.

She looked behind her and the truck was closer than she thought.

She began to cry as she felt a large hand grip her collar and pull her into the truck.

"No! Let go of me!" she screamed.

The stranger clamped a hand over her mouth. She opened her mouth and bit his hand hard enough for him to let go of her long enough to open the door. She jumped out and fell hard to the ground and rolled into the dirt. The truck stopped. Sara was a bit dazed and she tried to get up fast enough to run home.

She felt her legs trying to carry her to safety, but the man grabbed her again and took her into the woods. She was fighting and crying.

He placed her on the ground and she felt his heavy weight atop her. The other man watched in sadistic delight as she was being tortured by the other man. They both had vile breath and ugly smiles that made her want to throw up. Her only thought was why did she have to feel extra pretty today? Why did she wear the dress?

When they were done, they left her. Her dress was bunched up to her chin, leaving the lower part of her body exposed to the angels and God above. She felt like Eve after the realization that she was naked. At that point, she felt a part of the ground. She wanted the ants to come and consume her greedily as they did a piece of her apple just a few days ago.

The angels had turned their back on her; they stopped weaving the tapestry. God was mourning her, she knew because the air suddenly grew thick and disturbed.

Sara felt wasted and soulless…and she swore that she would never feel pretty again.