Can You See Me Now?
By Powder
Email: usagi@bellatlantic.net
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Gilmore Girls. The only thing I own is the idea behind this story. If any made-up characters should appear, they belong to me and should not be used without permission. This story is for non-profit purposes and is simply here to amuse and give people something to do with their time.
Note: This is my first published work on Gilmore Girls or any other subject so please be nice. Reviews and *constructive* criticism are both greatly appreciated. I want to thank the people who have already given me advice – I have considered all and appreciate it more than I can say. As a newbie writer, I appreciate even the smallest idea or bit of help, thanks :)
This chapter has been redone ever so slightly. I changed a few subtle things. Look at the note in chapter 4 for a better explanation of the revisions.
Chapter 3: Everything's All Wrong
When Emily had deposited Rory's clothing and flowers in the room she had been given a year or so back, she ushered her into the kitchen where the new maid was preparing lunch.
"Now, Rory, you should have something good to eat. I know that Sookie has been bringing you substitutes for that disastrous sludge they call food at that despicable institution, but now you can have something prepared hot and—"
Rory watched with a hazy expression as her grandmother rattled off a list of food and good reasons for eating good food. But, beneath the well- practiced front Emily continued to keep, Rory caught the hint of distress in her shaking hands and the way her eyes fell on everything but Rory. She watched Emily putter around, upsetting the maid and pulling every known ingredient from the refrigerator. Rory sighed quietly and closed her tired, reddened eyes, appreciating the lengths Emily was taking, but finding she lacked the strength to keep up her own half of the façade. "Grandma," she began quietly, her voice seeming to carry to every corner of the room, stopping Emily in her tracks. "Grandma, I don't think I'm really hungry...I just want to go to my room."
"Oh...all right. Well...call if you need anything." Her offer met Rory's silent back as she exited the kitchen. But when Rory entered the room given to her, she felt like a stranger amidst the pink interior, the shelves and tables dappled with sunflowers and her gifts from the hospital. This wasn't her home. Her home was with Lorelai in a strange, tiny town known as Stars Hollow, amidst the unusual characters she grew up with.
But that wasn't her present location. For now she had to suck up and deal with the prying gazes and overbearing attitudes from her ever-loving grandparents. Rory noted with a feeling of revulsion that she was incredibly bitter toward Emily and Richard, despite all their efforts and attempts to make this home. Who were they to take her away from her true home? From her friends? She clenched her jaws tightly together and sat on the bed, her arms crossed angrily. There could be no helping it now, though. She was here and Lorelai...her mother was in the hospital. When Rory thought of Lorelai lying helpless in that hospital, all the anger and despair seemed to reach its peak. Tears welled up in her eyes and she clutched at her mending arm, which had begun to ache.
What did she need now? What she needed most was Lorelai...but that might not...it was a long time away. She could wake up tomorrow or three years from now. Rory didn't want to think of it. What would Lorelai do in this situation? Call Sookie...
Rory reached for the phone on her bedside table and quickly dialed Lane's number. "Hello?" It was Mrs. Kim.
"Hi, Mrs. Kim? Is Lane there, please?" There was a hint of desperation in her voice—definitely not in the mood for a lecture on God and his salvation.
Mrs. Kim paused briefly, "Yes...just one moment..."
"Rory?" Lane's warm voice resounded in her ear and Rory breathed a sigh of relief.
"Lane...Oh, God, I need to talk right now. I don't...I don't want to be here...I don't belong here..."
"You're at your grandparents'?"
"Yeah...It's just—"
"Hold on. *Click*"
Rory stared at the receiver in her hands after the phone disconnected. She redialed quickly, but all she obtained was a busy signal. Rory flopped down on the plush bed with a disappointed expression. Her best friend had to run off to god knows where when she needed her the most. With a defeated sigh she curled up in a fetal position, feeling utterly vulnerable and helpless. Her mind awhirl with conflicting emotions, she slowly dozed off to
sleep.
Rory was awoken by a loud rap on her door an hour later. "Rory?" Called her grandmother. Rory mumbled something incoherent, longing to drift back to sleep, into the peaceful realm where dreams were a reality and she was numb to the pain of real life. "Rory? I'm coming in!" Emily stormed in, her usual fiery self covering up her own shattered emotions. "Rory, this is not healthy. You need to get up. You are not going to stay in bed all day. Now get up and go take a shower. You're going out."
Feeling drained and useless, Rory lifted her head and began to protest. But Emily would have none of it. "Rory, I expect you downstairs in fifteen minutes, changed and showered." Her voice left no room for argument as she left the room and closed the door. Rory knew she would never hear the end of it and moaned to herself in frustration. Suddenly she knew what it must have been like to grow up here. Her heart ached at the thought of Lorelai as she slowly sat up. More tears sprang to her eyes--would they ever dry? Rory looked at the closed door in hatred, her mind frustrated and angered by the demands of her grandmother. With a sob of pain, she forced her leaden limbs to move ever-so-slowly, carrying her to the bathroom connected to her room.
Ten minutes and a scalding-hot shower later, Rory felt more like her old self. She ran a blow-dryer and a brush through her hair before gathering the dampened strands in a bun on the back of her head. Throughout this process, she refused to think. Her mind focused on trivial things -- how much shampoo to use, how to brush her hair -- anything to keep away the pain. When she was finished, Rory surveyed her reflection with deadened eyes. She looked the same as always, but something was just...different.
Another knock came from the bedroom door. "Come in," Rory replied immediately, raising her soft voice to a normal level.
"Woah, these N'Sync posters have got to go."
Rory whirled around as a warm, throaty voice commented on the room's décor. "Lane!" Her best friend smiled sheepishly and accepted the sidesplitting hug from Rory with good humor. "I thought you might need some normal faces." Rory's face was alight with a smile, the first real one in a long time. She had just seen Lane yesterday, but that was in the hospital..."Lane, you're just...oh my god!" The two friends giggled together and squeezed each other's hands.
"Can I come in?" A deep voice called out from the hallway. A dark head poked itself though, gazing nervously around the pink room.
