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Cherry Waterfall
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a Neon Genesis Evangelion fan fic
By: Hatti Lee*
Also known as:
Saiyajin Peach
Saiyajin Peach 18
Amalthea*
Beloved Animosity
Contact: Beloved_Animosity@sbcglobal.net
Started: 10.2.3
Pairing: Shinji X Kaworu
Author's Notes: I can't apologize enough for having taken so long with this chapter. There's no excuse. I just hope all of you can forgive me. Another thing, not long ago a reviewer (you know who you are) let me know of my misspellings of Kaworu's name, explaining that Kaoru is commonly used for girl's. I dismissed it until I bought the first volume of the Rurouni Kenshin manga, in which the main character girl is named Kaoru. So, I did some quick and easy research and realized my reviewer was correct. Oops! My bad! ^_^ So, as you will see, I've corrected the spelling of Kaworu's name. Anyway, enjoy! And be sure to review!! ^_^
Warnings: This is a yaoi fic, which means it contains intimacy between two males. If you're uncomfortable with that, I suggest you turn back now. Also, this fic will most likely contain violence, language, and graphic sexual content. If you're underage, please turn back now. You've been warned!
Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion and its characters are not my own, and I'm making absolutely nothing off of this. So, please don't sue me!!!
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Chapter VII: Asuka's Realization
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Misato:
I've been sitting in the living room all night. Though, I can't say I was up the whole time. Watching dull infomercials does have a dozing affect on a person, but in between cat naps I've been doing nothing but worrying.
Super white skin, light hair, and red eyes. That's how Asuka had described this mystery fellow. I can think of only one boy I ever knew that matched that description. Kaworu Nagisa. But it's not possible, the Seventeenth Angel died, at Shinji's hands no less. There was no way he was here.
I'm suddenly alert as I hear the front door slide open. He's home. I wait patiently, turning the volume down on the television. I can hear footsteps down the hall and in the kitchen. There are two of them.
You're up. Shinji says as he steps into the living room, a little surprised to see me at such an early hour.
Been waiting for you. Where have you been? I ask calmly, trying my best to handle this maturely.
Well, I... he stutters for an answer.
Shinji, you know better than to stay out all night without calling. I say, still keeping my cool.
He sighs, bowing his head, I know. I'm sorry, but... Misato, I want you to meet someone, okay?
I sit up a little straighter, unconsciously straightening my clothes and hair. He smiles to me as if he's excited about this. I couldn't be more nervous. Shinji steps out of the room and returns seconds later with an Angel beside him, their hands joined.
Misato, this is Kaworu, he's the one I was telling you about. Shinji's words are slow and careful and he's blushing like mad.
I think my mouth must be hanging open. It's true, The Angels have returned. I whisper, my hand going over my mouth as my thoughts go wild.
Kaworu takes a baby step forward, No, just I.
I shake my head, Stay away. My voice still low.
There's no need to fear. I can coexist with the Lilim now. he says, trying to make it clear to me that there's no need for hostility or fighting.
The Angels brought so much misery on us before... You think you can just show up and everything be okay? I'm not really talking to him, more to myself, but I look to the red-eyed boy as I speak, my expression one of disgust.
Kaworu keeps a calm face while Shinji seems to be fighting back tears, And what are you doing with Shinji!? Leading him on? Satisfying yourself only to cause him hurt when you leave or are destroyed?
I don't intend to leave or be destroyed. he answers simply.
No! You can't stay here! You have to go back! I'm nearly screaming now and I'm not too sure why. This just can't be though. Even if it has been two years, the Angels will always be the enemy. They caused so much hurt and pain, so many lives lost by their hands.
Asuka suddenly steps into the room, dreary eyed and yawning, What's with all the noise?
She wakes up instantly when she notices our guest, she says, What the hell are you doing here?
Everyone remains silent for a few minutes, but I finally speak up, He's... Asuka, he's an Angel.
Her eyes go wide, she says, shaking her head, We killed them all. There aren't any Angels.
Quiet descends again, but she's the one to break it this time, How can he be an Angel?! Look at him! she shouts, as if demanding an answer.
He's the Seventeenth Angel, Kaworu Nagisa. I say quietly. Asuka never had the pleasure of meeting him back then, but she knew well enough from data entry that he'd had human form.
Please, everyone stay calm. It's... It's not the same as it was then. Kaworu is just like one of us now. Shinji explains, trying his best to reach us, but I know better.
He can never be one of us! Don't you know what Angels do?! They get in your brain, defile you! There's no room for them among us. Asuka shouts, ending in an angry growl.
Shinji's eyes are watering up again, No, it's not like that. He's not like that. He... He never was. he says, the last coming out in a whisper.
