Title: Agonizing Memories

Summary: After Animal's trial, suspicion builds up in Bosco about the recent             events that happened to Cruz. Two POVS.

Author: Nikki (xoboshoexo)-snowflakeangel01 (xglasstearsx)

Rating: PG-13 for occasion profanity and adult situations.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. sigh

Spoilers: Spoilers are up at through Surrender

Notes: Okay well I wanted the best out of two lives so this is what I'm giving you. Two different POV's will take place at different times. I really wanted to keep it to one, Bosco's but I felt the need to put in some of Cruz's emotional thoughts about what happened to her. So because this may be confusing to some of our readers, I'll label who's POV is who's and when you see a *~* that mean's it a POV change. Good luck and hope you enjoy reading. = )

Chapter 1: After Animals trial is unsuccessful, Bosco gives Monroe the first degree.

                                                                                                                                        


Chapter 1: Disappearances

I knew something was wrong when she didn't answer her cell the first time. I actually became worried when she hadn't shown up at the City Hall a quarter before the trial was scheduled to begin.

 It wasn't like her to forget about something this important to her; after all we went though to get this bastard. She wasn't just running another detail, and I knew it. I guess I knew her too well actually to believe she was telling me the truth. The only thing that flew out of her trap was lies.  Lies, lies, and more lies described Maritza Cruz perfectly, right on the dot.

I stalled for as long as I could, and the look I was getting from the Rita, the Districts Attorney, wasn't all too pleasing.  Taking each question one by one, and thinking everything thoroughly without speaking, Cruz was so going to owe me for this one.

As soon as she showed up, I knew something was wrong. Maybe it was the anxiety she was going though, or just possibly something else. Trying to push the fact that I was concerned into the back of the mind, it continued to slip loose and torment me.

When she started to answer the questions, I was sure something was up. Something had to be 'up' in her small corrupted mind. She was a better defender any day of the week, but now, when she really needed it. A small part of me got a jolly out of this, having Gary Burns's attorney call her reckless. I really felt like laughing out loud, but knew clearly I couldn't. It would have hurt me too much, even after all that had happened. I'm really not that type of guy.

She stumbled over her words more then once and I was almost positive she was going to cry, break down in sobs, when they spoke about Lettie, her poor sister. Well I can't blame her; I know clearly how close they had been.

Then when the bastard had to start with her and questioned about 'telling her sister to go into the house,' I wanted to beat his fucking ass right there and then. Pretty sure that wouldn't be the best thing to do, have the jury and all seeing me try to protect her. I could see Faith laughing in the back of my head, you moron. After all she did to you, and you defend the bitch. Yeah, would have gone over perfect.

This killed me though, just sitting there and watching it, it really did. And seeing Cruz trying to justify herself with this, killed me the most. That jag-off was just low, really low.

Well I did suspect that Gary would be loose after this, after the humiliating offense that we had fought with him, the jag-off would be in the wind in no time. Anger filled my bones. I had come here expecting him to be locked up for good, not to be sent loose to go home, cook up another pot, and kill some more innocent citizens. No, I didn't think there was a chance of that happening. Boy was I wrong.

I hated the feeling of being defeated. Leaving the court room I felt like I was going to explode. I just wanted to scream at that damn jag-off but no, I couldn't. Cruz managed to vanish out of the room before I could talk to her. It seemed almost like she was, hiding? Pushing my way through the crowd of people and into the hall, I spotted Monroe approaching. Starting towards her, Rita, the DA, intercepted my path and made me stop in my tracks.

"That was absolutely humiliating. If we all had prepared before the preliminary, maybe we could have won." She paused her cold eyes staring at me as I fought to see over her shoulder for where Monroe had went, along with any sign of Maritza. "He's walking until we get some solid information on this guy."

I cringed as she said this, as a fact, not my own assumption. This jag-off was going to pay. "Yeah, I know." I muttered.

"Do you know what happened to Sergeant Cruz? I need to speak to her." She asked before gazing around the packed hall as more attorneys and lawyers flooded in for the next trial.