"Dean!" Rory, for once, was too happy to question the unexpected presence of her old boyfriend. She jumped at him and enveloped his tall form in a grateful hug. She peeked around his shoulder into the hallway, half expecting to see another friendly face. But the hallway was empty. Rory pulled back. "What are you guys doing here?"
"We came to take you back to Stars Hollow." Lane's answer seemed too good to be true and Rory cocked a questioning eyebrow at her. "Well...just for a couple days. Emily wants you back on Monday for dinner. But you can stay with me until then."
"Ok, well, let me just get my stuff..." She turned toward her underwear drawer before remembering, "Dean, could you wait outside for a minute, please?" Their relationship was over and it would certainly be embarrassing if he saw her rifling through her underwear.
Dean shrugged, a bit bewildered, "Uh, yeah, sure..." He strolled outside and Lane closed the door. The two friends stared at each other a moment, smiling softly.
"Rory, I...I wanted it to be a surprise."
Rory gave a short laugh as she started to pack her underwear in a backpack. "Well, I'm surprised all right. What's Dean doing here?"
"He gave me a ride. Mom wouldn't let me have the car so I needed to find someone to take me."
"What about Jess?"
"He...He wasn't home." The subject seemed to make Lane uncomfortable and she quickly changed it. "Best take clothing for a couple nights, oh, and we should stop by your house...get your mail..." Rory paused in her packing to think. Mail...college. She had to decide soon...extremely soon. It was already April 16 with May 1st fast approaching.
They collected Rory's bag and Dean and headed downstairs. Emily met them with a proper smile and a hug. "Be sure to have her back by dinner on Monday."
They all nodded solemnly. "Bye, Mrs. Gilmore," Dean and Lane chorused.
"Bye Grandma."
Dean dropped Rory and Lane off at the Gilmore house before driving off to the market for work. The pair walked solemnly to the front door. Rory tried hard to avoid the sight of the empty driveway--what had happened to the Jeep?
A white U.S. Mail box was sitting on the doormat. Lane picked it up, the inside heavy with unopened letters. The house was unchanged, albeit a bit musty from being closed up for two weeks. Rory looked to the stairs that led to Lorelai's room. What if Lorelai--
"Rory?" She snapped out of her thought and turned to the concerned faze of Lane. "Rory?" She repeated.
"I...I'm fine, Lane. Just...give me a minute to get some...some books." Her backpack was already full with clothes, but Rory knew she couldn't live without the blessed relief of books. She carefully surveyed her collection, but nothing seemed appropriate. With a defeated shrug, Rory grabbed a handful of books from each of her categories--fiction, non-fiction, biographies--and, with a last look at her bedroom, returned to Lane.
They were already halfway to town when Lane put her hand on Rory's shoulder to stop their progress. "Ok, Rory, I think we should stop for a second."
"Why?"
"Well...I just want to give you the option of taking the back way...like across backyards and stuff..."
Rory's brain refused to work, "What? Why?"
"Well...everyone in town knows...and everyone always means well, but..."
Realization dawned on Rory, "Oh...uhmmm...I..." She tried to think about what Lorelai would do. Her mother was so much stronger and always knew how to handle everything. She wouldn't be afraid of Stars Hollow like her daughter now was. She'd simply smack 'em away and continue on for coffee. Coffee...Luke's...What she wouldn't give for one of Luke's burgers. Rory clenched her fist. This was no time for 'wallowing'. She hadn't broken up with anyone. Lorelai would get better. "No, Lane," she said firmly. "I can't stay away forever...Let's go to Luke's, I'm actually pretty hungry."
Lane looked pityingly at Rory, whose resolve seemed shaky at best. "Are you su-"
"Yes. Let's go." Rory thought back to her first heartache with Dean. Lorelai had wanted her to wallow and simply stop pretending the hurt wasn't there. She hadn't wanted to. Even when she had, Lorelai had been there to comfort and protect her. But she wasn't there anymore. Well, not exactly. She had to take care of herself. The big question seemed to be whether or not she was ready.
They walked down the streets of Stars Hollow, the deep glow of crimson signaling sunset. The town was beautifully painted in hues of golden, violet, and russet as the sun winked goodbye for the day. Shops were closing and more people bustled about on the sidewalk, all staring at Rory. Nobody said anything, but the evening air was pregnant with unspoken sentiments. Rory forced herself to put one foot in front of the other and stared straight ahead, refusing eye contact with anyone. Lane spotted Miss Patty in the doorway of her studio and quickly steered Rory across the street to avoid the surefire pity conversation that would most likely ensue.
When they entered the diner, everything slowly ground to a halt as they stood there, motionless. A single cry of alarm followed by a well-placed curse broke the silence. The cup of coffee Luke had been pouring overflowed onto the counter and spilled onto the leg of his pants. With a half embarrassed, half-sympathetic look in her direction, Luke sped up the stairs to his apartment.
The diner burst into action as everyone turned back to their own conversations, avoiding the defeated stare of Rory at all costs. Rory stood there for a moment, her eyes sadly watching the unusual behavior of Luke's customers. Without warning, she turned around and bolted out the door.
"Rory!" Lane called, stunned. A few precious moments passed before Lane dove after her friend. By the time she ran out to the road, Rory was gone.
Rory returned to Lane's house almost two hours later. Her eyes were dry, but rimmed with a painfully red haze, and her hands were cold despite the slowly warming climate. As she walked up to the porch of the antique store, Lane came out to meet her. Slowly, Rory's doe-eyed gaze met Lane's soulful brown one, awash with pity and helplessness.
Rory's soft voice invaded the silence, asking quietly, "What's going on tonight?"
Lane swallowed against the lump in her throat, pushing back the wave of pity she felt for Rory. They had all been close to Lorelai, but no one more than her. "Well," she began in a cracked voice, "there's that convention for Edgar Allen Poe giving a presentation at Miss Patty's in an hour. We could...we could get dinner and go over there if you wanted..."
