Author's notes: So, uh, yeah, another story. I think out of the twelve stories I have, only four are finished. Oh well. This one, however, IS finished, because it's a one-parter. And I mean it this time! Eeeee! My love for Gravitation is only surpassed by my love for Heaven's Flames. Hehe. ^_^ Enjoy!
Sweet Nothings
Chapter 1:
Sweet Confessions
Yuki Eiri's eye ticked visibly. Gold irises flickered in slight confusion as a single bead of sweat dripped down his temple. His brow creased further, marring the skin between his eyes in deep folds. He chewed on the inside of his cheek thoughtfully, trying to decipher what exactly the small pink-haired boy was doing. This can't be good.
Shindou Shuichi was never one to be discrete. There he stood, in all his boyish glory: dyed-pink hair tousled from his trek up the stairs, violet eyes shimmering with something akin to determination and mirth, a droopy navy sweatshirt he had stolen from Eiri hanging over his shoulders, and khaki shorts. The most unnerving visual, however, was the excessively enormous sack Shindou had tied around his neck and hefted over his back.
Eiri took in what contents were sticking out of the sack with his peripheral vision. The novelist decided it best not to take his eyes away from the violet ones peering back at him. He noted a keyboard, coffee mug, and numerous articles of clothing poking out among other things that were incomprehensible in all the clutter.
The corner of Shindou's lip twitched the slightest. The two men had been at a stalemate for a good two minutes now. After Shindou had come charging through the door of Eiri's apartment with his bag of goodies, neither had moved. The golden haired man stood stock-still, poker-face evident, trying to take the whole picture in. However, Shindou was, Eiri noticed contentedly, beginning to crack.
Just a few more moments of this and—
"Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!!"
Sweet Lord.
The next thing Eiri knew he was being pounced on by the small singer with a bag twice his size. The sharp novelist side-stepped the lunge masterfully, sending the attacker to his demise on the floor. Eiri's eyes slid emotionlessly to the heap on the floor: Shindou buried under his massive belongings, only a few fingers and his rear visible. Eiri bit back the unexpected urge to laugh.
"What the bloody hell are you doing, brat?" Eiri snapped defensively, trying to make-up for the unnoticed amusement.
Shindou wriggled free from under the colossal mound of belongings. His grin was still plastered from ear to ear. He managed to sit back on his hind legs on top of the mountain of his property. His eyes sparkled up at Eiri in adoration. The novelist faltered slightly.
"Well?"
Shindou's smile turned into the most endearing pout Eiri had ever seen. He felt his heart jump. The small boy leaned forward, eyes never leaving his lover's.
"I was thinking that…"
Eiri swallowed hard.
"I could use your office," Shindou chirped, suddenly leaving eye-lock with Eiri and digging through his belongings, "when you're not in there for playing my keyboard!" He pushed the large piece of equipment towards Eiri's feet for good measure. The older man's eye ticked again. "And I brought my own coffee mug so I don't have to use yours anymore…" Shindou pulled out each item as he named it. "I brought my own clothes, even though borrowing yours is much more fun." Eiri noticed a small blush creep up on both of their cheeks as Shindou snuggled deeper into the sweatshirt. "Let's see… What else… Oh! A toothbrush… and a comb… and some hair-dye for next month, although the devils-halo thing does look cool… Hmmm…" Shindou absent-mindedly swung his toothbrush around in his left hand as he dug through the pile with his right. He blinked as he felt the phallic-object tear itself from his grasp.
"If," Eiri began, biting out each syllable, throwing the toothbrush he took from Shindou against the wall, "you think you're moving in here, you are sadly mistaken."
Eiri found his lover's body up against his in a matter of milliseconds. Shindou's hands were against his shoulders causing random body parts of theirs to graze each other. Shindou was staring up at the older man with swimming pools of lavender. His eyebrows knitted themselves together with worry. Rose lips parted in a plea of protest.
"Don't even start," Eiri growled. If you do, I won't be able to say no…
"But—!"
Eiri sucked in a deep breath. "Get out and take your shit with you." A pang of guilt stabbed at his lungs. God! Why does that hurt so much to say?!
"Yuki…" The said man's stomach jolted as the small boy whined his name in only a way he knew how. Why was it only that dreaded name sounded good when it was from his lips? "Yuki, please…"
Eiri felt his fists involuntarily clenching. His chest was becoming tight. Letting him move in wouldn't be that bad… would it? Eiri stopped himself, trying to cover the look of horror that was attempting to cross his features. What the hell am I thinking?!
