Same Old Story. . .With A Twist
Disclaimer: Alright chickadees. . .these characters are owned by J.K. Rowling, these plots are commonly used in many cliche dr/hr fics, and i've added my own twist to them all.
Author's Note: This Fic shall be rated R for sexual related topics. If that bothers you, i recommed watching Blues Clues Marathons (j/p) But um...yeah, just i hope ya enjoy and try not to flame my sorry ass. =p
Chapter 1: A Usual Angsty Beginning. . .With a Twist
Hermione Granger sat on her front porch, her fishnet stockings made her legs feel chilly. . .Its not like the tight miniskirt she was wearing helped either. She was waiting for her parents to come out of the house so she could take her to the Hogwarts Express. . .Her father walked out of the door in a hurry, sending a slap flying her way.
Hermione: DADDY! I CANT STAND THIS ABUSE! I AM RUNNING AWAY TO MY SWORN ENEMIES HOUSE!
Hermione's Unnamed Father: WAIT POPPET! I didn't mean it. . .come back. . .
Hermione: NO! You have drawn the line father. . .this is the last straw. I'm going AWAY.
Hermione's Unnamed Mother: "Upside-inside-out, she's livin' la vida loca. She'll push and pull you down, livin' la vida loca Her lips are devilred, and her skin's the colour mocha, She will wear you out Livin' la vida loca. . . ."
Hermione's Unnamed Father: What the hell was that? . . .Hey where did Hermione go?
The two looked utterly shocked that their daughter would run away so suddenly
Hermione's Unnamed Mother: Was it the singing? Did I scare her, dear?
-*-Malfoy Manor-*-
Draco Malfoy admired his burly complexion in the mirror. **Rawr** baby, he was feeling the vibe. I am one sexy hound he thought to himself as he raised an eyebrow. He was turning over a new leaf this year. . .i mean it was going to be his 2nd year at Hogwarts and he might as well start it off with a bang. This was the year he decided to begin his reputation as the school sex-god. Seeing that he was only 12, he might want to learn what exactly sex was first.
He couldn't believe he would have to resort to this. If his father caught him, he would be dead. He pressed a secret button by his bedside and a tv emerged out from the wood dresser. Then he did something he never thought he'd have to do. He watched "Talk Sex with Sue Johanson."
This is when Draco Lucuis Malfoy was first introduced to the wonderful world of Intercourse, finding it positivley entertaining. However he found no help on 'how to seduce every female in sight'. So he picked up his cell phone, practically forgetting that this was the wizarding world, and shouldn't even have one. He was going to call the sex help hotline and ask Sue herself.
Draco: [in a quite voice so nobody would catch him] Hello, I need some advice.
Sue: I cant hear you, darling
Draco repeated it louder, and added "Can YOU HEAR ME NOW?"
Sue: Yes
Draco: Good.
Sue: Did you need some advice?
Draco bit his lip as he heard footsteps approaching "DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY, GET OFF THAT PHONE AND TELEVISION AT ONCE, YOU ARE A BLOODY DISGRACE TO THE FAMILY!" his father roared as he barged into the room. "Its bad enough I cought you with adult movies once, how many times have I told you. . .muggles are bad for you. How many times have I told you not to interfere with their world." He stormed out of the room but before leaving said "Don't worry, I'll be back!"
Draco bit his lip again, and he felt himself tremble as he broke out in song: 'I'm ready to know what the muggles know. Ask 'em my questions and get some answers. What's a fire and why does it - what's the word? Burn? Up where they walk, up where they run, Up where they stay all day in the sun. . . . Wanderin' free - wish I could be. . . . . Part of that world"
Lucius re-entered the room stern face. "I had no idea you could sing, boy. Malfoys do not sing. CRUCIO!"
Draco was in pain. His father yelled "Now get downstairs, boy. Your mother will finsih punishing you."
"No! Oh Merlin, no! Not the Barry Manilow music! Fatherrrr!" Draco wailed.
"Its Barry Manilow or Avada Kedavara boy, you choose your fate. Now GO!"