"Yeah...okay." Rory took a deep breath and looked around the darkening town. How could it ever feel like home without Lorelai? The pressure of a hand on her shoulder made Rory turn to face her best friend. Worry and concern clearly shone throughout Lane's eyes and she looked at Rory questioningly.
"You...hungry?"
"Yeah."
"Do you want to...go to..." Lane bit her lip, unsure of exactly where to go. She would not submit Rory to her mother's ever-sickening meals of tofu.
"We could go to Luke's..."
"Rory, are you sure you can do it? You know everyone—"
"Yes, everyone means well, but I can't avoid it forever. This problem isn't...well...it's there for now." Rory's voice became stronger with every word and Lane could see a dull glimmer of the spark that was Rory begin to return. "Let's just...I dunno...go get some takeout." She turned harshly away and Lane knew that Rory was mad at herself for breaking before and not at Lane. Without another thought, she followed Rory down the steps and out into the
main road.
Later that night, in the Poe convention presentations at Miss Patty's, Lane and Rory spent their time comparing the mustaches of each Poe, keeping Rory's mind from wandering too much. Lane's philosophy: You can't think if you're too busy with something better.
Halfway through, Dean waved to Rory and she managed a half-smile in return. Lindsey scowled and rolled her eyes away. Something inside Rory stung and she lowered her head angrily. What had she done to warrant Lindsey's hatred? She suddenly wished fervently for the presence of Jess. Lane spread a comforting arm around Rory's shoulders, bidding her to look away.
After the presentation, all four teenagers met outside. "How are you doing, Rory?" Dean asked kindly. She noted with a certain amount of disgust how Lindsey snuggled smugly into his embrace, eyeing her warily.
"Oh, I'm fine really..." She looked down at her feet, unconsciously playing the pity factor for all it was worth. Lindsey glowered at her, barely able to school her face to neutrality.
"Well, here's something that might cheer you up. I got – " He was interrupted by a comment from Lindsey.
"I have to get home. Nice to see you two." Her smile was tight as she pulled Dean away. He smiled apologetically, but seemed more than willing to follow his girlfriend.
"See you later, Rory."
Rory's eyes narrowed darkly and she spoke once they were well out of range. "Who does she think she is?"
Lane stared in the direction the couple went. "His girlfriend?"
"I know that, but we used to be friends. It's not like I'm still after Dean...I mean, yes, we did go out for two years, but I'm with Jess now. What's her problem?"
"Well," Lane shrugged, "You used to be with him...You could still like him or want him back."
"But I don't!" Rory claimed this in a heated tone, one that made Lane step back and question her with a perplexed gaze. "Sorry," she apologized in a normal voice, "this is just...one more thing on top of..." She didn't want to say it, realizing that while she was dealing with the Lindsey problem, she hadn't once thought of her mother. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.
"It's all right, Rory. You shouldn't let Lindsey get to you. She's just paranoid."
Rory stared glumly in the direction of Lindsey's house, "Yeah, but why does she have to take it out on me..."
As they walked to Lane's house, they passed by Luke's diner. Inside, they could see Luke and Nicole quietly saying good-bye.
"Wow, I've never seen Luke kiss someone before," Lane stated.
"Hey, Lane...go on, I'll meet you at your house in a minute." She received a skeptical glance from her friend. Smiling, she replied, "I promise."
Rory passed Nicole on her way out. "Oh, hello, Rory." Her greeting had an edge to it, but her smile was sufficiently pleasant. "I'm sorry about the accident...If you need any help with the insurance or anything of that nature, just give me a call."
Rory nodded, "Sure, thanks." Nicole waved good-bye and she stepped into the diner. Luke was just cleaning up the last of the day's messes.
"Rory," he exclaimed, looking up at the sound of the door. "I...didn't expect to see you around here...Sorry bout earlier...You just startled me...Um..." He bowed his head and ran a hand over his baseball hat. Rory remembered that Lorelai had given him that hat long ago.
"Yeah...is Jess here?"
Luke frowned and shifted his weight, a mixture of anger and frustration on his face. "He's probably just finishing up at work...always stays longer than he has to..."
"Oh...okay." Rory's eyes dropped in disappointment and she turned to go.
"Hey, Rory?" Luke called out to her in a pleading, desperate voice and she turned slowly around. "Will you...check on how Jess is doing in school? He's just...well, I'm worried that he's not going when he should."
"Yeah, sure." Rory nodded and looked at her feet as an awkward silence ensued.
"So...do you have to make a decision on college soon? Gotten all the...uh...them back?"
"Yeah." Rory's reply was short and she didn't offer anymore information. She wondered at the tense atmosphere between them, remembering the weird Luke she saw at the hospital. He seemed to have recovered, showing no sign of the dismay or anxiety he displayed during those first two weeks. "So...how are things with Nicole?"
"Oh, good...good..." He nodded more than was needed, seemingnervous. "Well I better get up to bed. Tired...you know."
"Yeah." They stared a moment more before Luke hurriedly dashed up the stairs to his apartment.
Rory then sat on her own for a long time, contemplating the green interior. So familiar yet she somehow felt removed from it all. When would she come in again and not feel apprehensive about the stares and whispers that followed her passage? Glancing at her watch she finally saw that it was already well past midnight. Lane would be waiting up for her. She turned to go. The door opened and she brought her gaze up to stare with relief into a pair of cool brown
eyes.
"Jess..." she breathed. She wanted to run to him, to throw herself in his arms and cry out all her frustrations while he held her and whispered that everything would be okay. But her feet wouldn't move. Something inside her ached, resentful that he had not come to her grandparents' house. Rory knew she was being silly, but still...
"Rory, I...I didn't know you were back here...Didn't you go to Hartford to stay with your grandparents?"
"I came back for a visit. I'm staying with Lane until Monday."
"Oh...How are you—" He unconsciously took a step forward and, with that small gesture, Rory closed the distance, vaulting her body at him. Jess staggered back under the weight of her body, her shoulders silently shaking as dry sobs racked her small frame. Part of her fought the minor break, angered that she let Jess see it...and the other part of her hungered for his soft caresses and words, the ones that would relieve her of the burdens of life...of the accident.
