Disclaimer: Does anyone else get tired of making this up time and time again? Sometimes I try to do something funny, but really...it's a disclaimer! Honestly...*sigh* It's not mine. yada yada ya....

A/N: Well, here I am! Back again, and it's only been...eh, a little longer than a week. I'm trying at least. Actually, I'm only managing to get this up now, because I'm sick, so I hope the chapter's still good. To my reviewers, yes, I acknowledge your right to call me a lazy bum. I'm just so glad no one's forgotten my little fic!! *cheers* Okay, enough babbling out of me. A quick thanks to all my reviewers, since they deserve it, and I'll also answer some of your questions. Now then--onwards!

In CRONOlogical Order (hahaha...sorry...)

Kirbmasterx--The only reason they didn't recognize Lavos' entrance instantly, is because I wanted the readers to figure it out. Also, I thought it was funnier. While it's true that Magus is crazy, you must admire his dark and scary plans! And Link as Robin Hood is an interesting idea, but I think Peter Pan provided more amusement for the story.

Dr. Lauryl--lol, thanks for the warning, but I already have the wrath of Stacey on my head. I must say though, that any HP reference was unintentional, and I didn't notice it myself. In fact, I've been rereading my story, but I can't find one. Clue me in? Well, anyway, here's the next chapter! Enjoy, and thanks a hojillion for reviewing!

darkshadow01--I'm so glad you liked the beginning! Glenn's speech was one of the hardest parts. I've been trying to get Ye Olde Englishe lines wherever I can for that one. But uh...go a little easy on the jellybeans there, okay? I think they might have drugs in them. -_-' Just a thought, because usually, jellybeans don't make me hallucinate that I'm dancing with purple monkeys. As for the wedding, you'll just have to keep reading and see...

Chikin Wang--I'm sorry if the last chapter disappointed you a little, but I had to have a more dramatic one in there to get the story moving along. In fact, I don't know what I'm going to do now that things are actually getting a tad more serious. Review and give me suggestions, if you have any!

The J-Man--I have been focusing a lot on the CT characters, but I'll let you in on a secret...I've never played Zelda. I really don't know much about it...lol. However, I promise I will put in more of my warped versions of these characters in the final few chapters. Oh, and by the way, you are very perceptive, J-Man. That's all I can say right now. Read the chapter...you'll see what I mean.

Lady Storm--lol, you hero worship me now?...It's rather surprising when some others are saying I'm a lazy bum ^_^ But I'm glad you're reading my story. Mmmm...I would like some of those cookies you're promising to make me, though...

that kid from next door--Oh boy...*looks around nervously* Please don't hurt me. I'm updating, see? But I can't promise that this chapter won't also have a cliffhanger...*runs away and hides*

Chapter Thirteen: No Visual Aids, Please!

The smoke cleared and there in the middle stood--

"Ozzie?!" Everyone gasped.

"Sharp object! Sharp object!" Magus cried, flailing his arms about. "Must...gouge...out...eyes!"

"Come, knave. Allow me," Glenn said bluntly, picking up Magus's scythe, which had been dropped in shock.

"W-what's going on?" Ozzie stammered.

"Great--I'm gonna have nightmares for years," Crono groaned, covering his eyes.

"It's chilly in here," Ozzie announced.

Marle shuddered and hid her face in Crono's shirt.

"H-hey! I-I...um...oh, shit," Ozzie cried, suddenly looking down and realizing he was still wearing Flea's bra and underwear. "This isn't--I mean, it's not....uh....well, Flea and...but it's not mine!" He finished all in a rush.

"I'm an evil mage and here my head crony is a fat, cross-dressing TRAITOR!!" Magus screamed, looking about to cry.

"Fear not, Knave. I shall alleviate thy pain...'twill bring me great happiness!" Glenn yelled, charging Magus with the scythe held high.

Ozzie flailed about, continuing to spout mumbled excuses despite the fact that no one was listening.

"My, this is awkward," the ever-perceptive Crono announced.

"I'll be scarred for life! Please--do something!" Marle pleaded, keeping her eyes tightly closed.

Crono struck a gallant post. "Of course, my dear!" Swinging his sword aloft, he charged Ozzie. The cross-dressing crony let out a high-pitched squeal, and took off running around the room.

"LUCCA!" Magus yelled, running for dear life. "THAT is NOT Lavos! Summon Lavos! I COMMAND YOU TO SUMMON THE REAL LAVOS!"

Marle gasped in horror. "Oh, Lucca--why are marrying him? Break free of this abusive relationship while you still can!"

Luca did not respond, but rather began the summoning again.

Once more the room was filled with an eerie red light and smoke. The huge bulk of Lavos began to appear.

"It's working!" Magus cried excitedly, ducking as Glenn caught up to him, swinging the scythe.

Glenn paused to look, and realized Lucca was standing too near to Lavos--she would be crushed. With a loud shout, he heaved the scythe at Magus's head and catapulted himself towards Lucca. In one flying leap, he covered the distance, and tackled her from behind. The two rolled out of the way just as Lavos appeared with a resounding bang and a burst of smoke.

