I have no excuse. Life decided to stop creativity for a while. It's back up, though, along with the fic. Thanks to those few who noticed this story amongst the (literally) thousands of other Eva fics out there. Extra special thanks to those who took time to drop a comment. As I said before, this thing is getting finished come hell or high water.
R@wr.
Apparently, this site isn't displaying centered text anymore (or something on my end is screwy). So if the format of this chapter (and subsequent ones) seems hard(er) to follow, I apologize. I'll repost once I figure it out.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE. DAY.
Close up of a black and white TV monitor: A video plays, the camera angle looking down on a girl thrashing about in bed.
Girl (v.o.): (In German) I don't want to die…I don't want to die…I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!!
Onscreen, she wakes with a cry, sitting bolt upright. Slowly coming to her senses, she pulls the covers off and sits on the edge of the bed. After a moment, she covers her face with her hands and begins crying softly.
Zooming out from the monitor, we see a sunlit office furnished with several bookshelves and an oak desk upon which sits the television. Two women are watching it.
The woman sitting on the left is noticeably younger, her light brown hair pulled back into a bun. She watches the monitor intently.
Dr. Epstein: Poor thing.
An older woman sits beside her; short blonde hair frames her tired features. She spins the TV remote in her hand absently.
Dr. Steuerung: Keep watching.
Onscreen, the girl is shaking; her voice rising as she talks to herself.
Girl (v.o.): (Muttering) I don't need you…I don't need anyone!
Suddenly, she her arm shoots out, grabbing her pillow and throwing it across the room. She leaps up, overturning her nightstand, tearing the few pictures in her room from the wall, and violently attacking anything not nailed down. She screams all the while, sobbing with tears of rage and sadness.
Girl (v.o.): I hate you! I hate you! I HATE Y-
The images freezes; the picture of the tormented young woman blurred in motion. Dr. Severa Steuerung sets down the remote, sighing. The younger Dr. Epstein looks visibly distraught.
Steuerung: That was two nights ago. It's not usually this bad. That is, when she actually takes her medication.
Epstein: She has a history of this sort?
Steuerung gets up and walks to the table, picking up several folders overflowing with papers. She thumbs through them as she talks.
Steuerung: "Underlying mental trauma manifested in psycho-physiological insomnia…" Actually, it's more noticeable when she's awake. Take a look if you want.
Steuerung hands her the folders. Epstein tries to keep them in her arms while reading the topmost papers.
Steuerung: Again, I apologize for charging you with this on such short notice. My transfer was supposed to be this fall, but the current administration seems to feel that an outgoing doctor with tenure elsewhere is a hazard throughout the facility to interns and grad assistants alike.
Epstein: Uh…I'm sorry?
Steuerung: Oh, don't be, dear. You're the one who has to stay here.
Steuerung opens the doorway, motioning for Epstein to follow.
Steuerung: Well…let's meet your charge, shall we?
INT. ASYLUM – HALLWAY. DAY.
A simple, white hallway lit by large floor-to-ceiling windows covered with heavy bars. Steuerung and Epstein (still thumbing through the folders she carries) walk along the black and white tiled floor as the elder doctor speaks. Two orderlies in white lead the way.
Steuerung: Apparently she was part of some Asian military group that was disbanded about five years ago, after which, they brought her to us. She was fifteen then, with no information other than the bare minimum: birth records, education, medical history…nothing else. No records existing after twenty-ten…
CUT TO:
INT. ASYLUM – CELL.
A white room with a single, barred window and fluorescent overhead lights. The rather Spartan living conditions include a bed, an end table, and a television enclosed in a wire cage nailed high up on the wall.
The same girl from the video before sits on the floor next to the bed, watching TV and smoking a cigarette. Young and built with a full figure, her features are flawless and soft, with deep blue eyes and long, auburn hair that falls over her shoulders – the kind of girl that men dream of and women loathe. The sleeves of her shirt are rolled up below her elbows; one arm rests on her knee while her other hand – holding a razor blade– absently taps against her underarm, the otherwise flawless white skin covered with telltale scars.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY – RESUMING.