A husky sigh escaped her throat as his warm arms encircled her waist in a loose embrace. The steady beat of his heart under her own slightly calmed and comforted her. Rory closed her eyes and leaned into the hug, letting him support her fully. The press of his lips to her forehead made Rory raise her head to his in question. Before a sound escaped her throat, he had covered her mouth in his own. His kisses were hard, like they always were. Jess was experienced and demanding as their tongues intertwined in an elaborate dance of passion and frustration, their emotions coming to a peak in that one brief moment.
He caught at the table just behind Rory and, with a firm push, he soon had her sitting on the table while his hands caressed her back in a seductive manner. Her hands ran through his curly hair while his kisses moved lower, down to her smooth neck. His hips slid between her thighs and Rory could feel her heart begin to race. Cold fear collected in the bottom of her stomach and she opened her eyes to still the beating of her heart.
The slight hint of movement caught at the corner of her eye and she turned her head to look. Smoke poured into the sky and the bright red glint of fire engines sent her heart thudding in her chest once more.
"Jess!" she gasped, pointing. With a disgruntled groan, he followed her line of sight and surveyed the scene with uncaring eyes.
"It doesn't concern us, Rory," he told her as he easily slid back to kissing her neck.
"Jess, the Inn is over there!" She disentangled his legs from hers and raced out the door, not even turning to see if he followed.
With a pounding heart and a stomach knotted in fear, she raced down the street in the direction of the fire engines. A crowd of spectators had already gathered. Sookie, still in her night robe, came out to meet her in a hug.
"Sookie, what happened?"
"Nobody knows, sweetie. The fire alarm went off in the middle of the night and Toben was just concerned with getting everyone out."
"Did someone call the manager yet?" A deep voice resounded throughout the crowd. Rory turned within Sookie's arms to see the fire chief addressing Michel. The day manager turned with saddened, unsure eyes to Rory, still locked within Sookie's embrace. Her own blue ones dropped and her cheeks paled, all thoughts driven from her head in one fell swoop.
"I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?" the fire chief's gaze darted between the trio, uncertain of his blunder.
"Our manager," Sookie told him, "can't be here. What's going on? Can't we go back in now?"
He shook his head, "Certainly not today...Maybe tomorrow evening."
Michel and Sookie's eyes met, helpless.
"Oh god, I wish Lorelai was here..." Sookie whispered, clutching her hands against her chest.
Pain so deep it was almost physical shot through Rory's heart and she closed her eyes in grief and regret. If only they hadn't fought with Grandma, if only they stayed a little longer. If only...
Rory shook her head. Living within "if only's" wouldn't solve her problem. It was so easy to sink within the realm of pain and become numb to the world. She scrubbed at her face with her hands, as if she wanted to rub the very blood back into her colorless cheeks. A cool New England breeze wafted by and Rory shivered unconsciously. It was time to help. What would Lorelai do? Sookie, on the same train of ideas, repeated Rory's last thought.
"We can't just sit here. What would Lorelai do?"
"You could start by telling these tired people what to do. Where to go," the chief suggested.
"Right! Good! Um...where?"
Rory tapped Sookie on the shoulder. "I'm going to call Mia."
"Rory! Good idea! Um..." she pulled at her arm, drawing Rory away from the crowd. "Do you have any idea where I can put these people? It's kind of exciting, though, you know? Making the decisions..." Sookie's face lit up in a wildly erratic grin. "Just like when we run our own inn..."
"Sookie, I don't think you want your inn to catch on fire..."
"Right, of course not," she shook her head emphatically, sobering immediately. "So, you'll call Mia and I'll find...someplace for these people to go..." she grimaced at the thought and turned away, quickly rushing over to where Michel appeared to be applying for another job.
Rory began her walk home. When she arrived at her destination, she didn't immediately head up to Lorelai's room for the address book. Instead, she flopped down on her bed, hugging her pillow and deeply inhaling the familiar scent of her sheets. She reached over and clutched Colonel Plucker to her chest, squeezing his tiny, fluffy body in relief, anger, frustration, and helplessness. Tears burned once again behind her eyelids, but she furiously blinked them back. No time to cry now. Vaulting off the bed, she took the phone and the stuffed rooster upstairs with her.
The address book was lying on her bedside table, open from the last time her mother had used it. Sadly, the bed wasn't made and Rory could see the indentations where Lorlai had last been. With Colonel Plucker tightly under one arm, she furiously grabbed a pillow and held it against her stomach while she looked up Mia with her free hand. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she listened impatiently for the phone to pick up in California.
"Hello?" Mia's cheery voice answered immediately. Of course she wouldn't be asleep, Rory realized, it's still early night in Santa Barbara.
"Hi, Mia? It's Rory Gilmore..."
"Rory darling! How are you? Oh, I miss you girls! I'm sorry Ihaven't stopped by more, but my affairs here have kept me busy."
"Oh...it's all right...Umm...Mia..."
"Yes, dear? Why, Rory, you sound as if something awful has happened. What is it?"
"It's...the inn...there was a fire just a little while ago and now nobody has a place to go..."
"Oh my! What is your mother doing? Is she there? I really need to talk to her."
"That's just it..." a note of panic entered Rory's voice as she relived the accident in her head. "There was an accident and she's in the hospital..." Tears trickled down her cheeks in rivulets, entering and thickening her voice.
"No need to say anymore, my dear. I will be on the next plane out. Everything will be okay."
"All right..."
They said their good-byes and Rory slowly hung up the phone. She gazed about the untidy room with longing. The photos of them both together, smiling, made the dull ache in her gut return with a vengeance. Her limbs were full of lead and her heart was incredibly heavy inside her breast. Drawing her legs up, Rory curled into the soft cotton of Lorelai's comforter, its folds easily fitting against her contours and creating a plush sleeping place. Without another thought, Rory slowly drifted off into the blissful numbness of sleep.
