Fear Part 14

"NOOO!!!!"

Luke wasn't sure if the agonized scream was his, Han's, Anakin's, or if it was all of them together. He could only watch in stunned horror as the gungan sub exploded, and Han, followed by Chewbacca and Anakin, raced into the water towards the explosion.

Han was waist deep when the floor of the lake abruptly dropped out from under him. Lake Paonga could be dangerous for inexperienced swimmers for that reason-the shallow shelf at the shoreline extended only a few feet, and then fell to much deeper levels.

Han never even paused. When he lost his footing and went under, he just plunged right into swimming frantically towards the turbulence ahead. Chewbacca howled in rage and despair and kept going after him. Anakin started to dive under as well, when he suddenly realized that using the Force might be more efficient. Closing his eyes, he began reaching for his daughter through a mind-link, and immediately sensed Luke doing the same.

Luke had begun running towards the lake when he remembered how he and Leia could often sense one another's feelings and thoughts. He began calling to her. //LEIA!!! Where are you? Answer me! Leia, please! Answer me!//

Anakin joined in with him and for a timeless eternity the two Jedi called for their sister and daughter, their calls becoming more desperate as minutes passed and there was no response.

Anakin began calling for Tera and Elissa as well. They had more training, perhaps they could hear and respond better than Leia.

But still there was nothing.

He opened his eyes and through the tears blurring his vision, he saw that Luke had fallen to his knees and buried his face in his hands. Anakin made his way back to his son, moving slowly, heavily, as if great weights were attached to his ankles. Once at Luke's side, he knelt and wrapped his arms around him, but Luke didn't look up, didn't even seem to notice him.

Anakin looked at the rest of the group. Gil was standing frozen, his mouth hanging open, staring at the lake. Threepio stood beside him, in a similar state, not seeming to know what to say or do. Artoo was whistling wildly and rolling back and forth. Keren was trying to call for help on the comlink, but her hands were shaking so that she could hardly push the buttons. Finally she reached Theed's emergency squad and in a trembling voice tried to explain what had happened.

Chewbacca and Han came up near the shore and the Wookiee dragged his friend back towards the others, despite Han's efforts to pull away and swim back out to where large rippling circles marred the lake's surface.

"Let me go! Chewie, I said let me go! Leia's out there-I've got to get to her!" Han declared as they reached the shore.

Chewie barked, a sound so mournful and full of grief that it was hard for Anakin to understand him, though Han apparently did. For a moment he stopped struggling and just stared at his oldest friend, then he shouted, "She's not dead! She's not! She didn't live through the war just to be killed," his voice wavered for an instant before he regained control. "like this."

Chewbacca barked again, still insistent.

"She's not-" Han tried to go on, but his voice abruptly closed off, and he broke down in harsh sobs. The Wookiee took him in his arms, bowed his own head in despair, and began to keen softly.

Unable to accept the idea of his daughter's death, even though he knew it was almost certain that she, Elissa, and Tera were gone, Anakin whispered, "Maybe."

Luke raised his head from his hands and said dully, "She's not there. None of them are. They're just-not there anymore."

Han moved away from Chewbacca and glared at Luke, his expression suddenly furious. "She shouldn't have been on that sub. She wouldn't have been there if you hadn't asked her to go."

Luke recoiled as if Han had struck him. He simply stared at the Corellian, his eyes so large and haunted that they seemed to take up all of his face.

"Han," Anakin exclaimed sharply, his arms tightening protectively around his son.

"It's true!" Han yelled. "Leia had no business being on that sub. But you just had to ask her to go. You couldn't accept that some people don't think being a Jedi is the most important thing in the galaxy. And if talking to Tera's parents meant so much to you, why didn't you go yourself instead of putting Leia in danger?"

Chewbacca barked, and Anakin repeated, "Han, that's not fair! Luke didn't know something like this would happen. None of us knew. We would never have let Leia, or the others, go if-" his own voice choked and he was unable to go on.

Han was too blinded by grief and rage to see reason. "You should have known! They tried to blow us all up in our sleep. And aren't you supposed to get premonitions of danger? Where was this Force of yours today?"

Han's words twisted like a knife in Luke's heart. He had known something terrible might happen to the family, hadn't he? He'd received that sense of foreboding when he'd found the broken family crest. But he hadn't mentioned it, had simply dismissed it. If he'd spoken up, if he'd thought more carefully about the situation, maybe he would have realized he was endangering Leia by involving her in Jedi business. It was his fault.

Leia was dead. Tera was dead. Elissa was dead. And it was his fault.

