Cornelius Fudge—What Would Albus Dumbledore Do?
Disclaimer: I am not J. K. Rowling, so any characters mentioned in this parody are not mine. I don't own South Park either, so naturally I have no claim on the Brian Boitano song either. I'm just borrowing these things, and hopefully I won't break them too badly.
Oh, and I don't own "Jurassic Park", either.
A/N: This one is based on the mention of Fudge in "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone", when Hagrid tells Harry that Fudge practically drowned Dumbledore in owls every morning asking for advice. I tried to stay true to the original song in that it starts with a slight (?) exaggeration and ends with absolute impossibilities. And I know it never says that he ever competed in the Triwizard Tournament or that he ever worked with Flamel on anything even remotely concerning the Philosopher's Stone, but—well, I can only plead artistic licence here. Besides, I needed a good rhyme. =)
(Fudge:)
What would Albus Dumbledore do if he was here right now?
He'd make a plan and he'd follow through, that's what Albus Dumbledore'd do.
When Dumbledore was in the Triwizard competing for the gold,
He did two backflips through a dragon's flame while wearing a blindfold!
When Dumbledore was working with Flamel with the stone to stay alive,
He beat the evil Grindlewald in 1945!
What would Albus Dumbledore do? I need to know right now,
I'm sure he'd kick an arse or two, that's what Albus Dumbledore'd do!
(Dumbledore:)
Why send all of these owls to me?
It has strainèd my vocabulary!
And I just want that Fudge to think for himself for once,
He's trying too hard not to make a boo-boo,
So he's asking me what I would do!
(Fudge:)
What would Albus Dumbledore do? He'd pull out his magic wand
And mutter something helpful, too; that's what Albus Dumbledore'd do!
When Dumbledore travelled to Mars accidentally,
He improvised a spacesuit and founded a wizard colony.
When Dumbledore went to Jurassic Park he beat up Tyrannosaurus Rex,
'Cause Albus Dumbledore doesn't take shit from anybody,
So I'll write him a few letters
And ask for the wise guy's help
And send him a pair of socks or two
To see what Albus Dumbledore'd do.
And I'll send him an owl or two
To see what Albus Dumbledore'd do—
To see what Albus Dumbledore would do!
