Title: Starting Over
Author: Anaika Skywalker
Author's Email: lindsay30@austarnet.com.au
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own JAG; I just like to spread my wings occasionally.
Author's Note: Firstly I just want to say Mac's bashing had nothing to do with bigotry, sexist or other wise. It was JEALOUSY!! Nothing more. Two; the only reason I wrote AJ got married was I didn't know he didn't, we still haven't got JAG back on free to air TV and we're only up to season six on pay TV (Cabal). Thank you to those who reviewed: Les (no I don't have a beat reader and I try hard to catch what the computer doesn't. So give me a break – I have two children who come before my writing.) hopechest6 (no I'm not going to kill a main character off), rynidgrl (I happen to like strong women characters and Mac is a strong one) Jamie (no more Harm/Mac angst fest, I promise), Winjan (you're the only one who got it, thank you) Mary Kate113 (It's true love. Trust Me!!!) chris-warren876 (strong words, but hey it's your opinion), Bekki (Answers are coming, a quadrilateral? Kinky) Okay on with the story, you might want to break out the tissues though, the end gets a little teary.
Starting OverChapter Eleven: Forgiven
Harm's apartment
North of Union Station
Katherine came out of the bedroom seeing Harm; he stood staring out the window. She padded bare foot over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Are you all right?"
"No," he said quietly.
"It wasn't your fault."
"I shouldn't have said what I did,"
Sighing, she moved around to stand before him, in his shirt with her hair bedraggled around her face she looked younger then she was. "Why don't you give Mac a ring," she suggested, "Or go over to her apartment."
Smiling Harm cupped her face in his hands and kissed her lips. "What did I do to deserve you, Kat?"
She rose on her toes, her lips brushing over his. "You let me love you and loved me in return."
He held her close, the three little words he could never say to Mac finally it came so easily. "I love you,"
"I know," she informed. "I love you too," she stepped back. "Now phone call or visit?"
He chuckled and glanced at his watch. "At three in the morning, how about we just go see her before going to the airport?"
Before she comment a knock sounded at the door, to which they both looked. "Why don't you go back to bed," Harm suggested.
Katherine shook her head. "Who ever it is, we face them together. No more hiding."
Nodding he took her hand and walked with her over to the door, opening it. Surprised by who was there. "Colonel, Commander."
Mac smiled hesitantly. "Umm can we come in, Harm?"
"Sure," he stepped back a little and let them in, shutting the door when they were. Turning he squeezed Katherine's hand a little. "I was going to come and see you before we left."
Crossing her arms against her chest, Mac felt a little bad about coming so early in the morning, but she needed to do this, dragging Josh along with her. "I wanted to apologize, I was jealous and I don't even know why."
"I said some things I shouldn't have too," Harm admitted. "I'm sorry."
"Why don't I make some coffee," Katherine suggested and saw them all nod.
"I'll give you a hand," Josh said and went with her to the kitchen.
Harm gestured for Mac to sit down and they did, it was a little awkward, after all Harm was sitting there in the bottoms to the top Katherine wore. Which gave more then a good idea what their relationship was.
Mac didn't hesitate her next question. "Do you love her?"
"Yes," he said it without wavering and answered the question he knew was on her mind. "Age doesn't matter, Mac. I love her for who she is, not for how old she is."
"I understand that now," she blushed a little, playing with the end of her jacket. "I took your advice and a page out of your book."
"My book?"
"Yeah, I let go and took a chance," she blushed again. "I didn't realize what I had until it was pointed out to me. I'm not quite sure what Josh and I have is love, but I know I have strong feelings for him."
"I'm glad Mac, I really am."
"Thanks Harm, that means a lot," she told him sincerely. "So what were you doing up at this time?"
"I couldn't sleep, I should be. We're flying to La Jolla in the morning, well later this morning," he corrected himself with his flyboy grin.
For once it didn't affect Mac, not the way it had. Which was a clear sign she was finally over him. "Going to see your mum?"