By Powder
Email: usagi@bellatlantic.net
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Gilmore Girls. The only thing I own is the idea behind this story. If any made-up characters should appear, they belong to me and should not be used without permission. This story is for non-profit purposes and is simply here to amuse and give people something to do with their time.
Note: This is my first published work on Gilmore Girls or any other subject so please be nice. Reviews and *constructive* criticism are both greatly appreciated. I want to thank the people who have already given me advice – I have considered all and appreciate it more than I can say. As a newbie writer, I appreciate even the smallest idea or bit of help, thanks :)
This chapter has been redone ever so slightly. I changed a few subtle things. Look at the note in chapter 4 for a better explanation of the revisions.
Chapter 3: Everything's All Wrong
When Emily had deposited Rory's clothing and flowers in the room she had been given a year or so back, she ushered her into the kitchen where the new maid was preparing lunch.
"Now, Rory, you should have something good to eat. I know that Sookie has been bringing you substitutes for that disastrous sludge they call food at that despicable institution, but now you can have something prepared hot and—"
Rory watched with a hazy expression as her grandmother rattled off a list of food and good reasons for eating good food. But, beneath the well- practiced front Emily continued to keep, Rory caught the hint of distress in her shaking hands and the way her eyes fell on everything but Rory. She watched Emily putter around, upsetting the maid and pulling every known ingredient from the refrigerator. Rory sighed quietly and closed her tired, reddened eyes, appreciating the lengths Emily was taking, but finding she lacked the strength to keep up her own half of the façade. "Grandma," she began quietly, her voice seeming to carry to every corner of the room, stopping Emily in her tracks. "Grandma, I don't think I'm really hungry...I just want to go to my room."
"Oh...all right. Well...call if you need anything." Her offer met Rory's silent back as she exited the kitchen. But when Rory entered the room given to her, she felt like a stranger amidst the pink interior, the shelves and tables dappled with sunflowers and her gifts from the hospital. This wasn't her home. Her home was with Lorelai in a strange, tiny town known as Stars Hollow, amidst the unusual characters she grew up with.
But that wasn't her present location. For now she had to suck up and deal with the prying gazes and overbearing attitudes from her ever-loving grandparents. Rory noted with a feeling of revulsion that she was incredibly bitter toward Emily and Richard, despite all their efforts and attempts to make this home. Who were they to take her away from her true home? From her friends? She clenched her jaws tightly together and sat on the bed, her arms crossed angrily. There could be no helping it now, though. She was here and Lorelai...her mother was in the hospital. When Rory thought of Lorelai lying helpless in that hospital, all the anger and despair seemed to reach its peak. Tears welled up in her eyes and she clutched at her mending arm, which had begun to ache.
What did she need now? What she needed most was Lorelai...but that might not...it was a long time away. She could wake up tomorrow or three years from now. Rory didn't want to think of it. What would Lorelai do in this situation? Call Sookie...
Rory reached for the phone on her bedside table and quickly dialed Lane's number. "Hello?" It was Mrs. Kim.
"Hi, Mrs. Kim? Is Lane there, please?" There was a hint of desperation in her voice—definitely not in the mood for a lecture on God and his salvation.
Mrs. Kim paused briefly, "Yes...just one moment..."
"Rory?" Lane's warm voice resounded in her ear and Rory breathed a sigh of relief.
"Lane...Oh, God, I need to talk right now. I don't...I don't want to be here...I don't belong here..."
"You're at your grandparents'?"
"Yeah...It's just—"
"Hold on. *Click*"
Rory stared at the receiver in her hands after the phone disconnected. She redialed quickly, but all she obtained was a busy signal. Rory flopped down on the plush bed with a disappointed expression. Her best friend had to run off to god knows where when she needed her the most. With a defeated sigh she curled up in a fetal position, feeling utterly vulnerable and helpless. Her mind awhirl with conflicting emotions, she slowly dozed off to
sleep.
Rory was awoken by a loud rap on her door an hour later. "Rory?" Called her grandmother. Rory mumbled something incoherent, longing to drift back to sleep, into the peaceful realm where dreams were a reality and she was numb to the pain of real life. "Rory? I'm coming in!" Emily stormed in, her usual fiery self covering up her own shattered emotions. "Rory, this is not healthy. You need to get up. You are not going to stay in bed all day. Now get up and go take a shower. You're going out."
Feeling drained and useless, Rory lifted her head and began to protest. But Emily would have none of it. "Rory, I expect you downstairs in fifteen minutes, changed and showered." Her voice left no room for argument as she left the room and closed the door. Rory knew she would never hear the end of it and moaned to herself in frustration. Suddenly she knew what it must have been like to grow up here. Her heart ached at the thought of Lorelai as she slowly sat up. More tears sprang to her eyes--would they ever dry? Rory looked at the closed door in hatred, her mind frustrated and angered by the demands of her grandmother. With a sob of pain, she forced her leaden limbs to move ever-so-slowly, carrying her to the bathroom connected to her room.
Ten minutes and a scalding-hot shower later, Rory felt more like her old self. She ran a blow-dryer and a brush through her hair before gathering the dampened strands in a bun on the back of her head. Throughout this process, she refused to think. Her mind focused on trivial things -- how much shampoo to use, how to brush her hair -- anything to keep away the pain. When she was finished, Rory surveyed her reflection with deadened eyes. She looked the same as always, but something was just...different.
Another knock came from the bedroom door. "Come in," Rory replied immediately, raising her soft voice to a normal level.
"Woah, these N'Sync posters have got to go."
Rory whirled around as a warm, throaty voice commented on the room's décor. "Lane!" Her best friend smiled sheepishly and accepted the sidesplitting hug from Rory with good humor. "I thought you might need some normal faces." Rory's face was alight with a smile, the first real one in a long time. She had just seen Lane yesterday, but that was in the hospital..."Lane, you're just...oh my god!" The two friends giggled together and squeezed each other's hands.
"Can I come in?" A deep voice called out from the hallway. A dark head poked itself though, gazing nervously around the pink room.
