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Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels. I also don't own Xelloss (Slayers Next), Kurama (YuYuHakasho), or anything remotely resembling the swimwear described in this fic.
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Sango sat at the water's edge and sniffled. The roar of the surf, normally such a soothing sound to her, seemed to be crashing into her head over and over. Even the ocean seemed to be against her today, she thought in self-pity. The ocean, Miroku, that stupid cat she'd found, all of them were in a plot to make her miserable.
Damn Miroku! She threw a piece of shell into the waves. When she'd seen him this morning he'd tried to act like he was so innocent about last night. Right, she snorted to herself, a naked woman just happened to turn up in his bath. Happens all the time! Stupid lecher! She should have known better than to get involved with him.
A guilty thought reminded her she wasn't exactly on the side of the angels. Sango blushed at the memory of waking up next to Inu-Yasha. What on earth had she been thinking last night? Here she'd gone and ripped Miroku into tiny shreds, and then she'd done something just as bad herself. In fact, her actions were even worse than Miroku's, because there was still a tiny possibility that Miroku was telling the truth. Whereas she had no excuses whatsoever; unless you counted innate stupidity.
Sango wished she at least had the cat to cuddle with, but the stupid beast had hissed and scratched her when she tried to take it from Miroku this morning. Some gratitude! The feline was permanently attached to Miroku's shirt when Sango left this morning, clawing at anyone who attempted to remove her from Miroku's shoulder. Then Miroku had insisted the cat couldn't be named 'Kirara' because the name didn't suit her. He'd started calling her 'Shampoo' because of the cat's liking for the bathtub.
She heard a faint mewling sound and turned. Lazily walking across the sand was the fattest cat she had ever seen, looking as if it hadn't a care in the world. The cat rubbed against her and nudged her hand with its little nose.
"What do you want?" Sango asked the feline. "Are you going to hate me, too?"
The cat mewed again and jumped into her lap. Sango inspected the overweight ball of fluff, looking at the odd stripes on the tail. "So you're a girl," she observed. "How would you like to be called 'Kirara'? I'll even feed you if you promise not to chase after Miroku."
She'd obviously said the magic words, because Kirara responded by purring loudly and nuzzling further into her lap. Sango sat on the beach and stroked the soft fur. "Thanks," she told the cat. "Maybe things aren't as bad as they seem." She got to her feet and brushed the sand from her body. "Let's go, Kirara. I have to face Inu-Yasha sometime today; I might as well get it over with early. Geez, this is so embarrassing! And what am I going to say to Kagome?"
*******
"What the hell is that thing on your shoulder?"
"She is a cat," Miroku patiently told Koga. "I've named her Shampoo, and she seems to have decided she belongs to me. Is that seat taken?"
Koga scooted over to make room for the reporter. "Do you always wear a cat, or is this just a special occasion?"
"I can't remove her without getting scratched. Feel free to make the attempt if you don't mind missing a few chunks of skin." Miroku took out his laptop and started to type. "What's Ms. Fluffy wearing? The fashion editor wants me to include lots of detail."
"He's wearing a fetching little number made of the newer materials. It's a turquoise leopard demi push-up top with matching short bottom," Koga described.
"I see. And what about Xelloss?"
"Black one-piece plunge with medium rear coverage. I don't think it flatters him, personally. Kurama has made a better choice. He's going with the pale lemon bandeau top, matching bottom and micro mini."
Miroku stopped typing and looked over his eyebrows at Koga. "You sound like you know a bit about swimwear fashion," he observed. "Is this a particular passion of yours?"
Koga stirred the ice cubes in his drink with a toothpick. "You could say I have a bit of experience," he admitted. "I used to work as a marketing representative for Ryu Fashions. Ryu was the dominant force in the upscale swimwear niche."
"Was?" Miroku questioned Koga's use of the word. "Aren't they anymore?"
"The company was bought out a couple of years ago by Dainty Footprints, Inc. A whole bunch of us were laid off when the new management came in." Koga frowned at the memory. "What none of could figure out is why the buy-out happened in the first place. Dainty Footprints specializes in making women's shoes in men's sizes. That's why they're the main sponsor of this pageant. What would they do with a swimwear company?"
"Diversifying, maybe?" Miroku guessed. "All kinds of strange companies get together during these merger crazes." He grabbed the pageant guide to look up the spelling of a name. One of the advertisements in the back caught his eye. "Hey Koga, is this the owner of Dainty Footprints in this picture here?" He tapped a finger on a picture of a bald man wearing glasses.
"Yeah," answered Koga. "That's him, Mr. Ailuropoda. Why?"
"Oh, his name just seems kind of familiar to me," said Miroku. "Maybe I've read it in connection with another story." The rest of his sentence was drowned out by a loud cheer. Ranma and Jakotsu had taken the stage, and they were clearly the crowd favorites.
"That's a black laser cut halter one-piece," Koga pointed at Jakotsu. "It has diagonal color detail and ties at the neck and full hip and back coverage."
Miroku stared. "Exposes a lot up front, doesn't it? How do you keep your cleavage from falling out of a swimsuit that's cut like that?"
"Invisible sticking tape," Koga said. "Dirty little insider secret. Only problem is it starts to tear the shit out of your skin after a while."
Ranma Saotome was now center stage, and the audience was going wild. "That's a powder blue faux suede triangle top with matching bottom. Note the fine stitching detail," Koga gulped. "Ranma certainly fills it out well, doesn't he? This guy is incredible!" Koga tugged at the collar of his shirt, which suddenly seemed constricting.
