Can You See Me Now?
By Powder
Email: usagi@bellatlantic.net
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Gilmore Girls. The only thing I own is the idea behind this story. If any made-up characters should appear, they belong to me and should not be used without permission. This story is for non-profit purposes and is simply here to amuse and give people something to do with their time.
Note: This is my first published work on Gilmore Girls or any other subject so please be nice. Review pleeeeeeease! I want to thank the people who have already given me advice – I have considered all and appreciate it more than I can say. As a newbie writer everything is greatly appreciated, thanks :)
Oh boy, this story has been sitting in the bunker for a looong time. I am truly sorry...I don't think I quite knew what I wanted to do with it, but I have a vague idea now and that's the best kind to work with. I re-read what chapters I had already written and decided that they needed a change, so I updated 2 and 3 ever so slightly. I don't think the changes are readily noticeable, but they make a world of difference to the characters and the situations. You'd be surprised how a small gesture or a simple word can be so out of character. But, hopefully, I've fixed everything.
I'm working on the idea for this story regularly now, and I hope this new chapter is proof of that. Hopefully the chapters will stay consistent in length or grow longer as I have more to say and the characters have more to do. I'll try to keep updates and progress posted on my profile on fanfiction.net, but I won't promise much. The updates will appear eventually, but it'll probably be *at least* two weeks between chapters, given that I write in brief spurts during boring lectures and time away from class. I'm also working on a Pirates of the Caribbean story and a Sailor Moon story that's based on a fairytale, The Goose Girl by the Brothers Grimm. Those are coming along slowly and I keep switching between them as I get ideas. Sometimes I'll stop for a bit on one because I've reached a big bit of writer's block and I'll concentrate on another.
In the following chapters I'm hoping to relate the events that happened at the end of season 3 and the beginning of season 4. I won't follow everything to the letter because circumstances are different now (of course), but I think it would be interesting to take a different spin on these topics. If you have another opinion, I would gladly listen. Thanks!
Chapter 4:
Rory awoke the next morning with Colonel Plucker still clutched in her arms. With a disgusted sigh, she pushed him away and sat up. For a moment, she was bewildered. Lorelai's room, not her own, stared back at her. She slowly massaged her temples and the events of the previous night began to come back.
Her hand flew to the phone and quickly dialed Lane's number.
"Rory?" Lane's frantic voice answered the phone with Mrs. Kim shouting something nearby.
"Lane, I'm sorry! I just...well, there was a fire at the inn—"
"I know, I had two strange people sleeping in my bed last night."
"—and then I went home to call Mia and I fell asleep!"
"It's only natural."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay. Just don't do that again, okay?"
"I'll try."
"Good. Now get dressed and come on over. We can get breakfast at Luke's."
When they walked into Luke's that day, there wasn't a pause or lull in the conversation, but stares, pregnant with pity and remorse followed Rory's every move.
They stood there for a moment, wondering why there were so many people crowded around the tiny tables. Gingerly, they wove through the many bodies to reach the counters.
Sookie's voice drifted over to their ears in bursts from the kitchen. Pretty soon, a furious Luke appeared.
"Luke!" Rory called.
Luke looked up with a start, "Rory?"
"What's going on?"
Luke threw his hands up in the air, the pure picture of frustration itself. "The inn blew up and now Sookie's cooking breakfast in MY kitchen!"
Rory raised her eyebrows in surprise, "Sookie's cooking breakfast? Can you tell her to make me some pancakes? Oh, and some French toast, too."
Luke looked as if he wanted to be furious, but his eyes softened and his resolve weakened. With a defeated sigh, he dove back into the kitchen. Sookie's screech made Rory and Lane giggle and Luke soon dove out again, ducking a couple flying olives.
"It's on order, happy?" He growled.
"Yes, thank you." Rory's smile, this time, was genuine. Lane looked at her friend and smiled as well. Just take it one day at a time. It would get easier eventually.
******************************************************************
Mia arrived that evening, and she seemed to bring relief and warmth wherever she went. When she saw Rory, she immediately scooped her up in a tight hug and kissed her head.
"Rory, darling!" She exclaimed, her normally happy countenance marred by a frown that looked entirely out of place.
Rory didn't say anything, but squeezed back with all her might.
Sookie and Michel came racing out of the inn, exclaiming their surprise and relief.
"Yes, my dears! I'm here to set it all right. Now come come, let's see what must be done." With an arm around Rory's shoulders, Mia, Sookie, and Michel walked slowly up the path to the inn. When the door opened and Rory saw the devastation, her knees almost buckled. The entire room was blackened with ash and cinders of long-gone furniture. The floor boards creaked ominously underneath her feet and the smell of fire still hung in the air.
"Oh my..." was all Mia said. Her bright eyes took in the grim sight, and as Rory looked into them, she saw Mia wavering. Would the inn close for good? This was where she lived for the first few years of her life...She took her first steps here and learned to speak here...Lorelai's first job was here. Their essence and laughter once filled the halls and a ghost of that memory still remained in the crumbling debris. How could Mia just push all that aside? Of course, the practical side of Rory saw the futility of it all. The inn would take months to rebuild, and a lot of money at that. With Lorelai out of commission, possibly forever, there seemed no reason to keep it open. But Rory didn't say this aloud and Mia did not voice her thoughts either. "Well...I'm going to speak to the fire chief and we'll hold a meeting right here first thing tomorrow, 9:00 sharp. Rory, I have to attend to this business, will you be all right on your own?" Mia's eyes were concerned. After all, she had been like a grandmother or kindly aunt to Rory all throughout the first years of her life. It was only natural that she was concerned for her wellbeing.
Rory nodded and crossed her arms over her chest, "Yeah, don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I promised to meet Lane anyways."