"Mine and Kat's, her mother is in the hospital. She has cancer, she's not expected to live," he said as Kat and Josh returned them, giving their partners their coffee.
Mac felt horrible. "I'm sorry Kat,"
"Thank you Ma'am," she said sitting on the arm of Harm's chair, feeling his arm slip around her waist.
"I think we can go with just Mac,"
"All right."
Josh didn't know what to say, he didn't know what it was like to lose a parent, and he'd never met his birth mother. As far as he was concerned his adopted parents were just that – his parents.
Katherine saw it in his eyes; she'd always felt closeness to Josh, like a sister would a brother. Right from the moment she'd met him. She guessed it was because he reminded her of her dad; they even looked a little a like. "You two weren't getting much sleep either," she said lightening the mood and they all laughed.
Tears welled in Mac's eyes she laughed so hard. "Well Harm does out rank me, I just took his suggestion as an order."
"I don't think telling some one 'You need to get laid' is much of an order," Harm said flippantly and they laughed some more.
"I don't know sir, it seemed to be a good one to me," Josh joked.
"This is my home, Harm will do fine, if you don't mind me calling you Josh?"
"Not in the least," he agreed.
They drank their coffee, chatting about non-important things, after putting his cup down and hers, Harm tugged Katherine into his lap. He felt comfortable displaying his affection towards her in front of his friends.
Mac snuggled close to Josh; she'd put her cup on the coffee table. "Does any one else know about the two of you?"
"Only the Captain, Kat volunteered to transfer out of the squadron," Harm answered. "He told us to figure out how we felt about each other, then make a decision."
"Be careful,"
"We will,"
"If you need any advice," Josh offered, it seemed silly since Harm was a lawyer, but he offered anyway.
"Thanks Josh," Kat accepted, she held back a yawn. "Excuse me."
"We'll let you go back to bed," Mac told them and they all stood, Harm and Katherine walking them to the door. She gave him a hug. "Thanks for the kick in the six, flyboy,"
"You're welcome ninja-girl," he said happily, feeling better about it all.
"Be careful,"
"We will,"
She stepped back and took Josh's hand when he offered it. "Night."
"Night," both bided.
Once they were gone, Harm shut and locked the door, drawing Katherine back into his arms.
"Feel better?" She asked him.
"Yeah I do," he kissed her forehead. "I love you Katherine O'Reilly,"
"I love you Harm Rabb," she said, then rose up on her toes and kissed him.
He did one better, switching off the light he swung her up into his arms and carried her to the bedroom.
La Jolla General Hospital
Terry Foster had never met his stepdaughter, but as soon as he saw the approaching Naval Officers he knew, it was unmistakable. She was her mother's daughter. He knew why the two were estranged, he knew what had happened and he could see pain in the young woman's eyes. This was not easy for her. It would not be easy for any of them. Her phone call had been unexpected but welcome.
He smiled, a small welcoming one. It was all he could give. He was losing his wife and meeting a stepdaughter. "Lt. Commander O'Reilly?"
She nodded. "Yes sir, Katherine O'Reilly," she acknowledged the tall officer beside her. "This is Captain Harmon Rabb, we serve together on the Ticonderoga."
He shook both their hands. "It's nice to meet you both, I wish it were under better circumstances."
"As do we sir," Harm informed.
"Please call me Terry,"
He nodded. "Harm,"
"Can I speak with my mother?" Katherine asked nervously.
"Yes, of course. Go in," Terry insisted.
Harm saw her hesitate. "Go on, I'll be right out here if you need me."
She took a breath and opened the door, going in. It closed after her.
"She's a lot different then I expected," Terry announced.
"Oh?"
"Well I didn't expect the uniform, with the wings and ribbons it's quiet impressive."
"She didn't wear her uniform to be impressive, she wore it to show her mother this is who she is. A Naval Aviator, she's an officer and a damn fine one."