"I can't see, the crowd's in the way," complained Miroku. He stood on the chair to get a better look. All of a sudden Shampoo gave a snarling hiss and jumped from Miroku's shoulder, causing Miroku to lose his balance and crash to the floor.
"Shampoo!" Miroku called. "Get back here! Here, kitty, kitty! Shampoo!" The cat ignored him and leapt onstage, landing on Ranma's face with claws outstretched. Ranma screamed in terror and began to run, knocking over several contestants and spectators in the process.
Koga made a grab for the pair as they raced past his table, but Ranma was in the grips of full-fledged panic. Still yelling, he headed out the door with Shampoo clinging tightly to his head. Miroku, who had finally managed to find his feet, raced after them, yelling for Shampoo and threatening to kill Ranma if he hurt the cat.
Meanwhile, the scene inside had reached total pandemonium. Somehow, Jakotsu had managed to put a rip in Kurama's micro-mini wrap. The argument had escalated, and the two men were pulling each other's hair and scratching with long fingernails. Xellos and Tsubasa were trying to separate the fighting pair and getting themselves pounded in the process.
Pushing and shoving, Koga finally managed to reach the stage, where Sesshomaru was standing in the wings. His partner was calmly watching the ensuing chaos. Koga looked towards the confusion and then at Sesshomaru.
"Did you happen to bring the camera?" was all Sesshomaru asked him.
"Never leave home without it," Koga answered as he handed it over.
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"Inu-Yasha, can we talk?"
Sango was standing before him, looking upset. Inu-Yasha noticed she was holding the shopping bag with her laundry from last night. He'd left the bag on her doorstep earlier before leaving for work, after knocking and discovering she wasn't in her rooms.
Inu-Yasha frowned. He'd tried to wash her clothing with his, but he'd somehow managed to turn everything a bright blue. Apparently his shirt wasn't as colorfast as he'd thought. Regardless, Sango now had a bag of ruined clothes to match her hangover.
"Um, I'm sorry Sango," he apologized before she could speak. "I hope you're not too upset with me." He mentally cursed his ineptitude at simple domestic tasks. "I'm afraid I'm not very good at this kind of stuff," he confessed.
She blinked at him a few times then flipped a nearby chair backwards and straddled it. "I'm not blaming you," Sango said as she hooked her legs around the rungs. "After all, my actions played a part in this as well." She stared at the floor.
"I have to tell you, you're certainly being a good sport about this," Inu-Yasha told her. "Kagome was pretty angry when it happened with Ranma. I mean, Ranma wasn't upset, why should she be?"
Sango was staring at him. "Ranma?" she asked unsteadily. "You mean this happened with Ranma as well? Don't you worry about what others will think?"
Inu-Yasha flushed. You wash one red shirt with a load of whites, and suddenly you had a reputation? "Kagome was the one who wanted me to do it in the first place," he informed Sango. "She said I needed the experience because I'd always had someone else do it for me. Of course, then she got mad later because I made such a mess of it."
"Oh," Sango swallowed visibly, "I didn't realize Kagome was so…open…about this sort of thing. So, um, have you talked to her today?"
"Actually, I hadn't gotten around to it yet," Inu-Yasha replied. "I was going to tell her later." He leaned forward conspiratorially. "If she asks, you won't let her know I screwed things up again, will you? I don't want her thinking I'm totally useless. Tell her I handled everything fine with no problems."
"I'm not sure what I'm going to tell Kagome," Sango said. "I wanted to talk to you first about it." She took several deep breaths. "To be completely honest, Inu-Yasha, I've never done anything like this. I feel really guilty!"
"It's no big deal," he assured her. "You're not the only one in this situation. You'll be just fine. And anyway, Miroku seems like he's the understanding type. I'm sure he'll help you out the first few times. In fact, I'll bet he's had years of experience."
"Unfortunately, he does," Sango replied sadly. "That's what started our fight last night."
"You've got to let go of that perfectionism, Sango," Inu-Yasha advised. "Just because Miroku does something a lot better than you is no reason to fight. Where would I be if I took that attitude with Kagome?"
"Yes, but Kagome - " Sango began.
"Look Sango," Inu-Yasha interrupted her. "You and I have no reason to be embarrassed about something like this. We just need more practice. Tell you what, next time I'll call you and you can come over and help me, and that way we'll both improve. But we'll have to take it slow, okay? I'm not ready to try bleach or anything like that yet."
"Uh, okay. No bleach." Sango stood up to leave, looking dazed. Inu-Yasha watched her as she left. She was practically staggering – was she still drunk? He shrugged and turned his attention to his work.
Never seen someone act so weird about laundry before, was his random thought before focusing on the latest email server mishap.
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A/N: If anyone knows a little Latin or some biology, you might have figured out a connection between Ryu Fashions and Dainty Footprints, Inc. *drops hint* I promise some of the bad guys will become more evident in the next couple of chapters.
Re: What happened between Sango and IY last chapter – a couple of you have asked me how they got naked. Reading back over it I realize I didn't make that passage very clear. That's what I get for posting when I'm tired :D (FWIW, it was late, they were drunk, she threw up and he was too tired/drunk to deal with it other than putting both of them in the shower and then to bed.)
CassidyJewell: Great. Now I'm sick as well. Since you're the only one I know who is ill right now, I am blaming you. You will only get off the hook with FD updates :P
Megumi Sagara1: I would be thrilled if this was translated to Spanish, but can it be done? Some of the humor depends on the word play, so would it translate and still be the same joke? Lots to think about here…
Thanks again to all of you! Lavender *covers her mouth and sneezes*