The next thing Shindou knew he was being picked up by the lapels of Eiri's shirt and booted right out the door, bag of crap and all.
"Oof!" Shindou whimpered lightly as he landed butt first on the cool, hardwood floor of the hallway that Eiri's apartment resided in. The young man jumped back up as quickly as he fell, determined to make his lover see it his way.
Eiri noted how quickly the singer had recovered, much to the novelist's demise. The only reasonable thought that crossed through Eiri's mind - mixed in with dousing the smaller boy in propane and then lighting him on fire - was to close the door as quickly as possible.
Eiri heaved a long breath of relief as the door began to swing close. Only a few more inches and he could lock the bolt and throw away the key. He felt a pull of resistance against his hand leading the doorknob along.
What the?
Eiri tugged harder, emitting an "Ow ow ow ow ow ow!" from the other side of the door. The honey-haired man blinked. He looked down in bewilderment to see a sneaker lodged between the door and the doorframe. No, not just a sneaker… Shindou's foot. Eiri could nearly feel his veins ticking in his forehead.
"Get out, you brat!" Eiri hollered, yanking on the door now with both hands.
"Oooooowwww!!" Shindou cried. He propped his other leg up against the door and wrapped his hands around the doorknob on his side. He pulled feebly, unable to see well behind the tears welling up in his eyes. "Let me in, Yuki!!"
"No!" Eiri roared, much more menacingly this time. "You are not moving in! I don't want you to, and you shouldn't want to either!"
Eiri watched as a wave of perplexity washed over Shindou's face between the crack in the door-opening. "What…?" he began slowly. The smaller boy suddenly blinked back to life. He tugged on the door with all his might. "Why the hell wouldn't I want to move in with you?!" he cried, eyes closed in determination, tears threatening to leak out.
"Why would you?!" Eiri countered defensively. He gave the door one last good tug. He could feel Shindou whimper deep in his throat as his foot twisted painfully to the side. Eiri felt another unexpected stab of guilt.
"I just want to be with you!!"
Eiri reeled. He felt his body go limp, causing his hands to slip from the doorknob. He staggered back a few steps. He… why would he want...? Eiri couldn't comprehend how this small boy wanted to be close to him so badly. Didn't he hear Eiri whenever the novelist decided to make fun of him?! Didn't he care?!
Eiri barely even saw what was happening, even though his eyes were wide open. He watched with blind eyes as the door swung open and his lover pounced. He felt the familiar weight of this boy throwing himself upon Eiri. He felt his arms instinctively wrap around the pink-haired boy's waist. And he felt himself falling backwards.
The thing that woke Eiri up, however, was the sick thud as his head made contact with the hard tiled floor.
After the initial burst of white light and then abnormal blotches of muted colors, Eiri was able to see again. He pried golden-eyes open to be met with a slightly unnerving sight.
Eiri lay sprawled out on his back, legs spread wide, arms thrown about in disarray. He felt the near-comfortable weight on his hips of his lover straddling him. Shindou was sitting up now, leaning back on Eiri's lap, hands against the novelist's chest. Eiri bit back a groan. Had his head not been throbbing right now this situation could lead to something far unsuitable for the hallway.
Eiri's eyes began to focus. He didn't even notice the ringing in his ears until it slowly died away. He watched violet eyes awash with worry and pink lips mouthing words he couldn't quite hear yet.
"…orry!"
"Mmmph?" Eiri grumbled, instead of actually being able to speak.
"I'm sorry!" Shindou cried. Eiri noted - whether this was a good thing or a bad thing he didn't know - that he could hear again. "Are you OK?!"
Eiri forced back down another small moan as Shindou's hands slip themselves up from their place on his lower chest and all the way up, never leaving his body once. The hands found themselves on Eiri's face. Nimble fingers brushed away stray locks of golden hair and gently began rubbing soar temples. Eiri felt a small purr emanate from his throat.
"Yuki…?" The novelist watched as Shindou's eyes became tear-clouded again. "Yuki, please say something! Are you all right?"
Eiri managed another grumble and an irritated nod. He didn't like lying on his back to begin with, but now, with his lover straddling him and all these carefully hidden emotions bubbling up, he liked it even less.