"No. I was just going to find her." I mumbled. By the look on her face I'm not sure if she understood what I had said. Not going to bother, it would just be a waste of my time, I brushed past her, "Ill keep in touch," I spoke before pushing through the crowd. Trying aimlessly to find Monroe or Cruz I was getting more agitated by the minute. It was a bit past three and I was glad I had off for the rest of the day. Just had to make a pit stop at the station, change, grab a few things and go home. I nice trip to Ma's bar was in order.

"How'd it go? Did she make it in time?" A familiar voice grasped my attention as I turned around and spotted Monroe pushing through two nicely dressed lawyers which gave her an annoyed look before continuing with there talk.

"Well it didn't go well. She was late and hardly knew what she was doing." I informed her.

"We got stuck in bumper to bumper traffic along King. I tried my best to make it here but she ended up running." Monroe laughed slightly.

"I don't know how the hell she forgot this." I hissed at her, anger filled my voice. Sure, Cruz had to be pissed enough at herself, but it killed me seeing this guy walk, the guy who nearly killed all three off us.

"Yeah well let's just say she's had a lot on her mind." Monroe nodded understandingly as I shot her a weird look, questioningly. Before I got a change to ask what, she interrupted me. "Any idea where she went?"

"No. She disappeared." I replied with a shrug of my shoulders. I debated whether to bring up what was going on with her but remained silent. I knew Sasha didn't want to talk about it. I knew the suspense was about to push me over though, I was never good with these type of things.

"Alright, I have to go head back to the station. You off today?" She asked her eyes watching me for a second.

"Yeah, thankfully." I nodded to her as we both started downstairs, and away from the assembly that had began to clear the halls and head into the court room. "What's going on with Cruz lately?" I spoke, breaking the silence between the two of us, trying to over come the bustle of voices in the hall.

Monroe looked at me, one eye brow quirked. "I'm going to tell you the same thing I told her, 'I'm not going to be your little spy.' Ask her yourself."

"Yeah, if I could only find her, it's not like she's going to answer her cell phone. I called about ten times." I muttered a bit annoyed by her comment. "She asked about me?"

Monroe sighed, "She's been going through a lot Bosco, okay? Can we just leave it at that?" She snapped towards me getting more frustrated by the moment. These two women were hiding something from me. I didn't like this.

"Well if you tell me what…I won't have to go bother her." I smirked with a slight hopeful laugh.

"My lips are sealed." Monroe smirked back at me, almost throwing it into my face. "I'm heading back to the precinct. I'll see yah around Bos." She told me as we both split towards our different cars.

Watching her vanish I shook my head to myself, something weird was going on, and the hollow pit in the bottom of my stomach told me, it wasn't good.

*~*

I couldn't take the pressure any longer. My head was spinning in a fog and I had no idea how to respond. Now it's my fault that this fucking bastard is going to be set loose. His attorney had asked me if I had felt responsible for my sister's death; Now, I do.

I couldn't concentrate on the trial. Hell, I knew what they were going to ask me, I knew that they would bring up every fault I had made in my history as a cop. I just couldn't handle it. After everything that had happened in the past few days, it was impossible for me to pull this preliminary through and have this guy set in a lock up for the rest of his life. Purely Impossible.

I was so irritated with myself that Animal's trial had somehow slipped my mind. The rape is no excuse for this, for letting this guy off the hook for killing my sister. I failed. Failed, at everything I had been working for. And because of what? Because of what that damn carabon did to me. It was my entire fault, my responsibility that I couldn't pull myself together. I had let everyone down, once again, including my dead beloved hermana.

I knew I was going to be forced to face Bosco. I wasn't ready for it though, I wasn't ready to lie again to him and tell him that nothing happened. Just maybe he would see right through that, just maybe he would see the pain that I hold in my eyes now for everyone to see. Is it really that obvious? I was always one to be able to hide my emotions so damn well. Now I have a rookie cop telling me that I'm not okay. I don't bother to over rid it anymore; I know that's now the truth. As horrible as it makes me feel to think it.

Author's Note: Well there's the first chapter. Hope you all like it. Let me know what you think. = )

Chapter 2: Bosco confronts Cruz.