Terry didn't argue with him. If anything this six foot plus officer was a force on his own, the ribbons on his chest showed that. As did his physique, this man was not to be messed with. "My apologies, that seemed to come out all wrong,"
"Apology accepted."
The equipment shocked Katherine, as did the monitors her mother was hooked to, she moved her cover nervously in her hands as she went closer. "Mum?"
Maggie Foster opened her eyes, letting them focus on the young woman standing at her bedside. "Katie?"
"Hello Mum," she went a little closer.
"What are you doing here?" It was a rhetorical question.
"I'm on leave, Uncle Jack told me you were sick,"
"Leave?" She seemed confused.
Katherine fought hard not to cry. "I was deployed to the Persian Gulf for six months aboard the USS Ticonderoga,"
Her mother's dull green eyes brightened a little. "You joined the Navy like your father."
"Yes," she crocked. "I'm a pilot Mum, remember."
Her mother reached a shaky hand up, running her fingers over the gold wings and ribbons. "How long?"
"Have I been flying?" she asked and saw her mother nod. "Six years."
Maggie smiled weakly, letting her hand drop. "I've missed so much," she said softly. "I'm so sorry,"
The door opened, a doctor and nurse entered the room. "I'm sorry Ma'am, you're going to have to leave," the doctor insisted. "You can come back later."
Katherine nodded. "I'll be back Mum," she lent over and kissed her forehead, then left the room.
Harm saw her come out, going over to her. "Kat?"
Tears slid down her cheeks. "She barely knew who I was," she whispered as he took her in his arms.
"I'm sorry, Kat,"
"It's the medication, Katherine," Terry informed, seeing these two were closer then they were letting on.
"Dad?" A young boy joined them.
Katherine stepped back, seeing who belonged to the voice. The boy shared the same dark brown hair, and green-blue eyes as his father.
"Jason, this is your half sister, Katherine." Terry introduced.
The nine year old held out his hand. "Hi,"
A little taken back, she shook his hand. "Hello Jason," she remembered to smiled. "This is Captain Harmon Rabb."
His eyes widened, as he looked from one to the other. "Wow dad, they have gold wings. That means they're pilots."
Harm smiled. "Naval Aviators."
"So cool, I bet you have cool call signs and everything,"
"We do, I'm Hammer and your sister is Phantom,"
"The Captain is usually called Cag," Katherine told her half brother.
"Wow," he said then eyed his half sister. "Do you always call him Captain?"
She found she laughed at that. "No, a lot of the time I call him Cag," she gestured him closer. "I'm lucky, the Cag is also my friend."
"Which means occasionally she gets to call me Harm," Harm said promptly.
Jason grinned. "Like now?"
"Well if she's good," he teased and the nine-year laughed some more.
Terry smiled; he hadn't seen his son this excited in a long time. "Why don't we sit down," he suggested and they did so. His son started asking Harm question after question about flying.
"So how did you and my mum meet?" Katherine asked Terry.
"She came to work for me, I own a number of restaurants, and Jollies is one of them. Your mum was the best chief we had," he praised, his voice became thick with emotion. "It was love at first sight, Jason was twelve months old before she finally agreed to marry me."
"And the cancer?"
"Eight months ago she found a lump in her left breast, she went straight to the doctors. Within a few days we knew it was cancer, at first we thought everything was going to be okay. Then they removed the lump and found another, soon it was obvious the cancer had spread," he explained, finding the strength not to break down. "Have you been…? I mean…?"
Katherine managed a smile. "I check regularly and the Navy makes sure its fighter pilots are in good health. Physically and mentally, we have to be."
He nodded. "I didn't know what exactly what your flew, your mum just said you'd joined the Navy and flew for them."
"Tomcats," she told him. "My squadron the Tyco Tigers, are one of the few remaining Tomcat squadrons left. Soon we'll be retrained to fly Super Hornets.
