Going on during chapter 6 ie the last thing to happen was: "So did I" Buffy whispered. Again the lines in bold and italic are from 'Wishing you were somehow here again form Phantom of the Opera.
For a split second there was silence then a cacophony of noise broke out.
"Spike what the hell…"
"Where do we go from here?"
"Willow can you do something?"
"Wow Jess"
"I'm gonna throttle that kid…"
Only Willow noticed Buffy slip out of the house crying silently. She didn't follow, her heart told her that Buffy needed to be alone for a bit, that they could sort out a plan when she came back.
Buffy knew where she was going. It was somewhere she hated and loved at the same time. A place which was where she went when things were too much but a place which made everything worse. Jess has no idea. Sure I'm not in her shoes but she has no idea what I've lost cos of this slayer gig. She has to learn and I'll learn right along side her but how do I tell her. Man I wish Faith was here. Buffy made her way to one of Sunnydale's many cemeteries, it was a place she often visited on patrol but tonight was different, Buffy's mind was so far from vampires she might not have been the slayer. She trod a familiar path to a corner where the grave she had seen more than any other, be it during nightmares or in reality, lay.
'Joyce Summers' read the tombstone and Buffy felt her heart being twisted inside her.
Passing bells and sculpted angels cold and monumental
Seem for you the wrong companions
You were warm and gentle.
"Mom" she whispered. "I don't know what to do. How did you cope with me? You know what its like to have a slayer for a daughter. Help me mom. Maybe this is why slayers never usually live so long, they're not meant to have children, it only leads to trouble. Mom I'm sorry for everything I put you through I know now how hard it must have been. Damn I miss you, I need you more than ever. I have everyone else- a sister, a father, friends and a daughter but I need a mother so bad. It's weird I thought I was too old to need someone looking after me years ago, guess I was wrong huh? "
Wishing you were somehow here again
Knowing we must say goodbye
Try to forgive, Teach me to live
Give me the strength to try
How does Jess do I?. She just brings back every memory I want to forget. It makes me feel so helpless around her and its hard enough acting mom when you're all there.
Too many years fighting back tearsWhy can't the past just die?
Buffy fell to the ground and sobbed as memories flooded her mind. She remembered the day her mother died, her disbelief that there was nothing she could do to stop it happening. Before that having to kill Angel, watching as he was sucked into hell not understanding what had happened and then having to lose him all over again. She saw Dawn in danger, felt her stomach drop as they stood above an inferno and remembered the fear and hate she felt when she saw the world again. More recent memories of tough battles, when people got hurt, of relationships gone wrong were less painful but still brought tears. When her mind began to draw pictures of Faith's death Buffy stood up, shaking.
"I can't deal with this." She muttered, staring at the headstone and a second set of memories hit her like a cold wind. They were shorter and there were very few. There was the time she found out about Dawn, the love she'd felt for the younger girl. There was the first time she met Jess, she hadn't even known Faith was around again until last year, let alone that she had brought a teenage daughter with her. It was kind of awkward, the dark haired teen had dismissed Buffy as a bimbo with powers she didn't really know what to do with but Buffy'd felt something for the girl. A bond like the one she felt for Faith, a slayer bond and she still felt it. Buffy thought of each time Jess had come home safe and the relief she'd felt, she knew that whatever happened she thought of Jess like a daughter and if it took everything she'd ever learnt from anything hard she'd had to do she would bring Jess home again, safely and she'd explain everything. "You know what. I think I needed that. I have to deal, I'm not losing anyone else."
No more memories no more silent tears
No more gazing across the wasted years
On the opposite sides of townthe two slayers stood infront of their mothers' graves trying to draw strength from the people they loved.
Help me say good-bye
