Disclaimer: If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If not, it never was to begin with. I'm still waiting, but Inuyasha hasn't returned. So, I'll just have to be content with writing about him and his companions. Bummer.

Thank you all for the great reviews. Some of you guys are so funny! Just one note, to Pruningshears ~ good question. I hadn't considered that, really. I guess I'll have to deal with it later, but for right now as you will see in this chapter, the new placement of the portal is integral to the plot.

Much of this chapter might be kind of dull. I apologize for that ~ just bear with me, ok? In case you don't know it, psychology says there are 5 Stages of Grieving or Loss. They are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Grief, and Acceptance. Kagome is about to go through all of these to try and deal with the loss of Inuyasha, her friends, and her other life.

Chapter 6

What Love Isn't

The Stages of Grief

***Denial***

When Kagome "landed" in the wellhouse at her family shrine, she didn't climb out immediately, as she ordinarily would have. The enormity of what she had just done had just hit her, and she suddenly felt all the strength drain from her body. She realized that she had just effectively and irrevocably shut a very important chapter in her life without thinking it through. The old proverb floated instantly into her mind:

"Act in Haste; Repent at leisure."

Not that she didn't have a right to feel as she did. Not that she wasn't still angry. Very angry. Not that she had said anything that wasn't true. But she was always accusing Inuyasha of overreacting, and now, without any forethought, she had just completely severed ties with her friends......... not just pals that she hung out with and could make more of ......... No, they were her second family.

No more sisterly solidarity with Sango, no more adoration from her little kit, Shippo, no more......... warped wisdom? from Miroku......... no more grandmotherly mentorship from Kaede......... No more overprotective, possessive, enigmatic, bad tempered .........at times surprisingly sweet, fuzzy eared.........Inuyasha. With those thoughts, her legs gave out from underneath her and she burst into the tears she had held back since her encounter on the other side of time.

Eventually, she began to feel claustrophobic, sitting at the bottom of a dark well shaft, and remembering that it was called the "bone eater's well," she finally found the strength to climb up the ladder. Opening the doors to the old well house, she blinked at the bright light that assaulted her vision. It was actually getting fairly late in the afternoon, and the sun was getting pretty low on the horizon, but to her eyes that had become accustomed to the near blackness of the inside of the well, it might as well have been high noon.

Walking across the courtyard, she had begun to reason with herself. She had left the shards before, and always Inuyasha had eventually given in and come to get her. In her hasty retreat, she hadn't thought to remove his enchanted rosary. Or had that really been intentional on her part? She sighed.

Anyway, surely he would come to get her. She forced herself to smile. Of course he would! She should use this time to her full advantage and get as much of her schoolwork made up as possible, and enjoy going to classes and hanging out with her friends. Absolutely! That is just what she'd do. He'd give her a few days, maybe. A week at the most. So, she'd better get on with it!

Running up to the door, she tried the doorknob, and was surprised to find it locked. Odd. Mom didn't say anything about leaving. Of course, she wasn't really around long enough for her to have said anything. And Sota's mouth was too stuffed with cookies to say much. "Oh, well," she said to no one, " must have gone out for dinner! Maybe they'll bring me some Oden!"

Thoughts of food made her realize she hadn't really eaten since breakfast, save for that one cookie. She decided to grab a snack to tide her over till her family got home. Entering the kitchen, she saw a note and an envelope on the counter.

Kagome,

Hello, Sweetheart. You probably didn't remember this, and we didn't have time to discuss it this morning, but your school just let out for spring holiday yesterday. We have gone to visit Aunt Takako in Kyoto for the two weeks. There is enough money in the envelope for either a train ticket for you to join us, or for you to buy groceries and incidentals while we're gone. I imagine that if you don't come to visit, that you will go back and spend time with Inuyasha and your other friends there, but you should probably try to get some of your schoolwork done as well. You know my phone#, and here is Aunt Takako's number as well. Please call me and let me know what your plans are.

Love, Mom, Grandpa, and Sota.

