Author's Notes: Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews! Hope you
enjoy this chapter. We're back to Luke and Anakin now. I'll update again
on Saturday.
Fear Part 19
Anakin lay awake on his cot in Luke's room on board the Angel. They had retired for the night soon after the Angel had entered hyperspace. Of course, there was no night in space, but it had been past sunset on Naboo when they'd left, and they'd both been exhausted.
He'd dragged a cot into his son's room, knowing instinctively that Luke wouldn't want to be alone now. And, if the truth be told, he himself didn't want to leave Luke's side. The memorial service had been draining and sad, though he thought it had been healing as well. At least, his son- in-law-would he ever be able to think of Han as something other than his son-in-law?-and Luke had made peace. He prayed their reconciliation would ease their pain and provide them with the strength to go on.
Luke had been able to fall asleep almost as soon as he lay down. That was one good thing. He needed to rest. Anakin was tired, too, but sleep was elusive for him. He felt torn in two directions. Part of him was already regretting leaving Naboo. He wanted to be there, helping to find the killers. It was agony to have to leave with them still free, still able to cause heartbreak and tragedy, with justice left undone.
And yet, he did understand why some of the Senators were worried, and he had only himself to blame for that. He had not handled the deaths of loved ones well in the past. Why should they have faith in him now?
/Because I have finally learned from my mistakes. Because I have a family who loves and needs me now. Because I love them, and I would die myself before I would betray them./ He sighed. That was all true. The tricky part would be convincing the Senate.
Well, he would just have to put his mind to it, because he wanted to do what was best for the New Republic, for the Jedi Order he and Luke were fighting to establish, and the sooner the Senate realized it, the sooner they could return to Naboo.
He was trying to think of the right words to express his feelings to the Senate when Luke sat up, crying out in pain, and then clutched his head with both hands.
Anakin immediately called on the Force to turn the lights on, and was sitting on the edge of the bed with his arms around Luke all in one swift motion. "What's wrong, son?"
"My head hurts," Luke said between shallow breaths.
"Poor youngling," Anakin soothed. "The last few days have been so hard. And you haven't been eating or sleeping enough. It's no wonder your head hurts."
"The lights, they're too bright."
Anakin concentrated on flipping the light switch to dim the bulbs. "Is that better?"
"Yes," Luke whispered. But he shuddered and Anakin could sense the pain intensifying. His own head had begun to ache as well, just above the left temple.
"Shhh. Let's release the pain into the Force. Let it go, Luke. Just relax and let it go." Anakin rubbed his son's back as they took deep breaths and tried to let the pain dissipate. His own headache soon vanished, but Luke struggled for a time before finally the pain eased off.
When at last Luke relaxed and dropped his hands back to his sides, Anakin said quietly, "Better now?"
Luke nodded. "Yes. That was terrible, though."
"Yes, I caught an echo of it myself. But it's gone now. Try to go back to sleep."
Instead Luke remarked, "I dreamed about the first time I saw Leia. Did you know, even from the beginning, I felt this connection to her? She was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen, and at first I thought I might even be falling in love with her. I always felt so complete when we were together, and I couldn't understand what other reason there could be for that. I mean, we had absolutely nothing in common, but we always understood each other, and knew what the other was thinking and feeling. It makes sense now, but at the time, it seemed so strange. But it was wonderful, too."
Luke's eyes filled with tears that rolled down his cheeks. Anakin gave him a hug. He wished he could say something to help, but he couldn't find the words. So he just held his son, wordlessly offering comfort until finally Luke sighed and lay back down. "Thank you, Father."
"You're welcome." Anakin leaned over to kiss his forehead and tuck the blankets around his shoulders. Then he headed back to his own cot and tried to get some rest himself. The last few days had been long and sorrowful, and he had a feeling it would be some time before they would get better.
Lando was waiting on the landing platform to greet them when the Naboo Angel arrived on Coruscant.
"I'm so sorry," he said quietly as they came down the ramp. He embraced Luke and held out his hand to Anakin.
"Thank you," they both replied. Luke gave him a grateful smile, and Anakin gripped his hand firmly. Lando motioned them towards a dark green air speeder parked on the other end of the platform, and they began slowly walking towards it, followed by the droids.
