If Enterprise Had AIM

Part Two

By LikeAStone

Thank you to everyone who reviewed!!! Those made my day



Summary: Some crew(wo)men compare some of the senior staff.

Caveat: Please read this slowly. It is easy to get confused on who says what and all that.

Crewmen Chat56

***PromoteMePlease has entered the room



***EnterpriseAngel has entered the room



PromoteMePlease: Hello.

EnterpriseAngel: Hi.

***NoPipsYet has entered the room



EnterpriseAngel: Hey, NoPipsYet!

***StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman



StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: Ugh. What a day.

EnterpriseAngel: I had a great day



PromoteMePlease: That's because you had the day off, Ashley.

StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: Yeah, I never get a day off.

NoPipsYet: Where's Nicole??? She promised she'd be here.

StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: Nicole Morris?

NoPipsYet: Yup.

StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: I thought she had target practice with Reed.

NoPipsYet: What's taking her so freakin long?

EnterpriseAngel: You know she has a crush on him, Matt.

NoPipsYet: No way. He's too stuffy. Besides, he has wrinkles.

PromoteMePlease: But he has that accent



EnterpriseAngel: And those muscles!!

PromoteMePlease: Oooh! Those muscles



StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: And those eyes!!

PromoteMePlease: Yes! He has the best eyes



NoPipsYet: He's too short.

***SputNikki has entered the room



NoPipsYet: Hi, Nicole. You're late.

PromoteMePlease: Yeah, Matt has been worried about you.

NoPipsYet: Have not.

SputNikki: Don't worry. Lieutenant Reed just wanted to give me a few extra tips.

StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: We were JUST talking about him.

StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: We've concluded he's has the best accent, muscles, and eyes. Anything you want to add?

NoPipsYet: Oh, God.

NoPipsYet: You left out stuffy, wrinkly, and short.

SputNikki: He is not short



NoPipsYet: I tower over him.

SputNikki: At least he doesn't run into bulkheads like you, you big oaf



StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: LOL

NoPipsYet: That only happened once.

SputNikki: Yeah, but it was SO funny



NoPipsYet: Can we talk about something else, please?

EnterpriseAngel: Sure. How about Reed's ass??

PromoteMePlease: Haha.

NoPipsYet: Not funny.

StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: Ya know, Commander Tucker's ass isn't so bad.

EnterpriseAngel: Oooh, I KNOW!

NoPipsYet: **rolls eyes**

EnterpriseAngel: **gazes dreamily into space**

StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: Yeah, and his accent is even better than Lt Reed's.

PromoteMePlease: No way. Reed's is definitely better

NoPipsYet: Tucker's a hick.

EnterpriseAngel: Nope, Tucker has a really great accent.

SputNikki: Nuh-uh. It's Reed.

NoPipsYet: Tuuuuuckeeeerrrrrr draaaaaaagggggsssss eeeeevvvvveeeeeerrrrrrryyyyttttthhhhiiiiinnngggg ouuuuuuutttttttttt tooooooo faaaarrrrrrrr.

NoPipsYet: And Reed is a bloody poof.

SputNikki: STFU, Matt. You're just jealous.

NoPipsYet: Of who?! Of WHAT?!

Sputnikki: Of Tucker. AND Reed.

NoPipsYet: No way.

NoPipsYet: I like my voice the way it is. At least I don't say "Innerprise."

NoPipsYet: And I like my skin wrinkle-free, thanks.

EnterpriseAngel: It's too bad that Reed's a senior officer and can't fraternize with us lowly crewwomen.

StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: Yeah, I know!

NoPipsYet: He's probably gay anyway.

***NoPipsYet has been warned by EnterpriseAngel. NoPipsYet's warning level has increased 10%, from 0% to 10



***NoPipsYet has been warned by PromoteMePlease. NoPipsYet's warning level has increased 10%, from 10% to 20



***NoPipsYet has been warned by StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman. NoPipsYet's warning level has increased 10%, from 20% to 30



***NoPipsYet has been warned by SputNikki. NoPipsYet's warning level has increased 10%, from 30% to 40



NoPipsYet: OK, OK, stop, stop.

EnterpriseAngel: You just wish he was gay!!

PromoteMePlease: yeah, then maybe you could have a chance with him



NoPipsYet: Yes, it's really too bad that he's straight.

NoPipsYet: And that's he a senior officer.

NoPipsYet: And that he's stuffy, short and has wrinkles.

StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: Oh, shut up!! You know he could take you



SputNikki: yeah



PromoteMePlease: I really wish he was a crewman though.

StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: yeah. That would be cool.

EnterpriseAngel: Maybe we should get him demoted



SputNikki: Any ideas, Ashley?

PromoteMePlease: plant drugs in his quarters?

SputNikki: Can we get Tucker demoted as well?

EnterpriseAngel: haha

SputNikki: And Travis too?

NoPipsYet: While your at it, could you demote T'pol?

StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: It would be illogical and an ineffecient use of time to demote the subcommander.