I take a deep breath, speaking to the Angel now, Even if this was okay with me and Shinji, did you think no one else would find out?
Kaworu shrugs, They may or may not, but to live a life in fear is to live a life half lived.
I don't know why my mind won't accept this, and it's so frustrating.
Kaworu steps closer to me, a smile on his lips, Let go, Ms. Katsuragi. Let go of your own insecurities and think only of Shinji's happiness. What harm truly comes from he and I being together?
His words are as direct as an arrow and pierce my heart easily. My thoughts are jumbled and I'm not sure what I think or how I feel about this.
Asuka literally growls, I will not accept this. The Angels are the enemy. You're an Angel. You are the enemy, and you deserve to die.
The pale-haired boy faces her now and I take note of his bravery, Miss Sohryu, do not think of me like those Angels that intruded upon your mind. I would never do such a thing. If you remember correctly, I simply took your Eva.
She narrows her eyes and takes a step forward, standing just before the boy, You're all the same. I won't be defiled like that again.
Kaworu sighs, Indeed, your mind has had much damage.
I nearly wince as Asuka's anger flares, her eyes going crazy-wide, Because of you! Just stay away from me! And with that she's rushing out of the room, heading towards her bedroom, and slamming the door behind her. Through the thin walls of the apartment, we could all hear her weeping.
I look to Shinji now. He's standing there with tears on his cheeks, trying to keep from out right sobbing. I sigh, Shinji, why don't the two of you just go to your room. I need to think about all this. I say quietly, barely a whisper as I am now the one retreating to my bedroom.
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Shinji:
I don't wait for Kaworu as I hurry to my room, but I don't have to look behind me to know he's following me. I don't bother with the lights as I step into my private little space and begin pulling off my clothes, letting them fall where they may.
Kaworu's voice is calm and I wonder how on Earth that's possible. Once naked, I climb into bed and turn to face the wall, pulling blankets up over my shoulders.
I can hear him moving behind me as he closes the door. Then there's a lot of cloth rustling.
I gasp as a gust of cool air wafts over my backside. I turn to see Kaworu's lifted the covers and is in the process of climbing in with me. I turn completely and watch as he positions his naked body right up against mine, his face inches from my own.
You're so beautiful. he whispers and I laugh out loud.
Like this? I manage as I begin wiping away snot and tears.
His smile pulls more at one side than the other and he reaches forward, pulling my hands down and away from my face, Hai, like this. I could look at you like this forever.
His affection isn't wasted on me, but it doesn't help banish my tears either and once again my eyes are gushing. I wrap my arms around him and hold him close as he does the same.
Tell me again, Shinji. he whispers in my ear, his pointy chin digging into my shoulder.
I ask, slightly confused and unsure as to what he's talking about.
His voice is so low that I barely catch his words, That you love me.
I smile, I love you, Kaworu, my Angel. I love you, I love you, I love you, I- He cuts me off, planting his cool lips on my own, his passion spilling forth into me. I can feel his knee pushing forward, slipping between my legs, his thigh rubbing my-
Ah, Kaworu... S... Stop. I manage between a hushed moan, my lip bleeding from having bit into it in order to keep silent.
Of course, Kaworu stops instantly, Are you okay?
I nod, Yeah, we just can't do this here. They might hear us.
He thinks for a moment, his eyes narrowing somewhat. Then, a smile graces his face, I think you're right. After all, you are loud.
I can't help but chuckle as I lick the blood from my lip, sucking on the wound somewhat. We lay still for some minutes, perhaps an hour. The gravity of the situation slowly sinks back into me and I find myself in a melancholy state. However, before my emotion manages to work me up to tears again, I'm slipping into a deep sleep in the arms of my lover.
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Kaworu:
Sleep evades me as I stare at him. The situation is more upsetting for him than I had thought it'd be. Those tear stained cheeks beckon me closer and I find myself nuzzling his face.
His eyelids twitch and he makes a sound in his sleep, something between a groggy groan and an erotic moan, as he moves closer, resting his head in the crook of my neck.
his voice is laden with sleepiness.
What... What time is it?
I glance around the room, my eyes finally falling upon the glowing red numbers of his alarm clock, It's 7:36.
He groans again and I feel a stirring in my nether regions, Are you hungry? he asks, slowly sitting up and wiping at his eyes.
I nod and he continues, I'll go get us something to eat. Wait here, okay?
I nod again and he's climbing over me, almost tripping as he finally manages out of bed. I watch as he does a quick search, pulling on his black slacks from yesterday and a gray t-shirt pulled from a drawer. And with that, he's slipping out the door, sliding it shut behind him.