"Dean!" Rory, for once, was too happy to question the unexpected presence of her old boyfriend. She jumped at him and enveloped his tall form in a grateful hug. She peeked around his shoulder into the hallway, half expecting to see another friendly face. But the hallway was empty. Rory pulled back. "What are you guys doing here?"
"We came to take you back to Stars Hollow." Lane's answer seemed too good to be true and Rory cocked a questioning eyebrow at her. "Well...just for a couple days. Emily wants you back on Monday for dinner. But you can stay with me until then."
"Ok, well, let me just get my stuff..." She turned toward her underwear drawer before remembering, "Dean, could you wait outside for a minute, please?" Their relationship was over and it would certainly be embarrassing if he saw her rifling through her underwear.
Dean shrugged, a bit bewildered, "Uh, yeah, sure..." He strolled outside and Lane closed the door. The two friends stared at each other a moment, smiling softly.
"Rory, I...I wanted it to be a surprise."
Rory gave a short laugh as she started to pack her underwear in a backpack. "Well, I'm surprised all right. What's Dean doing here?"
"He gave me a ride. Mom wouldn't let me have the car so I needed to find someone to take me."
"What about Jess?"
"He...He wasn't home." The subject seemed to make Lane uncomfortable and she quickly changed it. "Best take clothing for a couple nights, oh, and we should stop by your house...get your mail..." Rory paused in her packing to think. Mail...college. She had to decide soon...extremely soon. It was already April 16 with May 1st fast approaching.
They collected Rory's bag and Dean and headed downstairs. Emily met them with a proper smile and a hug. "Be sure to have her back by dinner on Monday."
They all nodded solemnly. "Bye, Mrs. Gilmore," Dean and Lane chorused.
"Bye Grandma."
Dean dropped Rory and Lane off at the Gilmore house before driving off to the market for work. The pair walked solemnly to the front door. Rory tried hard to avoid the sight of the empty driveway--what had happened to the Jeep?
A white U.S. Mail box was sitting on the doormat. Lane picked it up, the inside heavy with unopened letters. The house was unchanged, albeit a bit musty from being closed up for two weeks. Rory looked to the stairs that led to Lorelai's room. What if Lorelai--
"Rory?" She snapped out of her thought and turned to the concerned faze of Lane. "Rory?" She repeated.
"I...I'm fine, Lane. Just...give me a minute to get some...some books." Her backpack was already full with clothes, but Rory knew she couldn't live without the blessed relief of books. She carefully surveyed her collection, but nothing seemed appropriate. With a defeated shrug, Rory grabbed a handful of books from each of her categories--fiction, non-fiction, biographies--and, with a last look at her bedroom, returned to Lane.
They were already halfway to town when Lane put her hand on Rory's shoulder to stop their progress. "Ok, Rory, I think we should stop for a second."
"Why?"
"Well...I just want to give you the option of taking the back way...like across backyards and stuff..."
Rory's brain refused to work, "What? Why?"
"Well...everyone in town knows...and everyone always means well, but..."
Realization dawned on Rory, "Oh...uhmmm...I..." She tried to think about what Lorelai would do. Her mother was so much stronger and always knew how to handle everything. She wouldn't be afraid of Stars Hollow like her daughter now was. She'd simply smack 'em away and continue on for coffee. Coffee...Luke's...What she wouldn't give for one of Luke's burgers. Rory clenched her fist. This was no time for 'wallowing'. She hadn't broken up with anyone. Lorelai would get better. "No, Lane," she said firmly. "I can't stay away forever...Let's go to Luke's, I'm actually pretty hungry."
Lane looked pityingly at Rory, whose resolve seemed shaky at best. "Are you su-"
"Yes. Let's go." Rory thought back to her first heartache with Dean. Lorelai had wanted her to wallow and simply stop pretending the hurt wasn't there. She hadn't wanted to. Even when she had, Lorelai had been there to comfort and protect her. But she wasn't there anymore. Well, not exactly. She had to take care of herself. The big question seemed to be whether or not she was ready.
They walked down the streets of Stars Hollow, the deep glow of crimson signaling sunset. The town was beautifully painted in hues of golden, violet, and russet as the sun winked goodbye for the day. Shops were closing and more people bustled about on the sidewalk, all staring at Rory. Nobody said anything, but the evening air was pregnant with unspoken sentiments. Rory forced herself to put one foot in front of the other and stared straight ahead, refusing eye contact with anyone. Lane spotted Miss Patty in the doorway of her studio and quickly steered Rory across the street to avoid the surefire pity conversation that would most likely ensue.
When they entered the diner, everything slowly ground to a halt as they stood there, motionless. A single cry of alarm followed by a well-placed curse broke the silence. The cup of coffee Luke had been pouring overflowed onto the counter and spilled onto the leg of his pants. With a half embarrassed, half-sympathetic look in her direction, Luke sped up the stairs to his apartment.
The diner burst into action as everyone turned back to their own conversations, avoiding the defeated stare of Rory at all costs. Rory stood there for a moment, her eyes sadly watching the unusual behavior of Luke's customers. Without warning, she turned around and bolted out the door.
"Rory!" Lane called, stunned. A few precious moments passed before Lane dove after her friend. By the time she ran out to the road, Rory was gone.
Rory returned to Lane's house almost two hours later. Her eyes were dry, but rimmed with a painfully red haze, and her hands were cold despite the slowly warming climate. As she walked up to the porch of the antique store, Lane came out to meet her. Slowly, Rory's doe-eyed gaze met Lane's soulful brown one, awash with pity and helplessness.
Rory's soft voice invaded the silence, asking quietly, "What's going on tonight?"
Lane swallowed against the lump in her throat, pushing back the wave of pity she felt for Rory. They had all been close to Lorelai, but no one more than her. "Well," she began in a cracked voice, "there's that convention for Edgar Allen Poe giving a presentation at Miss Patty's in an hour. We could...we could get dinner and go over there if you wanted..."
