Disclaimer: I own nothing.. So .. yeah.

Chapter Thirteen: Panic!

"Lily!" James said, as a paled faced Lily walked in. "Where have you been?" He walked over to her and tried to hug her but she pushed him away.

"Just let me alone, James!" she snapped crossly. She wanted to cry when she saw him. "I'm going to bed," she ran upstairs.

James, confused, wanted to follow her but then thought, I'll talk to her tomorrow, she might have calmed down then.

Then he walked out of the Gryffinndor common room and walked outside.

~*~*~* Meanwhile.

Lily sobbed into her pillow, clutching her tattooed arm to her chest. It stung dully but it was painful it look at it. Why did she do that? Why did she become a Deatheater? She looked at it. It was jet black still.

Voldermort's voice kept going through her head.

"Bring him to me on Christmas Day. We'll have our parents back in no time," He had said, before she left. "Ah, Lily," He started circling her again. When he was behind her, he put one hand on her shoulder. Lily covered her head with her hands.

"Stupid! Stupid!" she muttered, under her breath. She thought she was going to be sick again. "Just let me die!"

She spend the rest of the night crying, thinking how her life was once meaningful, now is not.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

James woke up the next morning, with a throbbing headache. He hadn't got much sleep, thanks to Remus, with his howling. He got up and grabbed on his clothes.

"Oy! Guys!" he said, shaking Sirius, Remus and Peter. "Time to get up!"

"Ah, go away, Prong!" They said as unison.

"C'mon!" Then after fifteen minutes of moaning, groaning and cursing about James, they left the Shrieking Shack.

~*~*~*

"So did you tell her?" Remus asked, bags under his eyes, taking a bite out of his toast.

"Well, we kissed.. a lot," James trailed off. He was thinking about what happened after she came back, how upset, no it was more like depressed she looked.

"But did you say, 'Lily, I love you'?" asked Sirius grinning evilly.

"No... But I sure I made it clear that I did," James said, absently. He was now thinking about the way she kissed him, how it felt so right. "And I'm hundred percent sure she likes me back.

James must have had a dreamy face on because Sirius said, "You're thinking about her, aren't you?"

"Huh? What?" James came back to Earth.

"Never mind, anyway, our girlfriend is here," and it was true. Lily entered the Great hall, wearing a long black straight skirt and a long sleeved shirt, all the buttons done up. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were buffie and red.

"Hey Lils! Over here!" James waved his hands in the air, trying to catch her attention. She sat in her old sit, on the corner of the far end of the table.

James, wanting to talk to her, left his sit and walked up to Lily. She had got out a book, and began to read. "Err.. Hey, Lils," James said, "Can I talk to you?"

"If you want," Lily said shortly, voice raspy.

James sat down opposite her and said, "Lily, can you close your book, this is urgent," Lily put her books down and looked stiffly at him. She was not gonna cry. "Listen," He took her hand, and started to stroke it gently. Lily got shivers down her spine. "What happened last night, was something. I was worried about you, you seemed upset."

"I'm not telling you anything!" she snapped harshly. Idiot! She thought.

"You don't have to," James said, taken aback by Lily's reaction, this isn't like her, he thought, "I was wondering if we could, um, you know, go on a date, sort of thing because I.. I really- "

Lily couldn't believe it. He just had to make this worst! If last night hadn't happened last night with Voldemort, and James had said that again, she's been jumping up and down more times than Flubber. But, in real life, it wasn't that simply. "James," she said, taking her hand away from him, "Listen to me, I am not," Liar! Liar! Kept running through her head, making it throb. "Interested with you! Last night was nothing. It was a mistake, it shouldn't have happened and it will never will again. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to the Library." and with that she took of, with no a glance back.

James sat there; not knowing what he was feeling. He felt like crying, saying that his first kiss, well not very first, but it was his first proper meaningful passionate kiss... Mistake?

James, feeling that everything was utter crap, walked off, to his dorm.

"Erm.. Should we go after him?" asked Remus, watching James.

"Nah, leave him alone for a while, he'll come around," replied Sirius, looking the most worried. Something's up and it's something big, Sirius thought, rubbing his chin.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After a month of waiting to see if Lily would speak to him again, James had given up. Even though he was deeply in love with her, she still refused to talk to him. When they were in the same corridor, and they saw each other, Lily would run in the other direction, crying her eyes out. Even when they had meetings, as head boy and girl, stuff, when James tried to get something out of her, she would just say, "James, lets get back to work." Why? Why? He kept thinking, over and over again.

But James's mind was quickly focused on another thing. The first Quidditch match of the season, Slytherin Vs Gryfinndor, was on tomorrow, and as James, being the Captain, was the most nervous.

"Chill out, man," Sirius said, slapping James on the back, "You'll win, you always do."

"I hope so, I hope so," James kept replying, not really concentrating. Lily, I love you, he was thinking. His body was aching for hers. He wanted her eyes, her arms, her body, her lips and her hair, everything to do with her.

Why did you do this to me, Lils? He thought, bitterly, his eyes wet, with love and confusion.