Xavier

From the Private Journal of Charles Xavier:

Today has been one of the most devastating days in our lives on so many levels. Apocalypse now has the keys he needs to put whatever plans he has in motion. Soon he will wage all out war on humankind. Humans have another reason to hate and fear us. Already the news reports on the battle have inflamed several anti-mutant protests. More lobbying for the Mutant Registration bills are being done as we speak. General Hawk just gave me an 'I told you so' lecture for twenty minutes. I have also lost one of my dearest friends and most powerful foes. And worst of all, the X-Men are starting to fall apart at the seams.

The recent ban on mutants again at Bayville High and the reintroduced lawsuits was a devastating blow to morale. After Scott and Jean had worked so hard and so long for a graduation, it was taken away from them at the very last second. But even worse were the events afterwards.

Mystique's death has split the team in opinion. What frightens me is how many X-Men believe that Rogue has done the right thing, even though she herself does not believe it.

Once Rogue and Kurt had become close, now they are further apart than ever. Perhaps never to reconcile again. Rogue is even thinking of leaving the Institute. And some students may be glad to see her go.

My dreams of peace are being shattered all around me. How can I bridge a gap between man and mutants when I can't even do it in my own household?

How can I convince humans that we can live together when I couldn't even convince my best friend that?

I tried to save you Erik, but I failed. I tried to save Mystique but I failed. And now I'm losing Rogue and Kurt and I'm failing miserably.

All I can do is try to pick up and put together the pieces of a team that's falling apart so they can survive in a hostile world that's growing even more hostile. And I don't know if I can do the job.

My students still look up to me, but my faith in myself is lessening. Where do I go where my hope is dwindling? Who can I turn to when I doubt myself?

I used to be able to look to my students for inspiration. But now even I am having my doubts about them. They are now afraid, angry, frustrated, and confused.

And so am I.