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Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the Rumiko Takahashi characters named here, nor do I own Charlie's Angels, the song Independent Women (Destiny's Child) or Xellos and Lina Inverse (Slayers Next).  Additional disclaimer at the end of the chapter.

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Chapter 32

Shampoo, Mousse and a Lazy Panda

"Shampoo, you look like you've been in a bit of a fight," Miroku commented as the cat jumped into his lap.  He stroked her soft fur and chucked her under the chin.  The cat curled up and began to purr.

"Here," Sango handed him a drink and sat down next to him.  He raised his arm and she scooted into his embrace.  As their lips pressed together, Shampoo hissed and swiped a paw at Sango.

Miroku gently pushed Shampoo off his lap.  "Sorry, but you're going to have to get used to Sango," he informed the animal.  "She has prior claim on my affections."

"I've never seen a cat get so jealous," Sango said as she watched Shampoo slink out of the room.  "The way she acts, you'd think she was human.  I'm glad Kirara doesn't seem to mind if you're around."  Sango sat up suddenly.  "Is that your shower I hear running?" she asked Miroku.

"I guess so," Miroku answered with a puzzled frown.  "I don't remember leaving it on, but as crazy as things are around here lately, maybe I just forgot."  He stood up reluctantly.

They heard a sharp crack and turned in time to see the front door splinter into several pieces.  "Wha-" Miroku started to ask as a handsome man with flowing dark hair entered the room.

"Shampoo!  At last, I've found you!" the man shouted joyfully as he glomped on to Sango.  Sango yelped and tried to pry him off.  "Shampoo, I've come to take care of you!  We can be together forever!"

"Stupid Mousse!  What you do here?" a woman's voice yelled from the hallway.  "I no love you!  You is only friend from childhood!  Is Miroku I love!"

Mousse had released Sango and removed the glasses from the top of his head.  Placing them on his nose, he glared at Miroku.  "You dare to touch my Shampoo?" he grabbed Miroku by the front of his shirt.

Miroku saw only one avenue of escape, and he took it.  He swiped the glasses from Mousse's face and ran from the room, yanking Sango with him.  Behind him, he could hear the woman yelling at Mousse to let go of her.

"Why is he after your cat?" Sango wheezed as they ran.  "This place is so full of weirdos!  I can't take much more of this insanity!  Where are we headed, anyway?"

"Sesshomaru's place," Miroku panted.  "I just want to be around a normal human being for a few minutes!"

"Sesshomaru, normal?" Sango questioned.

"No!" Miroku answered.  "Rin!"

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"Lina, stop feeding your face for two minutes and help me come up with something for this talent competition!" Xellos begged the short redhead sitting across the table from him.

"Why worry about it?" Lina said while chewing her food.  "It's not like you're trying to win this thing."  She grabbed another six pieces of bread and began to butter them.  "I mean, who cares if you don't do the talent thingy?  All we really want is the Clair Bible."

"We have to at least pretend we're actively participating!" Xellos studied the list of ideas before him.  "Let's see, I didn't bring the right costume for a cabaret number.  I know; what if I threw flaming batons?"

"Remember what happened last time you tried that?"

"Oh yes, I'd forgotten about that judge.  You know, she didn't really need to have all those skin grafts.  And her hair did grow back eventually…Okay, how about singing?"

"Overdone," Lina groaned as she stuffed the last piece of bread in her mouth.  "If I hear one more rendition of Independent Women, I'm gonna hurl."  She smacked her lips.  "How about a dramatic reading?"

"Hmmm," Xellos pondered this.  "Yes, something along those lines…" he stood up and formed a tragic pose.  "When the dust settled…Filia…breathing hard…was standing on the edge of a fairly large crater, mace in hand!  At the bottom of said crater…was…a vaguely Xellos-colored splotch," he intoned with flair before falling across the table into a fake swoon.

"Well, what do you think?" he asked, opening one eye at Lina.

"If we practice non-stop, you ought to be able to hit the high notes in Independent Women," Lina said hurriedly.  "Let's grab the stage right now while no one's using it."

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"Inu-Yasha, you've got to help me!" Ranma threw himself into Inu-Yasha's arms and started crying.

"Hey, get off me!  And quit crying!" Inu-Yasha pushed the curvy redhead away from him.  "I said stop crying!  I hate that!  I'll help you, okay?  Just stop wailing!"

Ranma only sobbed louder.  "My Pop is in so much trouble!"  He threw himself face down on the couch and buried his face in his arms.  "He's going to get killed over this stuff!"

"Ranma, has this got anything to do with the condition this room is in?"  Inu-Yasha surveyed the broken furniture around him.  "Every time I leave, I come back to find you've been in another fight!  Who's going to pay for the damage to this place?"

"It was like this when I got here," Ranma said, abandoning his tears at Inu-Yasha's offer of assistance.  "I thought maybe you and Kagome had been going at it or something," he said as he sat up.

