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Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination. I would like to take the opportunity to sincerely apologize to Rumiko Takahashi and the creators of YuYu Hakusho, Slayers Next, Charlie's Angels and dedicated healthcare professionals everywhere.
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Chapter 39
Havoc in the Hospital
"You're all going to just have to wait your turn!" Nazuna yelled. Several groups had just arrived at the Emergency entrance and were arguing loudly with one another. At her shout, they quieted and turned to her. "You'll be treated in order of priority! Now slap your cheeks to the seat and shut up!"
"C'mon Ryoga, we don't need to be here," Ranma shook his red pigtail in disgust. He began to drag the other boy out of the room by his neckerchief. "Inu-Yasha's up on the second floor. Let's go see him." He twirled the katana.
"Hey, you can't take that weapon up there!" Nazuna shouted after the busty redhead, who ignored her and slung the katana over a slender shoulder.
"Aw, don't worry. This thing's not a weapon, it's a piece of rust," Ranma replied as he and Ryoga left the Emergency Waiting Room. "Besides, Inu-Yasha would rather get this back than have me bring some stupid flowers."
Nazuna turned her attention back to the others. "Now, who was next?" she muttered. A girl dressed in Chinese clothing stepped forward. She hefted her bon bori at Nazuna and scowled.
"Stupid boy here break leg," she announced, pointing to a groaning young man.
"Hey, we were next!" a young woman in a karate gi stepped forward with another girl carrying an okonomiyaki spatula. "Mousse got his eye scratched by Shampoo..." her voice trailed off as she looked at the girl in Chinese clothing. "Shampoo? But if you're out here, who's in the box?" She plopped the box on Nazuna's desk and opened it.
A fat cat leaped from the box and landed on Nazuna's lap, causing Nazuna to scream and knock her cup of hot chocolate onto the keyboard. "Now look what you made me do!" Nazuna yelled at the two girls before her. She turned the keyboard upside down and watched the sticky brown liquid pour out of it. "Get out of my face, now!"
"Come on, Akane, let's let Mousse handle this by himself," said the girl with the spatula. They turned to leave, but were stopped by the glaring Chinese girl. "Oh, Shampoo! Gee, what a surprise to see you!" she laughed nervously, giving the Chinese girl a fake smile.
"What do Akane and Ukyo plot?" Shampoo demanded. "You try to kidnap Shampoo? Why is cat in box? What happen to Mousse?"
"Catch that cat!" Nazuna yelled, interrupting the girls as the cat jumped off her lap and ran through the swinging doors into the main section of the hospital. Akane and Ukyo took off in pursuit of the cat, with Shampoo chasing behind them.
"Yuseke, that cat-demon is up to something!" the young man with the broken leg shouted. "You need to follow her and find out what's going on!" His companion with the slicked-back hairstyle nodded in agreement.
"Hiei, you come with me," Yuseke ordered his spiky-haired companion. "Kurama, stay with Kuwabara in case he needs help." The redhead smoothed the front of her dress and sat down daintily next to Kuwabara as Yuseke and Hiei left the room to follow the girls.
"What about us?" a brassy voice huffed.
Nazuna gazed at the short woman standing next to a purple-haired woman clutching her eye. Wait, that's another man. Geez, I've never seen so many cross-dressers at one time before. "What about you?" Nazuna sighed.
"Xellos here has an eye injury," the short woman explained, pointing to her companion.
Wiping the sticky hot chocolate off her hand, Nazuna gestured to the chairs. "Sit and take your turn," she ordered. "I'm going to get something to clean this mess up," Nazuna added to Dr. Tofu, who had been watching the entire scene with amusement. "Can you hang around until I get back?"
He nodded. "I don't think Kasumi's going to get off her shift anytime soon," Dr. Tofu said. "I'll handle things for a few minutes. Don't worry, everything will be under control."
"Right," Nazuna said. I'd better hurry before all hell breaks loose in here…
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A peaceful quiet had descended upon Inu-Yasha's hospital room after Kagome's departure. Sesshomaru stood up and stretched, grimacing at the ballet tutu he was still wearing. He really hadn't been aware of it until now. The things I do for you, brat. Sesshomaru smiled as he thought of the many times he'd said those exact words to his little brother over the years. He walked over to the bed and looked at Inu-Yasha's sleeping form. The pillow beside his head was still damp from Kagome's tears. She's too good for you, little brother. You'd better straighten up.
As he listened to Inu-Yasha's quiet breathing, Sesshomaru felt himself finally relax. Everything was going to be all right. As soon as Kagome returned from the cafeteria, he was going to go back to the resort and get cleaned up. If he was lucky, he might be able to convince Kagura to help him conserve natural resources by sharing a shower - all in the name of saving the planet, of course.
A tapping at the window startled Sesshomaru out of his lustful thoughts. He frowned. The hospital room was on the second floor, wasn't it? The tapping sounded again, and he opened the glass pane and looked down. No one was on the ground below.
A sound trilled above him. Looking up, he saw a young woman wearing a tiger-striped fur bikini, floating in the air. "I want to see Darling's boss!" the girl said, wavering before him. "Is he okay? Darling said he was badly injured!"