"Yeah...okay." Rory took a deep breath and looked around the darkening town. How could it ever feel like home without Lorelai? The pressure of a hand on her shoulder made Rory turn to face her best friend. Worry and concern clearly shone throughout Lane's eyes and she looked at Rory questioningly.
"You...hungry?"
"Yeah."
"Do you want to...go to..." Lane bit her lip, unsure of exactly where to go. She would not submit Rory to her mother's ever-sickening meals of tofu.
"We could go to Luke's..."
"Rory, are you sure you can do it? You know everyone—"
"Yes, everyone means well, but I can't avoid it forever. This problem isn't...well...it's there for now." Rory's voice became stronger with every word and Lane could see a dull glimmer of the spark that was Rory begin to return. "Let's just...I dunno...go get some takeout." She turned harshly away and Lane knew that Rory was mad at herself for breaking before and not at Lane. Without another thought, she followed Rory down the steps and out into the
main road.
Later that night, in the Poe convention presentations at Miss Patty's, Lane and Rory spent their time comparing the mustaches of each Poe, keeping Rory's mind from wandering too much. Lane's philosophy: You can't think if you're too busy with something better.
Halfway through, Dean waved to Rory and she managed a half-smile in return. Lindsey scowled and rolled her eyes away. Something inside Rory stung and she lowered her head angrily. What had she done to warrant Lindsey's hatred? She suddenly wished fervently for the presence of Jess. Lane spread a comforting arm around Rory's shoulders, bidding her to look away.
After the presentation, all four teenagers met outside. "How are you doing, Rory?" Dean asked kindly. She noted with a certain amount of disgust how Lindsey snuggled smugly into his embrace, eyeing her warily.
"Oh, I'm fine really..." She looked down at her feet, unconsciously playing the pity factor for all it was worth. Lindsey glowered at her, barely able to school her face to neutrality.
"Well, here's something that might cheer you up. I got – " He was interrupted by a comment from Lindsey.
"I have to get home. Nice to see you two." Her smile was tight as she pulled Dean away. He smiled apologetically, but seemed more than willing to follow his girlfriend.
"See you later, Rory."
Rory's eyes narrowed darkly and she spoke once they were well out of range. "Who does she think she is?"
Lane stared in the direction the couple went. "His girlfriend?"
"I know that, but we used to be friends. It's not like I'm still after Dean...I mean, yes, we did go out for two years, but I'm with Jess now. What's her problem?"
"Well," Lane shrugged, "You used to be with him...You could still like him or want him back."
"But I don't!" Rory claimed this in a heated tone, one that made Lane step back and question her with a perplexed gaze. "Sorry," she apologized in a normal voice, "this is just...one more thing on top of..." She didn't want to say it, realizing that while she was dealing with the Lindsey problem, she hadn't once thought of her mother. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.
"It's all right, Rory. You shouldn't let Lindsey get to you. She's just paranoid."
Rory stared glumly in the direction of Lindsey's house, "Yeah, but why does she have to take it out on me..."
As they walked to Lane's house, they passed by Luke's diner. Inside, they could see Luke and Nicole quietly saying good-bye.
"Wow, I've never seen Luke kiss someone before," Lane stated.
"Hey, Lane...go on, I'll meet you at your house in a minute." She received a skeptical glance from her friend. Smiling, she replied, "I promise."
Rory passed Nicole on her way out. "Oh, hello, Rory." Her greeting had an edge to it, but her smile was sufficiently pleasant. "I'm sorry about the accident...If you need any help with the insurance or anything of that nature, just give me a call."
Rory nodded, "Sure, thanks." Nicole waved good-bye and she stepped into the diner. Luke was just cleaning up the last of the day's messes.
"Rory," he exclaimed, looking up at the sound of the door. "I...didn't expect to see you around here...Sorry bout earlier...You just startled me...Um..." He bowed his head and ran a hand over his baseball hat. Rory remembered that Lorelai had given him that hat long ago.
"Yeah...is Jess here?"
Luke frowned and shifted his weight, a mixture of anger and frustration on his face. "He's probably just finishing up at work...always stays longer than he has to..."
"Oh...okay." Rory's eyes dropped in disappointment and she turned to go.
"Hey, Rory?" Luke called out to her in a pleading, desperate voice and she turned slowly around. "Will you...check on how Jess is doing in school? He's just...well, I'm worried that he's not going when he should."
"Yeah, sure." Rory nodded and looked at her feet as an awkward silence ensued.
"So...do you have to make a decision on college soon? Gotten all the...uh...them back?"
"Yeah." Rory's reply was short and she didn't offer anymore information. She wondered at the tense atmosphere between them, remembering the weird Luke she saw at the hospital. He seemed to have recovered, showing no sign of the dismay or anxiety he displayed during those first two weeks. "So...how are things with Nicole?"
"Oh, good...good..." He nodded more than was needed, seemingnervous. "Well I better get up to bed. Tired...you know."
"Yeah." They stared a moment more before Luke hurriedly dashed up the stairs to his apartment.
Rory then sat on her own for a long time, contemplating the green interior. So familiar yet she somehow felt removed from it all. When would she come in again and not feel apprehensive about the stares and whispers that followed her passage? Glancing at her watch she finally saw that it was already well past midnight. Lane would be waiting up for her. She turned to go. The door opened and she brought her gaze up to stare with relief into a pair of cool brown
eyes.
"Jess..." she breathed. She wanted to run to him, to throw herself in his arms and cry out all her frustrations while he held her and whispered that everything would be okay. But her feet wouldn't move. Something inside her ached, resentful that he had not come to her grandparents' house. Rory knew she was being silly, but still...
"Rory, I...I didn't know you were back here...Didn't you go to Hartford to stay with your grandparents?"
"I came back for a visit. I'm staying with Lane until Monday."
"Oh...How are you—" He unconsciously took a step forward and, with that small gesture, Rory closed the distance, vaulting her body at him. Jess staggered back under the weight of her body, her shoulders silently shaking as dry sobs racked her small frame. Part of her fought the minor break, angered that she let Jess see it...and the other part of her hungered for his soft caresses and words, the ones that would relieve her of the burdens of life...of the accident.