As soon as Draco left Lucius happily plopped himself down on Draco's bed and watched the rest of "Talk Sex With Sue Johanson"
-*-
Draco waltzed downstairs, adrenaline pumping through his lean and muscular 12 year old body. . .When he got into the large kitchen of the Manor he saw his mother standing there, stern faced and holding an extremely attractive girl by the ear. She was wearing fishnet stockings and a wonderfully tight leather miniskirt, with a top that barely covered her large boobs.
"Draco" scolded his mother "How many times have I told you, DO NOT LET THE HOUSE ELVES HIRE ANYMORE STRIPPERS!"
The girl in his mothers grasp squirmed "Let GO of me! I am no hooker." She said, trying to break free "The Names Granger. Hermione Granger."
Draco was astonished, Hermione . . .had boobs! Hermione. . .was dressed like a prostitute, and was at his house. . . I mean, he's seen a lot of boobs before (so what if it was on the XXX channel!) but Hermione's were amazing. Its funny how they got to be so big. . .he knew they definatley weren't that big last year, and when he rented The Chamber of Secrets for DVD she definatley didn't look THIS good then.
Draco: **blush** Pardon me, Gr-um-Hermione. . .but are you Jamacian?
Hermione: Um. . .No. . .why?
Draco: Because Ja-macian me crazy.
He flashed her an award winning Malfoy smirk as his mother dropped Hermione in utter disgust. "Mudblood filth" she muttered under her breath as she went to go lick several mandrakes.
Draco: So why are you here?
Hermione: Well, my parents were abusing me, and I just felt that we both hate our parents, and we are both mistreated that we could find hope and reassurance in one another, despite the fact that I've hated your guts since I first laid eyes on you.
Draco: So that's just it? No weird circumstances how you end up here? You just. . .showed up?
Hermione: Well. . .if its any consolation I brought a fruitcake?
Draco and Hermione sit in silence consuming the fruitcake. They take this time to develop a STRONG and EMOTIONAL connection.
Draco: Good Fruitcake, 'mione.
Hermione blushed when she felt his gaze upon her.
Draco: May I ask where you got such fine hooters from?
Hermione refused to answer, and flung a piece of Fruitcake at Draco. . .Hermione sat back in silence when she realized she didn't hit Draco, but instead Chad Micheal Murray.
Hermione: What are you doing here? This is a Hermione and Draco Cliché. . .not some sick crossover. GET YOUR OWN FANFICTION BUDDY!
Chad: Feisty Fiesty. . .fine, I'm leaving.
He left, and took some of the fruitcake with him.
Narcissa walked back into the room and stood by Hermione. "Well girl, it seems we must show you to your room. Come Draco, you shall come along as well." They followed Narcissa into the dark corridors in search of the right room. There were SO many in Malfoy Manor.
"Oh! How about that room!" said Hermione excitedly, pulling a g-string thong up, making sure both Draco and Narcissa got a good view.
"No. You will be rooming with Draco. It seems there is an unfortunate, yet entirely predictable cicumstance in which all of our relatives will be staying and occupying EVERY ROOM. You'll just have to room with Draco."
Hermione: When are these relatives coming?
Narcissa: Merlin knows! But if I use that as an excuse, you two will fall in love- therefore completing the whole purpose of this fanfiction.
Portrait on Wall: THEY ARE FUCKIN 12 YEARS OLD!
All: **blank stare**
When Draco and Hermione were in the room alone. . .Draco began to undress her until Hermione begged him to stop. "Draco. . .i should tell you . . .I am going out with Ron."
Draco: Screw Ron!
Hermione: I'm afraid I did.
Draco: Then what do you want to do about this? I am afraid I am falling in love with your tits.um I mean you.
Hermione: Oh Draco, that's the sweetest thing anybody has ever said to me. Let me just call it off with Ron first. I'm sure he'll understand that I am dumping him for a sworn ememy who only likes me for my breasts.
-What Will Happen Next? (If you really wanna know, read a common Draco/Hermione fic) Or if you wanna read it with a twist . . .just wait until my next update ;) *
If you'd like to read a good Cliche fic in general. . .check out "The Ulitmate Cliche Catalog" its by far the best one out there. Props to Clam Chowder1.