"Uh," Sesshomaru was at a loss for words. She's floating and she has horns on her head. Maybe I'm still asleep and dreaming. "Who are you?" he finally spit out.
She giggled. "I'm Lum," she said. "I belong to Darling! He works for Inu-Yasha," she added at Sesshomaru's confused look. "Can I come in?"
"Sure," Sesshomaru said faintly. He stepped back from the window and allowed Lum to float in. "He's asleep right now, though."
Lum burst into tears as she viewed Inu-Yasha. "Darling's Boss looks terrible! How could someone do this to him?" she sobbed. "This is my fault! I should have killed that horrible man the other night when he hurt Darling!"
"Er, don't cry, he'll be all right!" Sesshomaru stammered. "And you couldn't have known who you were dealing with," he said awkwardly as he put his arm around her shoulders in an effort to comfort her. Her sobs were causing the overhead lights to flicker on and off. Lum buried her face in his shoulder and continued to wail.
*******
"Kagura, wait up! Don't rush in there like that!" Koga panted as he tried to keep up with Kagura's speeding form racing up the stairs. Yura, Rin, Sango and Miroku were trailing behind. "If Vicious Dragon's in there, we need to have the advantage of surprise!"
Kagura stopped as she reached the entryway to the second floor. "His room is down this hall," she whispered to Koga. They drew their weapons and crept towards the door. She signed Koga to enter at the count of three and held up her fingers. One…two…three…
They kicked the door open as a team, charging into the room with weapons held high. Kagura skidded to a halt at the scene before her. Kagome was nowhere to be seen, Inu-Yasha was lying in the bed asleep, and some woman in a fur bikini had draped herself across Sesshomaru. Screeching, Kagura charged the couple.
"Get off my fiancé!" Kagura shouted as she threw herself against the woman. The girl screamed and the lights in the room began to pop and crackle. "Hi-yah!" Kagura struck her with the side of her hand. "Take that!"
"Hey, leave her alone!" A young man rushed into the room behind them and pulled Kagura off of the bikini-wearing girl. "Are you crazy?" the man yelled at Kagura. "Don't you know how dangerous Lum is? She could really hurt you!"
"Darling!" Lum launched herself at the new arrival. "Make her stay away from me, Darling! I just wanted to visit Inu-Yasha and she's attacking me!"
The young man tried to shake her off. "Lum, I thought I told you to stay outside! You're so stupid sometimes! Now leave before you break something!"
Lum growled and clenched her fists. "So I'm stupid, am I? Darling, sometimes," she sent a punishing bolt of electricity towards the hapless boy, "you really make me angry!" She sent another zap. "I just wanted to visit and now you've ruined everything!" Lum picked up a vacant chair and threw it towards the young man. He ducked the chair and ran out of the room screaming with Lum in hot pursuit, almost running over Yura and the others standing in the doorway.
Before everyone could gather their wits, the lights overhead flickered out again and alarms began blaring down the corridor. "Is that…rain?" Kagura asked as she felt water hit her face. "What's going on?"
"It looks like Lum set off the overhead sprinkler system," Sesshomaru answered as water dripped from his hair. He walked over to Inu-Yasha's bedside and checked the equipment hooked into his brother. "At least this stuff is still working," he said with relief. "I wonder how many times Inu-Yasha's had to replace the equipment at his office with her around?"
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Gotta get away, gotta get away, gotta get away...Kagome raced through the corridors, heart pounding. She could no longer hear Dr. Suikotsu's footsteps, but she had no doubt he was steadily making his way towards her. She had to alert Sesshomaru.
Halfway down the corridor, the lights flickered and alarms began to sound. Kagome felt water trickling down her neck and realized the overhead sprinkler system had flared. Skidding around the corner, she slipped in a puddle of water and slid into a soft body.
"Ranma?" Kagome gasped as she looked at the redhead lying beneath her. Ranma was clutching Tetsusaiga and trying to catch his breath. An idea popped in Kagome's head and she yanked Ranma upright. "Ranma, get to Inu-Yasha's room and warn Sesshomaru that Dr. Suikotsu is after the Shikon jewel! He must be the physician that was on the boat with Kagura and Rin! I'm going to distract him!"
"Sure!" Ranma said, dazed from the fall. "You want me to tell the Shikon jewel that Sesshomaru's after him."
"No, you idiot!" Kagome scolded him. "Tell Sesshomaru that Dr. Suikotsu is after the jewel! Sesshomaru is in the room with Inu-Yasha!"
Ranma was still glassy-eyed. Kagome sighed and slapped his face lightly. "Snap out of it, Ranma, I need your help! Go to Inu-Yasha's room and tell Sesshomaru that Dr. Suikotsu is chasing me! Got it?"
"Uh, yeah," Ranma mumbled and walked off, staggering slightly.
Kagome watched Ranma long enough to be sure that he was heading in the right direction. A grunting sound brought her attention to the floor. Lying there in a pool of water was P-chan, looking as if someone had fallen on him. "You poor thing, has Ranma been picking on you?" Kagome scooped the pig in her arms and squeezed him against her chest. "Come on, P-chan, we have to get out of here!"