"Mon Mothma asked me to tell you that she'll come by your apartment this afternoon, and you'll probably be able to speak with the Senate in the morning," Lando said.
"Good," Anakin hoped that meant they would be able to leave again by tomorrow.
They climbed into Lando's speeder, and he ordered the driver to take them to the apartment towers where the Skywalker clan and their companions all had suites. As they pulled up to the entrance, he said, "I'm sorry I can't come in with you, but I have a full schedule this afternoon. I'd like for you both to come over for dinner tonight, though."
"Thank you. We'd like that," Anakin told him. "I presume you've moved into the Governor's Palace by now?"
Lando nodded. "Yes, I've just gotten settled in, in fact. But my driver can pick you up, if that would be more convenient."
Normally Anakin preferred to drive himself, but right now, with grief still a heavy burden on his shoulders and the specter of speaking before the Senate hanging over him, the idea of fighting through rush-hour traffic was not appealing. He agreed to have Lando's driver chauffer them, and then he, Luke, and the droids bid their friend farewell and entered the apartment complex.
They rode the turbolift up to their floor, and as they exited, they all glanced over at Leia's (and now Han's) apartment next to their own. Anakin, Luke, and Threepio continued down the hallway in silence, but Artoo gave a low, mournful whistle as he rolled by the door.
The afternoon was spent quietly. Threepio and Artoo began cleaning the aprtment right away. Anakin started to point out to them that it really wasn't necessary. The apartment towers had cleaning droids that kept everything spotless, and in any case they weren't planning to stay on Coruscant for long, but then he thought that maybe Threepio and Artoo just needed to do something to fill in the empty hours.
Luke seemed to have trouble settling down as well. He headed off to his own bedroom, saying he was going to meditate, but before long he was back in the living area, playing a solitary card game. After a quarter of an hour, though, he put the cards away and turned on the holonet.
Anakin had planned to spend the afternoon composing his speech, but finally he gave up and went to sit beside Luke on the sofa. He would just have to say what was in his heart and hope it would be enough to convince the Senate. Right now he needed to spend time with his son. True, he and Luke had been together almost constantly since the bombing, but being together was the only real comfort they had.
Mon Mothma stopped by briefly in the afternoon, just to thank them again for coming and to let Anakin know that he could appear before the Senate during the morning session. Soon after she left, the intercom buzzed to let them know that Lando's driver had arrived, and the two Jedi left for the Governor's Palace.
At any other time, Luke might have been interested in seeing the great silver and white manor house where Lando lived, but right now he was still struggling with the apathy and depression he'd felt since losing Leia and the padawans. He was slowly healing-his father's love and his restored friendship with Han had given him the strength to go on, but the grief was always there. It had become a part of him, and it still threatened to overwhelm him at times. It was all he could do to choke down a few bites of the meal, delicious as it was, once they were seated in the dining room.
Anakin and Lando didn't eat much either, for that matter, and when the serving droids came to clear the table, their plates were almost full.
"Would you care to stay for drinks, or just to visit?" Lando asked.
"I don't think so. Not this time, anyway. I'm sorry we're such poor company, but-" A lump came to Anakin's throat and he could only gesture helplessly.
Lando nodded. "I understand. It's a difficult time." He looked at them, his own expression filled with sorrow. "I've tried several times to get in touch with Han on Naboo, but he's always out."
"He's gotten very involved in the investigation," Anakin told him. "It helps him to stay busy, I think."
"Yeah, but when this is all over, it's going to hit him really hard," Lando said soberly as they walked back to the foyer. "I mean, even harder than it already has. I never imagined Han really loving a woman and wanting to settle down, but he was so happy when he and Leia were together. They were just perfect for each other."
Anakin's eyes filled with tears. "Yes, they were."
He sensed pain radiating from Luke, and reached to give his hand a squeeze in silent support. The two of them slipped into their brown robes and turned to thank Lando, but he spoke first.
"I wanted to ask you guys if you'd mind taking me along on your trip back to Naboo. I'd like to see Han and let him know how sorry I am in person."
