The Real Big Brainy
by Gary D. Snyder
Part 3:
Following Show and Tell Miss Fowl proceeded to the lesson plan for the day. Usually the class discussions would be dominated by the verbal sparring of Jimmy and Cindy as each tried to outdo the other, but again Jimmy found himself pitted against Jacques in virtually every subject. Time and again Jimmy found his answers expanded upon in greater depth and finer detail by Jacques, much to the class' growing amazement, Jimmy's increasing annoyance, and Cindy's thinly veiled delight. Things quickly came to a head when the lesson turned to astronomy, one of Jimmy's favorite topics. It began innocently enough, with Miss Fowl posing a simple question.
"Cindy," she clucked, "which planet in the Solar System is furthest from the Sun?"
"Pluto," answered Cindy, smiling smugly at Jimmy.
"Except, of course, when Pluto's highly eccentric orbit causes it to move inside the orbit of Neptune, making it the eighth planet from the Sun, as from early 1979 to early 1999," Jimmy added.
"February 7th, 1979 to February 11th, 1999, to be exact," contributed Jacques.
Jimmy raised his voice slightly. "And it reached its closest point to the Sun –"
"Also known as perihelion," smiled Jacques.
"- in September of 1989 –"
"On the 5th of the month."
"- and will not do so again for another two centuries!" Jimmy finished through clenched teeth.
"232 years and several months, I should think," concluded Jacques calmly.
During this exchange the Miss Fowl and the other students had watched the two open-mouthed, their collective gaze traveling from Jimmy to Jacques and back again like spectators at a championship tennis match. When it at last became apparent that Jimmy had nothing more to add they suddenly became aware that they had been holding their breaths and released it with a mass sigh. As if that were a cue, Jacques added one parting tidbit.
"Of course," he added thoughtfully, "this does not consider the possibility of the famous Planet X, somewhere on the fringe of the Kuiper belt."
"The Kuiper - you – I – " Jimmy spluttered, then slumped silently into his chair in defeat. Involuntarily the rest of the students began to applaud, feeling as though some great contest had been fought and decided. Caught up in the moment, Cindy leaped onto her chair and threw her fist up in the air.
"The king is dead! Long live the king!" she cheered.
The spontaneous celebration that ensued lasted for several minutes before Miss Fowl was finally able to restore order. When calm and order once again prevailed she cleared her throat and said, "Yes, well, that was very…uh…interesting. Are there any – bra-a-awk – questions?"
Carl meekly raised his hand. "Miss Fowl?"
"Yes, Carl?"
"Um…will all this be on the test? The stuff about the periscope and the copper belt and the king dying and everything?"
Miss Fowl removed her glasses, cleaned them carefully, replaced them, and cleared her throat again before speaking. "No, Carl," she answered calmly. "It will not be on the test. There will be no test."
All the students were dumbstruck, instinctively sensing that the situation was very, very perilous. Finally Sheen broke the silence by asking, "Why won't there be a test?"
"Because, She-e-en," Miss Fowl replied, still in a dangerously calm voice, "I won't be here. I'll be in a sanitarium, where I can live in my happy imaginary world where the teachers know more than the students. For now, you are all excused for lunch."
"But it's only 10:45 AM," Libby pointed out.
"It's noon in my world!" Miss Fowl screeched. "Now get to lunch!"
The students needed no further prompting and scurried from the classroom, although Jimmy left much more slowly than he usually did and was the last one to leave. When he had gone, Miss Fowl buried her face in her hands. "Oh, how I miss Bolbi!" she moaned to no one in particular. "He was such an easy student to teach. Clap, clap, clap! Slap, slap, slap! Clap, clap, clap!…"
End of Part 3.
Author's Notes:
The question about the furthest planet from the Sun was a favorite bar bet type of trivia question back in the 1980's and 1990's because Pluto was in fact closer to the Sun than Neptune was back then. It seemed a very good question for letting Jimmy and Jacques slug it out and a believable way for everyone to accept Jacques as being the smarter of the two.
On a lighter note I've always wondered just how Miss Fowl would react if her students kept demonstrating that they apparently knew more than she did. Considering her difficult situation, I have a lot of respect for her being able to keep her class in line as well as she does.