Eiri felt Shindou heave a sigh. "I'm so sorry, Yuki!" His face creased with concern. "I just… I don't want you to be mad…" Shindou paused. "I just want to be with you…"
Eiri's heart flipped. There it was again. He wants to be with me… He felt a surge of an unwelcomed happiness. Would it hurt me any to have him move in? Would it hurt the both of us? Even though Eiri would never admit it out loud, he did have enough humility to admit it to himself that the last thing Eiri ever wanted to do was to hurt Shindou. This is why he shouldn't move in… But, with the small boy still straddling him, eyes wavering with anxiety, how could Eiri say no? The poor thing was still profusely apologizing.
"Yuki, I—"
Eiri reached a hand up to Shindou's face, effectively silencing the copious requests for forgiveness. He watched Shindou's eyes widen the slightest as his fingertips brushed the smaller boy's cheek. The skin was hot and flushed.
"Be quiet," Eiri whispered, even though both had stopped talking moments ago. He swallowed with mild difficulty. This is safe, right?
Eiri's heart hammered annoyingly as he began to sit up. Shindou's weight was pushed farther down Eiri's legs, leaving the previous area cold with room-temperature. He nearly sighed contentedly as Shindou's semi-labored breaths brushed his face as he drew closer. His hand slipped back to cradle the back of Shindou's neck. His other hand reached out for his lover's that lay abandoned on the floor. Eiri placed his larger hand over the smaller one and both men felt a small chill run through them.
How is it a simple movement of bodies can make someone feel this way?
Every action leading up to this moment was to get Eiri back in control. The singer had been making Eiri's body writhe inside for too long. He needed to grasp the reigns once more. However, these intimate movements were shaking him to the core as well.
Eiri felt relaxed for the first time in months as his lips brushed tantalizingly close over Shindou's. The small boy's eyelids grew heavy as Eiri leaned in farther, sealing their lips together. This was turf he could deal with. Eiri had been told many times what an amazing kisser he was, always leaving the person begging for more. The way he saw it, even though he was nearly trembling with harbored passion, he could still make Shindou shiver more.
Just as Eiri felt the heat in the pit of his stomach begin to burn stronger he knew that he should pull away. Just one more second… He softly nibbled on Shindou's bottom lip, causing the boy to whimper and push himself forward. Gets him every time.
Eiri's action of breaking the kiss caused both men to be deeply disappointed. As far as Eiri was concerned, there was no such thing as a chaste kiss, at least not for lovers anyway. He had never broken a kiss without having a hunger for more. And it was that starvation that had the novelist clenching his jaw.
"A week," he breathed out, face only millimeters from Shindou's. He watched as the boy's eyes slowly began to open, his lavender pools full of disappointment.
"Mmmr?" Shindou mumbled incoherently. His eyes were clouded. Eiri noted that by the look in his lover's eye his head must be spinning, too.
"A week," Eiri repeated, leaning back. This was getting out of hand for the moment. "You can stay for a week. I'll give you a definite verdict from there."
The golden-haired man watched with a hint of amusement as all disorientation left the younger boy's eyes. Shindou's face lit up like no other and a swelling in Eiri could only be placed to one word: pride.
"Really?!" the singer squeaked. He grabbed the lapels of Eiri's shirt and pulled them nose to nose.
A ghost of a smile crossed Eiri's lips. He nodded. The boy squealed happily. The feeling of delight in Eiri continued to swell up. To know that he was the one to make this boy so happy was something indescribable, even for the writer.
"Yuki!!" Shindou cried. "You're the most amazing man in the world!!"
Eiri raised a manicured eyebrow as Shindou threw his arms out, professing his undying love for the older man.
Shindou found himself diving into the hard tile-floor once more as his lover briskly stood and began to walk away.
"Don't push your luck," Eiri called over his shoulder as his closed the door to his office behind him.
When Eiri had walked out of his office earlier he saw a pink blur go running by in the direction he came. He shook it off and continued in his voyeur to the kitchen. Upon pouring his coffee Eiri noticed a mug with a highly deformed drawing of the mangaka Murakami Maki on it. Despite the oddity that was Shindou's mug, it was almost endearing.
However, that warm fuzzy feeling that Eiri hadn't felt in years quickly dissipated after walking back into his office, near-empty coffee mug in hand. Eiri stood in the doorway of his workspace, watching the sight before him with mild enjoyment and slight annoyance.