But she didn't go to see Lane when she left the inn. Instead, her footsteps took her to the pond and the bridge where she had often seen Jess reading. He wasn't there now, but the quiet lapping of the water against the rocks and the swans sailing across the lake's mirror-like surface calmed her. She slowly sat down and let her feet dangle over the side of the bridge.
Now that Mia was there, everything would be fine. She would take care of everything and it would all be just fine. No need to worry about that. But as she sat there and thought of the upcoming weeks, a disturbing thought suddenly hit. Lorelai's birthday. It was coming up very soon. She had always planned to do something special...Ever since she missed Lorelai's graduation...But this year, what could she do? With Lorelai in the hospital, and seemingly no sign of awakening soon, her birthday celebration would be very dull and incomplete without her.
Soft footsteps interrupted her thoughts and Jess soon came to occupy the spot beside her. He didn't say anything, but just sat. Their hips and arms touched each other, but that was the extent of their contact until Rory spoke up.
"I want to do something for my mom's birthday."
Jess glanced sideways at her. "Okay."
"I don't know what to do. She's...in the hospital, but I still want to do something for her." Rory turned her pleading eyes on Jess and he quickly looked away, a guilty expression on his face. "Jess, you have to help. You're...you're the only one I can really rely on now. I mean, besides Lane and stuff..."
"Rory..." he groaned. "I don't know about planning birthday parties or anything...Why don't you get those friends of your mom's or something?"
"You mean Sookie?"
"Whatever." He shrugged nonchalantly, but kept watching her out of the corner of his eye.
The wheels were already turning in Rory's head. Sookie was good at cooking, but Lorelai always did the organizing...Maybe with Jackson's help... "Thanks for the idea, Jess." She reached over and hugged him around the shoulders. He slipped an arm around her waist and returned the gesture, placing a soft kiss on the corner of her mouth. Rory smiled gently, almost shyly, and promptly stood up to begin preparations. If she was going back to Richard and Emily's on Monday, she had to move fast.
Over the next couple of days, Rory spoke with Sookie, Jackson, and Miss Patty at length, organizing a small reception to commemorate Lorelai's birthday in Luke's diner. Not having the strength to organize the grandiose event she had originally envisioned, only about 10 people were on the guest list.
"Okay," Rory said tiredly as she finished up at Sookie's house on Monday morning, "so food under control, place, people...we got it all?"
Sookie smiled fondly at Rory, "Yeah, sweetie, we got it. Want another brownie?" Sookie held out a plate of delicious chocolaty brownies, but Rory had already crammed four into her stomach and the sight of more made the others roll around uncomfortably in her stomach.
"Ah...no thanks...I really need my appetite for tonight. Grandma's dinner, after all."
Sookie nodded sympathetically. "It's all right. I'll give you some for the road!" She promptly jumped up and rushed into the kitchen for a plate and some tinfoil. Jackson grinned from where he sat in an easy chair.
"This birthday party is really helping Sookie, you know."
Rory looked up curiously, "What do you mean?"
"Well, the inn combined with the accident really hit her hard...And with the baby, she's been a lot more emotional."
Rory nodded sadly, "Oh...right..." She bit her lip and sat there uncomfortably until a smiling Sookie came back with a tray of brownies.
"Now be sure and say hi to Emily and Richard for me. Oh! And don't forget to invite them to the party."
"Don't worry, Sookie," she smiled and hugged the older woman gently, "I won't."
Emily and Richard drove into Stars Hollow to pick her up later that day at Lane's house. Lane and Jess saw her off – Lane with a hug and Jess with a quick, hidden kiss. Rory smiled at both of them and reluctantly left the comfort of her boyfriend's arms to step into the plush leather setting of Richard's car.
"So, Rory, did you have a good time?" Emily asked once they were on their way. Rory could only see the back of her head, but Emily's voice seemed light enough.
"Yeah...I really did. I think it helped. A bit, I mean." Rory bit her lip, unsure if this would make her grandmother uncomfortable – after all, she could have stayed with them and received just as much, if not more, attention.
Emily took a moment before replying. "Well...good. And tonight we have a wonderful dinner planned for the three of us and then I was thinking we could watch a movie perhaps, what do you think?"
Rory leaned her head against the window, mustering the courage to say what she wanted. "Well...that sounds great but...Could we visit Mom for a bit?"
Emily looked at Richard and Richard looked at Emily. They were both silent. Rory wondered what they were thinking. Did they think she didn't want to be with them? That certainly wasn't true...better set it straight. "It's not that everything you've planned doesn't sound great it's just that...well, I haven't seen her in a while..."
"You didn't do so good last time you went, Rory..." Richard pointed out in a slow, easy voice, like he was talking to someone who had a gun to their head.
"I know, but I'm...prepared now. I know what to expect. Please? Just for a few minutes."
"Well...I suppose we could swing by for a few minutes." Emily relented. She shuffled in her seat and turned to stare out the window in silence.
Like the last time they had seen each other, Lorelai's complexion still hadn't changed. She was still very pale, but the wounds seemed to be healing, all but a bit slowly.
The doctor was there and greeted the three with a tight smile. "Well, hello, Gilmore family. How are we doing today?"
"Fine." Emily answered. She had her traditional 'no-nonsense' face on and refused to look at Lorelai.
"Well...Good news, I suppose. Lorelai has been healing nicely, although not as wonderfully as Rory here." He grinned at her and Rory answered with the ghost of a smile. "Her brain waves are strong, she's getting a bit thin, but that's to be expected. I really am very confident that she will eventually wake up. She just needs a bit more time."