Steuerung: Based on her nationality, her former guardians must have figured that one German town was as good as the next and sent her here – despite the fact that her last known local residence was nearer to Cologne than Nuremburg. We tried contacting the next of kin listed, but with no luck; her mother passed away some time ago and the father's whereabouts are unknown. The board could find nowhere else to put her, so we retained her. She's been with us ever since.
CUT TO:
INT. CELL.
On the TV, "Jeopardy" is playing – albeit, a rerun with German dubbing. The girl watches as a male contestant ponders over a question about geography. After a second, he responds and is greeted by a happy chime telling him he's right. He grins like an idiot and chooses another category, followed by another question and another right answer. She puts her cigarette aside.
Asuka: Come on…
A question about politics and the contestant is stumped, a buzzer informing him of his ignorance. He shrugs with a look of, "Oops, my bad".
Asuka: (Muttering) Figures.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY – RESUMING.
Epstein: Couldn't she tell you anything herself?
Steuerung: Not really. She was in a coma when she arrived and stayed that way for almost a year.
Epstein: Oh my. But she eventually woke up, right?
Steuerung: (Considers) Well, yes… But she's not all that… open.
CUT TO:
INT. CELL.
Without hesitation, Asuka slices across her exposed arm; the razor leaving a long, thin trail of red in its wake.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY – RESUMING.
Epstein: So she's somewhat of a recluse?
Steuerung: Oh, don't get me wrong, she can be very animated if she so chooses – sometimes without abatement – but it's getting her to talk about herself that's the hard part. Understand that she's conscious in every sense of the word and in perfect physical health. It's just that some parts of her mind are…recessive. As though they haven't woken up yet…or she doesn't want them to.
(She looks at her watch)
I'm glad that you came today.
CUT TO:
INT. CELL.
The next contestant is a rather obese man who answers incorrectly on the first try, earning a harsh buzz for his effort.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY – RESUMING.
Epstein: Why?
CUT TO:
INT. CELL.
Asuka responds to the man's incompetence by carving another line into her skin. She stares at the TV.
Asuka: Idiot.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY – RESUMING.
Steuerung: You'll have a better idea of what you're dealing with. It's Thursday. "Jeopardy" is on.
CUT TO:
INT. CELL.
The show adjourns for a commercial break. Asuka looks down at the two fresh wounds in her skin, gently tracing her fingers around them.
Asuka: (Quietly) Look what you made me do.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY – RESUMING.
The two doctors come to a stop outside a bolted, white door. Both orderlies stand off to the side as Dr. Steuerung knocks on it.
CUT TO:
INT. CELL.
Hearing the knocking, Asuka dabs at the blood on her arm with a nearby tissue and tosses it in the trashcan. She pulls down her sleeves and hides the razor inside the bed's mattress. As an afterthought, she reaches up and changes the channel on the TV.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY – RESUMING.
Steuerung knocks again.
Steuerung: Asuka? It's Doctor Steuerung. May I come in?
A pause.
Asuka (O.S): What if I said "no"?
Steuerung forces a tight smile.
Steuerung: Then we go through last Monday all over again.
Another pause.
Asuka (O.S): Come in.
Steuerung nods to one orderly, who unlocks the door and holds it open. Steuerung motions Epstein to follow her inside.
INT. CELL.
Asuka sits on her bed, smoking and still watching television.
Steuerung sits at the opposite end of the bed while Epstein (still clutching the mass of folders) stands by the doorway. Steuerung speaks as though to a child.
Steuerung: (Affably) And how are you today?
Asuka: Okay.
Steuerung: That's good.
(Indicating the television)
What are we watching?
Asuka: (Shrugs) I just turned it on.
Steuerung: Find anything good?
Asuka: I just turned it on…
Steuerung: Ah.
On the TV is a cooking show. A chef prepares a batch of yellow to compliment the lump of yellow on the plate beside him.
Epstein: Do you, uh, do you like cooking?
Asuka lets the question sit for a moment before shifting her eyes to the younger doctor.
Asuka: Not particularly.
An uncomfortable silence lasts until Epstein coughs.
Steuerung: Asuka, I'd like you to meet Doctor Epstein. She's just arrived here from the University of Heidelberg. You'll be under her care after I leave.
Epstein smiles and moves closer, extending one hand to shake.
Epstein: Hi! Dr. Steuerung has told me a lot about you. I look forward to helping you as much as she did.