Shindou was bent over at the waist, fumbling with cords that were attached to the blasted equipment he liked to call "Lucy." Eiri preferred not to ask. Lucy was all hooked up in the corner of the office, keyboard, equalizer, computer, you name it. That was the annoyance. The pleasure-filled view, however, was the sight of Shindou's little rump up in the air.
Eiri smirked.
"What are you doing now, brat?" he grumbled, trying to replace the overwhelming desirability with aggravation.
Shindou spun around quickly, erecting himself full-stance, to Eiri's chagrin. He smiled sheepishly.
"I was just hooking up Lucy." Shindou's eyes glanced beside him to the set-up and then back to Eiri.
"When the hell did I say you could hook that shit up in here?" Eiri demanded, stomping over to his desk deliberately. The pseudo-anger in his footsteps was lost in the plush carpet. He absent-mindedly noticed he was trying to hard.
"But," the pink-haired singer began; face desperate, "I mentioned it before!"
"Did I agree?" Eiri countered. Shindou knew he was cornered.
"I have no other place for it," the boy whined, trying anything to persuade his lover.
"Put it out on the goddamn balcony," Eiri huffed. "I don't care if you piss off the neighbors. It's you who'll have to deal with them."
"But, Yuki!"
Eiri nearly cringed. The boy had such magnetism over him…
"I can plug headphones in. You'll never know I'm here!"
"All the more reason for you to take it outside." Eiri patted himself on the back. He loved his sharp mind.
Shindou's eyes darted around in anxiety in hopes of finding some kind of clue to keep Lucy inside. His eyes brightened significantly.
"She's too big!" he cried triumphantly, holding out and extended finger heavenward for good measure. "She'd never fit on the balcony!"
Two minutes, Eiri mused, turning off the mental stopwatch he had going to see how long it would take the singer to realize that fact.
"Fine," the blonde concurred. He drifted over to where Lucy was currently stationed. "But I don't want it in this corner." Eiri leaned forward just the slightest to undo all the damage that had been done.
As Eiri worked he could practically feel Shindou's grin burning into his back. The smallest things made that boy so happy…
Eiri stopped short from untangling wires that didn't have the right to be tangled considering they had only been put together a few minutes ago. His stomach leapt as he felt his lover's arms snake their way across his waist. He felt his grip on the wires loosening as the younger man pushed forward, plastering his body along the length of Eiri's. Just as he began to tighten his grip on the cables so as to not drop them, he felt Shindou lean up. The boy pressed his hips against Eiri causing the novelist to let out a harsh breath he never even realized he was holding. The fine hairs on the back of his neck and on his arms stood up straight. The boy trembled slightly against his back. Eiri's whole body tensed, causing him to drop the wires, as Shindou did something so devious Eiri could barely even fathom it: he nipped at the older man's ear. All the heat in Eiri's body rushed to his groin. He jumped in shock.
Eiri wheeled around. "Don't do that!" he hollered, face pale. He clutched at the offended ear, inwardly wincing at the tightness of his pants.
Shindou giggled deviously. "Why not?" he purred, leaning in. "You know you like it." Eiri groaned as he felt Shindou's leg press up in-between his own.
Eiri was two actions away from losing all control: One – Shindou pressing his leg any harder, or Two – Shindou pressing something else against the writer.
Shindou went for option two.
Eiri feigned ignorance as he slipped his shirt back on. He could feel Shindou's stare on him, but decided it best not to notice. Eiri knew what he would see if he looked over anyway. There Shindou would be sitting, the blankets pooled around his waist just enough to keep him covered, and just enough for Eiri want to get back in bed. And, of course, there would be the pout.
"You're so unromantic, Yuki."
Eiri sighed. How many times had he been told that by others? Although it was the first time Shindou had ever said it, Eiri knew the deal.
The novelist turned his head back to his lover. "I have work to do," he grumbled as nicely as possible. "I nev—" Eiri caught his breath.
True, his envision of how Shindou would look with the blankets was accurate, but for some reason it caught him off guard. Eiri had never seen such a sight in his life. Seeing something so cute as such a turn-on had to be illegal. Had Eiri not just finished with his business he would have been on the younger boy in an instant. However, even if he wanted to, he didn't think he'd be able to.