Rory managed a smile of thanks before slowly walking over to her mother's side. Lorelai's hand felt cold and lifeless within her own, but her chest gently rose and fell with quiet, even breaths, and the monitor beeped annoyingly in time with her heart.
"Hi, Mom," she whispered, laying her hand across Lorelai's own pale one. wwShe felt kind of silly, talking to her with Richard and Emily and the doctor in the room. She should come back. Without anyone else around. It was always easier to spill your heart when no one else was watching.
Back at the house, a nagging thought tugged at the back of Rory's head – one that simply would not go away.
"Grandma?" She began as the maid took her coat.
"Yes, Rory?"
"Why were you so reluctant to go to the hospital?"
Richard frowned and looked down at the floor, almost shamefully. He quickly retreated to his study, the door closing behind him with an ominous click.
"Richard!" Emily protested angrily.
Rory raised her eyebrows and continues to stare at her grandmother. She would not leave without an answer.
Emily sighed and turned to face her granddaughter. Looking at her drawn face, Rory was suddenly aware that Emily was growing steadily older. Her face was pale and drawn, and new lines had appeared on her brow. The constant energy she threw into every aspect of her life just seemed to be slipping away. "Rory...It's not that I didn't want to see your mother...I just didn't want to go, understand?"
Rory opened her mouth to protest, but Emily hurried on.
"Now dinner will be served at 8 sharp. Go rest and don't be late!" Emily shook a warning finger at Rory as if she were a two-year-old before hurrying off to the kitchens. Rory stood in the hallway, alone. At a loss, she slowly trudged upstairs to her room. Why was Emily avoiding the subject? What could she have to hide? Surely she loved Loelai. What parents didn't love their child? Emily acted almost as if she were guilty of a crime. Like it was her fault. Rory's memory flashed back to the moments right before the car accident. The fight. But that's silly. The only one to blame was the stupid deer. Damn deer. Deer were always so stupid. Bambi was cute and all but in real life what do they do? They certainly don't run around with cute fluffy bunnies and skunks. They put antlers in the side of your car and put your mother into a coma...
Rory, exhausted, curled up on her bed in a fetal position. But sleep was far away. The revelation still plagued her conscious thought and kept the peaceful numbness of sleep at bay. Rory tossed and turned for another few minutes before slapping the bed and standing up. She marched down to the kitchens where Emily was directing the preparations for dinner. Her eyes were brimming with determination as she stood in front of her grandmother. She couldn't back down.
"Grandma?"
"Yes, Rory?" She looked a bit ruffled at Rory's expression but held her ground.
"I know Mom doesn't blame you." Emily didn't say anything. Even her stoic expression refused to change. "I know that Mom forgives everything if you say your sorry. I missed her graduation for a stupid, petty reason and she forgave me. I...I know she wouldn't want you to blame yourself." The two stood there, staring at each other. For a moment, Rory saw a flicker of remorse in Emily's steely blue eyes, but it was gone before she could be sure. "So...that's what I think." Rory turned around, seemingly defeated. She had been so sure that this would make everything right, but Emily's response said otherwise.
Just as she reached the foot of the stairs, Emily's voice called out to her. "How can you be so sure?"
Rory turned around with a small smile. "Because I know Mom. She does care about you and Grandpa...but you guys just keep...butting heads I suppose." Emily nodded and looked down at her hands. She turned around abruptly to set off for the kitchens once more, but not before Rory caught the view of a shaking hand and a teary eye.
When Rory reached her room again, she looked around, searching for something. The pile of mail. On top sat the pile of college acceptance letters. She had a decision to make, and soon.
Reaching into the pile, she took out the top three colleges. Harvard, Princeton, and Yale. Harvard has always been her dream, why should she ever go anywhere different? Princeton...Princeton was still good...And Yale. Her grandparents went to Yale. Yale was closer to home. Harvard was her dream. Princeton just didn't figure into the configuration. And hey, they were all top schools, right? The hardest of the Ivy's? Rory sighed, frustrated. With a bit of reluctance, she put the Princeton acceptance aside and focused on the Harvard and Yale documents.
Harvard was her dream. Yale was at home. Just far enough but not too far. With grim determination, she pulled out a sheet of paper and made two columns – Yale vs. Harvard – before diving in to the various pamphlets.
Two hours later, she had a long, extensive list completed. She put the list down in her lap and rubbed her weary eyes for a moment before picking it back up and staring long and hard.
"I suppose I'm going to Yale then," she murmured. Would her mother be disappointed? It's been their dream...but Lorelai would want her to get the best education possible. Besides, being so close she could come visit frequently...All the time. She would go to Yale. With a steady hand and eye, she quietly filled out the acceptance application. It was almost May 1st after all. She must meet all deadlines. "Yale it is," she said with finality as she closed up the envelope and slapped a stamp on the upper corner.
At dinner, everyone was particularly quiet and lost in their own thoughts. Rory looked up at her grandparents. They were both picking at their food. Time to lighten the atmosphere. "Grandma? Grandpa? I have a few things to tell you."
Richard looked at Emily but she simply shrugged, clueless. "Well, go on, Rory."
"Well, you know how it's Mom's birthday soon. And...well, I wanted to do something, so I talked to Sookie and Jackson and they're gonna throw this small, well, party at Luke's next week. And I was hoping you guys would come."
Richard raised his eyebrows at this and looked to Emily. Emily swallowed her food and took a sip of wine before answering. "Well, Rory, I think that was very nice of you. We'd love to go."
"Really?" Rory smiled, "Good. Well there's also one more thing." She stopped, gathering her wits. "Well...I have decided that I am going to Yale."
The room was silent. She looked at her grandparents, who were looking at each other. A tiny spark glimmered in their eyes, but it was quickly doused.
"Well...good you chose one." Emily replied.