Luke nodded, and Anakin said, "Of course we don't mind. I hope we can leave after I speak with the Senate tomorrow morning. I know Han will glad to have your support."
"He needs to know that he's still got family and friends," Lando agreed. His face hardened suddenly. "And Leia was a good friend. I want to do whatever I can to help bring those monsters to justice."
"We'll all be glad of your help," Anakin replied. "We'll be in touch as soon as we're done with the Senate."
Lando nodded, and then looked at Luke. He'd noticed how quiet and pale Luke was, and knew that Leia's death was almost too much for him to bear, too. He laid his arm around his friend's shoulders. "Hang in there, Luke. We're here for you, too."
Luke gave him a quick hug and hurried outside before he broke down. Anakin quickly told Lando good-bye and went after him.
"Are you all right, son?" he asked in concern as they climbed into the speeder.
"Yes," Luke gave him a sad smile, though his eyes remained filled with anguish. "At least, I'm trying to be."
As Lando's speeder slipped effortlessly among the crowded traffic lanes, Anakin placed his arm around his son's shoulders and swallowed hard. "I guess we're all trying to be."
Mon Mothma met Anakin and Luke inside the domed Senate chambers early the next morning.
"I thought you could come into my platform, and address the Senators from there," she explained as she led the way to the huge amphitheatre. "It will send the message that the New Republic, as well as I personally, support and believe in you . I think that will be very reassuring to a few of the more nervous Senators."
"Thank you," Anakin told her, wishing he didn't feel so nervous himself. He'd addressed large crowds before. There was a time when the Senators would have cowered before him. But he never wanted things to be that way again. He wanted to have their approval, their faith that he belonged to the Light now.
He took a deep breath as he and Luke followed Mon Mothma into her platform and she called the Senate to order. He heard her introducing him, and then, all too soon, he had to step forward.
He felt Luke sending him a wave of reassurance through their link, and gave his son a smile, before looking out at the vast audience. Luke's affectionate mind-caress was encouraging, and when he spoke, his voice was strong and reverberated through the rotunda.
"Members of the Senate, I am here at your request because some of you are understandably concerned over whether or not I might turn back to the dark side of the Force. You all know about my daughter's tragic and untimely death on Naboo just a few short days ago. I cannot deny that in the past, the deaths of my mother and my wife were key factors in my fall. I also cannot deny that I have felt great anger at the loss of my daughter."
He took a deep breath. "However, I will not betray the faith of my family and friends. I will not betray the ideals of the New Republic that I am now committed to establishing. There is no proof I can give you, except to tell you that I have learned from my mistakes. When I fell to darkness over twenty years ago, I lost everything. I lost my health. Some of you remember when I was dependent on that abominable armor and its life- suppport systems. Believe me, that was a nightmare I would never wish on anyone."
"But even worse, I lost the friendship of my dear Jedi Master, Obi-Wan Kenobi. We could have resolved our differences and enjoyed many years of comradeship, if not for my stupidity. Worst of all, I lost the chance to be a father for my children when they were growing up. I missed so many things that I can never regain. And I caused so much suffering to many innocent people all over the galaxy."
"There are many times when I don't think I can keep living with these terrible burdens. But I must, and I must do all I can to atone for the mistakes I've made. I have been blessed with the opportunity to help others. That's all I want to do now. Please believe me."
Anakin bowed his head and stepped back beside his son. Luke clasped his hand and Anakin gave him a grateful smile. There was a long moment of silence, then thunderous applause broke out.
Mon Mothma patted Anakin's arm, and when the ovation had died down, she moved to address the crowd.
"Fellow members of the Senate, I have always had complete faith in Master Skywalker's redemption from the time I spoke with him on Endor. I trust that your faith has been restored as well," she turned to Anakin. "We thank you for coming, Master Skywalker. I know the both of you are anxious to return to Naboo and see justice done. May the Force be with you."
Anakin and Luke bowed and thanked her. More applause followed them out of the amphitheatre. They left the Senate and hailed an air taxi to take them back to their apartment.
"You were wonderul, Father," Luke said.
"Thank you," Anakin replied. "Now let's call Lando and see how soon he'll be ready to leave for Naboo."
