A/N: I don't know how I let myself get talked into this... -_-' My first plan was to make this an omake, but...well, somehow my story was already crazy enough that I could fit everything in. So, I repeat, this is NOT omake. Don't get confused on me now. Now go read!!

Dedication: For Mo, who asked for this practically from day one, and for Dr. Lauryl, who has continuously dropped not-so-subtle hints that my story should include a bit of Lucca + Magus. Also for kirbmasterx who (probably unwittingly) supplied the title for this chapter after claiming to "hear wedding bells". This is dedicated to you guys and to ALL my reviewers.

Chapter Eleven: Zombies and Wedding Bells

Birds swooped across the well-cultivated lawn and up over the Hyrule castle. From her seat by the window, Zelda watched them. With a contented sigh, she set down her completed sewing. It was her dream green dress with plenty of lace. She slipped it on and then decided it was time for her afternoon constitutional. (A/N: A constitutional is a walk. Good for your constitution, see?) Zelda paused at the door, wondering if she should even waste breath trying to pull Link away from Lucca's door. A few moments later, she found herself upstairs.

Link was in a sorry state. Zelda saw her boyfriend sitting on the stone floor, slumped against Lucca's door. His clothes were disheveled and his hat hung from one ear. The hall was littered with empty water bottles and his eyes were glazed over.

"LINK!" Zelda cried, running to him.

He didn't seem to hear her. "And so I said, 'That's not a chicken-it's a squirrel!'" And then Link began to laugh hoarsely, his voice cracking slightly.

"Link! You've been up here for almost TWO SOLID DAYS! You're losing your voice-"

"Not losing...voice. Drinking...water," Link said dreamily.

Zelda narrowed her eyes. "You haven't slept, have you?!"

"No time..."

"Good God, Link! Please tell me you've still been using the bathroom!"

Link nodded, his eyes half-closed. Suddenly, his head lolled alarmingly and he snapped back up-right. "Ten of 'em...at once, but I...fought bravely..."

"O-okay, Link. Too much time talking to yourself is ruining what little sanity you had. We're going for a walk!" Zelda said sternly. Link was too exhausted to resist and he let her half pull, half carry him outside. On the way, Zelda stopped to grab something. Then she led Link outside.

"Natural light!" Link cried, blinking furiously. He stood on the edge of the drawbridge, wiping the tears out of his eyes. Zelda smiled and the next thing Link knew, he was in the moat. The cold water jarred him awake.

"Wake up, Link! You were wasting away up there! Time to return to reality. Now wash up-you haven't showered recently and you don't smell too beautiful," Zelda scolded from the bridge. The "something" she had gone to get turned out to be soap.

Soon a soaking wet, but sparkling clean Link emerged. Thoroughly chastened, he followed Zelda silently and accepted the food she handed him.

"That's better," Zelda announced. "Now, Link...I know I haven't always been as...uh, willing as Lucca to listen to your stories and I apologize. But you should keep in mind that I have heard many of your tales. There was no need to sit outside Lucca's door for TWO WHOLE DAYS without eating, bathing or sleeping!"

Link tried to tell Zelda he was sorry, but his voice came out as a loud croaking noise.

"Let's go on that walk now, shall we?" Zelda said, taking Link's hand. Together they meandered off in the general direction of Ganondorf's castle.

***

Upon seeing Glenn reach for his beloved sword, Navi flew faster than ever before, up through the opening in the cellar door and off in search of Lucca. She careened into the banquet hall and was halfway down the stairs to the dungeon before her brain registered what she had just seen back in the hall. Curiously, she flew cautiously back up and peered around the door. Blushing scarlet, Navi watched with undeniable interest. It didn't take long for her to reassure herself that Crono and Marle were in fact making out on top of one of the dining tables. She thought about reminding the couple that people probably ate off those tables, but decided it was only monsters and they certainly wouldn't care, the heathens!

Let Glenn the pervert man come and find them here! It would serve them right for ignoring the mission. With that thought in mind, Navi tore her eyes away and flew into the darkness. To her surprise, a door at the end of the hallway was cracked open, shedding a faint light. What was Lucca up to? Navi slipped inside and quickly ducked behind one of the plastic plants. Magus! She clapped a tiny hand over her mouth to keep from gasping in surprise.

Oblivious to the small fairy, Magus said sternly, "Stand up straight!"

Lucca, slumping heavily against him, suddenly obeyed and held herself upright. Navi watched and wondered what the hell was going on.