NoPipsYet: You guys are no fun. Who wants to fraternize with those guys anyway?

StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: I do.

SputNikki: Me too.

NoPipsYet: That was rhetorical.

EnterpriseAngel: I'd want to fraternize with them.

NoPipsYet: Rhetorical means that you aren't supposed to answer it.

PromoteMePlease: yeah, me too, Ashley.

NoPipsYet: You all are pathetic.

PromoteMePlease: Who do you think would win in a fair fight?

NoPipsYet: Why don't you fraternize with a REAL man? **wiggles eyebrows**

EnterpriseAngel: Definitely Malcolm. He's the armory officer, after all.

NoPipsYet: He has the added advantage of being small – hard to hit. Small target, ya know.

SputNikki: Shut up, Pips.

PromoteMePlease: If they were in zero gravity, Travis would definitely win.

NoPipsYet: Sorry, Nikki. Forgive me?

StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: What about Trip?

SputNikki: maybe.

NoPipsYet: Please? Cherry on top?

EnterpriseAngel: Maybe if Malcolm and Trip took on Travis together

SputNikki: Admit that Malcolm could kick your ass.

NoPipsYet: Do I HAVE to??

StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: Who wins depends on where they are.

SputNikki: yes. Say it 5 times.

EnterpriseAngel: yeah, where are they?

NoPipsYet: **sigh**

PromoteMePlease: how about



EnterpriseAngel: yes?

NoPipsYet: **clears throat**

StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: where?

NoPipsYet: **cracks fingers**

SputNikki: hurry up, Matt. Before I forget what I'm mad at you for.

PromoteMePlease: How about they're in decon, rubbing gel all over each other.

NoPipsYet: Malcolm Reed can kick my ass.

EnterpriseAngel: Oooh... who cares who would win?? Nice image. Thanks.

NoPipsYet: Malcolm Reed can kick my ass.

StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: Yeah, have you seen those guys without their shirts?? Man, they are ripped.

NoPipsYet: Malcolm Reed can kick my ass.

PromoteMePlease: yeah, especially Mayweather.

EnterpriseAngel: yeah, but he flaunts it.

NoPipsYet: Malcolm Reed can kick my ass.

EnterpriseAngel: I kinda like how Malcolm is kinda modest – its like he doesn't even know how hot he is.

SputNikki: one more, Matt!

NoPipsYet: This is SO cruel.

StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: Tucker is completely aware of his hotnessity though.

PromoteMePlease: That's not a word – but it certainly describes the commander.

EnterpriseAngel: yeah, except for when he wears those shirts



SputNikki: c'mon, Matt, just one more.

PromoteMePlease: yes, those shirts are so ugly. He looks so much better WITHOUT a shirt.

NoPipsYet: Malcolm Reed can kick my ass.

EnterpriseAngel: and without pants



PromoteMePlease: LOL

SputNikki: I forgive you.

NoPipsYet: Thank you.

SputNikki: Welcome.

SputNikki: I heard from a MACO – who shall remain anonymous – that Tucker is a really good kisser.

PromoteMePlease: hmmmm I wonder who that MACO could be.

EnterpriseAngel: yeah, I wonder.

StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: who could it be. Who could it be. Hmmm.

SputNikki: Who do you think has slept with more women?

EnterpriseAngel: If aliens count then it would have to be Tucker.

PromoteMePlease: Even if aliens DON'T count, it would be Tucker.

NoPipsYet: That's my cue to leave. I really don't need to hear all this gossip.

EnterpriseAngel: Matt, you know Commander Manwhore has a sexy body. You know you want it.

NoPipsYet: I really hope that the Captain is administrating this chatroom and reads everything you said. Bye. Bye, Nicole.

SputNikki: Bye, Matt. See you at breakfast tomorrow.

NoPipsYet: Sweet Dreams.

***NoPipsYet has left the chatroom



EnterpriseAngel: So, Sput, who do you think is hotter – Malcolm, Trip, or Travis?

PromoteMePlease: Oh, come on, you know the answer to this.

StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: Yeah, it is SO obvious.

SputNikki: Is it really that obvious?

EnterpriseAngel: Yup. D. None of the above – Matt Jenkins



SputNikki: Don't tell him



StarFleetsFinestCrewwoman: Don't worry. I won't. You two would make such a cute couple!! Even though his ass is not as cute as Trav's.

PromoteMePlease: But not as nice as Trip's



EnterpriseAngel: No way! Malcolm's ass is so much nicer



SputNikki: Nuh-uh. Malcolm is much too short and stuffy. Besides, he has wrinkles.

Congratulations to me! Longest chapter I have ever written



(Sorry if it was TOO long)

Please review. I mean, if you spent all that time reading it, you might as well tell me what you thought – even if it's just a number 1-10.

Thanks, guys!! And thanks for all my previous reviews!!! Those were awesome.

Also, if you sign in, I'll probably read some of your stuff. Because I love reading what my readers write.

P.S. my sincere apologies if you absolutely HATED this and I wasted a lot of your time.