*** I left lines from the movie in on purpose. I am trying to follow the movie as much as possible, so if a little bit of it is repiticious then it's for a reason!

*** The reuinon is next chapter. Don't make me have to hold it for ransom!!LOL

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Chapter 8: Confessions and Realizations

Maria's POV

I take a deep breath, and pull the door to my room closed. I know why the Reverend Mother has summoned me to her office. I know exactly why she wants to see me, and my mind spins at how I'm going to leave her office without admitting the truth. Sister Margretta stands in front me and casts me a smile. I smile back at her, and we start on our way through the abbey courtyard to the Reverend Mother's office.

The air is so completely still that I can hear birds singing off in the distance, it's utterly peaceful. I take a deep breath trying to calm my mind, and my heart.

My efforts are in vain, as my mind wanders yet again, back to that night…I can still feel his lips on mine, can still feel his hands running along my body. I could have stayed in his arms forever…

But I had to leave there; I had to get as far away from him as I could. I couldn't face him again, I couldn't risk getting lost in his gorgeous eyes, or melting under his touch again. I couldn't take the chance that next time, I would have the will control to walk away.

He's practically engaged to Baroness Schraeder. I was sent to his home to be the governess for his children, I had job to do, an obligation to fulfill. I wasn't supposed to feel what I've felt…since that day in the market. He wasn't supposed to be in my dreams every night. My every thought wasn't meant to be of him, my body wasn't supposed to ache for his touch. My heart wasn't meant to…

I'm suddenly brought back to reality as I watch a young postulant leaves the Reverend Mother's office. I take another deep breath, and slowly enter.

I walk to The Reverend Mother, and kneel before her, taking her hand in mine. She places her hand on top of my head, " You've been unhappy, I'm sorry."

" Reverend Mother." I say calmly.

I stand up slowly, and take a deep breath.

" Why did they send you back to us?" She asks patiently.

I take a deep breath, " They didn't send me back mother, I left."

Her eyes meet mine, and I realize that I'm not going to leave here without explaining everything to her.

" Sit down Maria."

I do as I'm told, and wait for the next question. " Why did you leave?"

" I was…." I trail off, as I desperately to think of anything but the truth.

" Did something happen?" She asks, and I can hear the concern rising in her voice.

" I was…I was frightened." I tell her, unable to make myself lie.

" Frightened? Were they unkind to you?" Her voice is all worry as she walks closer to me.

" Oh no, I…I couldn't face him again." I say, the words leaving my mouth before I have the chance to stop them.

" Thank you sister Margretta." I hear the door close, and brace myself for what I know is coming next. " Captain von Trapp?" She says, her tone laced with a quiet shock.

I close my eyes, and exhale, just as she asks her next question.

" Are you in love with him?"

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to stall as long as possible. " I don't know. I don't know, I…I've never felt that way before." I say completely exasperated, my tone nearly defensive.

I watch as she comes to stand before me.

" Maria." Her voice is calm, and patient. " You've never felt, what before?"

I look down at my hands, desperate to find something to say that won't give me away. " I've never felt…" I stop and look up at her, tears welling in my eyes, " Complete." I gasp, surprised by my sudden realization.

I watch her nod, before she looks me dead in the eyes. " Maria…" She says her voice more firm this time, " Are you in love with him?"

I close my eyes and nod, finally unable to deny my heart any longer. " Yes." I whisper, as I finally admit what I've known for months.

She looks at me for a moment, and I try to read her expression. " Then you must go back."

I practically jump out of my seat, " Oh no Mother, you can't ask me to go back."

" Maria…" She says stepping closer to me, " Our abbey mustn't be used as an escape."

I nod to her, as I painfully fight off my tears.

" Maria, the love of a man and a woman is holy too."

" But I've pledged my life to God, to his service." I say tearfully.

" Loving this man doesn't mean you love God any less." She tells me, her voice soft, yet firm.

I look at her, a few stray tears falling down my cheeks. " You must go back." I open my mouth to protest, but realize that it's not a choice but an order I must follow. " Maria, you must live the life you were born to live." She tells me with a small smile, " You must follow your heart."

I leave the Reverend Mother's office without saying anything else. I walk slowly to my room, a million things racing through my mind. I had feared that my feelings were immoral, sinful. Knowing that my feelings are blessed in the eyes of God is a great comfort. My mind drifts back to that first day in the market…

I remember the first time I looked into his eyes, and how I almost instantly felt complete.

I fight back a blush as I remember that night…and the Laendler. I had never felt anything like that in my life…utter and complete bliss, safe and secure in his arms. Like I was right where I was meant to be. And that kiss…was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced in my life. It was nearly heaven on Earth…

I smile to myself, as it suddenly dawns on me that I no longer fear getting lost in my feelings. That I now longer fear the fact that…I'm in love with Captain von Trapp. I smile to myself, and open the door to my room. Knowing that when I leave, I will finally be free…free to love him, the way I have wanted to since that day in the market.

To be continued…