Same Old Story, With a Twist
Chapter 2 – Twisted Train Ride
Hermione Granger stood alone waiting at platform 9 and ¾. . . her parents weren't there seeing that they had both died in a unfortunate incident involving a slaughter house and Hannibal Lecter. She wore a long sleeved black shirt to cover up the marks where she had cut herself, those colored childproof left-handed scissors could really do some damage. Half of Her summer had been spent with Draco Malfoy, who kindly took her into their house until she could move in with her Uncle Prescott, who was a cleptomaniac.. She had to admit, she had bonded quite well with Malfoy. . .and was sad to spend her summer away from death eaters. Therefore she adapted to cutting and licking white out tape.
She awaited the arrival of her best friend Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. It was going to be her 2nd year attending the school, and she had grown alot more then she already had that summer. She wore tight leather pants, and a leather jacket. . .many times over the course of the summer she had been told that she looked like Sandy, from Grease. Hermione had also become even more developed in certain areas, but was too depressed to give a flying rats ass.
But there was one thing she hung onto to. . .she had become head girl this year, thats right. . . she'd get to share a dorm and just because Dumbledore is a sick perverted fuck, she would now have to share a bedroom with the Head Boy. "God, I hope is not Malfoy, despite the fact it is obviously him" Soon a smile lit her face, she saw Harry and Ron. (yes i am aware that they are in their 2nd year and being headboy and headgirl. It isnt supposed to make sense, but make it more cliched and pointless. So just play along)
"HARRY!!!!!!! RON!!!!!!" Hermione called, as the boys breifly looked her way. They two boys looked good, they both had ripling muscles that were buldging out of their shirts, most likey from steroid usage. . .they had grown tall too, and surprisingly no longer had constipated looks upon their faces.
HARRY:
Hermione, wow you look like a depressed psycho bitch with a nice rack!
RON:
*is speechless, but some how manages to appear hott*
HERMIONE:
Why didnt you owl me this summer?!? I heard nothing of you two! Do you even care that i am a sensitive being?!?!?!
Harry and Ron stutter around for the right words, trying to explain why three good friends who have been through so much could just forget about her without any valid reason
RON:
Erm. . . well you see 'Mione. . . i was trying to win a world record to see how many popsickle sticks i could glue to Seamus Finnigan's arse.
HARRY:
And um. . . .I was . . .dating Pansy Parkinson.
HERMIONE:
Isnt' that Malfoy's bitch?
HARRY:
Yes, Malfoy will probably kill me horribly for it today.
RON:
I heard she has three tits.
HARRY:
Right we are, lad. *wink wink*
Hermione, thoroughly disgusted, dragged her friends into a compartment on the Hogwarts express, despite the fact that they treated her like crap all summer, leaving her with nothing to do except think of Argus Filch in a women's speedo.
RON:
I wonder who the head boy will be.
Convieniently, Draco Malfoy walks into the scene, he is quite jacked up as well either from puttin in hours at a "Curves for Women" facility or by use of steriods just like the others.
DRACO:
Hello Ladies (stares at Ron and Harry) I would like to introduce you to the new Head Boy. . .Me.
Ron and Harry immediatley stop applying eyeliner and talking about PMS and turn to face Draco. Their faces come together in a attempted snarl. "YOU STAY AWAY FROM HERMIONE!" Threatened Harry, acting all brave and heroic.
DRACO:
Dont get your dick in a twist, Potter. Come on Hermione, according to bogus bullshit rules the head boy and girl must sit together on the train, plus it makes a cozy spot for me to try and kiss you.
Hermione shrugged and left her two best friends who continued their conversation on Tampons.
-In a Secluded Compartment-
DRACO:
How was Uncle Prescotts, Granger?
HERMIONE:
Dont talk to me Malfoy, i want to shag you bloody sensless right now, but if i act angry that creates drama and some element of angst, despite the fact i spent half of my summer with you and have already uncharictaristicly grown to like your slimy personality.
DRACO: (holding out a box)
Would you care for a steriod?
Hermione took a steroid and swallowed it, Draco eyed her with a suggestive gleam.
DRACO:
Do I make you horny, baby?
HERMIONE: (blushing)
Oh, Behave!
They are now both set off in a sexual frezny as they each take turns humping each other's leg like
Poodles during mating season. To avoid writing a sex scene, the author convienintly makes the Hogwarts Express stop, and the train ride end. Whoohoo, they're at Hogwarts already after only 5 minutes.