"Now, we can finally begin. You thought all along you were so smart, Lucca. But I tricked you in the end. I've pretended with all my being, pretended that I was surprised, scared, worried. And now...now your mind and body are under my control! You cannot even register the words coming out of my mouth, except to obey a direct order," Magus crowed triumphantly. From his cloak, he withdrew a small, white envelope. "I have no need for this anymore. It contained a powder that would allow me to control you, but you've swallowed very nearly every last bit of it in that white soda of yours." Carelessly, he threw the packet behind him.

Unable to duck or move, paralyzed by all she had heard, Navi sat in the dirt, watching the packet descend upon her in slow motion. Suddenly, she found herself inside of it. There were little whitish crystals still stuck to the paper and as she wrestled to pull it off her head, one crystal slid free and into her gasping mouth.

"The time has come," Magus said and his voice sounded distant. "You said my plan's flaw was that I could not hold the Masamune. True, but you can, dear Lucca and you will fight with it. Pick up the sword." Navi felt the world growing dark, her consciousness slipping away. "Follow me," Magus said tonelessly, and although he did not notice, two beings obeyed.

***

In the cellar, Glenn still crouched in the light, as though praying. After a moment of silent reflection, he stood and climbed up through the small hole. Wincing with pain and head aching from a lack of sleep and food, Glenn made his way back into Ganondorf's castle. Peeking his head around the corner of the great banquet hall, he was greeted with the site of Marle and Crono on top of one of the many tables. Just as he was about to walk in, Magus approached the pair unnoticed.

He stood above them and chuckled. "Hmm...this may be easier than I thought. Sorry to interrupt old friends when they are working so hard on a mission, but I have things to do!"

Crono was slow to respond. He could hardly think clearly, except that he loved Marle. He sat upright, breathing hard and reached for his sword. Magus knocked his arm away.

"Is that any way to greet an old friend? Come now...I regret," he went on sorrowfully, "all the times I was perhaps a bit...cruel to you, Sir Crono. But I have repented my old ways. Won't you please forgive me? Look, I lay down my scythe." Magus knelt before Crono, looking up at him sadly.

Crono was perplexed. He ran a hand through his hair, straightening his spikes and rearranging his clothing in a way he hoped was inconspicuous. "Well, I..."

"Never!" Marle cried, aiming her crossbow at Magus. "You SCUM! You think when your evil plans didn't work out you could just come crawling back to us?"

Magus looked humbly down at the ground. "I am deeply sorry for the things I have done."

"There, there. I suppose it's all right," Crono said uncomfortably. "Perhaps we could make a truce."

"Ah! Then you forgive me! I knew you would! Thank you, thank you! You are a most noble man," Magus said, lavishing praise and beaming. He stood up and slung his scythe over his back. "Lucca has already forgiven me."

Any remaining doubt in Crono's mind was banished with those simple words. Lucca was his best friend and the smartest person he knew. He would gladly agree to anything she did. "Lucca did? Well, that's all right then." He and Magus shook hands. Marle lowered her crossbow.

"Congratulate us!" Magus cried, pulling a bottle of champagne from his cloak. "Lucca darling, come out here and say hello!"

Confused again, Marle and Crono accepted wine glasses and handfuls of rice.

Lucca appeared. "Hello," she said in a monotone and stood close to Magus. He reached down and took her hand, whispering in her ear as he did so.

"Crono, Marle...I am so glad you have forgiven Magus. We have good news for you," she said in the same flat voice.

"That's great. What is it?" Crono asked curiously.

Magus smirked slightly. "Lucca and I have fallen in love! I just want to shout it out to the world that I love Lucca!"

Crono felt his jaw drop to the floor.

"WHAT?!?" Marle screeched. "Lucca, I...I won't let you marry this CREEP!!" She screamed passionately.

Magus looked away, as though hurt. "I...I'm sorry. I warned Lucca that her friends would never accept this, but she thought she could convince you." He murmured comforting words to Lucca.

The light was reflecting too strongly off her glasses for Crono or Marle to see her eyes. Lucca said, "It's true. I love Magus. If you cannot accept this, we can't be friends any longer."

"Lucca no!" Crono cried out, looking like he might cry. "We'll always be friends, you and I, not matter what! I can accept this. Really I can."

"Thank you for understanding, Crono! We'll make you the godfather of our child," Magus crowed happily.

Marle looked like she might throw up. "I don't know why you're doing this Lucca. I thought you hated Magus. And the thought of you having children...I can hardly stand it!"

"Lucca loves me!" Magus cried out, hugging her. "Kiss me, my darling!"