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Asuka:
I'm sitting at the kitchen table in utter silence, sipping from a large mug of hot coffee. Normally, I'd never be up this early, but I didn't sleep well and currently have a killer headache. I was thinking the coffee would clear it, but so far it wasn't working.
Voices. I hear voices. I lean back in my chair and listen. It's coming from Shinji's room. Suddenly, my headache is throbbing. He and the Angel are talking. The conversation didn't last long though... I hear his door open and soon he's stepping into the room.
M... Morning, Asuka. he says it like a coward, like he's afraid of me.
You and the Angel sleep well? I ask, sarcasm and hate infused in my words.
He literally winces and simply looks away as he passes, heading to the refrigerator. I watch as he searches for something edible. He should know better, there's nothing good in there. After a quick search through the cabinets he finally decides on instant ramen.
Would you like me to make you some too? he asks politely, risking eye contact.
I narrow my eyes, prepared to spit out some rude comment or another, but I really am hungry. Crying your heart out really wears a person out. I nod and watch as he sets to boiling a large pot of water.
While he waits for the water to begin bubbling, he turns to me again, leaning against the kitchen counter, Has Misato left already?
I nod again, She left at 6:30.
But I thought she didn't have to be at work until eight today. he says in a confused tone as he places the noodles in the pot.
Yeah, well... What with everything, she said she needed to get out and think. I don't blame her. My head's killing me just thinking about being under the same roof as that Angel... Or you for that matter! How can you stand to be with him? You're like a couple right? My rage just sneaks up on me and the next thing I know I'm standing.
He looks shocked and confused, I... I don't know. Now he just looks scared and busies himself with his little cooking project.
No, don't just say, I don't know.' Answer me! How can you stand to be with him? I ask again, much closer now.
he mumbles, his eyes twitching in their sockets as he adds the flavoring to the ramen.
I take another step closer, our bodies nearly touching, Just answer me. How can you stand to be with him? My voice takes a tactical move and quiets somewhat, taking on a calm, almost patient tone.
He turns his head and looks me directly in the eyes. I'd forgotten how blue those eyes are, Because... He loves me. His voice is nearly a whisper, but clear as a bell and my eyes go wide. And I love him too. He turns away then, moving to gather bowls.
I take several steps back, somewhat breathless. This is stupid! How can an Angel feel Human emotions? They're monsters, mind-warping, psychotic monsters. I close my eyes and shake my head. When I open them again, I see that there's a bowl of ramen set on the table in my spot, chopsticks lying beside it as well as a glass of juice, and Shinji's preparing two identical meals on a tray.
You're crazy, I grumble, grabbing my mug from the table, He doesn't love you. He's an Angel! He'll probably drive you crazy and ruin your mind so that when the others arrive, you won't be able to fight them. And with that I'm retreating to my room, leaving my meal to get cold on the table. I'm not hungry anymore anyway.
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Shinji:
The confrontation with Asuka more than rattled me, but my eyeballs can't handle any more crying right now, they're already threatening to dry up and fall back in their sockets. So I keep quiet and return to my room with a forced smile.
Kaworu's sitting on the bed, wearing a pair of my boxers, Do you mind? he asks, obviously referring to the shorts.
I flip on the light and close the door, shaking my head in answer to his question, I hope instant ramen's okay. It doesn't taste great, but... A shrug finishes the sentence for me as I place the tray on the bed.
We eat in relative silence and I take note of Kaworu's impeccable manners. Soon enough, however, we finish our meals. As I'd said, it didn't taste great, but it filled our bellies with a comforting warmth that in the end, sated us. I place the tray and our dishes on the floor out of the way.
Do you want to do something, go somewhere? I ask, running my fingers through my messed, morning hair. I know he can see through my forced optimism, and I wonder what exactly he's thinking about.
Before I can open my mouth to ask, though, I hear the front door open and close. Upon quick inspection, I find that Asuka has left.
Well, I guess no one wants to be around us. I mutter as I return to my room and to Kaworu.
He only smiles, It's okay, I'm here for you. His words are kind and inviting and as he opens his arms, I can't help but move forward into his embrace.
My lips are near his ear and I whisper, And I'm here for you. But what about us? Will no one accept us?
He physically sighs, We can't determine how other's will think and feel. It will be how it will be.
I know. I whisper, just about cutting him off. I don't want to hear any more talk like that. I don't want it to end how it will end. I want to know for sure that we'll always be happy and together, that everyone will accept and understand us, but I guess that's the thinking of a child. What did I expect from Kaworu anyway? Did I really think that I could sob on his shoulder and he'd make the world better again?