"But it's...Yale. You know...Where you went, Grandpa? And you Grandma?"
"Yes. It's nice."
"I thought you would be happy about that." Rory was thoroughly puzzled by their reaction. After all, it's what started the whole fight that night...
"Oh, Rory, we'll be happy anywhere you go."
"Well...I think I would be happiest at Yale. I want to go to Yale. I think Mom would, too. So you can be happy about it. I know you want to be." It seemed she hit right on the mark when Emily began smiling and Richard began chuckling. It was the first time she had really seen her grandmother smile since the accident. They promptly began rushing around, shouting to each other and at Rory, calling their neighbors and friends.
Rory crossed her arms over the table, her food forgotten. Well, at least she could make them happy. She would be happy. Of course she would. How could she travel so far away from Lorelai right now? This was the best solution for everybody.
*******************************************************************
On the night of the party, Emily and Richard drove into Stars Hollow with Rory. A larger celebration seemed to be going on in the center of the park. Rory looked over curiously. "What's that?" She asked aloud. "It's not time for the firelight festival or anything else that I know of..." But Richard and Emily certainly couldn't answer her questions and they walked to Luke's in silence.
Luke was just exiting when they reached the door.
"Luke!" Rory exclaimed, very confused. "I thought the party was supposed to be here."
"Well, it was. I mean, it was until people started overflowing out the door." He gave a nod to the gathering in the center of the park.
Rory stared, mouth agape. "That's the party?"
"Yup." Luke didn't look too thrilled about it either. "So, you going? You planned it."
"Oh, uh, yeah. Grandma? Grandpa?" All four walked over together, and Rory was immediately surrounded by hugs and kisses and wishes of wellbeing. She accepted them all with a gracious smile and polite words of thanks.
The party raged on. Sookie's food eventually ran out, of course, since it was only meant for about ten or fifteen people. After about an hour or two of conversing and putting on a happy face, Rory quietly slipped away from the throng. Lane was involved in an intense conversation with Dave, Luke was nowhere to be seen, Sookie was fiddling with the food...Nobody would notice.
She slipped past the tables over to the other side of the Gazebo, where the lights couldn't reach. She leaned back against the walls and closed her eyes. She was so tired. Tired of the abnormality of it all.
A soft hand on her shoulder caused Rory to whirl around with a gasp, just to face a concerned Dean. She let out a sigh of relief.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."
Rory smiled half-heartedly. "It's all right. What are you doing over here? What about the party?"
"I could ask you the same question," he replied with a teasing smile and a cocky eyebrow.
"Point taken," she smiled. She felt behind her for the gazebo and slowly slid down the side to sit on the ground, head in her hands.
"A lot on your mind?" Dean asked as he slid down next to her.
"Yeah..." Their hips and thighs touched ever so slightly, but Rory was too tired and numb to move.
"Want to talk about it?"
Rory kept her eyes on the ground and refused to look at Dean, but she did open her mouth for a soft reply. "I don't want to keep pretending that everything's okay." Her voice was flat, devoid of emotion, but that in and of itself said enough. "Everyone expects me to keep up a happy face, but it's just so hard. I don't have my mother here to help me...to tell me when I'm working too hard and...I don't have my best friend."
Dean was silent beside her, but Rory could feel his eyes carefully studying the side of her face, which had miraculously remained dry so far.
"What if..." Rory had never really said it aloud before, but now she had to for fear of bursting with the pressure. "What if she never wakes up? What am I going to do? I still have college...How am I...how can I start without her?"
Dean didn't speak for another few heartbeats before attempting to answer her question. "I know it's hard when someone close to you goes away somehow but...I know you'll get through it because you have to. You're a strong person, Rory, and...even if the worst should happen, you'll get through it because of what she taught you. Biologically speaking, you don't need to rely on her for anything anymore."
Rory half-smiled at this lame attempt at humor, but tears still began to form in her eyes again. Why was she crying so much?
Warm, strong arms wrapped around Rory's delicate shoulders and, without thinking, she immediately buried her face in the soft folds of his leather jacket. The familiar smell broke Rory's emotional dam and the tears simply began to spill forth and would not stop. She cried for her mother, for her horrible treatment of Dean, and for Jess's neglect and the love she had for him.
Dean held her close as Rory let go of all she had been holding back. When the tears finally slowed into choked sobs and tiny sniffles, Dean pulled back slightly and gently took Rory's chin in his hand, raising it up so their gazes were level. Her eyes were red and puffy and silent streams still trickled down her flushed cheeks. His hand gingerly reached up to brush the tears away and slowly came to rest on the edge of her face. Alarms in Rory's head went unheeded as another desire took center stage. Gazing into Dean's warm brown eyes, only the desires to be held and touched and comforted were recognized. Dean's eyes flickered briefly between Rory's quivering mouth and her sweet, doe-eyed gaze as their heads came closer together.
"Rory!"
Rory jerked away and stood up in a flurry of motion. Someone was calling her name. She started around the bend of the gazebo and literally ran into Jess. He put a hand on her hip to steady her. "Woah, you okay?" Rory looked down, ashamed of what she had almost done. "You were crying..." he observed, gently reaching up to brush away the tears Dean had not already caught.
Rory nodded, her eyes caught on Jess's jacket. "I'm fine, I just...needed some time to myself is all." She finally looked up and attempted a smile. Jess looked skeptical, but seemed to accept it as he pulled Rory into a tight hug. He gently kissed her forehead and cheek before resting his head against her own. As she looked over his shoulder, she saw Dean rejoin Lindsey with a brief, chaste kiss. She closed her eyes, but the thought of what she had almost done, the shame, and the bright pictures of Dean's eyes burned behind her eyelids.