PS We have engaged the neighbor's daughter, Satsuki, to feed Buyo while we're gone, so if you're going to stay, you should tell her she won't have to do it.

Underneath her mother's smooth script was a much more childish one that said:

Tell Inuyasha hi for me! Sota

Kagome muttered, "Sorry, Little Bro. I don't know if I will be able to deliver that message." She dashed a tear from her eye, and reminded herself sternly that this would blow over and that she needed to use her time to her best advantage. "No more being maudlin! I've got work to do! Guess I'd better call Mom first, though."

The conversation was fairly brief. She told her mother that she would skip the trip this time and try to make up all the work she had missed, after which she would probably be headed back to the Sengoku Jidai. Her mother asked if everything was ok, but Kagome told her she was just really tired, and was going to have a hot bath. Finally, her mother cheerfully told her that she loved her and that she hoped to see her soon, and reminded her to tell the neighbor girl that she wouldn't have to worry about the cat.

"I will, Mom......... I love you, too......... Tell everyone hi for me......... Ok......... Bye!" The line went dead, and Kagome set the phone down on the counter.

Her stomach reminded her that she still had physical matters to attend to, so she opened the refrigerator to see if there was anything there. "Good ol' Mom! She found some noodles with vegetables and chicken in broth. She brewed some tea and heated the noodles, then took it all out to the family room to eat in front of the tv. 'What's the point of sticking to formality when no one else is here?' She didn't want to admit to herself that the house just seemed too empty, and she just wanted some noise.

Flipping around the channels, she couldn't find anything that struck her interest. Having spent so much time in the Feudal Era, she had become a little jaded. So many things seemed pointless, frivolous. A couple of game shows, some insane guy cooking and yelling "Bam!", a couple of unfathomably cheerful people trying to sell a new diet system.........

She looked down at her own figure; skinny by most standards. If she hadn't inherited her mother's curves, she would probably look emaciated. It was hard to imagine getting fat with a regimen like hers. "Hah! Maybe I should market my "system"!" Walk all day, battle and run from demons, live on ramen and whatever Miroku can bilk people out of by making them think their home needs to be exorcized. Guaranteed weight loss, as long as you survive! If not, it won't matter!"

Finally, she found a channel that played Anime. It was still early, so they would probably be showing something light and humorous. The dark, violent stuff was generally on somewhat later at night. Maybe Ranma½ or Marmalade Boy, something like that.

But no. The next images that lit the tv screen were various cartoon hamsters on a bright yellow background, cheerfully singing a peppy song in high, nasal voices. "Hamtaro!" it said across the screen in large orange letters. Now there was one she had never seen. Obviously a children's show. Still, she was tired of channel surfing, and really just wanted to zone out and eat, so she left the channel there.

Half an hour later, she barley registered that she had eaten. Yet she held an empty bowl, and her teacup was also dry. She sniffed and dried the bit of moisture that had gathered in her eyes and frowned. How could she get so involved in a kid's cartoon? But after all, it was kind of sweet ~ the way all the little "Hamhams" worked together to help each other and the girl named "Laura," who had lost her father's computer disc on her way to his office. In the end, the girl never knew how the disc was recovered ~ her dad found it in her back pocket where the little rodents had secretly placed it after retrieving it from a strange poet kind of hamster with a Mohawk. It turned out that "Jingle" (that was the name of the strange hamster) hadn't stolen the disc, just found it and added it to his collection of treasures. So, now they had another "Hamham" friend, even if he didn't join the regular gang.

It kind or reminded her of how she and her friends on the other side of the well worked together to collect shards, protect a village, fight demons, etc. How they made friends along the way. How they each had a job to do.........Or how she used to have a job.........

"Oh, please! Snap out of it! I really need to turn this thing off and get to work."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For the next two days, Kagome buried herself in homework, stopping only for to grab something to eat or to sleep. She ignored the phone when it rang, no matter whom the caller ID showed the call to be from. If her mom had called, she would have picked up, but anyone else she just couldn't bring herself to talk to. She told herself she didn't have time to talk because she had to finish her work before Inuyasha came to get her. He would be back any time now, demanding that she come back and finish her job. She didn't even go outside.