"I took Jason to the air show at the Marine base this year, there were Tomcats and Hornets there, Navy and Marines. He loved it," Terry said smiling a little. "I have a feeling I have a budding pilot on my hands."
Katherine admired Terry's strength, having to deal with all of this. "I'm sorry I didn't get to meet you sooner, you and Jason."
Taking her hand, he gave it a gentle squeeze. "I hope you can be a part of your family, Katherine."
"Kat," she announced. "Everyone calls me Kat, mum and Uncle Jack called me Katie."
Terry smiled warmly. "Can I call you Katie?"
"I'd like that," she agreed and hugged him.
Both Harm and Jason smiled. "Are they going to be all right now, Harm?"
"Yeah Jason, they will be," he said smiling warmly.
Terry gave his stepdaughter another gentle squeeze and pulled away. "Young man, I don't think you should be calling Captain Rabb by his first name."
Jason
frowned. "Oh dad, I can't keep calling him Captain Rabb or sir. He's Kat's
friend, friends don't call friends sir."
Harm and Katherine laughed, they couldn't help it and soon Terry joined in.
Jason grin, happy to see his dad laugh. Finally they found some control,
especially after several nurses frowned at them.
Harm addressed the nine-year-old. "How about we go with Uncle Harm?"
Jason grinned. "Okay," he agreed happily and threw himself into his honorary Uncle's arms.
Katherine felt tears well in her eyes at the sight. Harm was going to make a good father one day, father of her children. That was one promise she was going to keep.
The doctor came out, a blonde headed woman in her forties. They stood as she joined them.
"Doctor Ridgeway, this my stepdaughter, Lt. Commander Katherine O'Reilly and Captain Harmon Rabb."
Joanne Ridgeway shook their hands. "Lt. Commander, Captain." She said her tone neutral. She spoke to Terry Foster. "The news isn't good. I'm sorry Terry but we're coming to the end. Maggie is very weak, on seeing her daughter here. I'd say that was why she was hanging on."
"Can we see her?"
"Yes, of course," she insisted and followed them all into the room.
Harm stayed at Katherine's side, no one taking any notice of the fact she held his hand. Terry went over to his wife, leaving his son to remain at his half sisters side clutching her hand.
"Maggie,"
She opened her eyes and looked into her husbands, smiling a little. "Look after yourself and Jason."
"I will,"
"And Katie, I've hurt her so much,"
"I forgive you mum," Katherine said lucid, fighting tears.
Tears slid down her mother's cheeks. "Katie."
She went over to her mother. "I'm here mum."
Her mother gestured her closer, speaking softly. "I'm sorry."
"I know mum, so am I," Katherine said as her tears slid down her cheeks.
Maggie smiled. "I love you Katie."
"I love you too Mum," she said, feeling Jason came up next to her, taking her hand as she straightened.
Her mother's eyes closed one last time and the heart monitor flat lined.
Harm stood behind Katherine, holding her close. She released her brother's hand and turned going into Harms, crying. Jason went to his father as his tears fell.
Dr. Ridgeway turned off the monitor, then she and the nurses left the room, giving the family time to grieve.
Burnett Residence
La Jolla, California
Trish Burnett walked out into the back yard; she carried two coffee cups, one for herself and one for her son's girlfriend. They'd just returned from attending Maggie Foster's funeral. After changing, Katherine had come outside, needing time to think.
"How are you, honey?" Trish asked her, she'd taken an instant liking to the young woman who had stolen her son's heart.
Katherine forced a smile. "I'm fine," she took the cup offered to her. "Thank you."
Standing next to her, Trish looked out at the scenery she now took for granted. "When Harm's father was shot down, I wanted to believe he was coming home to Harm and I, but as the years went by I finally realized I was kidding myself. He wasn't coming home and I had to move on," she said calmly. "Your mother had closer until you joined the Navy, then she had nothing but fear, your being with her in her last moments gave her the chance to lose her fear and to give you closer."
"I just wanted her to be proud of me."