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"Sesshomaru!" Ranma's face appeared in the doorway. "Kagome said the jewel is after Dr. Suikotsu! You have to help him!"
"What?" Sesshomaru asked, confused. "Who is Dr. Suikotsu? And how can a jewel be after him?"
Ranma slid against the door frame, leaning on a katana. Sesshomaru did a double take as he realized Ranma was holding Tetsusaiga. "Where did you get that?" Sesshomaru gasped as Ranma struggled to stay upright.
"Inu-Yasha told me to keep a hold of it," the boy replied, pushing himself straight. He limped over to the bed and placed it beneath Inu-Yasha's still hand. "Kept it safe for 'ya, buddy," Ranma told the unconscious patient.
Sesshomaru grabbed Ranma by the shoulders and spun him around. "Where the hell is Kagome?" he asked. "And who is Dr. Suikotsu?"
Kagura gasped. "That's the name of the doctor on board that ship!" she said, horrified. "He's the one working for VD! Ranma, where did Kagome go?"
"She ran off that way," Ranma pointed down the hall. "She said something to Ryoga and me about a jewel." He looked around him. "Say, where's Ryoga? He was with me a minute ago. I just aaaauuuuugggghhhhh!" he suddenly screamed as a cat ran into the room.
"Kirara!" Sango exclaimed in delight. "How did you get here? Poor baby, you're scared to death!" she stroked the cat, trying to calm her.
"Yura, Koga, see if you can locate Kagome," Sesshomaru ordered. The pair ran from the room in the direction Ranma had pointed. "Miroku and Kagura guard that door! Sango, take up a position by the window."
"Daddy, what do I get to do?" a small voice piped up.
Sesshomaru felt a small hand clutch his and looked down at Rin. He'd honestly forgotten she was in the room with them. She was gazing up at him, fear crossing her face. "I have a special job for you, Littlebit," Sesshomaru said softly, crouching to hug her. "I want you to guard the bathroom. Go in there, close the door and lay down in the bathtub. Don't turn the water on, do you understand? I just want you to lay in there until one of us comes to get you."
Rin nodded, and Sesshomaru thanked whatever gods were looking out for him that the child was so obedient. She didn't question his orders, just grabbed the cat from Sango and a blanket from the chair. Sango helped her into the bathroom and closed the door behind Rin and Kirara.
"That should keep them safe," Sango said. She walked over Ranma and began tapping him on the cheeks. "Ranma, it's okay. The cat's gone. Ranma?"
Ranma blinked and shivered. "Are you sure?" he croaked, looking around the room. He dropped to his knees and peered under Inu-Yasha's bed.
Sango laughed. "There's no cat around here, Ranma! I put Kirara in the bathroom. You know, you really should get some professional help for that phobia," she added.
"Yeah, I guess so." Ranma stood up and brushed off his pants. "It's all my Pop's fault I'm like this. If he hadn't fallen for that stupid training joke..."
Miroku and Kagura had allowed Akane and Ukyo to enter the room. "Did a really fat cat run in here?" Akane asked, shaking the water from her gi. "We have to catch her!"
"You leave Kirara alone!" Sango ordered them. "Why are you torturing a poor, defenseless little animal? I ought to turn you in for this!"
"Little?" Ukyo snorted. "That cat weighs more than I do! And if you think she's defenseless, you should see Mousse's eye right now."
"Shampoo!" Miroku exclaimed from the hallway. "Where did you come from? And you're soaking wet!" A cat sneeze sounded from the hall.
Ranma's face had turned a ghostly pale. "Sh-Sh-Shampoo?" he stuttered. "And she's wet? Oh no!" he brushed past Sesshomaru, intending to leave the room.
At the sight of Ranma, Shampoo leapt from Miroku's arms to enter the room. She landed on Ranma's head, causing Ranma to jump into Sango's arms. "Save me!" Ranma yelled as Miroku chased the cat around the Inu-Yasha's bed.
"No one's going to save you or anyone else," a voice came from the doorway. Everyone turned to see Kagura standing there with her arm twisted behind her and a knife pressed against her neck. Holding her was a large man whose muscular bulk filled the frame of the entrance.
"Ryukossei!" Kagura struggled in his grasp. "Vicious Dragon, you'd better let me go, you bastard!"
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A/N: Eeep, Vicious Dragon! Where has HE been hiding all this time? But wait, there's hope! Kagome is still out there - with a pig. Yeah, that should scare 'em...
Someone asked who Lum and Ataru are. These two are characters from Takahashi's very first work, The Return of Lum * Urusei Yatsura. Lum is an alien princess who has fallen for the lust-crazed Earth teenager Ataru. Unfortunately, Ataru constantly chases every other girl besides Lum. He actually cares for Lum, but doesn't like to admit it (a common theme with Takahashi's leading male characters). Lum routinely zaps Ataru with electrical shocks when he misbehaves. Try typing in this link 'furinkan. com/ tomobiki/ uy' without the spaces (ff.net doesn't allow links) if you want to check out a sight with some info.
Thanks so much to all of you for reading this! I'd hug you, but I don't want you to catch my cold.
