Rosie Cotton's Advice Column

Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine. Still not making any money out of this.

A/N: The second instalment. And before anyone complains, I know there aren't such things as telephones in Middle-Earth. Humour me. It's part of the story.

A/N 2: Thanks to my kind reviewers. Tears of Red and Black: thanks for the suggestion! I'll be sure to include it in a later chapter! I've actually got one for Wormtongue already (ie. here!) so your letter will appear soon. Promise!! If you e-mail me, I can let you know when it's up.

A/N 3: If anyone has any ideas for letters (and I really, *really* need Gimli and Legolas, 'cause I'm really stuck right now), please e-mail me! My address is in my profile, or else leave it in a review.

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Gandalf

Dear Rosie,

I have recently discovered that a trusted friend has turned to Sauron and is little more than a puppet of our current Dark Lord, communicating with him through a Seeing Stone, which he keeps in his tower. I attempted to get him to see reason, but he did not heed my words. Instead he imprisoned me on top of the aforementioned (extremely tall) tower, using his magic to injure me badly. How can I make him come to his senses?

GtG

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Dear GtG,

This is a very serious problem indeed. Your friend has clearly lost his marbles (except for the one in his tower, obviously). Talking to him has not worked. Perhaps you should take the last marble; he may find that the rest are beneath the big one. Then give him some space for a few weeks. After that he will apologise to you and you can become friends again.

Alternatively, you could simply smash the stone on his head. He may have a headache for a while and see stars, but after that he should fully recover and see sense. Or die from a burst blood vessel in the brain.

Love, Rosie

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Elrond

Dear Rosie,

My (now adult) daughter refuses to see reason. She has given her heart and her most precious jewel to a mortal man, one who claims to love her back. He is of Isildur's line and must therefore be weak in the presence of…certain things. My daughter must sail to the Undying Lands where it will be evergreen, and marry within her kin. The man she thinks she loves is reckless and will almost certainly die before the War of the Ring is over, if he does not sort himself out. And now my daughter is threatening to run away with him! What can a father possibly do?

EP (Rivendell)

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Dear EP,

Clearly, youngsters have less respect for their elders now than they used to. Your daughter must genuinely love this man a lot for her to give him her jewel. Talk to her in an adult manner and refrain from becoming confrontational, but do not ask her lover to give her up. I suspect you are suffering from OFS (Overprotective Father Syndrome), and you need to grow up. She is an adult and is perfectly capable of making her own decisions. It sounds like your condition is serious and I advise you to get therapy as soon as possible (see Contacts box at the bottom of the page).

Alternatively, you could throw her out and she will marry this man anyway.

Love, Rosie

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Denethor

Dear Rosie,

My country is under siege! I am trapped! One of my sons is dead! There is no hope for any of us! The only thing in my possession is lots and lots of wood and oil! My life is over and I long to die.

D (Minas Tirith)

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Dear D,

Call the Samaritans. NOW. The number is in the Contacts box at the bottom of the page.

Alternatively, use the wood to build a pyre for yourself to burn to death on (not recommended by the healers).

Love, Rosie

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Gríma

Dear Rosie,

I have betrayed my king. Saruman plans to completely eradicate the race of Men from Middle-Earth. I did not plan for this to happen! What am I to do? Help!

G (Rohan)

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Dear G,

You cannot possibly return to your king, for he will put you to instant death. You could try talking your friend Saruman out of this slaughter/massacre/elimination/whatever you want to call it.

Alternatively, you could join D of Minas Tirith on his pyre and also commit suicide, should he decide to build it.

Love, Rosie

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TBC