XOXO
Shadow
Disclaimer: Alright chickadees. . .these characters are owned by J.K. Rowling, these plots are commonly used in many cliche dr/hr fics, and i've added my own twist to them all.
Author's Note: This Fic shall be rated R for sexual related topics. If that bothers you, i recommed watching Blues Clues Marathons (j/p) But um...yeah, just i hope ya enjoy and try not to flame my sorry ass. =p
Chapter 1: A Usual Angsty Beginning. . .With a Twist
Hermione Granger sat on her front porch, her fishnet stockings made her legs feel chilly. . .Its not like the tight miniskirt she was wearing helped either. She was waiting for her parents to come out of the house so she could take her to the Hogwarts Express. . .Her father walked out of the door in a hurry, sending a slap flying her way.
Hermione: DADDY! I CANT STAND THIS ABUSE! I AM RUNNING AWAY TO MY SWORN ENEMIES HOUSE!
Hermione's Unnamed Father: WAIT POPPET! I didn't mean it. . .come back. . .
Hermione: NO! You have drawn the line father. . .this is the last straw. I'm going AWAY.
Hermione's Unnamed Mother: "Upside-inside-out, she's livin' la vida loca. She'll push and pull you down, livin' la vida loca Her lips are devilred, and her skin's the colour mocha, She will wear you out Livin' la vida loca. . . ."
Hermione's Unnamed Father: What the hell was that? . . .Hey where did Hermione go?
The two looked utterly shocked that their daughter would run away so suddenly
Hermione's Unnamed Mother: Was it the singing? Did I scare her, dear?
-*-Malfoy Manor-*-
Draco Malfoy admired his burly complexion in the mirror. **Rawr** baby, he was feeling the vibe. I am one sexy hound he thought to himself as he raised an eyebrow. He was turning over a new leaf this year. . .i mean it was going to be his 2nd year at Hogwarts and he might as well start it off with a bang. This was the year he decided to begin his reputation as the school sex-god. Seeing that he was only 12, he might want to learn what exactly sex was first.
He couldn't believe he would have to resort to this. If his father caught him, he would be dead. He pressed a secret button by his bedside and a tv emerged out from the wood dresser. Then he did something he never thought he'd have to do. He watched "Talk Sex with Sue Johanson."
This is when Draco Lucuis Malfoy was first introduced to the wonderful world of Intercourse, finding it positivley entertaining. However he found no help on 'how to seduce every female in sight'. So he picked up his cell phone, practically forgetting that this was the wizarding world, and shouldn't even have one. He was going to call the sex help hotline and ask Sue herself.
Draco: [in a quite voice so nobody would catch him] Hello, I need some advice.
Sue: I cant hear you, darling
Draco repeated it louder, and added "Can YOU HEAR ME NOW?"
Sue: Yes
Draco: Good.
Sue: Did you need some advice?
Draco bit his lip as he heard footsteps approaching "DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY, GET OFF THAT PHONE AND TELEVISION AT ONCE, YOU ARE A BLOODY DISGRACE TO THE FAMILY!" his father roared as he barged into the room. "Its bad enough I cought you with adult movies once, how many times have I told you. . .muggles are bad for you. How many times have I told you not to interfere with their world." He stormed out of the room but before leaving said "Don't worry, I'll be back!"
Draco bit his lip again, and he felt himself tremble as he broke out in song: 'I'm ready to know what the muggles know. Ask 'em my questions and get some answers. What's a fire and why does it - what's the word? Burn? Up where they walk, up where they run, Up where they stay all day in the sun. . . . Wanderin' free - wish I could be. . . . . Part of that world"
Lucius re-entered the room stern face. "I had no idea you could sing, boy. Malfoys do not sing. CRUCIO!"
Draco was in pain. His father yelled "Now get downstairs, boy. Your mother will finsih punishing you."
"No! Oh Merlin, no! Not the Barry Manilow music! Fatherrrr!" Draco wailed.
"Its Barry Manilow or Avada Kedavara boy, you choose your fate. Now GO!"
