Rosie Cotton's Advice Column
Disclaimer: still not mine.
A/N: I apologise for the sheer length of time it's taken me to get this posted, but I had two 3,500-word essays due in and then I had a week's placement with limited computer and Internet access. Please forgive me. I've got 5 chapters typed up; they're simply not posted yet!!
A/N 2: a huuuuuge thankyou to my kind reviewers!!!
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Glorfindel
Dear Rosie,
It is a disgrace! Just because A is E's daughter, some stupid scriptwriter decides to completely leave me out of 'The Fellowship of the Ring' movie! I am the one who took Frodo Baggins to Rivendell! I am the one who should have had, and deserved, the screentime and attention! After all, there are few indeed who have slain a Balrog (myself being one of them). Yet A gets MY part just so she can spend more time onscreen with her mortal lover-boy! How can I reverse this action?
- G (Rivendell)
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Dear G,
I am sorry to hear that you are upset, but do I detect a note of jealousy in this letter? It sounds to me as though you like to be the centre of attention and cannot bear the thought of scriptwriters adjusting the script slightly away from the turn of events. It is possible that they simply wanted to put more emphasis on the relationship between A and her lover. I suggest you calm down and get over the disappointment. There are more important things in life than five minutes of fame in a movie that probably won't be hugely popular anyway.
Alternatively, you could join forces with Mr. Bombadil, and complain to Peter Jackson and the scriptwriters.
Love, Rosie
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Peregrin Took
Dear Rosie,
As a hobbit yourself, you understand the importance of good, regular meals. I am now stuck on an expedition with three fellow hobbits and a Man – a Ranger by the name of Strider (amongst other things, apparently). The trouble is, Strider refuses to stop between dawn and nightfall. He doesn't seem to understand the importance of second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner or supper! What is a decent hobbit supposed to do?
- PT (The Shire)
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Dear PT,
Oh dear. This is serious, to not know about all the meals in a day. I understand your problem perfectly. Have you tried talking calmly to this Strider about the importance of these meals? I don't believe Men place as much importance on eating lots of meals as we hobbits do – particularly Rangers (and from what I've heard, especially this Strider). Strider should know the importance of food to a hobbit. Perhaps he just needs a little reminder.
Alternatively, you could simply stop and eat all these meals on the journey, whether Strider likes it or not. Priorities, priorities.
Love, Rosie
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Strider
Dear Rosie,
I don't know what to do. It is my destiny to do great things, being of the bloodline that I am – yet I do not desire it. and certainly not without the woman I love. The trouble is, I am mortal and she is an Elf. Her father (also the man who raised me from early childhood) disapproves strongly of our relationship and deems me unworthy of his precious only daughter. She and I are parted most of the time, making matters worse. I also have to cope with four hobbits, one of whom is particularly incapable of thinking about anything besides his stomach. I need your advice.
- S (a Ranger)
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Dear S,
You certainly have problems! Having said that, if you are destined for certain things, in this world, it is best to just accept your destiny. Think of all the other people whose lives you will affect. You have a chance to make a difference! As for the woman you love, if you truly belong together, she will wait for you.
Alternatively, you could elope and marry in Moria (see the Contacts box for Moria Weddings Inc.), and let other people take on your role (and fail at it).
As for the hobbit that is irritating you so much, come to a compromise with his over meals. You have to understand that food is extremely important to our kind. Alternatively, you could just send him back to the Shire. Alone.
Love, Rosie
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TBC