********
By Powder
Email: usagi@bellatlantic.net
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Gilmore Girls. The only thing I own is the idea behind this story. If any made-up characters should appear, they belong to me and should not be used without permission. This story is for non-profit purposes and is simply here to amuse and give people something to do with their time.
Note: This is my first published work on Gilmore Girls or any other subject so please be nice. Review pleeeeeeease! I want to thank the people who have already given me advice – I have considered all and appreciate it more than I can say. As a newbie writer everything is greatly appreciated, thanks :)
Oh boy, this story has been sitting in the bunker for a looong time. I am truly sorry...I don't think I quite knew what I wanted to do with it, but I have a vague idea now and that's the best kind to work with. I re-read what chapters I had already written and decided that they needed a change, so I updated 2 and 3 ever so slightly. I don't think the changes are readily noticeable, but they make a world of difference to the characters and the situations. You'd be surprised how a small gesture or a simple word can be so out of character. But, hopefully, I've fixed everything.
I'm working on the idea for this story regularly now, and I hope this new chapter is proof of that. Hopefully the chapters will stay consistent in length or grow longer as I have more to say and the characters have more to do. I'll try to keep updates and progress posted on my profile on fanfiction.net, but I won't promise much. The updates will appear eventually, but it'll probably be *at least* two weeks between chapters, given that I write in brief spurts during boring lectures and time away from class. I'm also working on a Pirates of the Caribbean story and a Sailor Moon story that's based on a fairytale, The Goose Girl by the Brothers Grimm. Those are coming along slowly and I keep switching between them as I get ideas. Sometimes I'll stop for a bit on one because I've reached a big bit of writer's block and I'll concentrate on another.
In the following chapters I'm hoping to relate the events that happened at the end of season 3 and the beginning of season 4. I won't follow everything to the letter because circumstances are different now (of course), but I think it would be interesting to take a different spin on these topics. If you have another opinion, I would gladly listen. Thanks!
Chapter 4:
Rory awoke the next morning with Colonel Plucker still clutched in her arms. With a disgusted sigh, she pushed him away and sat up. For a moment, she was bewildered. Lorelai's room, not her own, stared back at her. She slowly massaged her temples and the events of the previous night began to come back.
Her hand flew to the phone and quickly dialed Lane's number.
"Rory?" Lane's frantic voice answered the phone with Mrs. Kim shouting something nearby.
"Lane, I'm sorry! I just...well, there was a fire at the inn—"
"I know, I had two strange people sleeping in my bed last night."
"—and then I went home to call Mia and I fell asleep!"
"It's only natural."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay. Just don't do that again, okay?"
"I'll try."
"Good. Now get dressed and come on over. We can get breakfast at Luke's."
When they walked into Luke's that day, there wasn't a pause or lull in the conversation, but stares, pregnant with pity and remorse followed Rory's every move.
They stood there for a moment, wondering why there were so many people crowded around the tiny tables. Gingerly, they wove through the many bodies to reach the counters.
Sookie's voice drifted over to their ears in bursts from the kitchen. Pretty soon, a furious Luke appeared.
"Luke!" Rory called.
Luke looked up with a start, "Rory?"
"What's going on?"
Luke threw his hands up in the air, the pure picture of frustration itself. "The inn blew up and now Sookie's cooking breakfast in MY kitchen!"
Rory raised her eyebrows in surprise, "Sookie's cooking breakfast? Can you tell her to make me some pancakes? Oh, and some French toast, too."
Luke looked as if he wanted to be furious, but his eyes softened and his resolve weakened. With a defeated sigh, he dove back into the kitchen. Sookie's screech made Rory and Lane giggle and Luke soon dove out again, ducking a couple flying olives.
"It's on order, happy?" He growled.
"Yes, thank you." Rory's smile, this time, was genuine. Lane looked at her friend and smiled as well. Just take it one day at a time. It would get easier eventually.
******************************************************************
Mia arrived that evening, and she seemed to bring relief and warmth wherever she went. When she saw Rory, she immediately scooped her up in a tight hug and kissed her head.
"Rory, darling!" She exclaimed, her normally happy countenance marred by a frown that looked entirely out of place.
Rory didn't say anything, but squeezed back with all her might.
Sookie and Michel came racing out of the inn, exclaiming their surprise and relief.
"Yes, my dears! I'm here to set it all right. Now come come, let's see what must be done." With an arm around Rory's shoulders, Mia, Sookie, and Michel walked slowly up the path to the inn. When the door opened and Rory saw the devastation, her knees almost buckled. The entire room was blackened with ash and cinders of long-gone furniture. The floor boards creaked ominously underneath her feet and the smell of fire still hung in the air.
"Oh my..." was all Mia said. Her bright eyes took in the grim sight, and as Rory looked into them, she saw Mia wavering. Would the inn close for good? This was where she lived for the first few years of her life...She took her first steps here and learned to speak here...Lorelai's first job was here. Their essence and laughter once filled the halls and a ghost of that memory still remained in the crumbling debris. How could Mia just push all that aside? Of course, the practical side of Rory saw the futility of it all. The inn would take months to rebuild, and a lot of money at that. With Lorelai out of commission, possibly forever, there seemed no reason to keep it open. But Rory didn't say this aloud and Mia did not voice her thoughts either. "Well...I'm going to speak to the fire chief and we'll hold a meeting right here first thing tomorrow, 9:00 sharp. Rory, I have to attend to this business, will you be all right on your own?" Mia's eyes were concerned. After all, she had been like a grandmother or kindly aunt to Rory all throughout the first years of her life. It was only natural that she was concerned for her wellbeing.
Rory nodded and crossed her arms over her chest, "Yeah, don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I promised to meet Lane anyways."