Asuka manages a smile.
Asuka: What's your name?
Epstein: Nora.
Asuka: Nora… Well, Nora, if you can hide pills in dinner rolls and control a schizo with a tendency to bite during her fits, I'm sure you'll do just fine.
A beat. Asuka erupts into uncontrollable laughter at her own joke. After several moments without abatement, Epstein joins in without really knowing why. Steuerung glares at her patient.
Asuka: (Chuckling) How much dick did you have to suck?
Epstein stops laughing. Her smile falters.
Epstein: What?
Steuerung: (Warning) Asuka...!
Asuka: How much dick did you suck to get in here? You're too young to have a position this high up after only – when did you graduate?
Steuerung: (To Epstein) Doctor, can I speak with you in the hallway?
Epstein ignores her. She answers calmly.
Epstein: (To Asuka) Last year.
Asuka: (Still giggling) How old are you?
Steuerung: Doctor…
Epstein: Twenty-two.
Asuka laughs again.
Asuka: Graduated with honors to land a job at one of the biggest institutions in the nation!
(To Steuerung)
Oh, Doc, you got a prodigy here!
Asuka leans forward, reveling in the moment.
Asuka: It's simple. You're too pretty to be here. If you'd been hired on as an intern, I could understand, but Head Analyst with full benefits and enough clout to drive out a senior member with twenty years under her belt? Uh-uh.
(Evenly)
You are a toy. A cute little doll for the board members to fawn over and something soft for the male researchers to pet.
(Pointing to Steuerung)
Frau Steuerung here lost her appeal years ago. Now, they need a new face, a young face, to tout the diversity of gender at this fine institution.
A pause as she squints at Epstein's figure.
Asuka: How much did the boob job cost? Just curious.
Asuka takes another drag and smiles.
Steuerung grits her teeth as she tries to coax (read: pull) Epstein out of the room. The younger doctor doesn't budge, trying to think up a retort as tears form in her eyes.
Asuka: (Feigning concern) Oh… You have something to say? Go on, sweetie, speak up.
Epstein looks as though someone stabbed her in the heart. She opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. Steuerung leads her out the door. They both exit.
Asuka: What'd I say!?
INT. HALLWAY.
Steuerung closes the door behind them. Epstein pulls a tissue out of her pocket to dry her eyes, in doing so; she drops most of the folders and their contents.
Epstein: Dammit… I'm sorry.
Steuerung: I should have had you come earlier when she was asleep.
Epstein: No, no, you warned me. I just…Goddamnit.
Steuerung: She's in one of her moods. It's not like this all the time.
Epstein: No, It's not just her! It's everyone! They all… I got here on my own. I did this myself!
Steuerung: Of course you did –
Epstein is visibly distraught, twisting the tissue in her hands to shreds.
Epstein: (To herself) People whispering behind your back wherever you go – little snide comments they think you can't hear…
Steuerung: Maybe we should-
Epstein: "Oh, look, here comes Snow White. Little Miss Princess who thinks she's so lucky to be here; doesn't know they only hired her as pretty scenery! Stupid, manipulative, backstabbing fucks –
Steuerung: NORA!
Epstein bites her lip, stopping her tirade.
Steuerung: (To orderly) Max, why don't you show Doctor Epstein to the cafeteria?
(To Epstein)
I'll meet you down there; I just want to talk to Miss Soryu for a few minutes. Are you alright?
Epstein: I…I am perfectly capable…They hired me for my credentials – I have very good credentials!
Steuerung: I'll see you shortly.
Orderly: This way, Doctor.
Still muttering, Epstein is led down the hallway by the orderly.
Epstein (O.S): I had – there was a lot of…stuff in my portfolio…They liked that! It was really big – DON'T TOUCH ME!
Steuerung watches them go. She starts to pick up the papers from the floor. After dropping them again, she settles for simply pushing the mess against the wall. She sighs and enters the cell again.
INT. CELL.
Steuerung slams the door behind her. Asuka gets up to meet her.
Steuerung: That was uncalled for.
Asuka: What the hell have you done to that poor girl?!
Steuerung: What?!