And she absolutely refused to look out her bedroom window toward the wellhouse. She would not wait for him like a faithful pet. She had a life, after all, and she had plenty to occupy her time when she wasn't with him. No, no matter how many times she felt her eyes try to roam in that direction, she would not look.

By the morning of the third day, she had completely run out of anything fresh to eat, and realized she was going to have to go shopping or live on instant ramen. She'd done enough of that for the last few years, and besides she had to get out of the house. She was beginning to get cabin fever, and besides, something was really bothering her. It felt like the feeling she got whenever a jewel shard was near, but she knew that couldn't be it. She had left the shards with Shippo. She was just feeling confined. After all, she had become accustomed to spending her days and even nights outdoors, and being shut up indoors for so long now felt confining. And deep down, she knew it had to be that she had been subconsciously been waiting for Inuyasha, and she wasn't ready to admit that she was starting to worry that he wasn't coming. Ever.

No! No way! He would never leave her alone to get on with her life. Not while his precious jewel shards were still in someone else's possession. She needed to stop worrying about it, enjoy her temporary freedom, and get some fresh air. Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror she gasped, "Eeep! Right after I take a bath!" It had been 2½ days since she had bathed or even brushed her hair, and she was beginning to look like a madwoman.

An hour later, bathed, groomed, and dressed in jeans and a light sweater, Kagome flung open her door to greet the day, only to come face to face with Hojo, arm raised and hand fisted to knock on her door.

"Hojo!"

"Uh, hi, Higurashi! How are you feeling? Are you recovering from that horrible rash that covered your whole body and made your skin peel like a snake? I hope that cream I brought by helped" He peered at her, "It seems to have. I can't even see any scarring!"

'Grandfather! Where does he come up with this stuff?' she fumed. When Hojo stopped prattling, she put on a cheerful smile and said, "Uh, yeah! All gone. Thanks for worrying about me, though! And, uh, for the cream. That was really thoughtful of you."

He blushed a little. "Um, well, I came by to see if you want to join a bunch of us for lunch at WacDonalds. Do you feel up to it? Sorry for such short notice, but I tried to call. We thought you might have gone out of town, to one of those therapeutic health spas or something. But I decided to just come by on the way and check."

'Hmmmm........therapeutic health spa! Sounds really good right now!' She thought dreamily. Ok, right. Back to reality. Her first instinct was to refuse, not wanting to be gone when Inuyasha got back. But then she decided it sounded like fun, and fun was something that was definitely lacking in her life right now. And it wouldn't hurt the impatient dog-boy to wait a little. He had to know that she did have a life outside of shard hunting, and maybe this would help to prove the point.

Besides, as her stomach took the opportunity to point out to her right at that moment, she was hungry. So, stepping out of the front door, she said brightly, "Sure, Hojo, sounds like fun." I was going to go shopping from some groceries and stuff, but it can wait till later!"

Hojo beamed, "That's great! Maybe we can catch a movie or something afterward if you're feeling up to it."

***Anger***

"Yeah, maybe.........," Kagome said, her attention suddenly caught by something colorful laying on the patio near the Goshinboku. It looked to be a bouquet of flowers that had seen better days. Approaching it, she said, "Hojo, did you drop these?"

But even as she said it, she knew that he hadn't. Though battered and withered, she recognized several of these flowers, and she knew they hadn't been seen growing in Japan for a couple centuries at least. She knew that, because she had loved them when she saw them the first time in a field outside Kaede's village ~ so pretty and fragrant. The next time she went home to her time she had looked them up on the internet only to find that they were extinct. She had planned to dig a few up and put them in her mother's garden, but she was a little afraid of what would happen if some horticulturist came along and discovered them.