TBCa
Fear Part 19
Anakin lay awake on his cot in Luke's room on board the Angel. They had retired for the night soon after the Angel had entered hyperspace. Of course, there was no night in space, but it had been past sunset on Naboo when they'd left, and they'd both been exhausted.
He'd dragged a cot into his son's room, knowing instinctively that Luke wouldn't want to be alone now. And, if the truth be told, he himself didn't want to leave Luke's side. The memorial service had been draining and sad, though he thought it had been healing as well. At least, his son- in-law-would he ever be able to think of Han as something other than his son-in-law?-and Luke had made peace. He prayed their reconciliation would ease their pain and provide them with the strength to go on.
Luke had been able to fall asleep almost as soon as he lay down. That was one good thing. He needed to rest. Anakin was tired, too, but sleep was elusive for him. He felt torn in two directions. Part of him was already regretting leaving Naboo. He wanted to be there, helping to find the killers. It was agony to have to leave with them still free, still able to cause heartbreak and tragedy, with justice left undone.
And yet, he did understand why some of the Senators were worried, and he had only himself to blame for that. He had not handled the deaths of loved ones well in the past. Why should they have faith in him now?
/Because I have finally learned from my mistakes. Because I have a family who loves and needs me now. Because I love them, and I would die myself before I would betray them./ He sighed. That was all true. The tricky part would be convincing the Senate.
Well, he would just have to put his mind to it, because he wanted to do what was best for the New Republic, for the Jedi Order he and Luke were fighting to establish, and the sooner the Senate realized it, the sooner they could return to Naboo.
He was trying to think of the right words to express his feelings to the Senate when Luke sat up, crying out in pain, and then clutched his head with both hands.
Anakin immediately called on the Force to turn the lights on, and was sitting on the edge of the bed with his arms around Luke all in one swift motion. "What's wrong, son?"
"My head hurts," Luke said between shallow breaths.
"Poor youngling," Anakin soothed. "The last few days have been so hard. And you haven't been eating or sleeping enough. It's no wonder your head hurts."
"The lights, they're too bright."
Anakin concentrated on flipping the light switch to dim the bulbs. "Is that better?"
"Yes," Luke whispered. But he shuddered and Anakin could sense the pain intensifying. His own head had begun to ache as well, just above the left temple.
"Shhh. Let's release the pain into the Force. Let it go, Luke. Just relax and let it go." Anakin rubbed his son's back as they took deep breaths and tried to let the pain dissipate. His own headache soon vanished, but Luke struggled for a time before finally the pain eased off.
When at last Luke relaxed and dropped his hands back to his sides, Anakin said quietly, "Better now?"
Luke nodded. "Yes. That was terrible, though."
"Yes, I caught an echo of it myself. But it's gone now. Try to go back to sleep."
Instead Luke remarked, "I dreamed about the first time I saw Leia. Did you know, even from the beginning, I felt this connection to her? She was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen, and at first I thought I might even be falling in love with her. I always felt so complete when we were together, and I couldn't understand what other reason there could be for that. I mean, we had absolutely nothing in common, but we always understood each other, and knew what the other was thinking and feeling. It makes sense now, but at the time, it seemed so strange. But it was wonderful, too."
Luke's eyes filled with tears that rolled down his cheeks. Anakin gave him a hug. He wished he could say something to help, but he couldn't find the words. So he just held his son, wordlessly offering comfort until finally Luke sighed and lay back down. "Thank you, Father."
"You're welcome." Anakin leaned over to kiss his forehead and tuck the blankets around his shoulders. Then he headed back to his own cot and tried to get some rest himself. The last few days had been long and sorrowful, and he had a feeling it would be some time before they would get better.
Lando was waiting on the landing platform to greet them when the Naboo Angel arrived on Coruscant.
"I'm so sorry," he said quietly as they came down the ramp. He embraced Luke and held out his hand to Anakin.
"Thank you," they both replied. Luke gave him a grateful smile, and Anakin gripped his hand firmly. Lando motioned them towards a dark green air speeder parked on the other end of the platform, and they began slowly walking towards it, followed by the droids.
