Gilderoy Lockhart—Gilderoy

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor am I the Scottish farmer who wrote "Johnny Cope".  I own nothing but my sense of humour and, incidentally, several nice pairs of socks.

A/N: In this song, "are you teaching yet?" means "are you still teaching?"

When Professor Quirrell was left for dead, a replacement for him was needed instead,

So an ad in the Prophet Dumbledore made for a new DADA professor.

When Lockhart looked the ad upon, he drew his quill the inkwell from;

"Dumbledore, lad, I'm just the man to be your Dark Arts teacher!"

Chorus:

Oh, hey, Gilderoy, are you teaching yet,

Or have you been the victim of obliviate?

When you were duelling, I couldn't wait

For Snape to send you flying!

Well, he couldn't go to Hogwarts straightaway as he had a book signing to do that day,

And tried to get on the front page of next day's Daily Prophet.

His first DADA lesson he set a cage of pixies upon

His unsuspecting class of Year Second, who had to clean up after him!

Chorus

When the Chamber of Secrets was opened again a message was written which did threaten;

And Lockhart, wanting to increase his fame, began a duelling club!

Now, Gilderoy, he likely wished he'd never asked Snape to assist;

It must have been like a magical fist when expelliarmus sent him flying!

Chorus

Now, Gilderoy, he liked to brag; boasting and lying were his bag,

Stole adventures from old wizards and hags and wrote like he had had them.

This proved to be Lockhart's downfall when into the chamber he did fall

Now he's in St. Mungo's hall after his memory charm backfired!

Chorus