A husky sigh escaped her throat as his warm arms encircled her waist in a loose embrace. The steady beat of his heart under her own slightly calmed and comforted her. Rory closed her eyes and leaned into the hug, letting him support her fully. The press of his lips to her forehead made Rory raise her head to his in question. Before a sound escaped her throat, he had covered her mouth in his own. His kisses were hard, like they always were. Jess was experienced and demanding as their tongues intertwined in an elaborate dance of passion and frustration, their emotions coming to a peak in that one brief moment.
He caught at the table just behind Rory and, with a firm push, he soon had her sitting on the table while his hands caressed her back in a seductive manner. Her hands ran through his curly hair while his kisses moved lower, down to her smooth neck. His hips slid between her thighs and Rory could feel her heart begin to race. Cold fear collected in the bottom of her stomach and she opened her eyes to still the beating of her heart.
The slight hint of movement caught at the corner of her eye and she turned her head to look. Smoke poured into the sky and the bright red glint of fire engines sent her heart thudding in her chest once more.
"Jess!" she gasped, pointing. With a disgruntled groan, he followed her line of sight and surveyed the scene with uncaring eyes.
"It doesn't concern us, Rory," he told her as he easily slid back to kissing her neck.
"Jess, the Inn is over there!" She disentangled his legs from hers and raced out the door, not even turning to see if he followed.
With a pounding heart and a stomach knotted in fear, she raced down the street in the direction of the fire engines. A crowd of spectators had already gathered. Sookie, still in her night robe, came out to meet her in a hug.
"Sookie, what happened?"
"Nobody knows, sweetie. The fire alarm went off in the middle of the night and Toben was just concerned with getting everyone out."
"Did someone call the manager yet?" A deep voice resounded throughout the crowd. Rory turned within Sookie's arms to see the fire chief addressing Michel. The day manager turned with saddened, unsure eyes to Rory, still locked within Sookie's embrace. Her own blue ones dropped and her cheeks paled, all thoughts driven from her head in one fell swoop.
"I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?" the fire chief's gaze darted between the trio, uncertain of his blunder.
"Our manager," Sookie told him, "can't be here. What's going on? Can't we go back in now?"
He shook his head, "Certainly not today...Maybe tomorrow evening."
Michel and Sookie's eyes met, helpless.
"Oh god, I wish Lorelai was here..." Sookie whispered, clutching her hands against her chest.
Pain so deep it was almost physical shot through Rory's heart and she closed her eyes in grief and regret. If only they hadn't fought with Grandma, if only they stayed a little longer. If only...
Rory shook her head. Living within "if only's" wouldn't solve her problem. It was so easy to sink within the realm of pain and become numb to the world. She scrubbed at her face with her hands, as if she wanted to rub the very blood back into her colorless cheeks. A cool New England breeze wafted by and Rory shivered unconsciously. It was time to help. What would Lorelai do? Sookie, on the same train of ideas, repeated Rory's last thought.
"We can't just sit here. What would Lorelai do?"
"You could start by telling these tired people what to do. Where to go," the chief suggested.
"Right! Good! Um...where?"
Rory tapped Sookie on the shoulder. "I'm going to call Mia."
"Rory! Good idea! Um..." she pulled at her arm, drawing Rory away from the crowd. "Do you have any idea where I can put these people? It's kind of exciting, though, you know? Making the decisions..." Sookie's face lit up in a wildly erratic grin. "Just like when we run our own inn..."
"Sookie, I don't think you want your inn to catch on fire..."
"Right, of course not," she shook her head emphatically, sobering immediately. "So, you'll call Mia and I'll find...someplace for these people to go..." she grimaced at the thought and turned away, quickly rushing over to where Michel appeared to be applying for another job.
Rory began her walk home. When she arrived at her destination, she didn't immediately head up to Lorelai's room for the address book. Instead, she flopped down on her bed, hugging her pillow and deeply inhaling the familiar scent of her sheets. She reached over and clutched Colonel Plucker to her chest, squeezing his tiny, fluffy body in relief, anger, frustration, and helplessness. Tears burned once again behind her eyelids, but she furiously blinked them back. No time to cry now. Vaulting off the bed, she took the phone and the stuffed rooster upstairs with her.
The address book was lying on her bedside table, open from the last time her mother had used it. Sadly, the bed wasn't made and Rory could see the indentations where Lorlai had last been. With Colonel Plucker tightly under one arm, she furiously grabbed a pillow and held it against her stomach while she looked up Mia with her free hand. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she listened impatiently for the phone to pick up in California.
"Hello?" Mia's cheery voice answered immediately. Of course she wouldn't be asleep, Rory realized, it's still early night in Santa Barbara.
"Hi, Mia? It's Rory Gilmore..."
"Rory darling! How are you? Oh, I miss you girls! I'm sorry Ihaven't stopped by more, but my affairs here have kept me busy."
"Oh...it's all right...Umm...Mia..."
"Yes, dear? Why, Rory, you sound as if something awful has happened. What is it?"
"It's...the inn...there was a fire just a little while ago and now nobody has a place to go..."
"Oh my! What is your mother doing? Is she there? I really need to talk to her."
"That's just it..." a note of panic entered Rory's voice as she relived the accident in her head. "There was an accident and she's in the hospital..." Tears trickled down her cheeks in rivulets, entering and thickening her voice.
"No need to say anymore, my dear. I will be on the next plane out. Everything will be okay."
"All right..."
They said their good-byes and Rory slowly hung up the phone. She gazed about the untidy room with longing. The photos of them both together, smiling, made the dull ache in her gut return with a vengeance. Her limbs were full of lead and her heart was incredibly heavy inside her breast. Drawing her legs up, Rory curled into the soft cotton of Lorelai's comforter, its folds easily fitting against her contours and creating a plush sleeping place. Without another thought, Rory slowly drifted off into the blissful numbness of sleep.
