Professor Severus Snape—Grease
Disclaimer: I am neither J. K. Rowling nor Frankie Valli nor Barry Gibb. Therefore, I own neither Severus Snape nor the original song "Grease". All I own is the sense of humour which allowed me to come up with such a ridiculous idea.
Deep in the dungeons where I teach my class,
I got a problem here, an impossible task,
You try standing over potions all day,
And then washing all the residue away—
Grease is the word!
I'm often referred to as "That Greasy Git"—
Those dunderheads don't care that I can't get rid of it!
I need new pillows every other week
Because the grease rubs off every time I sleep.
Grease is the word!
Grease is the word, is the word that you heard, it's infernally clinging,
Grease is eternal, I can't get rid of it, and grease is extremely annoying.
Every Christmas, someone gives me shampoo,
Lists instructions like I never heard of its use,
I've got a life's supply of the damn stuff
(Gave this year's to Lockhart—he can't get enough!)
Grease is the word!
Grease is the word, I look like Grìma Wormtongue, I think he's my uncle or something,
Grease is a pain in the arse, it keeps sticking, and sometimes it even starts dripping!
Sure, it's nice and shiny, but what can I do?
I'm really screwed if it catches fire!
I'm often referred to as "That Greasy Git"—
Those dunderheads don't care I can't get rid of it!
I need new pillows every other week
Because the grease rubs off every time I sleep.
Grease is the word!
Grease is the word, is the word that you heard, it's infernally clinging,
Grease is eternal, I can't get rid of it, and grease is extremely annoying!
Grease is the word, I look like Grìma Wormtongue, I think he's my uncle or something,
Grease is a pain in the arse, it keeps sticking, and sometimes it even starts dripping!
Grease is the word, is the word, is the word…