But she didn't go to see Lane when she left the inn. Instead, her footsteps took her to the pond and the bridge where she had often seen Jess reading. He wasn't there now, but the quiet lapping of the water against the rocks and the swans sailing across the lake's mirror-like surface calmed her. She slowly sat down and let her feet dangle over the side of the bridge.
Now that Mia was there, everything would be fine. She would take care of everything and it would all be just fine. No need to worry about that. But as she sat there and thought of the upcoming weeks, a disturbing thought suddenly hit. Lorelai's birthday. It was coming up very soon. She had always planned to do something special...Ever since she missed Lorelai's graduation...But this year, what could she do? With Lorelai in the hospital, and seemingly no sign of awakening soon, her birthday celebration would be very dull and incomplete without her.
Soft footsteps interrupted her thoughts and Jess soon came to occupy the spot beside her. He didn't say anything, but just sat. Their hips and arms touched each other, but that was the extent of their contact until Rory spoke up.
"I want to do something for my mom's birthday."
Jess glanced sideways at her. "Okay."
"I don't know what to do. She's...in the hospital, but I still want to do something for her." Rory turned her pleading eyes on Jess and he quickly looked away, a guilty expression on his face. "Jess, you have to help. You're...you're the only one I can really rely on now. I mean, besides Lane and stuff..."
"Rory..." he groaned. "I don't know about planning birthday parties or anything...Why don't you get those friends of your mom's or something?"
"You mean Sookie?"
"Whatever." He shrugged nonchalantly, but kept watching her out of the corner of his eye.
The wheels were already turning in Rory's head. Sookie was good at cooking, but Lorelai always did the organizing...Maybe with Jackson's help... "Thanks for the idea, Jess." She reached over and hugged him around the shoulders. He slipped an arm around her waist and returned the gesture, placing a soft kiss on the corner of her mouth. Rory smiled gently, almost shyly, and promptly stood up to begin preparations. If she was going back to Richard and Emily's on Monday, she had to move fast.
Over the next couple of days, Rory spoke with Sookie, Jackson, and Miss Patty at length, organizing a small reception to commemorate Lorelai's birthday in Luke's diner. Not having the strength to organize the grandiose event she had originally envisioned, only about 10 people were on the guest list.
"Okay," Rory said tiredly as she finished up at Sookie's house on Monday morning, "so food under control, place, people...we got it all?"
Sookie smiled fondly at Rory, "Yeah, sweetie, we got it. Want another brownie?" Sookie held out a plate of delicious chocolaty brownies, but Rory had already crammed four into her stomach and the sight of more made the others roll around uncomfortably in her stomach.
"Ah...no thanks...I really need my appetite for tonight. Grandma's dinner, after all."
Sookie nodded sympathetically. "It's all right. I'll give you some for the road!" She promptly jumped up and rushed into the kitchen for a plate and some tinfoil. Jackson grinned from where he sat in an easy chair.
"This birthday party is really helping Sookie, you know."
Rory looked up curiously, "What do you mean?"
"Well, the inn combined with the accident really hit her hard...And with the baby, she's been a lot more emotional."
Rory nodded sadly, "Oh...right..." She bit her lip and sat there uncomfortably until a smiling Sookie came back with a tray of brownies.
"Now be sure and say hi to Emily and Richard for me. Oh! And don't forget to invite them to the party."
"Don't worry, Sookie," she smiled and hugged the older woman gently, "I won't."
Emily and Richard drove into Stars Hollow to pick her up later that day at Lane's house. Lane and Jess saw her off – Lane with a hug and Jess with a quick, hidden kiss. Rory smiled at both of them and reluctantly left the comfort of her boyfriend's arms to step into the plush leather setting of Richard's car.
"So, Rory, did you have a good time?" Emily asked once they were on their way. Rory could only see the back of her head, but Emily's voice seemed light enough.
"Yeah...I really did. I think it helped. A bit, I mean." Rory bit her lip, unsure if this would make her grandmother uncomfortable – after all, she could have stayed with them and received just as much, if not more, attention.
Emily took a moment before replying. "Well...good. And tonight we have a wonderful dinner planned for the three of us and then I was thinking we could watch a movie perhaps, what do you think?"
Rory leaned her head against the window, mustering the courage to say what she wanted. "Well...that sounds great but...Could we visit Mom for a bit?"
Emily looked at Richard and Richard looked at Emily. They were both silent. Rory wondered what they were thinking. Did they think she didn't want to be with them? That certainly wasn't true...better set it straight. "It's not that everything you've planned doesn't sound great it's just that...well, I haven't seen her in a while..."
"You didn't do so good last time you went, Rory..." Richard pointed out in a slow, easy voice, like he was talking to someone who had a gun to their head.
"I know, but I'm...prepared now. I know what to expect. Please? Just for a few minutes."
"Well...I suppose we could swing by for a few minutes." Emily relented. She shuffled in her seat and turned to stare out the window in silence.
Like the last time they had seen each other, Lorelai's complexion still hadn't changed. She was still very pale, but the wounds seemed to be healing, all but a bit slowly.
The doctor was there and greeted the three with a tight smile. "Well, hello, Gilmore family. How are we doing today?"
"Fine." Emily answered. She had her traditional 'no-nonsense' face on and refused to look at Lorelai.
"Well...Good news, I suppose. Lorelai has been healing nicely, although not as wonderfully as Rory here." He grinned at her and Rory answered with the ghost of a smile. "Her brain waves are strong, she's getting a bit thin, but that's to be expected. I really am very confident that she will eventually wake up. She just needs a bit more time."