I pull back, looking into his stunning red eyes, and I make a promise to myself. I will not expect more from Kaworu than simply love and honesty. I sense a strength deep within my core and I let my eyes slip closed as I concentrate on it. It's the same strength that helped me survive my bond with my Eva.
I sigh and nearly laugh aloud. I was expecting myself to literally change, to transform into some better being. I'm just Shinji though, soft-hearted Shinji Ikari. I will cry many more tears and I'll surely be humiliated a thousand more times, but I'll never put impossible weight on Kaworu again. He can only give so much before he is no more.
I open my eyes again to see that he's looking at me strangely, as if he were curious as to the thoughts that were running through my head. I smile, a reassuring smile and then he too is smiling.
Let's stay here. he says, lying back in bed.
I nod and follow suit, kicking my pants off once under the covers. Seconds later we're in each others' arms.
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Asuka:
I just couldn't stand it anymore. It's not like I could hear what exactly they were saying, but I could hear their murmured voices as they spoke to one another. I could only imagine what was being said. So, with an angry rush, I threw on some clothes, grabbed my purse and jacket, and headed out.
It was Sunday and school kids were about everywhere. Luckily, I had yet to see any I recognized. I mean, I hadn't even glanced in a mirror as I left and I can't remember if I brushed my hair this morning or not.
Stupid Shinji! He's so strange! He doesn't fully trust anyone, not even Misato. It's like he's constantly waiting for one of us to do or say something that would crush his soul. And yet, the first Angel that comes along, he falls head over heels for! It's enough to drive a person insane.
Anger rushes through me again... Why do I care!? I don't care about this Angel, as long as it stays far away from me, away from my mind. Why can't I just move away, go back to Germany? Many relatives and past friends have made it very clear that I'm welcome to return. And Shinji... I don't care who he cares about or or kisses...
I stop dead in my tracks. A man bumps into the back of me and says something rude, but I don't hear his words. D... Do I care? The question rolls over and over in my mind and I have to work at letting my heart be the one to answer. Yes. Yes, I do care, but...
Why? Why do I care who Shinji cares about? Is it, perhaps because... I care about him?
Another person runs into me and my thoughts are shaken somewhat. Realizing that I'm standing in the middle of a busy sidewalk, I move to the side and lean against a building. I slowly slide down in a sort of squatting position, my elbows on my knees, my hands over my face.
I do care about Shinji. I hate thinking about him with that Angel, because it breaks my heart. For so long it was me he adored! At one point I began falling for him, but all too quickly he started stealing my glory and putting me to shame. That hate still burns in me, and yet at the same time, I love him.
My eyes open wide and I glance around as if I were about to be caught committing a crime. How can a person love and hate someone at the same time? Perhaps my therapist knows and this is the reasoning behind his constant suggesting that I forgive Shinji.
My legs feel a bit shaky and I move to sit on my butt. A determination sparkles across my eyes. Shinji's the reason I haven't gone back to Germany, the reason I can't and won't. I know Shinji feels for me, he must.
Because... He loves me. And I love him too.
Were his words true? No. An Angel cannot feel, let alone love, but that doesn't mean Shinji's not in love with it. In fact, the look I'd seen in those blue eyes told me quite honestly that he was in love. The Angel must be tricking him then, behaving like some kind of siren.
I have to think of a way then to separate them. My spine tingles and a familiar fear tickles my lungs, causing my breath to come a bit faster. I'm more than terrified of that Angel, of any Angel. I could never forget the horrible things those blasted creatures made me remember, the things they put in mind like little demons running amuck in my head, eating at the soft tissue of my mind and scraping their nails on my skull, trying to escape in order to consume the rest of me.
I push myself to my feet and shake my head again. No rattling, no bumping about... No, one of those little demons does not remain up there. Just checking.
I glance about and notice a little cafe up about a block. In a few minutes I'm entering the quaint little place and taking a seat by the window. A waitress approaches and I order a cup of black coffee.
Hours pass and my thoughts aren't so strange to me anymore, their newness having worn off somewhat. Still, I know there's no way I could personally sabotage the Angel's relationship with Shinji, no matter how much I care about him. I fear the Angel's wrath more than anything and I know I don't have the strength to defend myself. Shinji proved that much to me long ago.
Misato. Surely Misato wouldn't stand for such an unholy relationship under her roof. A smile blesses my lips as I lean back in my chair, sipping at my sixth cup of coffee. Yes, I'll just let Misato take care of all this for me. Then I'll...
I sigh. No wonder my therapist wants me to work on forgiving Shinji. I know I can't admit my true feelings without doing that first, and even then I don't know how long it will take for me to be able to confess my love. I just have to make sure that when I'm ready, Shinji's there and single.
There's a bounce in my step as I head home, taking a long route through the park.
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To be continued...
