Disclaimer: As much as I would like to own Remus, Sirius etc I am still only a fanfic writer borrowing from the wonderful J K Rowling. And running out of original disclaimers.

Rating: PG for mild slash

A/N: I thought I'd let Sirius have a voice. I usually write from Remus' PoV, or occasionally Lily, but I thought Sirius' side of this particular story needed to be told, even if I spend more time on flashbacks than on the "current day" of the fic.

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He's at Hogwarts. He's at Hogwarts. Even in Azkaban, Sirius' mind had rarely been so consumed by one thought alone. He ran north by night, his paws on the ground pounding out the words, and by day he slept, his dreams troubled even in dog form by memories of Peter, of that terrible day twelve years ago.

But as obsessed as he was, sometimes other thoughts made themselves heard. That was how he had come to Surrey to see Harry. That had turned out badly; he had plainly given the boy a fright. He looked so like James; Peter could not be allowed to ruin his life as well, to kill one more remnant of Sirius' family.

And last night, he had looked up at the sky and seen the full moon, and thought for the first time since he had left Azkaban, of Remus. I failed you, too, Moony, old friend, he had thought. Another broken vow. Let me make amends. When I have found Peter, and made him pay for what he did to us all, I will find you.

Why was he so sure Remus was still alive? It was twelve years ago he had last seen or heard of him, twelve years ago that Remus had come disguised to his hearing and he had seen horror and dawning hatred in the brown eyes he knew so well. But he was sure that Remus would not die, would not let it break him. He always had been stronger than anyone gave him credit for.

He lifted his head and howled at the full moon, knowing that wherever he was Remus would be doing the same. And knowing that without any of his old friends to help him tonight, Remus' howls would be mindless, full of pain. He would not remember until morning the times when they had howled together. I will pay Peter back for you too, Moony, for you and your pain as well as for Lily and James and little Harry, and my twelve years in hell. He howled with all his strength for another broken promise.



Sirius glanced at the clock. Forty minutes. If he hurried he could get this assignment finished before he had to go back for Moony.

"Not in a hurry to leave, are you, Black?" asked one of his new colleagues.

"Oh... I'm due to meet an old friend." He did not want to seem lazy, like he could not wait to finish work and be gone.

But when he had finished, handed his work to his boss and hurried for his cloak, he found himself called back.

"Black!"

"Sir?" He glanced at the clock again.

"This is good, Black, what I've looked at so far, but I'll need a list of your sources."

"Yes, of course. I'll get them to you first thing tomorrow."

His boss' eyebrows shot up. "I was hoping to have them before you leave tonight. It won't take you ten minutes, will it?"

He muttered again about meeting a friend. He could not let Moony down. But his boss just chuckled.

"I won't keep you. But surely your friend won't mind if you're ten minutes late?"

How could he explain that even one minute was too late? That his lover would have to spend the night alone, locked into their special room, probably hurting himself, if Sirius did not get back in time? And his boss was looking at him curiously. He loved this job, he had been so happy when he was accepted. And Remus had been proud of him. Remus would understand, wouldn't he?

"Of course, sir," he mumbled, and put his cloak back on its peg, turning back to his desk. If he really hurried, then Apparated home instead of walking as he had been planning, he would still be in time.

He arrived in the hallway of his flat, breathless and slightly panicked, and threw down his cloak and bag.

"Remus?" he called. "Moony?" The sources had taken longer to look up than he had expected. He had left with maybe a minute to go before the moon rose.

He hurried through the flat. Remus was not in the living room, or their bedroom. His heart sinking, he turned to the room they had fitted out for these nights; the walls and door magically strengthened, soundproofed so that the neighbours would never hear anything and worry. The door was sealed.

Cursing his own stupidity, he sank to the floor by the door. He could not go in. If he opened the door, by the time he got it sealed again, the wolf would be onto him, or even through the door. If he Apparated in, the wolf would be onto him before he had time to change into his dog form. He wondered how long Remus had waited, trusting that Sirius would come home before it was too late.