Eiri felt his heart melt, and it scared him.
"Yuki?" Shindou called. He titled his head to the side.
Eiri cleared his throat and shook his head. He was suddenly seeing everything about Shindou in a whole new light…
"You always get dressed right after we're done," the younger man pointed out with disappointment."
Eiri's softened stare turned hard. "What the hell do you want me to do? Cuddle with you?"
The novelist sighed when the boy nodded.
It used to be so easy when Eiri pretended to be callous towards the boy. But now… now it hurt.
"Next time."
Shindou blinked. Eiri could tell that it wasn't the answer he was expecting.
The older man walked over to the bed and placed a small kiss on his lover's forehead. "Next time," he repeated, lips still against Shindou's forehead.
Shindou craned his head up and met noses with Eiri. "Really?" he cooed happily. Eiri nodded. A warm smile graced the writer's relaxed features. Shindou giggled. "You're the greatest, Yuki."
Eiri winked and stood up straight. Being nice to the boy did have its perks. Not only was he less annoying at times, but he was better in bed, too. However, being too nice was going to get one of them in trouble, if not both…
Eiri was about to close the door to the bedroom behind him when the thought hit him. I'm going to break his heart…
"Oh," Eiri added reluctantly, turning his head back to the boy in his bed. "You're sleeping on the couch." He closed the door behind him.
"YUKI!"
Eiri leaned back in his chair and linked his fingers together. He stretched his arms out in front of him and winced at the aches and cracks. He tossed his head from side to side and vowed that once he finished his manuscript he'd get himself a hard earned massage.
"Hey, handsome."
Eiri started. He looked to the door of his office to see his lover leaning against the frame. He was wearing only a towel.
Shindou waved playfully and stepped further into the office. "I saw you were taking a break… am I bothering you?"
Eiri was surprised to see the small boy actually cared. It was a relief to have someone around, even if it was a distraction. But Eiri would never admit that he liked the singers company.
The novelist sighed and ruefully rubbed his neck. "No, it's ok." He stared at the computer screen with disdain. "I'm starting up again in a few minutes though."
Shindou was behind him now. He mumbled a small affirmative as he slipped his hands onto his lover's shoulders and squeezed lightly. Eiri tensed.
The sound of the younger boy's giggle was actually relaxing. His promises that he wouldn't hurt Eiri, however, were lost.
"Why do you have a towel on?" Eiri questioned, trying to change the subject. If there was one person he did not want massaging him, it was Shindou.
The pink-haired boy stalled a moment, as if he forgot. "Oh, right!" Eiri felt the weight of Shindou leaning down as he kissed the writer's head. "I'm gonna go take a shower."
Eiri sighed gratefully. He nodded, fishing into his pant pocket and retrieved a pack of cigarettes. Popping one into his mouth he mumbled a "have fun" to the boy.
Shindou stepped to Eiri's side, a frown on his lips.
It doesn't suit him.
"Those are bad for you, you know," the boy reprimanded as Eiri lit the cigarette.
Eiri glared. "You sound like Mika. And that's not the face I want to see when we're having sex."
Shindou giggled. Eiri wondered how he found amusement in everything. His lover bit down his mirth and tried to look serious again.
"It's true though," the singer continued. He turned around, clinging onto his towel, reaching the doorway thoughtfully. "They're cancer sticks!"
Just as Shindou turned for one last glance at his lover before he left, Eiri deliberately puffed a ring of smoke in his direction.
Shindou's reaction, however, was not what Eiri expected. Instead of getting angry or whining generously, he smiled. But the part that unnerved Eiri the most was that it was a sad smile. The boy's brow was creased and his eyes were shrouded with a thin mist. Eiri could tell he was thinking about losing him to cancer. It made his heart ache.
"What am I going to do with you?" the boy asked, voice wavering with buried emotion.
Eiri stared unswervingly, even after Shindou had left. Suddenly the weight of the cigarette seemed heavier then normal and his tongue burned. For some reason the only thought that came into Eiri's mind was: I'm not living for myself anymore.
The novelist put out his cigarette and continued working, occupying himself with the keys to help him disregard the nicotine craving.
Eiri woke with a start. He looked about frantically to take in his surroundings. He sat up quickly, realizing he had dozed off in his office. His eyes turned to the dancing default screensaver that came with his computer. He watched the little Windows flag wave by in different variations, trying to remember when he had fallen asleep and what had woken him up.