Rory managed a smile of thanks before slowly walking over to her mother's side. Lorelai's hand felt cold and lifeless within her own, but her chest gently rose and fell with quiet, even breaths, and the monitor beeped annoyingly in time with her heart.
"Hi, Mom," she whispered, laying her hand across Lorelai's own pale one. wwShe felt kind of silly, talking to her with Richard and Emily and the doctor in the room. She should come back. Without anyone else around. It was always easier to spill your heart when no one else was watching.
Back at the house, a nagging thought tugged at the back of Rory's head – one that simply would not go away.
"Grandma?" She began as the maid took her coat.
"Yes, Rory?"
"Why were you so reluctant to go to the hospital?"
Richard frowned and looked down at the floor, almost shamefully. He quickly retreated to his study, the door closing behind him with an ominous click.
"Richard!" Emily protested angrily.
Rory raised her eyebrows and continues to stare at her grandmother. She would not leave without an answer.
Emily sighed and turned to face her granddaughter. Looking at her drawn face, Rory was suddenly aware that Emily was growing steadily older. Her face was pale and drawn, and new lines had appeared on her brow. The constant energy she threw into every aspect of her life just seemed to be slipping away. "Rory...It's not that I didn't want to see your mother...I just didn't want to go, understand?"
Rory opened her mouth to protest, but Emily hurried on.
"Now dinner will be served at 8 sharp. Go rest and don't be late!" Emily shook a warning finger at Rory as if she were a two-year-old before hurrying off to the kitchens. Rory stood in the hallway, alone. At a loss, she slowly trudged upstairs to her room. Why was Emily avoiding the subject? What could she have to hide? Surely she loved Loelai. What parents didn't love their child? Emily acted almost as if she were guilty of a crime. Like it was her fault. Rory's memory flashed back to the moments right before the car accident. The fight. But that's silly. The only one to blame was the stupid deer. Damn deer. Deer were always so stupid. Bambi was cute and all but in real life what do they do? They certainly don't run around with cute fluffy bunnies and skunks. They put antlers in the side of your car and put your mother into a coma...
Rory, exhausted, curled up on her bed in a fetal position. But sleep was far away. The revelation still plagued her conscious thought and kept the peaceful numbness of sleep at bay. Rory tossed and turned for another few minutes before slapping the bed and standing up. She marched down to the kitchens where Emily was directing the preparations for dinner. Her eyes were brimming with determination as she stood in front of her grandmother. She couldn't back down.
"Grandma?"
"Yes, Rory?" She looked a bit ruffled at Rory's expression but held her ground.
"I know Mom doesn't blame you." Emily didn't say anything. Even her stoic expression refused to change. "I know that Mom forgives everything if you say your sorry. I missed her graduation for a stupid, petty reason and she forgave me. I...I know she wouldn't want you to blame yourself." The two stood there, staring at each other. For a moment, Rory saw a flicker of remorse in Emily's steely blue eyes, but it was gone before she could be sure. "So...that's what I think." Rory turned around, seemingly defeated. She had been so sure that this would make everything right, but Emily's response said otherwise.
Just as she reached the foot of the stairs, Emily's voice called out to her. "How can you be so sure?"
Rory turned around with a small smile. "Because I know Mom. She does care about you and Grandpa...but you guys just keep...butting heads I suppose." Emily nodded and looked down at her hands. She turned around abruptly to set off for the kitchens once more, but not before Rory caught the view of a shaking hand and a teary eye.
When Rory reached her room again, she looked around, searching for something. The pile of mail. On top sat the pile of college acceptance letters. She had a decision to make, and soon.
Reaching into the pile, she took out the top three colleges. Harvard, Princeton, and Yale. Harvard has always been her dream, why should she ever go anywhere different? Princeton...Princeton was still good...And Yale. Her grandparents went to Yale. Yale was closer to home. Harvard was her dream. Princeton just didn't figure into the configuration. And hey, they were all top schools, right? The hardest of the Ivy's? Rory sighed, frustrated. With a bit of reluctance, she put the Princeton acceptance aside and focused on the Harvard and Yale documents.
Harvard was her dream. Yale was at home. Just far enough but not too far. With grim determination, she pulled out a sheet of paper and made two columns – Yale vs. Harvard – before diving in to the various pamphlets.
Two hours later, she had a long, extensive list completed. She put the list down in her lap and rubbed her weary eyes for a moment before picking it back up and staring long and hard.
"I suppose I'm going to Yale then," she murmured. Would her mother be disappointed? It's been their dream...but Lorelai would want her to get the best education possible. Besides, being so close she could come visit frequently...All the time. She would go to Yale. With a steady hand and eye, she quietly filled out the acceptance application. It was almost May 1st after all. She must meet all deadlines. "Yale it is," she said with finality as she closed up the envelope and slapped a stamp on the upper corner.
At dinner, everyone was particularly quiet and lost in their own thoughts. Rory looked up at her grandparents. They were both picking at their food. Time to lighten the atmosphere. "Grandma? Grandpa? I have a few things to tell you."
Richard looked at Emily but she simply shrugged, clueless. "Well, go on, Rory."
"Well, you know how it's Mom's birthday soon. And...well, I wanted to do something, so I talked to Sookie and Jackson and they're gonna throw this small, well, party at Luke's next week. And I was hoping you guys would come."
Richard raised his eyebrows at this and looked to Emily. Emily swallowed her food and took a sip of wine before answering. "Well, Rory, I think that was very nice of you. We'd love to go."
"Really?" Rory smiled, "Good. Well there's also one more thing." She stopped, gathering her wits. "Well...I have decided that I am going to Yale."
The room was silent. She looked at her grandparents, who were looking at each other. A tiny spark glimmered in their eyes, but it was quickly doused.
"Well...good you chose one." Emily replied.