"We haven't been going at anything because every time our lips touch you interrupt us!" Inu-Yasha said in exasperation.  "If you didn't get in a fight, then who did?" he asked as he pulled a chair away from the wall and sat down.  He winced as he felt something hard beneath his leg.

"What's this?" Inu-Yasha asked as he pulled a hair ribbon from under his leg.  There were several small bells attached to it.  "Does this belong to you, Ranma?"  Inu-Yasha dangled it in front of Ranma's face.  "I know Kagome wouldn't wear anything like this, it's just not her style."

"That's not mine.  It almost looks like – oh no, it can't be!  She'd better not be hanging around here!" Ranma gasped.

"Who?" Inu-Yasha asked curiously.

"One of my fiancées, the Chinese Amazon.  She wears stuff like that in her hair," Ranma gulped.  "Inu-Yasha, I don't know what she's up to, but it can't be any good.  You'd better hope and pray she doesn't take an interest in you."

"Keh.  I'll just sic Kagome on her if she tries anything," Inu-Yasha snorted.  "Now get back to what we were talking about – why's your father in trouble, and just how do you expect me to help?"

Ranma hesitated a moment before answering.  "You and Kagome seem to have access to a lot of places and a lot of information," he finally said.  "I'm hoping maybe you could at least give me some advice, 'cause I really don't know what to do here.  I can handle being chased by a duck, a pig, three women and a martial rhythmic gymnast, but I can't handle this."

"Can't handle what?" Inu-Yasha said tiredly.  He rubbed his eyes and grimaced as he hit his tender nose.

"My father's involved in something really strange, and I think someone is trying to kill him.  Don't look at me that way; it's true!" Ranma said quickly as Inu-Yasha rolled his eyes.  "I overheard a telephone conversation and my Pop was telling the person on the other end that someone named Vicious Dragon was going to assassinate him!"

Inu-Yasha bolted wide awake at the mention of Vicious Dragon.  "Who is your father?" he asked, jumping up and grabbing Ranma.  He gripped the petite shoulders in front of him tightly.  "If you want my help at all, you'd better be prepared to tell me everything!" Inu-Yasha warned.

Ranma jerked away, scowling.  "You don't have to manhandle me," he complained, rubbing his shoulders.  "His name is Genma Saotome, but he's been answering to Mr. Ailuropoda ever since he started up Dainty Footprints, Inc.  I don't think he wanted Mom to find out about his involvement with a bunch of cross-dressers."

A long-forgotten memory from a high school biology class bumped its way into the front of Inu-Yasha's brain.  "Ailuropoda," he remembered, "genus ailuropoda – that's a giant panda.  Your father is Lazy Panda?" he exclaimed.

"Well, he is pretty lazy," Ranma answered with some confusion.  "But how did you find out about the panda part of it?"

Inu-Yasha ignored him; he was already on the phone sharing the information with Sesshomaru.  "Get over here and bring the Angels with you," he told his brother.

As he hung up the phone, the door was kicked in with a heavy thud.  "Ranma!" a young woman wearing a karate gi yelled as she stormed into the room.  "You can't avoid me forever!  You pervert, where is Shampoo?  I saw her come in here earlier!"  She lunged for Ranma, who yelped and ducked behind Inu-Yasha.

"Don't hide behind me!" Inu-Yasha said as he pulled Ranma in front of him and held him there.  He locked his arms around Ranma's curved waist.  "I'll hold him down, you hit him," he suggested to the girl.  "He deserves it."

"What did I ever do to you?" Ranma asked as he fought to get out of Inu-Yasha's death grip.

"Oh let's see…you wrecked my rooms, you interrupted me and Kagome countless times, you let Kagome's pig escape…do you want me to continue?  How about when I walked in on you and that guy the other night?"  Inu-Yasha tightened his hold.

"Don't listen to him, Akane!" Ranma slammed his foot down on top of Inu-Yasha's and attempted to break free.  "He doesn't know what he's talking about!  I was here with Ryoga, and we were just fighting like we always do!"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure it was all completely innocent!" Inu-Yasha grunted as Ranma tried to throw him.  "So how come he wasn't wearing anything but a scarf?  Now be a man for once and take your punishment!" he yelled as Ranma wrestled him to the floor.

The sound of a throat clearing broke through the argument.  The two of them looked up to see that Akane had left the room while they were fighting.  Standing in her place was Sesshomaru and Koga.

"You really need to get a grip on your domestic affairs, Inu-Yasha," Sesshomaru said calmly.  "This kind of relationship can't be healthy."

"Says my brother wearing a dress," Inu-Yasha muttered in response.

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Additional Disclaimer:  The dramatic reading for Xellos, beginning with "When the dust settled" and ending with "Xellos colored splotch" was written entirely by Asteria.  All I did was change the punctuation to suit the paragraph.  Asteria used to have a thing on her bio page challenging anyone to write a Slayers story using that paragraph…I'll probably never write a Slayers story, so I thought I'd put it in here instead.  Forgive me, Asteria?

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!  You all give me such great support!  Lavender