Xylia: Welcome to The Ruler Show! I am Xylia, your hostess, and *squints* My name is Xylia? What the hell? Who's writing this?!

Writer: *Screaming from offstage* HEY! YOU TRY TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING CLEVER TO SAY!

Xylia: ... Wow. This show has already gone to hell and we haven't even played the theme music yet. ANYWAY, we can compensate because our first guest is Sirius Black.

Sirius: *Dragged in* Erm... what am I doing here?

Xylia: Well, I guess so that it explains nicely to you, this is what's behind the veil. Hey, and you wonder why Remus tried to stop Harry from going in?

Sirius: Ah. So, this is hell then?

Xylia: No. Worse. MUCH worse.

Sirius: O.o;; *scared*

Xylia: ANYWAY, our first task is to measure your fingers. *Whips out HANDY DANDY RULER OF FISH!*

Sirius: Erm... what?

Xylia: Go like this, *Makes an L and another L, flips one over, and touches right thumb to left index finger*

Sirius: *Does so*

Xylia: *Measures in between* Ten and a half; not bad.

Sirius: ...What was that for?

Xylia: Can't tell you.

Sirius: And... why am I here again?

Xylia: Because I want to reveal your innermost secrets to the world?

Sirius: Eh. Good enough.

CL: *Flies in on a hang glider* *Lands* Sorry I'm late!! *Hang glider randomly disappears*

Sirius: Who're you?

CL: The Co-host!

Sirius: Erm... that explains it.

Xylia: You missed the measuring. Ten and a half. Anyway, we need to get the question asking done.

CL: Yes.

Xylia: Our first question is from Mala.

Mala: SIRI! *glomp* YOU ARE MY... um... YOU ARE MY GRANDSON-IN-LAW. *gives cookies*

CL: That's not a question.

Xylia: FINE. THEN OUR FIRST QUESTION IS FROM SHELTI.

Sirius: Wait, what? O.o;;

Xylia: Yeah. Keep up with me. You're also my uncle, son-in-law, and great grandpa at the same time.

CL: Making you my great uncle, brother-in-law, and great-great-grandpa at the same time and probably more, even.

Sirius: O_o

Xylia: ANYWAY. SHELTI'S QUESTION.

Shelti: Did you ever make sandwiches with Remus? Big sandwiches with lots of mayonnaise?

Sirius: Yes, actually. We snuck into the kitchen to make sandwiches. They were really big and really tasty. Took us about an hour to make. And there was lots of mayonnaise and pickles.

Xylia: I don't think he gets it.

CL: Well, don't explain it to him.

Sirius: What? I like sandwiches. And pickles. And mayonnaise. Especially Remus's mayonnaise. He makes special mayonnaise.

Xylia: O.o



CL: *Cracking up*

Sirius: ... I like sandwiches. Harrumph.

Xylia: Do you ever regret that you're dead?

Sirius: Well, duh. I like living. But as for how I died; that's the way I go.

Xylia: Now you're sounding like Edward Bloom from Big Fish.

CL: BIG FISH. *_* I LOVE THAT MOVIE.

Sirius: Can I... go now?

Xylia: ...No.

CL: Koushy Asks: Have you ever eaten Cheese Monkeys?

Sirius: Erm... what?

Xylia: Cheese monkeys.

Sirius: Erm... no?

CL: Well then, Koushy asks: Have they ever eaten you?

Sirius: No...?

CL: THEN Koushy Asks: Then why do you smell like cheese?

Sirius: Because... Because... OKAY! I ATE THE CHEESE MONKEYS!

CL: Oh, then Koushy says: You're a sicko!

Sirius: Ah, okay.

CL: Did you know you're being played by a dude named Gary Oldman and that he's really, really, REALLY ugly?

Sirius: I'm... cast as a role? On what?

Xylia: The movie "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban."

Sirius: OOH. I KNOW SOMEONE THAT HAD TO GO TO AZKABAN.

CL: ...It's about you, idiot.

Sirius: ...I knew that.

Xylia: So I guess you didn't know anything about Gary Oldman?

Sirius: No.

Xylia: *Shows picture of Gary Oldman*

Sirius: WOW. HE'S HOT.

CL: *Looks at the picture* Wrong one.

Xylia: *Looks* Oops, that's Koushy. *Takes the picture and stuffs it in pocket* *Takes out the right picture*

Sirius: ...BLASPHEMY!

CL: Yeah, I know. Isn't it just?

Xylia: So... erm... is that all the questions we got?

CL: I think so.

Xylia: That's not good.

Sirius: YES. YES IT IS. CAN I GO NOW?

Xylia: ...No.

Sirius: ...Damn.

CL: How was it being trapped in the white room reading badfics?*

Sirius: You knew about that?

Xylia: Yeah... you're slow on times.

CL: ANSWER THE QUESTION.

Sirius: It was HORRBIBLE.

Xylia: The bible's a whore?

Sirius: I MEANT HORRIBLE.

CL: Oh. That makes sense.

Xylia: Well then, I guess that's all for this episode. How dull.

CL: Wait, did we ever play the theme music?

Xylia: I guess not. *Shrugs*

Sirius: DO I GET TO GO NOW?

Xylia: Sure.

Sirius: I'VE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY IN MY LIFE. *Leaves*

*Stolen from AVUI by Hika.

A/N: Eh. Not my best. Hopefully I'll do better next time. And I'll have more questions. Hopefully.