"Mon Mothma asked me to tell you that she'll come by your apartment this afternoon, and you'll probably be able to speak with the Senate in the morning," Lando said.
"Good," Anakin hoped that meant they would be able to leave again by tomorrow.
They climbed into Lando's speeder, and he ordered the driver to take them to the apartment towers where the Skywalker clan and their companions all had suites. As they pulled up to the entrance, he said, "I'm sorry I can't come in with you, but I have a full schedule this afternoon. I'd like for you both to come over for dinner tonight, though."
"Thank you. We'd like that," Anakin told him. "I presume you've moved into the Governor's Palace by now?"
Lando nodded. "Yes, I've just gotten settled in, in fact. But my driver can pick you up, if that would be more convenient."
Normally Anakin preferred to drive himself, but right now, with grief still a heavy burden on his shoulders and the specter of speaking before the Senate hanging over him, the idea of fighting through rush-hour traffic was not appealing. He agreed to have Lando's driver chauffer them, and then he, Luke, and the droids bid their friend farewell and entered the apartment complex.
They rode the turbolift up to their floor, and as they exited, they all glanced over at Leia's (and now Han's) apartment next to their own. Anakin, Luke, and Threepio continued down the hallway in silence, but Artoo gave a low, mournful whistle as he rolled by the door.
The afternoon was spent quietly. Threepio and Artoo began cleaning the aprtment right away. Anakin started to point out to them that it really wasn't necessary. The apartment towers had cleaning droids that kept everything spotless, and in any case they weren't planning to stay on Coruscant for long, but then he thought that maybe Threepio and Artoo just needed to do something to fill in the empty hours.
Luke seemed to have trouble settling down as well. He headed off to his own bedroom, saying he was going to meditate, but before long he was back in the living area, playing a solitary card game. After a quarter of an hour, though, he put the cards away and turned on the holonet.
Anakin had planned to spend the afternoon composing his speech, but finally he gave up and went to sit beside Luke on the sofa. He would just have to say what was in his heart and hope it would be enough to convince the Senate. Right now he needed to spend time with his son. True, he and Luke had been together almost constantly since the bombing, but being together was the only real comfort they had.
Mon Mothma stopped by briefly in the afternoon, just to thank them again for coming and to let Anakin know that he could appear before the Senate during the morning session. Soon after she left, the intercom buzzed to let them know that Lando's driver had arrived, and the two Jedi left for the Governor's Palace.
At any other time, Luke might have been interested in seeing the great silver and white manor house where Lando lived, but right now he was still struggling with the apathy and depression he'd felt since losing Leia and the padawans. He was slowly healing-his father's love and his restored friendship with Han had given him the strength to go on, but the grief was always there. It had become a part of him, and it still threatened to overwhelm him at times. It was all he could do to choke down a few bites of the meal, delicious as it was, once they were seated in the dining room.
Anakin and Lando didn't eat much either, for that matter, and when the serving droids came to clear the table, their plates were almost full.
"Would you care to stay for drinks, or just to visit?" Lando asked.
"I don't think so. Not this time, anyway. I'm sorry we're such poor company, but-" A lump came to Anakin's throat and he could only gesture helplessly.
Lando nodded. "I understand. It's a difficult time." He looked at them, his own expression filled with sorrow. "I've tried several times to get in touch with Han on Naboo, but he's always out."
"He's gotten very involved in the investigation," Anakin told him. "It helps him to stay busy, I think."
"Yeah, but when this is all over, it's going to hit him really hard," Lando said soberly as they walked back to the foyer. "I mean, even harder than it already has. I never imagined Han really loving a woman and wanting to settle down, but he was so happy when he and Leia were together. They were just perfect for each other."
Anakin's eyes filled with tears. "Yes, they were."
He sensed pain radiating from Luke, and reached to give his hand a squeeze in silent support. The two of them slipped into their brown robes and turned to thank Lando, but he spoke first.
"I wanted to ask you guys if you'd mind taking me along on your trip back to Naboo. I'd like to see Han and let him know how sorry I am in person."