As if that weren't evidence enough, she fingered the ribbon that bound the flowers and knew it to be one that Miroku had acquired as partial payment for one of his demon exorcisms. He had offered it to Sango, to tie her hair back with. She had refused because she didn't want him thinking that he could take liberties with his hands if she accepted the gift. She sighed. Yes, she wouldn't forget that ribbon ~ so pretty and fine; hand woven from the finest silk.

Hojo examined the bouquet, too. "No, I didn't. It looks like they've been here for awhile. Someone must have left them as an offering to the God Tree. This is the first time you've seen them?"

Kagome didn't answer. She really didn't even hear him, so lost was she in thoughts of what the flowers might mean. Was this Inuyasha's farewell gift? He just came to her time and tossed a bouquet of flowers under the place they first met, then left without even saying goodbye? Was he in that big of a rush to get rid of her? She supposed Kikyo was waiting for him, and he was in a hurry. He must have gathered the flowers in an effort to at least acknowledge that she had been useful to him, but that she was no longer needed. ".........a tool to be exploited and then disposed of when your usefulness is no longer needed or desired." Her own words came back to her. So, she had been right after all.

'So, he's not coming back to get me after all.' A thought suddenly occurred to her; that maybe he had put her shards in with the flowers in hopes that she would come back herself. She quickly untied the bouquet and shook the flowers, digging carefully through the foliage. But, of course, she knew they weren't there ~ she would have sensed them.

No, the flowers were just what they were ~ his way of saying, "So long and thanks for all the Ramen." More tears of hurt and anger sprang to her eyes, and she almost let her legs buckle underneath her so that she could finally allow herself the good, cathartic cry that she so badly needed.

Too bad for Kagome that she was not alone to do so. Too bad for an unfortunate thief as well.........

"Higurashi, are you ok?" Hojo's tentative voice startled her out of her reflections. "We can do it another time if you like........."

"No, it's ok. These just reminded me of something." She smiled brightly at him. 'I don't know why he keeps asking me out. He must think I'm a major head case.'

"What did they remind you of?"

Forcing the smile to stay fixed on her lips, Kagome answered determinedly, "That I need to get a life. Let's go." She dropped the flowers to the pavement, and looped her arm through Hojo's, refusing to look back.

She ignored the odd feeling she had had since walking out the door; the feeling that that tree was staring at her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She tried. She really did. If she really was done with the quest, she was going to have to get on with putting her life in the present back together. Hojo wasn't Inuyasha, and never would be, but he was a place to start. So she tried her best to be conversational, as they walked down the long flight of shrine steps and down to Hojo's waiting car.

It seemed stupid to drive such a short distance. They used to walk all the time, and for someone used to trekking all day, nearly every day, downtown was just a short stroll. But she supposed Hojo wanted to show off his new Celica, so she said nothing about it. She tried hard not to think about the flowers, and to be fun and attentive, but she couldn't help the anger that was bubbling below the surface of her frail composure. She just wanted to scream, to hit something, to hit someone! Some kind of outlet for her anger and frustration! She felt so helpless to do anything ~ by leaving those shards, she had given up all control in this situation.

'But what a jerk!' she fumed. 'I mean, he couldn't have at least brought me the flowers in person? He couldn't have taken one minute to say goodbye? I mean, it's not like I went anywhere! I was holed in that house for 2½ days! And that's all I get for three years of throwing my life away to help him? Just a lousy bunch of dead flowers? I mean, I know it was my responsibility to put the jewel back together, but after all we went through together, I thought I meant more to him than that. I thought......... I thought we were........ at least friends.

She shook her head to try and clear it. 'SNAP OUT OF IT! IT'S OVER! MOVING ON!'

They found a parking space a couple of blocks away from the restaurant, and Hojo fed the meter some coins. Smiling brightly at her, he offered her his arm. She smiled back, and going through the motions of a date, slipped her hand through his arm as they started down the sidewalk.