DRACO:
Shit. . . I almost got laid.
Draco and Hermione take a carriage together since they are "head boy and head girl"
HERMOINE:
I love it how headboy and headgirl always have to stay together. Its a convienient plot device, which evenutally leads to good sex in the prefects bathroom.
Draco nods and Hermione eventually separates to find her own house table in the Great Hall and wait for the first years to arrive after their boatride with Hagrid. Dumbledore stands up gracefully and wise-looking as he rubs his chin and takes a pain killer for his backaches. Old age. The first years are quickly piled in and soon the hat is taken out. The author quickly skips over the first year sorting because none of the readers give a damn about them.
Harry and Pansy, however, are in some corner sucking each others faces off when Draco walks over to them.
DRACO:
Potter!!! I'll kill you, get off my girlfriend!
HARRY:
*speaks parseltounge*
DRACO:
*poisions his pumpkin juice when he's not looking*
HARRY:
*retreats back to his seat, kissing pansy one last time and takes a sip of his drink*
DRACO:
*laughs evilly*
HARRY:
*is escorted to the hospital wing*
PANSY:
Oh! But Draco! I loved him!
-NEW SCENE-
Hermione got up to the Head Student's dormitories. . .there was only one bedroom and only one bed. Quite odd. . ."DRACO!" she hollared as he came running to her, only a towel wrapped around his waist. "Um. . .we should call Dumbledore, wow....nice. . . .towel."
"Thank you, thank you very much." Draco eyed the one bed "Call if you wish, but i happen to like this sleeping arrangement." He winked and began to dance the Macarena.
She never ended up calling the headmaster, but instead joined in on the Macarena. "HEYYYY MACARENA!" they said in unison as they turned around to now face the right. Exhausted to two collapsed down on their bed, breathing hard.
DRACO:
You know, 'Mione, this would be the most appropriate time to have freakish butt sex and skip Herbology.
HERMIONE & DRACO:
*engage in freakish butt sex*
HERMIONE:
Oh! Draco! You've turned me into such a rebel!
DRACO:
I'm Headboy and im only in 2nd year, do you realize how bad the author of this fic messed up?
THE AUTHOR:
Shut up. Its better if they're headboy & girl. . .and who said this fic was any bit realistic! *leaves*
PART II: Ron Weasley is Conflicted
RON:
I have become quite attracted to Hermione, and want to feel her up in the transfiguration room.
HARRY:
Mate, there are some bloody secrets that should be kept secrets.
RON:
But. . .But. . .Hermione loves Draco and never will fall for me. . She just doesn't like me because i'm black!!
HARRY:
No your not. You are some sort of irish/english crossbreed. Lets not get racist.
RON:
But at the same time, Harry. . .i can see she wants me. I am getting myself into a love triangle here, Help me Harry!
HARRY:
*sings* Michael row the boat ashore, al-le-lu-ia! Michael row the boat ashore, al-le-luuu-u-ia.
RON:
*blank stare* I'm going to find 'Mione and tell her that she is the one.
Meanwhile, Nearly Headless Nick is reading Seventeen Magazine in the Dungeons.
NEARLY HEADLESS NICK:
*takes a "Does He Like You" questionaire*
NEARLY HEADLESS NICK:
*reads his horsocope*
SYTHERIN STUDENT:
What the hell does this have to do with anything?
THE AUTHOR:
Good Point, i dont know. . .Chapter ended.
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Author's Notes and Other Such Things.
First of all, thank you to all of my reviewers. I'm so glad to know that most of ya liked it. . .i've realized that i screwed up the Headboy thing and with the fact that they are 12. . .but you cant have a good dr/hr cliche with out them BOTH being headboy and headgirl. . .that is just an untraditional disgrace. Anywayz i'll try and get more up soon, but its hard b/c im am writing so much. And if you are a draco/hermione shipper, and would like to read a dr/hr fic (i tried to avoid cliche) please read mine called Cell Mates. Thanks a million, guys.
Secondly, i copied the dialog spacing, (ex: like how the characters say their dialog underneath their names, from the ultimate cliche catalog) i've found it was easier to space things that way. . .i still suggest you read it.
See that little button. . .yes the one next to submit review. . . .that says GO. . .click that shit =P and try to be nice...or atleast constructive.
XOXO
SHADOW
