Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda or Crono Trigger...it's a sad life...
A/N: Well, this just keeps getting weirder and weirder! I can't believe I'm up to SIX WHOLE CHAPTERS!! Wow...that's incredible! Anyway, thanks to all my reviewers as usual. If you're reading this and you haven't reviewed yet...WHY NOT?!?! heehee, please leave me a review! You might get to see some of your ideas in the next chapter! (someone suggested Magus and Ganondorf should have a fight over who is more evil, well, wait 'til you see this chapter! I think you can sort of figure it out by the title...) Anyway. Thanks so much--I love you guys! ^_~ well, until next time! ~CronoCat =^_^=
Chapter Six: In Which There Are Evil Catfights And Dreams Coming True
Magus paused to wipe the sweat from his brow. Who knew that his old nemesis was so heavy? "If you ever get free from us, remember to loose some weight, Frog Boy!" Magus cackled, stopping to kick Glenn.
Ahead of him, Ganondorf skipped happily through the forest. "Hurry up, Oh Dark and Scary One!"
"I'm the one giving the orders around here!" Magus barked.
"Why?!" Ganondorf demanded, pouting slightly.
Magus caught up to him and whacked him once with the scythe for good measure. "Because I'm far more evil than you!"
"WHAT?! That's SO not true! I can be evil!"
"Oh yeah? Tell me, oh Evil One. What truly evil plans have you ever come up with?" Magus asked sarcastically.
Ganondorf glared at him. "Hey, I kidnapped Zelda!"
"Who is this Zelda you speak of?"
"The local princess," Ganondorf explained.
"Bah! Anyone can kidnap a princess! That's easy. Don't tell me that's all the evil you've ever done!"
Ganondorf looked at the ground.
Magus rolled his eyes. "And you call yourself EVIL?!" He smacked Ganondorf twice more. "Look at me! I'm evil! I'm the epitome of evil! Look at this build!" He cried, raising his hands to the sky. Thunder boomed. Magus laughed manically and flexed his muscles.
"Oh, yeah?! Well...I...uh..." Ganondorf retorted, or tried to retort anyway.
Magus brought the scythe down, narrowly missing Ganondorf's head. "How many times has the hero of this world beaten you?"
"Well, I've been killed four times, but--"
"FOUR?! You're a disgrace! A freaking disgrace!" Magus shouted angrily. "I'm ashamed of you! What, in the name of all that is evil, convinced you that you could aspire to become a villain?! I'm practically a GOD OF EVIL next to some fruit like you!" He ranted.
"At least I'm determined," Ganondorf piped up.
"Determined?! You think I became evil because I was determined? Oh no! I'm an evil mage, because I have a sick and twisted soul!! Bwhahahahahahaha!"
"Some sick and twisted soul if you ended up joining the heroes!" Ganondorf replied sullenly.
"What?! Who told you that? I never did that!" Magus cried frantically.
Ganondorf began to sense he still had a chance to prove his evilness. "What kind of loser gets beaten by the hero and then joins them to help save the world?!"
"They never beat me!" Magus roared.
"Hey, at least I didn't help Link finish me off!" Ganondorf cried. "At least I'm the main evil villain of this game!"
"Some wussy game," Magus said, more calmly now.
But Ganondorf only laughed. "You're just jealous! You know what you are? A SIDE-LINE VILLAIN! One of the really unimportant ones! You're not the guy who is working for world domination. You're not the really powerful one bent on destroying all! No! Instead you agree to help the heroes SAVE THE FRICKING WORLD!"
"Hey, at least my evil plans are more original than kidnapping princesses, Ganondork!!" Magus shot back.
"What did you just call me?"
"Ganondork, GanonDORK, GANONDORK, DORK, DORK, DORK!" Magus cried.
"Oh, no you didn't!" Ganondork...that is, Ganondorf gasped, and made wild hand motions.
"Did you just z-snap me?!" Magus asked, incredulous.
"Yeah! What are you gonna do about it, punk!?"
"THIS!" Magus cried. "Oh, how I love senseless violence!" And with that, he began beating Ganondorf with his scythe...again.
And so the morning passed...
***
Back at the cave, Crono and Lucca held a whispered conference as Marle wept buckets.
"Crono, do something!" Lucca said, for the second time that day.
"Like what?"
"I don't know--fix it!" Lucca whispered, shaking Crono's arm violently.
He moved away from her. "You're the one who fixes things. You're the inventor. You do something."
"Crono," Lucca said, exasperated. "I fix things! Not people, not...fairies. Besides, let's face it: I blow things up. Am I really the one you want to fix this problem?"
"I trust you not to blow up a small creature," Crono said seriously.
"Well, I don't! Just...go try to comfort Marle, okay? I'll see if I can rack my amazing brain for a solution."
So Crono walked over. Marle sobbed louder every time he tried to talk to her. Crono--having been Marle's boyfriend for exactly 257 days, 6 hours, 33 minutes and 14 seconds (not that he was counting or anything...)--knew when his girlfriend didn't want to talk to him. He focused on the fairy instead. With great care, Crono picked her up from the cave floor. For a second he just held her in the palm of his hand, unsure of what to do next. That was when Marle realized that he was holding the fairy.