Asuka: That young and you lay all this on her! It's like throwing her to the wolves! If she can't even handle ME, how do you think she'll manage with the lock-ups on fifth floor, or the sadists in the high security wing? Christ, one crack at her and she's crying like some kid with a sprained ankle!
Steuerung: You're as bad – if not worse – than anything fifth floor or the East Wing has to offer. I think she'll do just fine.
Asuka: Oh, that hurts. If I had a heart, it'd be breaking.
Steuerung: Was there any reason you needed to make her feel worthless?
Asuka looks at the Doctor as if to say, "Are you THAT stupid?"
Asuka: Throughout my life I've noticed something. People carry on with their lives under the misconception that what they are is important and what they're doing actually matters. All this bullshit we're told to make us feel unique and keep us going? Strip that away and we're nothing; just weak, selfish creatures who think delusion is happiness. I had to find out the hard way. Miss Doctor-fucking-wannabe should be glad she heard it from me first.
Steuerung: We've talked about this fatalistic attitude, it's unhealthy-
Asuka: Then cure me! If I'm so screwed-up, do something about it!
Steuerung: What have I been doing for two years?!
Asuka: Oh yeah, two years of probing my mind, feeding me drugs, and making sure I don't kill myself. For what? All so you can say "fuck it" and hand me off to someone else who doesn't know what they're doing? If you know it's useless, then why go through the motions of helping someone who can't be saved?
Asuka sits.
Steuerung stares back at her with a look of astonishment. A pause.
Steuerung: I remember when you first arrived here… I thought about nothing but helping you as best I could when and if you came to…
Asuka: Oh, please.
Steuerung: But you're right. Why should I care anymore about a patient who, after two years, has made-
Steuerung grabs Asuka's arm, pulling up the sleeve to reveal the patchwork of scars beneath, the newer cuts dark with dried blood. Asuka shrieks in protest.
Steuerung: -so much progress! At least when you were a vegetable you didn't maim yourself to pass the time! I swear to God, you're hopeless!
Asuka jerks her arm back, retreating towards the far end of the bed.
Asuka: GET AWAY FROM ME!
Steuerung: I only see two lines. Were you stuck with a smart group today?
Asuka: No, I was interrupted by the warden wanting to show off her new pet.
Steuerung: Why don't you stop working your arms and just do the wrists already?
Asuka flinches; taken aback by her words.
Asuka: You'd like that, wouldn't you? Less of a workload.
Steuerung: Oh, but you're not mine any more, remember? I'm just handing you off to someone else who doesn't know what they're doing. You put it perfectly – 'why go through the motions?' You can live, you can die – I don't care! You're not my problem anymore.
Asuka: (Whispering) Fuck you-
Steuerung: No, fuck you, dear. Me, Epstein, this whole institution…we came to you with open arms and you told us to piss off. Well, now you can rot in this hole, because you sure don't plan on doing anything else. In my life, I don't think I've met anyone as pathetic and wretched as you. Someone who uses pain as a fun diversion from this hole that's her life, Someone who can't even stand herself, let alone other people. So lost that no amount of ink blot tests, insightful chats, or anti-depressants can ever bring them back… And what's really sick is you don't even care. I stopped pitying you when I realized that you wouldn't have it any other way.
Asuka trembles with rage as she glares at the doctor. Her eyes glisten with what might be tears, but she refuses to cry openly. Not in front of this woman.
Steuerung: Oh… You have something to say? Go on, sweetie, speak up.
(Pause)
This concludes our session for today.
Steuerung takes a last look at Asuka – now huddled on the bed, staring at her arms – before she gets up and moves towards the door.
No sooner does her hand touch the doorknob as she's tackled from behind by a screaming Asuka. The two of them bang loudly against the door as they fall.
From the floor, Steuerung flails her arm backwards, trying to hit her attacker. Asuka grabs her by the arm, pulling her up. Regaining some balance, Steuerung reaches for the door.
Steuerung: PETER - !
Her cry is cut short as she's shoved headfirst into the door with an audible "Bang!" Instead of falling again, she's spun around by the shoulder to face Asuka-
-CRACK! Asuka head-butts Steuerung, who cries out in pain.
Without pausing, Asuka throws the good doctor against the wall behind them, actually pulling Steuerung off her feet and knocking over the end table in the process. The girl's been working out.