"But it's...Yale. You know...Where you went, Grandpa? And you Grandma?"
"Yes. It's nice."
"I thought you would be happy about that." Rory was thoroughly puzzled by their reaction. After all, it's what started the whole fight that night...
"Oh, Rory, we'll be happy anywhere you go."
"Well...I think I would be happiest at Yale. I want to go to Yale. I think Mom would, too. So you can be happy about it. I know you want to be." It seemed she hit right on the mark when Emily began smiling and Richard began chuckling. It was the first time she had really seen her grandmother smile since the accident. They promptly began rushing around, shouting to each other and at Rory, calling their neighbors and friends.
Rory crossed her arms over the table, her food forgotten. Well, at least she could make them happy. She would be happy. Of course she would. How could she travel so far away from Lorelai right now? This was the best solution for everybody.
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On the night of the party, Emily and Richard drove into Stars Hollow with Rory. A larger celebration seemed to be going on in the center of the park. Rory looked over curiously. "What's that?" She asked aloud. "It's not time for the firelight festival or anything else that I know of..." But Richard and Emily certainly couldn't answer her questions and they walked to Luke's in silence.
Luke was just exiting when they reached the door.
"Luke!" Rory exclaimed, very confused. "I thought the party was supposed to be here."
"Well, it was. I mean, it was until people started overflowing out the door." He gave a nod to the gathering in the center of the park.
Rory stared, mouth agape. "That's the party?"
"Yup." Luke didn't look too thrilled about it either. "So, you going? You planned it."
"Oh, uh, yeah. Grandma? Grandpa?" All four walked over together, and Rory was immediately surrounded by hugs and kisses and wishes of wellbeing. She accepted them all with a gracious smile and polite words of thanks.
The party raged on. Sookie's food eventually ran out, of course, since it was only meant for about ten or fifteen people. After about an hour or two of conversing and putting on a happy face, Rory quietly slipped away from the throng. Lane was involved in an intense conversation with Dave, Luke was nowhere to be seen, Sookie was fiddling with the food...Nobody would notice.
She slipped past the tables over to the other side of the Gazebo, where the lights couldn't reach. She leaned back against the walls and closed her eyes. She was so tired. Tired of the abnormality of it all.
A soft hand on her shoulder caused Rory to whirl around with a gasp, just to face a concerned Dean. She let out a sigh of relief.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."
Rory smiled half-heartedly. "It's all right. What are you doing over here? What about the party?"
"I could ask you the same question," he replied with a teasing smile and a cocky eyebrow.
"Point taken," she smiled. She felt behind her for the gazebo and slowly slid down the side to sit on the ground, head in her hands.
"A lot on your mind?" Dean asked as he slid down next to her.
"Yeah..." Their hips and thighs touched ever so slightly, but Rory was too tired and numb to move.
"Want to talk about it?"
Rory kept her eyes on the ground and refused to look at Dean, but she did open her mouth for a soft reply. "I don't want to keep pretending that everything's okay." Her voice was flat, devoid of emotion, but that in and of itself said enough. "Everyone expects me to keep up a happy face, but it's just so hard. I don't have my mother here to help me...to tell me when I'm working too hard and...I don't have my best friend."
Dean was silent beside her, but Rory could feel his eyes carefully studying the side of her face, which had miraculously remained dry so far.
"What if..." Rory had never really said it aloud before, but now she had to for fear of bursting with the pressure. "What if she never wakes up? What am I going to do? I still have college...How am I...how can I start without her?"
Dean didn't speak for another few heartbeats before attempting to answer her question. "I know it's hard when someone close to you goes away somehow but...I know you'll get through it because you have to. You're a strong person, Rory, and...even if the worst should happen, you'll get through it because of what she taught you. Biologically speaking, you don't need to rely on her for anything anymore."
Rory half-smiled at this lame attempt at humor, but tears still began to form in her eyes again. Why was she crying so much?
Warm, strong arms wrapped around Rory's delicate shoulders and, without thinking, she immediately buried her face in the soft folds of his leather jacket. The familiar smell broke Rory's emotional dam and the tears simply began to spill forth and would not stop. She cried for her mother, for her horrible treatment of Dean, and for Jess's neglect and the love she had for him.
Dean held her close as Rory let go of all she had been holding back. When the tears finally slowed into choked sobs and tiny sniffles, Dean pulled back slightly and gently took Rory's chin in his hand, raising it up so their gazes were level. Her eyes were red and puffy and silent streams still trickled down her flushed cheeks. His hand gingerly reached up to brush the tears away and slowly came to rest on the edge of her face. Alarms in Rory's head went unheeded as another desire took center stage. Gazing into Dean's warm brown eyes, only the desires to be held and touched and comforted were recognized. Dean's eyes flickered briefly between Rory's quivering mouth and her sweet, doe-eyed gaze as their heads came closer together.
"Rory!"
Rory jerked away and stood up in a flurry of motion. Someone was calling her name. She started around the bend of the gazebo and literally ran into Jess. He put a hand on her hip to steady her. "Woah, you okay?" Rory looked down, ashamed of what she had almost done. "You were crying..." he observed, gently reaching up to brush away the tears Dean had not already caught.
Rory nodded, her eyes caught on Jess's jacket. "I'm fine, I just...needed some time to myself is all." She finally looked up and attempted a smile. Jess looked skeptical, but seemed to accept it as he pulled Rory into a tight hug. He gently kissed her forehead and cheek before resting his head against her own. As she looked over his shoulder, she saw Dean rejoin Lindsey with a brief, chaste kiss. She closed her eyes, but the thought of what she had almost done, the shame, and the bright pictures of Dean's eyes burned behind her eyelids.
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