The blaring of the blow dryer helped cue Eiri in. He must have nodded off after Shindou got into the shower. Checking his watch he noted that he was only asleep for about fifteen minutes. The blow dryer must have woken me up…
Eiri tapped on a key at the computer, awaking it from its slumber as well. He silently prayed Shindou hadn't seen him. The last thing he needed was to be thought of as a slacker.
Eiri reached into his pant pocket and pulled out a cigarette. Just as he put the phallic-object in his mouth he remembered the conversation he had with a certain someone less then a half an hour ago. The offending object was back in his pocket in moments.
Eiri stared at his screen with a hard gaze. His eyes kept reading over what was previously written. The blinking text cursor was a constant bludgeon that he had far more work to do and no inspiration to do it.
The novelist was so drawn into his work and what to do next he didn't even notice when the blow dryer was turned off. He did, however, hear the boy he now shared his apartment with come walking across the hall. And he did hear his boyish cry.
"Yuuuuuu—!"
Eiri's ears perked up – not from the call, but from it being stopped short. He pretended to type. He strained his ears over the clanking of the keyboard, typing random gibberish, in order to hear what Shindou was doing. He heard the soft thud of the pink-haired man leaning against the wall. And heard the quite "good night, Yuki" that followed.
His hands froze. That was it, just a whispered wish for sleeping well? What happened to the pouncing? What happened to the screaming of his name like a war cry? What happened to the straddling of laps and Shindou kissing him every where on his face but on the mouth just to torture him? Where had all the annoyances gone?
No, they weren't annoyances…
Pretending for all these weeks that the boy was a pest was infiltrating Eiri's true thoughts. Sure he was loud and obnoxious at times, but the novelist wanted nothing more then to be with the little runt.
Not that he'd ever tell Shindou that.
The puzzlement was eating Eiri alive. Since when did Shindou care about whether he was interrupting Eiri or not?
The endearment of the whole situation gave Eiri serious indigestion.
Golden-irises glared dangerously unblinkingly. Eiri could feel the dryness of his eyes greatening. It felt like there were needles penetrating into his sockets.
This was one staring contest Eiri would never win.
Blinking stubbornly, the novelist leaned back in his chair. He frowned at the computer screen. The text cursor blinked back mockingly, as if saying: That's the fourth time you've lost, loser.
Eiri scrubbed his hands over tired eyes and sighed heavily. It had been a little over an hour since Shindou had gone to bed and Eiri hadn't been able to stop thinking of him since.
And it wasn't helping the writer's block, either.
Eiri remembered being told in college that there's no such thing as writer's block. "It's merely a fabrication of the mind," his professor had lectured. "Writer's block is just a poor excuse for either A.) lazy people, or B.) preoccupied people. It's a lack of inspiration, true, but solving this so called "block" is simple. Where'd you get all of your other inspiration from? Get off your lazy ass, go there, and get everything else out of your mind. Boom. Inspiration hits."
Eiri groaned, remembering. My inspiration? he mused sourly. I don't have any one specific thing for inspiration.
The part about being preoccupied banged on his skull as his knocking and asking for entrance. Eiri didn't allow it, but the thought came in anyway.
He was preoccupied with thinking about his lover…
The writer's eyes slid to the doorway wistfully. Maybe if he just stepped out to check on Shindou for a minute then he could get the boy out of his mind.
Eiri felt a shiver go up his spine at the idea of how much he was caring.
Moments later the golden-haired man found himself turning the corner of the hallway into the living room. He mentally berated himself the whole way.
I should be doing work! Not checking up on this brat! But, Eiri deliberately pushed aside, Shindou was the reason he wasn't getting any work done in the first place. And that scared him.
I'm caring too much…
As Eiri stepped to the foot of the couch his breath caught in his throat at the sight before him. Shindou was lying on his back, legs crossed over one another haphazardly, and one arm strewn up over his head. He was wearing a pair of boxers that were hiked up from his previous rolling about, and a loose tank top. His other hand was lying across his bare stomach, seeing as how the shirt was rolled up to his breastbone. The dim moonlight shimmering in through the balcony adjacent to the couch, highlighting the sleeping boy's skin breathtakingly.