Magus, who had barely avoided the scythe as it came shooting towards him, picked it up from the floor. "Lavos! What's a surprise!" he cried over the din.

The monster blinked. "Where am I? Where's my extra large pizza? Where's my nice warm bath?"

"You dare to speak to me in this insolent fashion? I'll kill you!" Magus roared.

"Ah, Magus," Lavos chuckled, starting to realize what was happening. "I might have known. Such a glutton for pain you are...Think of all the poor souls you're diverting me from with your selfishness. Ah well. As long as I'm here, I might as well cause you more unending pain and agony!" He let out an evil booming laugh, that nearly deafened everyone in the room.

Ozzie, who was hiding in the corner from Crono, screamed in terror.

"What a fat, ugly girl," Lavos commented blandly.

"Enough talk! What say thee slay Magus forthwith, for 'tis far past time we didst return home," Glenn said, wrestling the Masamune from Lucca's hands. After a moment, he got it and stood up. Lucca remained lying on the floor, expressionless.

"I remember you kids!" Lavos was saying, "once I finish with Magus, I'll kill you all like I meant to do so long ago!"

With an angry roar, Magus suddenly charged Lavos. Our heroes watched for a moment, then gathered around Lucca, apparently oblivious to the battle raging around them.

"Let's take her and run," Crono suggested.

"And leave those two to finish each other off?" Marle asked.

Glenn sheathed his sword. "Brilliant!" he said quickly.

Crono paused, rethinking it. "What if she wants to stay with Magus?"

"She doesn't. She'll thank us later," Marle answered dismissively.

Glenn frowned. "There is one problem remaining. Dost anyone--save Lucca--have the very crucial knowledge of the manner in which we shall return home? And furthermore, 'twould be wrong to leave now, thereby allowing Lavos to destroy this world. Dost thou not agree?"

"Yeah....and what about Peter Pan?" Crono put in.

Marle and Glenn smacked him.

"You're right, Glenn. Plus, something's wrong with Lucca, and probably only Magus can tell us how to cure her. And this isn't the best place to be having a conversation. I say Lavos is worse than Magus--let's defeat him again!" Marle cried, notching her crossbow. The other two followed her example, flinging themselves into the fray.

***

The battle raged into the afternoon. Around noon, Crono proposed a short break for refreshments. The party might have adjourned per his suggestion had Ozzie not chosen that inopportune moment to come back out of the shadows. Refreshments were quickly forgotten, and the battle resumed full force.

The warriors continued to fight Lavos, save Lucca, who continued to lie on the floor. Unfortunately, this meant no experience points...The rest of the heroes fought on, doing very dramatic and heroic things, which, if recounted, would be too dramatic and lengthy and too reminiscent of Link to be repeated here. In short, it was a very heroic afternoon, and also, an experience-point jackpot...

***

Meanwhile, Link and Zelda had meandered ever-so-slowly to the side of Ganondorf's castle.

"Good old Ganondorf. I haven't seen him in a long time," Link said, having gotten his voice back.

Zelda laughed easily, "you sound so nostalgic..."

"Well, aren't you? It's been weeks since he kidnapped you..."

"True, but he probably will soon. You know he hardly ever misses our bimonthly 'dates'," Zelda replied smiling.

Link walked up to the castle, and patted its thick stone walls. "He did miss that once though. I think he had some kind of urgent appointment....dentist, was it? I wonder if he's in now..."

"I think I hear yelling," Zelda said, puzzled.

"Should we check on him?"

Zelda shook her head, "no, no. Come away from there, Link. Let's keep walking..."

Link obeyed. "Ever since those strangers came here, I've been depressed," he announced sadly.

"Ever since Lucca left, you mean," Zelda corrected laughing. Seeing Link's glare, she said more seriously, "come now, Link. Try to think happy thoughts. Surely you have one?"

"I guess..." Link said slowly.

"That's the ticket!" Zelda said cheerfully. "Think of the happiest things!" (A/N: good thing Crono's not here..."think of the happiest things! That's the way to get your wings!")

Link closed his eyes tight, stood completely still, and thought as hard as he could.

Zelda was fairly dancing with impatience. "Think of anything yet? How 'bout now? Now? How about now?" She kept chirping in his ear.

After about five minutes, Link sighed and reopened his eyes. "Nothing," he said glumly.

"Oh. Well, that's all right. Some other time," Zelda said slowly, trying to conceal her disappointment. "Let's just keep walking..."

A/N: All right, I'm done for now! Where did that narration come from? lol, it was fun to try and write something that wasn't really my normal style, but it was also completely random. I just didn't want to write the battle out...maybe there'll be more detail next chapter if people say they want it. Anyway, this last part with Link and Zelda was to set up the next chapter. Sorry if it seemed a little boring, but it's necessary. Hopefully, none of you are scarred for life from this chapter...lol. Ok, review! Until next time! ~CronoCat =^_^=