"DON'T TOUCH HER!" Marle screeched.
Crono was so surprised, he jumped a foot in the air and also, set off a bit of his lightening magic. In his hand, the fairy twitched oddly and shook.
"Oh, my God! You...you killed her!" Marle whispered, too stunned to scream.
Lucca ran over. "Oh, no! You must have given her an electric shock..."
Marle's eyes widened. "You electrocuted her?! Oh, my God! NAVI!"
Navi suddenly bolted upright in Crono's hand. She blinked a few times, then turned her head and stared at him, like a deer in headlights. Crono smiled uncertainly. He hadn't killed her after all!
Navi wasn't sure what had just happened, but what luck to wake up and have this man holding her! His eyes were an amazing shade of green, his hair unlike anyone else's. (A/N: well, I think that's fair to say that his hair is different...^_^) She blushed in complete happiness. He had just saved her life! She was sure of it. And now her dream would come true and they would go to his home and live happily ever after and--
"NAVI!!!!" Marle cried, interrupting her thoughts. "You're ALIVE!"
Navi reluctantly flew off Crono's hand. "What did you expect?" She demanded tartly.
"You were just faking!" Marle said, disgusted.
"I was not!"
"Um...ladies?" Crono called cautiously. "Now that everyone's okay, we should really be heading back..."
"Oh!" Navi giggled and flew into his hair. Oh, it was even better than in her dreams!
Crono froze. He was uncertain as to the proper conduct when one has a fairy in one's hair. "What should I do now?" He mouthed to Lucca.
She shrugged. "Oh, little fairy? What are you doing in Crono's hair?" Lucca asked carefully.
"Get out of there right now!" Marle yelled and began to smack Crono's hair repeatedly.
"AAAH!" Crono cried, trying to duck away from his apparently rabid girlfriend.
"He's saving me again!" Navi yelled happily and hung on, vowing her love forever.
"Crono, how long have you known this fairy?!" Lucca demanded, restraining Marle.
"I just met her. Why?" Crono asked, straightening up.
"I think she just proposed to you," Lucca replied in disbelief. In her arms, the Princess of Guardia began kicking and screaming. "Now really! I know you're not into the whole royalty thing, but is this any way to act?" Lucca cried.
Navi buzzed out of the fire-red hair. "You didn't just meet me," she said, giggling in a flirty way. "I'm 'Tinker-bell'...remember?"
"Tinker-bell! How are you?" Crono asked, suddenly recognizing her. "Look," he went on, "You've got it all wrong. I'm Crono...Tinker-bell loves Peter Pan. But I appreciate it all the same. I know I'm hard to resist! After all, I am handsome, dashing and--"
Lucca quickly slapped a hand over his mouth. "And a moron," she finished. God, she couldn't believe Crono sometimes! It was a miracle that he even had a girlfriend, the way he was always throwing around that "I'm available" line and flirting with other princesses.
With her one hand on Crono's mouth, it was easy for Marle to break free. She captured Navi in her hands. "Go away, Crono! We don't want you here!"
"Yes, we do! Yes, we do!" Navi squeaked, but no one was listening.
"Marle, cut the crap. We're heading home now," Lucca said sternly. Honestly, sometimes she just didn't understand her best friends at all. She would be happy to return home to Robo, who didn't have any feelings she hadn't programmed. Well, that wasn't actually true, but machines were easier to understand than humans. And if Robo's emotions became too annoying, it was the work of a few minutes to remove his personality drive. Lucca glanced at her friends and had a sudden desire that they were robots and she had a wrench in her hand. Oh, she'd fix them all right! The sound of Marle stamping her foot broke through Lucca's thoughts.
"Then you'll just have to leave without me!" Marle said prissily.
"C'mon Marle! I can't go back without you..." Crono told her.
"Hmph! You men are all just stupid pigs!"
Lucca giggled. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Well they are!"
"Whatever. Listen, you can break up with Crono whenever, but you still have to come home with us. You're my best friends. Well, one of them, anyway," Lucca said sincerely.
"What? She can not break up with me whenever!" Crono muttered resentfully.
Marle turned to Lucca, a bit tearfully. "Really?"
"Yeah. So...will you come?"
She sniffed. "Okay."
***
From the balcony of the Hyrule Palace, Zelda could hear screams. She looked curiously toward the peaceful looking forest. She would have normally asked Link what he thought and if it was worth checking out. But today, Link was stationed outside the door of the guest room. He had already made Zelda fetch him water four times to keep his voice from disappearing. He was, after all, telling a very long story. In a way, Zelda felt awfully sorry for that Lucca girl, who was hearing the highly romanticized life of Link. But she had asked. And, Zelda felt mostly grateful, because now she wouldn't have to hear Link's stories. She couldn't manage to feel sorry about that at all and besides, Lucca had probably fallen asleep hours ago. Thus, Zelda was happy despite the screams that were disturbing the peace of her kingdom. She hummed to herself and returned to her sewing. She was busily making her dream dress: the green one with a lot of lace.
And so, although Zelda couldn't know the whole of it, it was a day of evil catfights and dreams coming true.