A wave of sudden sadness washed over Eiri. He reached out on reflex, seizing the sheet that had fallen to the floor somewhere along the lines. Picking the linen up he began to place it back on the half-naked boy. Eiri hastily pulled away when Shindou mumbled something incoherent in his sleep. The novelist's heart pounded painfully against his ribcage like a bird trying to get away.
The realization was hitting Eiri like a ton of bricks. He really was caring too much. The sadness came again. He was getting in too deep. This wouldn't end well.
"Shuichi…"
Eiri hadn't even noticed the word had left his lips until Shindou mumbled something in response and rolled to the side slightly. The older man blinked. He took a shaky step forward.
That's the first time I've ever called him by his name.
"Shuichi…" Eiri whispered again, relishing in the feeling of the soft syllables in his mouth. He kneeled down on the floor by Shindou's head. The boy mumbled something again. Eiri hesitated. "Do you love me?" he managed unsurely.
Shindou rolled over fully now, facing Eiri, eyes still closed. "Mmhmm," he hummed softly. A small trace of a smile graced his lips.
Eiri felt a lump rising in his throat. This was the feeling he was afraid of. This was the feeling that made him vow to himself he would never be close to someone again. This was feeling he had when he was sixteen.
"Shuichi…?" the novelist croaked out, voice wavering. His meticulously buried emotions were now spilling forth like a dam breaking open. His head was throbbing.
"Hmm?" the half-asleep singer responded, curling up.
Eiri's brow creased in half angst, half anger. He bit down his tongue harshly. He could say it right now, it would be so easy. He could let it all out and then he would feel better. Shindou was still partially asleep, so he probably wouldn't even remember…
Eiri's gaze hardened on the boy. No. This is bullshit. Eiri stood up briskly. If he said it, it'd be like giving up. And Yuki Eiri was no quitter. He didn't lock himself inside for all these years so one stupid brat could come along and ruin it all.
Eiri would never admit it. At least not to Shindou.
The novelist swiftly left the room and back into his office. He collapsed into his chair and choked softly.
One week. After that I'll tell him to leave.
With newfound resolve Eiri opened a new file on his computer. The ideas were flooding into his head so fast his mind was drowning.
Eiri stayed awake the whole night, typing every idea that poured into his mind. It was the perfect way to get his lover out of his head. He never even realized that all the inspiration had come from that boy.
And he never realized that the whole story was indirectly about Shindou Shuichi.
Six months later Eiri slipped the key into the lock of his recently bought apartment. Swinging the door open, the novelist stepped inside.
The apartment was dark. Usually this late at night Eiri would just slip into bed, clothes and all, and sleep the night away. Tonight, however, was different.
Eiri slipped off his coat and flipped on the light. The apartment was awash in a bright yellow, making Eiri falter slightly. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to adjust. When Eiri opened his eyes again he sighed heavily.
Shuichi isn't home yet.
He trudged weakly and collapsed on the couch. It had been a long day, and, Eiri thought sourly, probably an even longer day tomorrow.
When Tohma and Mika find out I came back home they'll slaughter me.
The golden-haired man leaned his head back against the couch. He resolved not to close his eyes; otherwise he knew he would fall asleep, and he had promised Shindou that he'd be at the door to greet him when he came home. Apparently the nap on the plane ride home from New York wasn't enough.
He checked his watch tiredly, blinking hard to make out the numbers. It was one in the morning. Eiri counted in his head slowly. Six more hours until Shuichi comes home from the tour.
His mind slowly drifted back to the previous night's events. When his lover had come bursting through the door of that rundown building in New York Eiri was beyond all means of shocked.
That's the third time my attempts at walking out on him have failed me.
Eiri thought back to when he had promised himself all those times that "this will be the final night Shu-chan and I stay together". And every time he couldn't go through with it.
The writer smiled. He was glad. He could now easily say he loved the boy and not care. They had gone through enough tribulations to get this far, and all it did was make the signer more determined. Now it was Eiri's turn to be indomitable. This was the final test.
Sinking lower into the couch, Eiri sighed languorously.
Six more hours, Eiri reminded himself. And then I can tell him how much I love him.
Author's Notes: Awww, now doesn't that leave you with a warm fuzzy feeling? Hehehe. If ya didn't get it, this was based on Track 4, "Wave Shock." ^_^ Good times.
Remember, a writer's best friend is feedback (or Whitney, whichever).