They had only taken a couple of steps when, unwittingly, Kagome's outlet appeared. She suddenly felt a pull from behind, and then someone holding her in place with the feel of something cold against her neck. A surly voice came from behind her, and was directed at Hojo, "Pretty little thing you have here, punk! It'd be a shame if I had to cut her, huh?" A low, lascivious chuckle made Kagome's stomach turn. "Hand over your keys and your wallet, and you can have her back."

Hojo just stood there, gaping. "Uh, ok.........ok...........just don't hurt her, ok? Here, I'm reaching for my wallet. Ok......... Here.......Now let her go. Please." He tossed the requested items at the thief.

Kagome found herself being disgusted by the whole matter. On top of the fact that the thief who now held her captive seemed to have taken a bath in his cologne to (unsuccessfully) disguise the intense stench of his body odor, he was also fairly small and skinny. At least compared to those who usually used her to coerce something out of her friends. She knew that Hojo was just trying to get her safely away from the creep, but come on! What a wimp!

But it was when the creep decided he hadn't gotten enough that she really snapped. He chuckled in a low, oily manner, "Hmmmm. Maybe I'm not done with her yet. Maybe she'd like to find out what it's like to be with a real man." He pulled her roughly against his body and thrust his hips forward into her bottom.

"You jerk! Like you're the one to show that to me!" Kagome screeched, as she stomped as hard as she could, she bringing her foot down on his instep, followed by the sharp crack of breaking bone. Completely caught off guard, the thief yelped in pain. Kagome took advantage of his alarm to free her captive arm, and along with her other hand reached up to grab the arm holding the knife. She brought it down sharply, twisting outward, causing him to release the weapon.

The guy recovered slightly to realize what had happened, and he was pissed. He growled, "Why, you little bitch! You broke my foot! I'm gonna..."

But Kagome just laughed maliciously, "Keh! I deal with scarier things than you before breakfast!" adding under her breath, "You try telling a cranky half-dog-demon that you're out of ramen!" She drove the point of her elbow into his stomach, and as he cried out in pain, she turned and drove the heel of her palm upward into his nose and brought her other fist to his groin. He crumpled to the ground, and Kagome stepped on his neck to make sure he didn't get up again. "That's what you get for trying to take advantage of HELPLESS, innocent girls! JERK!"

It all happened too fast for Hojo to register what had happened. All he could clearly recall was Kagome disarming the guy, and then the guy curled up in a heap on the ground, clutching his groin with one hand and holding his copiously bleeding nose with the other.

"Higurashi........."

"Keh! Quit gaping and call the cops, will you!" she said crossly. 'Geez, did I really say that?'

Even as she spoke, her friends came running up with a policeman in tow. "Wow, Kagome, that was amazing!" "I want to work with your physical therapist!" "That was awesome!"

The policeman seemed confused, "Just what happened here?"

The thief groaned weakly, "She hurt me!"

Kagome kicked him sharply in the ribs, "Shut up, jerk. If you hadn't attacked us, you slimy creep, you wouldn't be like this, would you?"

Meanwhile, Hojo did his best to explain, and showed the policeman the abandoned weapon. The cop chuckled lightly and smirked down at the thief, "Well now, would you like to come with me quietly, or would you like me to let this young lady finish you off?"

The thief immediately offered up his wrists to the police, who cuffed him and hauled him off to his waiting squad car, after radioing that back-up would not be necessary. After settling his capture into the back seat, he turned back to the gathered crowd and addressed Kagome and Hojo, "I'll be needing a statement from the two of you."

Hojo asked if they could eat first, and was given permission. Word of the incident had already made it to Wacdonalds, who insisted on feeding Kagome and her whole group of friends anything they wanted "on the house."

The whole group sat around an enormous pile of cheeseburgers and fries, each sipping a giant soda, talking excitedly about what had just happened. The girls all wanted Kagome to give them self-defense lessons, and the guys chided Hojo about letting his girlfriend do the fighting for him.

No one seemed to notice that even though she was the main topic of conversation at the table, Kagome herself was silent. In fact, she deep in thought, wondering when she had started to act like Inuyasha, and if she needed to seek anger management therapy.