Asuka gets the battered doctor in a headlock as the door behind bursts open and two very big orderlies enter.
The first one pulls Asuka off the doctor and receives an elbow to the face in return. The second brandishes a nightstick; hitting Asuka in the stomach once, doubling her over, and again to the back of her head, sending her to the ground.
A second doctor enters with a syringe in hand. She crouches down next to the two orderlies doing everything they can to keep Asuka restrained. The doctor pumps a sizeable amount of tranquilizers into the young patient's arm. Asuka curses her all the while.
Steuerung gets up with the help of one of the orderlies. Holding her bloodied nose, she totters over to where Asuka lies.
Steuerung: Solitary… Three months. With as much Diazepam as we can afford.
Steuerung steps over Asuka on her way to the door, kicking the girl in the stomach in the process.
Orderly: Watch your step.
Steuerung: Oops.
Asuka manages a final plaintive wail before the world slips away from her.
Fade to black.
Fade up on:
INT. ASYLUM – HALLWAY. NIGHT.
Fluorescent lighting above bathes the hall in a sickly yellow. Cell doors line the walls down either side. A sign suspended from the ceiling labels the wing as "Quarantine and Observation". It is deathly quiet, save for the sound of footsteps.
From a side entrance, a person enters this wing. They walk further down the darkened corridor before stopping outside a reinforced door.
INT. CELL.
In the darkness, the sound of shallow breathing is broken by the squeal of a lock being turned. The door to the cell creaks open, stabbing into the gloom with a sliver of light.
Asuka sits up from the mattress she lays on, wincing as her eyes try to adjust. She squints at the figure framed in the doorway.
As her eyes adjust, she can make out details: A woman – no, a girl. Slender build. Average height. Long hair. Blue…eyes…
…in a red plug suit.
Asuka blinks as she looks up at herself, aged fourteen, and wearing the red body glove used for piloting Evas.
The younger Asuka stares back – except she is now the one huddled under a blanket on a mattress on the floor.
From the doorway, Asuka stands in her place, staring impassively back at her.
She steps back, letting the door close and the darkness swallow up her younger self.
CUT TO IMAGE:
EXT. GRAVEYARD. DAY.
Rain falls from a gray sky. Mourners in black stand around an open grave.
CUT TO IMAGE:
INT. ROOM.
A small room with metal walls stained red with rust. A chair sits in the middle. In one of the corners, a woman stands facing the wall.
A quick cut and the woman is now sitting in the chair with her face in her hands.
CUT TO IMAGE:
INT. MILITARY COMPLEX. HALLWAY.
Blood-stained walls scream of murder and bullet-riddled bodies line the floor. The corpses wear the attire of NERV technicians and personnel. Curled against the wall in the fetal position, Asuka sits motionless in a white hospital gown spattered with red.
CUT TO SCENE 1:
EXT. CITY – STREET. DAY.
NO SOUND: Standing on a sidewalk, a young girl holds her mother's hand while clutching a stuffed animal. She stares ahead, unblinking.
CUT TO SCENE 2:
INT. BEDROOM. DAY.
NO SOUND: From the doorway, we see a woman wearing a nightgown sitting in front of a large dresser and putting on makeup.
CUT TO IMAGE:
INT. MISATO'S APARTMENT - KITCHEN. DAY.
The residence lies dark and empty; devoid of life. Sparse light filters in from the gray sky outside. A plate of food sits uneaten.
The buzzing of flies is distinctly heard.
CUT TO SCENE 3:
INT. APARTMENT SLUM. DAY.
A condemned apartment building with the roof missing. In what used to be the bathroom, Asuka lays naked inside a tub filled with dirty water, staring blankly up at the endless blue sky.
The buzzing of flies continues, only louder; almost grating.
CUT TO SCENE 1:
The young girl's mother reaches down, taking the stuffed animal from her daughter's hands.
CUT TO SCENE 2:
The woman finishes putting on a conservative-looking outfit.
CUT TO SCENE 1:
Still holding her daughter's hand, the girl's mother tosses the stuffed animal out into the street.
CUT TO SCENE 2:
The woman fixes her hair as she looks in the mirror mounted behind the dresser. Satisfied, she smiles slightly and walks back into the room, out of frame. The woman returns. This time, she takes the chair she was sitting on and pulls it off-frame with her as she exits again.