Luke was hardly aware of the next few hours. It was as if a heavy weight had fallen on him and was crushing him. He felt unable to move or speak. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that the emergency squad showed up, followed almost immediately by NRI agents. General Madine was there, questioning them, his brisk voice sounding sympathetic. Luke wasn't able to answer, but he could hear his father, the padawans-the remaining padawans-and Threepio telling about the day's events. Han and Chewbacca were a short distance away, being questioned separately.

NRI agents were dispatched to Otoh Gunga, to give the Paara family the tragic news and begin hunting for evidence there. Han insisted on going along. At first, the agents tried to dissuade him, but Han wouldn't be dissuaded and finally they gave in. Chewbacca went with him.

Luke was aware of Anakin guiding him to a speeder, of an agent driving them to Theed Palace, of King Tripday meeting them at the entrance just as holonet news reporters showed up and began asking questions. In an uncharacteristically subdued manner, the king informed the reporters of the latest tragedy and that he was offering the Jedi sanctuary in the Palace until they decided on the next course of action.

Tripday himself took the stunned little group to their rooms and quietly offered his personal condolences. Anakin tried to thank him for his kindness, but the king waved it away and said he would leave them alone for the time being. They could call his private staff on the comm-system if they needed anything.

Once inside the suite of rooms-it wasn't the same suite they had stayed in during their first visit, but it was very similar, Keren gently led Gil to the bedrooms to give the Skywalkers some privacy.

Threepio hesitantly placed his hand on Anakin's arm. "Master Anakin, is there anything I can do to help?"

Anakin swallowed hard. "No," he whispered.

"I am sorry, Masters," Threepio said, and though droids weren't programmed for emotions, he did feel a profound sense of sorrow and loss that would have baffled professional technicians.

Artoo came close and whistled sadly. Threepio touched his counterpart's domed head lightly and said, "Come, Artoo," and the two droids moved slowly towards the bedrooms as well.

Anakin turned to his son, deeply concerned. Luke had not spoken since the first minutes after the tragedy, and he could sense Luke withdrawing into himself. Anakin knew his son well enough by now to know that Luke turned painful emotions inward, whereas he himself had a tendency to lash out at others.

He was struggling with that now. His own grief and rage were barely contained, and if he had Ignatia Kane and her followers before him, he doubted they would live to face a trial. But he was also aware that he couldn't give in to his emotions now. Luke needed him. Perhaps more so than he had since Palpatine's lightning attack on the second Death Star. Leia's death and Han's accusation had wounded him to the core. Shock was the only thing preventing him from feeling the true depth of the pain, and when the shock wore off, Luke was going to need someone to be there.

In the past, Luke had usually been the strong one. Whenever Anakin felt overcome with guilt and shame, Luke had comforted and reassured him. Even during their mission when he had begun to suffer nightmares and flashbacks of their traumatic history, Luke had tried to shield his father from it. And recently, when Anakin had been depressed and blaming himself for the troubles on Naboo, Luke had been calm, trying to help him see reason.

But losing Leia and Han, who had been his family long before Anakin had been redeemed, would be agonizing. Luke would need him to be the strong one now.

"Son," Anakin took him in his arms and held him close. No response. Luke simply stood there like a statue. Anakin rubbed his back and kept trying to reach him. "Don't do this, Luke. You promised not to shut me out ever again. Remember? Especially now. I need you. You're all I have left." He couldn't stop the tears now. They fell freely down his cheeks, some falling onto his son's head.

As if his father's tears melted his frozen state, Luke said hoarsely, "It's my fault."

"Oh, no," Anakin shook his head. "No, it's not your fault, son. Han didn't mean that. He's just out of his mind with grief right now. He doesn't know what he's saying."

"It is my fault," Luke repeated. "I should have told someone."

Stepping back to look closely at his son, Anakin gently took Luke's face between his hands and said softly, "What should you have told?"

Hesitantly, Luke explained about the feeling of impending danger when he'd discovered the ruined crest, and how he'd kept quiet, feeling that it just represented Tera's leaving. When he'd finished, he raised his eyes to his father's, afraid of seeing blame and condemnation in them, but Anakin's eyes held only love.

"There was no way you could have known something like this would happen, Luke," his father said firmly. "It's not your fault. Do you hear me? You are not to blame for this in any way. I know that you would have given your life in a heartbeat to save Leia, or Tera and Elissa, too. Please don't blame yourself. This is going to be hard enough to bear as it is."

Anakin's voice broke and he could no longer hold back his own sobs. He pulled his son close to him again and stroked his hair. Luke slowly wrapped his arms around his father as well, and the two of them stood there a long time trying to offer mutual comfort for this pain that had ripped the heart from both of them.

There would be much to do in the upcoming days, but for now all they could do was grieve.

TBC-