Lucca kissed him and he bent her over backwards dramatically. Crono cheered and threw his rice and hummed the first few bars of "Here Comes the Bride." The zombie Navi flung herself into Magus's hair, kissing it, but no one seemed to notice.

Marle had to look away. Glenn, still hiding, also felt sick, but mostly he felt something was terribly wrong. And then he saw it. A faint, faint glimmer, but yes! The masamune was strapped to Lucca's back. But...why?

Magus straightened up, smirking. "You see?" He said calmly.

Marle burst into tears. "Oh, Lucca...WHY?!?"

"It's all right, Marle. Everything's okay if this is what she truly wants," Crono said, letting Marle sob into his shirt. "This is what you want, Lucca?"

Lucca said nothing.

Magus leaned towards her. "Tell him Lucca! Tell him, like you told me, that you love me, you've always loved me!"

"Let her speak for herself!" Marle said sharply. "Talk to us, Lucca. Tell us the truth!"

"I..." For the first time, Lucca faltered, but Magus smiled reassuringly at her and put his cheek up against hers. No one saw him whispering commands to her. "I love Magus," she said calmly. "We were destined to be together and this is what I truly want. This is the truth, Marle. It is no more ridiculous than coming in and seeing you and Crono kissing on the table."

Marle blushed and looked away. "I see."

In his hiding place, something clicked in Glenn's mind. Lucca hadn't seen Crono and Marle kissing...had she?

"Magus and I want to be married straightaway," Lucca said.

No one quite knew what to say. Crono cleared his throat a couple of times, but didn't say anything. Marle wept passionately into his shirt again.

Magus sighed deeply. "I regret this most deeply. But if the two of you won't cooperate..." He muttered a few strange words and suddenly, Crono and Marle found themselves bound together by some invisible bonds. Back-to-back, they stood, barely balancing, leaning against the table. With another wave of his hand, Magus gagged the two. Lucca watched, emotionless, apparently oblivious to the great betrayal her friends felt deeply.

"Come, Lucca," Magus said simply. "With these two out of the way, I may finally carry out what was started so many chapters ago."

With that, they turned and left the dining hall.

A/N: For the record, I have absolutely NO idea what joke Link was telling in the beginning of this chapter. And also, another stereotype, if you didn't catch that Lucca had turned evil before, her glasses glinted. Ever noticed that if the villain wears glasses, they reflect the light when the hero isn't looking? Haha, it's true! Now don't forget to review and check in for the next chapter when many of your questions will be revealed! (What is Magus's REAL dark and scary plan? What's going to happen to Link and Zelda? Remember Ganondorf? Whatever happened to him? Does Magus REALLY love Lucca?)

TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR ANOTHER EXCITING (AND WEIRD) CHAPTER!! ~CronoCat =^_^=

AND NOW: MANY, MANY THANKS!!!!

Dr. Lauryl- *Shudder, shudder, shudder* Magus with a lemony twist?! I'm frightened. I may have given on the Magus/Lucca, but I don't know about that...

Kirbmasterx- I hear wedding bells, too. Thanks for the title inspiration...You don't mind if I use that, do you? Thanx for reading!

Dr. Pixie- I love your cover!!! *happy dance* I wish other people could see your comic version of this story *hint hint*...Oh, and good luck on your story--I want to hear when you've got the first chapter done!

Shiro Amayagi- Booyaka yourself, comrade web comics fan! hehe, I'm glad Magus is your muse...but beware! He's rather dark and scary, too. I'm not sure I'd trust him as a muse. Keep reading!

ThEaPoCoLyPsEoF99- I'm glad you're enjoying my story, but I think you misunderstood. Magus NEVER REALLY planned for Frog to eat his friends. He was tricking Lucca. Magus is sneaky that way. But don't worry-it'll all become clear in this chapter when I reveal the REAL plan. ^_^

Imania- Thank you so much for your reviews!! They always make me happy. Did you realize you were rhyming in one of them? lol, that was great...But don't chase me around the world with a frying pan! I promise I will tell you the evil plan! (ha! I rhymed too! Actually I just stole your rhyme...) Keep reading and reviewing, okay? If you don't, I'll force you to listen to Link's stories!!

Chikin Wang- Hey, thanks for reviewing! I'm so glad you're laughing along at my story. haha, I can't wait to hear what you think about the later chapters...It just keeps getting crazier. Thank you again!

NOW REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW OR MAGUS WILL COME AFTER YOU!! (Oooh, a rhyme!)