"Damn it!" he muttered. He got to his feet and stormed into the kitchen. He would have something to eat, and then he would wait up by the wolf's room until the moon had set and he could get Remus out. He was damned if he would leave Remus to suffer alone for one second more than he had to.

He woke up to find sunlight falling gently onto his face, flooding their flat through the wooden blinds. For a split-second he wondered what he was doing sleeping on the floor, but then he remembered and swore violently. He had promised himself he would stay awake, that he would go in to Remus the second it was safe. How long had he been sleeping?

He grabbed his wand and removed the seal on the door. He pushed it, but there was something in the way. Had Remus collapsed behind the door? As carefully as he could, he forced it open, but it was not his lover blocking it, as he had feared, but that it had got stuck on a great tear in the carpet.

He caught his breath as his eyes adjusted to the gloom of this windowless room. The carpet had been ripped to shreds; there were lumps of it torn up and strewn across the floor, great gouges in the floorboard underneath. There were bloodstains on the carpet, and even splashes of blood on the walls. One of the walls had cracked, despite the strengthening spells both he and Remus had cast on this room. Dreading what he would see, Sirius turned to look for his lover.

Remus had collapsed on the far side of the room. He was sprawled, naked and covered in blood, across one of the few undamaged sections on carpet. That in itself was wrong; Remus did not sprawl; he would do nothing so undignified. He slept as neatly as he did everything else, curled in a tight ball.

Sirius hurried to Remus' side. He pushed the blood-matted hair from his lover's face and shook him as gently as he could manage. Remus' dark brown eyes shot open, focused on Sirius for all of a second, and then rolled back into his head.

"I'm sorry, Re, so sorry," he whispered, gathering Remus to him and getting rather unsteadily to his feet. Remus did not even stir; his head lolled over Sirius' shoulder.

Sirius took Remus into the bathroom, held him close while he ran warm water into the bath. When it was half full, he lowered Remus carefully into it, holding him as gently as he did his baby godson. He wiped away the blood that covered Remus' chest and arms, rinsed it from his hair. Last night had evidently been a bad one, even by the standards of full moons. Some of these latest wounds would leave new scars. Poor Remus had more scars than anyone he knew, even old Kettleburn, the Care of Magical Creatures Professor.

Remus opened his eyes again, looking very drowsy, and smiled vaguely at Sirius.

"How are you feeling?" asked Sirius.

"Not great," croaked Remus. Sirius forced himself not to flinch. He must have been screaming all night, to leave his throat so raw he can scarcely talk. And Sirius had not heard a thing through the silencing spells on the room, not one sound. He had slept peacefully while his lover suffered.

"I'm so sorry, Re. I should have been here. Why didn't you call Prongs, or Wormtail? They would have come for you."

"No time," replied Remus. "I was waiting for you. I was sure you'd be back." There was no accusation in Remus' quiet words, but Sirius flinched anyway.

"I'm sorry. They wanted me to stay until the assignment was finished, at work, I mean. I hoped I'd still have time to make it back for you." He lifted Remus from the bath and wrapped him in a huge, soft towel. It was a measure of how exhausted and sore Remus must have been that he did not protest; usually he insisted that he could manage by himself. He always had done. "It won't happen again. I promise, Remus, you'll never have to spend a full moon by yourself again. I promise."

Remus just sighed and rested his head against Sirius' chest, but he was smiling. Sirius held him until he was dry and had fallen asleep again, then tucked him safely into bed and left him with a kiss on the cheek. He was late for work, but he had decided where his priorities lay. And every full moon after that, he either took the day off completely or left early, no matter what they wanted him to do. It could wait, he insisted. His friend could not.



A low rumbling growl built in Sirius' chest. He poured all his strength into his legs. Peter would pay. And before he died, he would know what he was paying for.

He's at Hogwarts. He's at Hogwarts.