DISCLAIMER: I disclaim all knowledge that I have ever even heard of HARRY POTTER. (Due to my amnesia)

AN: Did I say something about LACK OF REVIEWS? Oh, wait, I'm meant to have amnesia aren't I? Ok, forget it. Just read and review.

AN: DITTO!

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JUST KEEP IT IN THE CLOSET

"Oh God! I just can't get enough of this! Ungh! OOOOOHHHHHH! Look how smooth it is. Look how shiny, how cool to the touch! Goyle! Get me some more vinyl, I MUST have MORE."

Outside, while eavesdropping…

"What the fuck does Malfoy want with so much vinyl?"

Harry scratched his balls and started trotting back to the Gryffindor common room to contemplate this new problem.

"SHIT!"

Potty quickly ducked into the nearest broom closet and proceeded to pull up his stockings. (Don't you hate it when your stockings are too loose and they keep slipping down, and you have to walk in a really retarded way to keep them up?)

Well, it was a good thing too that the broom closet happened to be convenient (but isn't it always?), otherwise, Harry would have found himself facing Dumbledore in nothing but a pair of fishnets and stilettos, that is, after Snape had finished with him.

Now all he had to do was tell Malfoy to stop groping him.

"Stop groping me Malfoy!"

(I told you he was obedient; sit boy!)

"And what if I don't?"

"Umm, I don't know, I'll…do something mean, yeah, that's it!"

"Well, in that case, I'm just going to have to run the risk aren't I?" With that, he continued to feel Harry up.

"By the way Potter; what are you doing walking around the school wearing just a pair of stockings? You could step on something sharp you know."

"But I'm not; I'm wearing a pair of stilettos too. See?"

Harry lifted one of his feet but he was just so synchronised that he ended up lifting both feet.

*Phwump*

"AAAAAAAAGGHHH! Fucking Hell! Etorandsoffeeow!" (Translation: Please unhand me at once!)

Draco peered out of the keyhole, then opened the door so that only a sliver of light invaded the closet. There was no one in sight, but he couldn't be sure. What if a student suddenly came out of any one of the classrooms?

Harry suddenly started to kick and struggle, but Malfoy didn't take his hand away even after Potter drooled all over his palm.

"Ssssshhh! Shut up you dickhead! Do you wanna' get us both expelled?"

"eth" (Translation: Affirmative)

Malfoy took his hand away from Harry's slobbery mouth and wiped it on someone's broom.

"You're such a wanker Potter!"

"I know; it's a perfectly normal activity. Did you know that by the age of 18, almost 80% of boys will have masturbated to reach orgasm? Are you part of that 80% Draco? If not, you should apply for membership ASAP"

"Shut up."

"By the way Malfoy; what do you want with so much vinyl?"

Draco stared into the darkness, in the general direction of Potter. He peered through the keyhole again to make sure that nobody was listening.

"Can you keep a secret Potty?"

"Yes!"

"Good, so can I; now stay."

Later that evening…

Malfoy sauntered down to dinner whistling to himself, and quite oblivious to the fact that there was a lot of banging and screaming coming from the closet around the corner.

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AN: That's it for today. Thanks to the three people who reviewed. I'm tired because I just came down from my caffeine high. The next one will be better and perhaps longer. I already have the concept for it, and if it wasn't for the fact that Harry had suddenly swerved into a bloody broom closet, I would have carried on with my original idea. But hey, that means I got two stories out of one concept, that's not so bad you know.

Cheezmunkies: Thanks for the idea; you probably don't know what I'm talking about right now, but you will understand when you read the next story (but it doesn't involve toilets). *Really smug and secretive expression directed your way*

Midnightblues: Thanks for the review and it's good to know that people like to laugh once in a while; just…don't take it overboard. I mean, you should really just…keep it in the closet. Actually, don't; you know what? Laugh for all I care. Humour is great, and if you feel better when Draco and Harry are funny, then good for you!