As soon as Draco left Lucius happily plopped himself down on Draco's bed and watched the rest of "Talk Sex With Sue Johanson"
-*-
Draco waltzed downstairs, adrenaline pumping through his lean and muscular 12 year old body. . .When he got into the large kitchen of the Manor he saw his mother standing there, stern faced and holding an extremely attractive girl by the ear. She was wearing fishnet stockings and a wonderfully tight leather miniskirt, with a top that barely covered her large boobs.
"Draco" scolded his mother "How many times have I told you, DO NOT LET THE HOUSE ELVES HIRE ANYMORE STRIPPERS!"
The girl in his mothers grasp squirmed "Let GO of me! I am no hooker." She said, trying to break free "The Names Granger. Hermione Granger."
Draco was astonished, Hermione . . .had boobs! Hermione. . .was dressed like a prostitute, and was at his house. . . I mean, he's seen a lot of boobs before (so what if it was on the XXX channel!) but Hermione's were amazing. Its funny how they got to be so big. . .he knew they definatley weren't that big last year, and when he rented The Chamber of Secrets for DVD she definatley didn't look THIS good then.
Draco: **blush** Pardon me, Gr-um-Hermione. . .but are you Jamacian?
Hermione: Um. . .No. . .why?
Draco: Because Ja-macian me crazy.
He flashed her an award winning Malfoy smirk as his mother dropped Hermione in utter disgust. "Mudblood filth" she muttered under her breath as she went to go lick several mandrakes.
Draco: So why are you here?
Hermione: Well, my parents were abusing me, and I just felt that we both hate our parents, and we are both mistreated that we could find hope and reassurance in one another, despite the fact that I've hated your guts since I first laid eyes on you.
Draco: So that's just it? No weird circumstances how you end up here? You just. . .showed up?
Hermione: Well. . .if its any consolation I brought a fruitcake?
Draco and Hermione sit in silence consuming the fruitcake. They take this time to develop a STRONG and EMOTIONAL connection.
Draco: Good Fruitcake, 'mione.
Hermione blushed when she felt his gaze upon her.
Draco: May I ask where you got such fine hooters from?
Hermione refused to answer, and flung a piece of Fruitcake at Draco. . .Hermione sat back in silence when she realized she didn't hit Draco, but instead Chad Micheal Murray.
Hermione: What are you doing here? This is a Hermione and Draco Cliché. . .not some sick crossover. GET YOUR OWN FANFICTION BUDDY!
Chad: Feisty Fiesty. . .fine, I'm leaving.
He left, and took some of the fruitcake with him.
Narcissa walked back into the room and stood by Hermione. "Well girl, it seems we must show you to your room. Come Draco, you shall come along as well." They followed Narcissa into the dark corridors in search of the right room. There were SO many in Malfoy Manor.
"Oh! How about that room!" said Hermione excitedly, pulling a g-string thong up, making sure both Draco and Narcissa got a good view.
"No. You will be rooming with Draco. It seems there is an unfortunate, yet entirely predictable cicumstance in which all of our relatives will be staying and occupying EVERY ROOM. You'll just have to room with Draco."
Hermione: When are these relatives coming?
Narcissa: Merlin knows! But if I use that as an excuse, you two will fall in love- therefore completing the whole purpose of this fanfiction.
Portrait on Wall: THEY ARE FUCKIN 12 YEARS OLD!
All: **blank stare**
When Draco and Hermione were in the room alone. . .Draco began to undress her until Hermione begged him to stop. "Draco. . .i should tell you . . .I am going out with Ron."
Draco: Screw Ron!
Hermione: I'm afraid I did.
Draco: Then what do you want to do about this? I am afraid I am falling in love with your tits.um I mean you.
Hermione: Oh Draco, that's the sweetest thing anybody has ever said to me. Let me just call it off with Ron first. I'm sure he'll understand that I am dumping him for a sworn ememy who only likes me for my breasts.
-What Will Happen Next? (If you really wanna know, read a common Draco/Hermione fic) Or if you wanna read it with a twist . . .just wait until my next update ;) *
If you'd like to read a good Cliche fic in general. . .check out "The Ulitmate Cliche Catalog" its by far the best one out there. Props to Clam Chowder1.
XOXO
Shadow