"She was honey," Trish assured her. "Come inside, I have something to give you,"
Katherine did so, putting her cup on the kitchen table.
Trish put hers down and picked up the journals. "Your stepfather gave this to me, he said to give it too you after the funeral. They're your mothers, she wrote one for every year you were away from her. Read them Kat, find out what your mother was feeling."
Taking them, Katherine didn't know what to do. She felt frozen. Trish patted her arm and left the kitchen, leaving her alone. After what seemed to be longer then it was, Katherine carried the journals into the guest room she was sharing with Harm, sitting on the bed she opened the first journal and began to read, finding photocopies of newspaper clippings from the Annapolis Times, the Navy Times. Copies of e-mails she'd sent to her Uncle Jack, photo's of her and, her friends while on leave and flying. As well as her mother's private thoughts, she found out things about her mother she'd never known.
Harm found her there a few hours later. "Hey, are you all right?"
She smiled nodding. "I want to read you something, come and sit down."
He did, sitting behind her so he could hold her while leaning against the bed head. "What is it?"
"Part of my mother's journal, from a few months ago," Katherine revealed. "It's written in the form of a letter to me," she than began to read. "My darling daughter, I'm so sorry for what I have put you through. I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. You are not your father and I should never have compared the two of you. I should not have been afraid you were going to die like he did. Unbeknown to you, I have been keeping in contact with Jack; he forwards all your e-mails to me. So I feel like I've kept in touch with you, I'm sorry I never wrote to you. I suppose in the back of my mind I still though I could lose you like I did your father. My poor Katie, the time you had to eject out of your F-14 over the Atlantic, I thought for sure I was going to lose you. I sat by the phone for hours waiting for Jack to ring and say you were all right. It was then I finally told Terry about you, about how proud I was of my daughter and how I thought I'd lost you. Then the phone call came that I'd been waiting for and Jack told me you were safe, both you and your RIO. I thanked God for keeping you both safe. Still I couldn't bring myself to e-mail you and I hope you forgive me for not doing so," she paused as tears slid down her cheeks, feeling Harm give her a gentle squeeze. Continuing. "After that I kept in better contact with Jack, insisting he never tell you. I think that hurt him too. Tell him I'm sorry for me Katie, even though I know he knows." She stopped again, this time wiping her cheeks. "I found out you were deployed aboard the USS Ticonderoga, to the Persian Gulf, I'm afraid for you Katie. Being in the middle of all of that. Still Jack tells me you're fine and you have someone to watch your, how did he say it - your six. The Cag, Harmon Rabb, he sounds like you two have something special Katie. Though my heart nearly stopped when Jack told me you'd been shot, and landed your F-14 bleeding. I was so scared Katie, even after he told me you were all right. Even after he told me they were awarding you a DFC. I'd just accept all that when he rang to say you and Captain Rabb were shot down over Baghdad. My God Katie that wasn't the news I was expecting the day after Christmas. I must of drove Terry mad until Jack rang back to say you were safe and back aboard the Ticonderoga, and been promoted. You've now pasted your fathers rank, he would be proud of you honey. I know I am. Jack e-mailed me the photo of you and Captain Rabb in your uniforms. Oh Katie he's handsome, and if you really love him, honey. Then don't let anything or anyone stand in your way, happiness is easily found but it can be taken away just as easily. I've found that out, I let my fear of losing you take away the happiness we could have shared. Don't let the same thing happen to you. Reach out and grab hold of it and hang on tight. Never let go Katie. Never let love go or let fear stand in your way. I love you Katie. I will always love you. Mum."
Harm took her hands in his when she put the journal down, hands so much smaller then his. Her mother was right, fear should not make them stand back. "She was right, Kat."
"I know," she wiggled around and straddled his lap. "I'm not letting you go, regulations or no regulations, I love you Harm."
"We'll make this work Kat," he assured her. "Because I'm not letting you go either." He kissed her, deepening it as she kissed him back.
To be continued…