CUT TO SCENE 1:
The girl protests, pulling at her mother's hand to get free as she watches her stuffed animal slowly arc through the air and come to rest in the middle of the street.
CUT TO SCENE 2:
Sunlight streams into the bedroom in thin lines from the partially closed window blinds. The waning light outside tells us some time has elapsed. As we watch, a young girl enters the frame, pausing outside the doorway.
CUT TO SCENE 3:
Asuka lifts one frail arm up from the dark water, inspecting it like she's never seen it before.
CUT TO SCENE 1:
The girl continues her struggle to get free as, from out of nowhere, a flock of black crows descends upon the stuffed animal. It disappears under a mass of flapping wings and pecking beaks.
CUT TO SCENE 2:
The girl looks back down the hall she came from. It's Asuka as a child. Smiling, she mouths a wordless call, apparently searching for someone. She enters the room, walking out of our line of sight in the process.
CUT TO SCENE 1:
The girl tugs to be free of her mother's grasp as she watches the black mass of birds flapping over her toy.
CUT TO SCENE 3:
Still looking at her one arm, Asuka brings the other up out of the water; in that hand, she holds a straight razor.
CUT TO SCENE 1:
The girl wrenches herself free from her mother's grasp, running out into the street to retrieve her possession from the writhing mass of wings and talons. The mother remains motionless; reaching after her daughter in vain.
CUT TO SCENE 2:
Slowly, we move into the bedroom, passing the nightstand in the process. "FOLLOW ME" is written on the mirror in smeared red lipstick…
…turning the corner, we find the young Asuka standing in the middle of the room, looking up.
CUT TO SCENE 3:
Asuka slowly brings the razor up to her wrist.
CUT TO SCENE 1:
The crows take to the sky as the girl runs over to them. Wings beat the air around her and feathers float about as she pushes through the departing flock towards her stuffed animal.
CUT TO SCENE 2:
Looking up, we see the woman from before suspended from the ceiling fan with a noose tight around her neck. She swings in wide, languid circles. A chair lies beneath her, kicked over. As the woman's body swings around, we catch a glimpse of her face – eyes swollen shut, jaw slack, and tongue, thick and purple, hanging out.
CUT TO SCENE 3:
Asuka presses down, drawing the razor across her wrist slowly. The buzzing noise begins to intensify.
CUT TO SCENE 1:
The girl stares at the remains of her stuffed animal. Bits of fabric and stuffing lie in a spreading pool of dark red blood. Amidst the carnage we can also discern a human eye and several teeth.
CUT TO SCENE 2:
The child Asuka stares with wide eyes, not knowing what to make of this. As she watches, the body comes around again. But instead of the woman, Asuka now hangs in her place.
The fan comes to a stop along with her body. Young Asuka stares at her older self hanging in the noose.
Asuka's eyes open. Her gaze, cold and empty, falls on the child before her.
CUT TO IMAGE:
INT. ROOM.
A small room with metal walls stained red with rust. The woman sitting in the center looks up. Tears flow down her face from eyes as black as the night.
CUT TO SCENE 2:
Despite the noose cutting into her neck, Asuka lets loose a piercing shriek.
CUT TO SCENE 1:
(Sound of Asuka screaming) The young girl opens her mouth in a soundless scream.
CUT TO SCENE 3:
(Sound of Asuka screaming) Her face expressionless, Asuka holds her cut wrist above the water. The buzzing is now shrill and mixed with chittering noises as, not blood, but a black mass of insects seep from the wound.
CUT TO BLACK.
INT. ASYLUM. HALLWAY – NIGHT.
Asuka's screams echo down the corridor as Dr. Epstein and an orderly walk towards the open door ahead of them.
Epstein holds a bottle of clear liquid. With a syringe, she draws a sizable dose of it.
INT. ASYLUM. CELL – CONTINUOUS.
Epstein enters the room. Asuka kicks and squirms while two orderlies try to subdue her.
Epstein moves towards the screaming girl as the orderly follows, closing the door after them.
FADE TO BLACK.
I've another chapter to finalize before posting.
- "And there was much rejoicing."
- "Yaaaay."
So…more soon.