Luke nodded, and Anakin said, "Of course we don't mind. I hope we can leave after I speak with the Senate tomorrow morning. I know Han will glad to have your support."
"He needs to know that he's still got family and friends," Lando agreed. His face hardened suddenly. "And Leia was a good friend. I want to do whatever I can to help bring those monsters to justice."
"We'll all be glad of your help," Anakin replied. "We'll be in touch as soon as we're done with the Senate."
Lando nodded, and then looked at Luke. He'd noticed how quiet and pale Luke was, and knew that Leia's death was almost too much for him to bear, too. He laid his arm around his friend's shoulders. "Hang in there, Luke. We're here for you, too."
Luke gave him a quick hug and hurried outside before he broke down. Anakin quickly told Lando good-bye and went after him.
"Are you all right, son?" he asked in concern as they climbed into the speeder.
"Yes," Luke gave him a sad smile, though his eyes remained filled with anguish. "At least, I'm trying to be."
As Lando's speeder slipped effortlessly among the crowded traffic lanes, Anakin placed his arm around his son's shoulders and swallowed hard. "I guess we're all trying to be."
Mon Mothma met Anakin and Luke inside the domed Senate chambers early the next morning.
"I thought you could come into my platform, and address the Senators from there," she explained as she led the way to the huge amphitheatre. "It will send the message that the New Republic, as well as I personally, support and believe in you . I think that will be very reassuring to a few of the more nervous Senators."
"Thank you," Anakin told her, wishing he didn't feel so nervous himself. He'd addressed large crowds before. There was a time when the Senators would have cowered before him. But he never wanted things to be that way again. He wanted to have their approval, their faith that he belonged to the Light now.
He took a deep breath as he and Luke followed Mon Mothma into her platform and she called the Senate to order. He heard her introducing him, and then, all too soon, he had to step forward.
He felt Luke sending him a wave of reassurance through their link, and gave his son a smile, before looking out at the vast audience. Luke's affectionate mind-caress was encouraging, and when he spoke, his voice was strong and reverberated through the rotunda.
"Members of the Senate, I am here at your request because some of you are understandably concerned over whether or not I might turn back to the dark side of the Force. You all know about my daughter's tragic and untimely death on Naboo just a few short days ago. I cannot deny that in the past, the deaths of my mother and my wife were key factors in my fall. I also cannot deny that I have felt great anger at the loss of my daughter."
He took a deep breath. "However, I will not betray the faith of my family and friends. I will not betray the ideals of the New Republic that I am now committed to establishing. There is no proof I can give you, except to tell you that I have learned from my mistakes. When I fell to darkness over twenty years ago, I lost everything. I lost my health. Some of you remember when I was dependent on that abominable armor and its life- suppport systems. Believe me, that was a nightmare I would never wish on anyone."
"But even worse, I lost the friendship of my dear Jedi Master, Obi-Wan Kenobi. We could have resolved our differences and enjoyed many years of comradeship, if not for my stupidity. Worst of all, I lost the chance to be a father for my children when they were growing up. I missed so many things that I can never regain. And I caused so much suffering to many innocent people all over the galaxy."
"There are many times when I don't think I can keep living with these terrible burdens. But I must, and I must do all I can to atone for the mistakes I've made. I have been blessed with the opportunity to help others. That's all I want to do now. Please believe me."
Anakin bowed his head and stepped back beside his son. Luke clasped his hand and Anakin gave him a grateful smile. There was a long moment of silence, then thunderous applause broke out.
Mon Mothma patted Anakin's arm, and when the ovation had died down, she moved to address the crowd.
"Fellow members of the Senate, I have always had complete faith in Master Skywalker's redemption from the time I spoke with him on Endor. I trust that your faith has been restored as well," she turned to Anakin. "We thank you for coming, Master Skywalker. I know the both of you are anxious to return to Naboo and see justice done. May the Force be with you."
Anakin and Luke bowed and thanked her. More applause followed them out of the amphitheatre. They left the Senate and hailed an air taxi to take them back to their apartment.
"You were wonderul, Father," Luke said.
"Thank you," Anakin replied. "Now let's call Lando and see how soon he'll be ready to leave for Naboo."
TBCa
