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What Is To Be

-Second-

By Annie

2003-09-08

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She dropped the duffle bag at her feet and then slowly turned her head to have a look around the large foyer of the Hyperion Hotel. It was warm and welcoming. She had only been there twice before - once a few of years back, and a second time right before she left America for England - and at both those times she could conclude why Angel would have chosen it. At the thought of seeing him she felt a flutter somewhere near her heart and a small smile graced her lips. It had been so long.

"Buffy?" a female voice asked as the woman it belonged to descended a set of stairs to the Slayer's right and Buffy turned her head to her with a questioning expression.

The young lady had a remarkable face, filled with a beauty which seemed quiet and natural in spite of how evident it was. Framed by a silky mane of chestnut locks her face was the picture of innocence. Her movements were filled with grace as she took the last step and came to face Buffy. The latter had never seen her before, but she knew instantly who it had to be. Angel was good at writing letters that way - he never left out any good parts, but chose those parts with skill; knowing what would interest her, and what would not.

"You must be Susannah," she said, wondering why the other was eyeing her with something close to irritation right before the look vanished and a perfect smile took its place.

"I think we already established I know who you are," she then said jokingly, reaching out a hand and Buffy returned the smile, about to shake the hand when a voice she actually did recognize exclaimed:

"Buffy?!" and she turned her head to the bottom of the stairs, having her smile widen slightly before she said:

"Hey, Cordy."

The brunette climbed the stairs and embraced her old friend. Buffy hugged her back.

"I can't believe it!" Cordelia stated as they pulled apart. "Literally! What are you doing here?"

"Well, I received this," Buffy replied, pulling out a manila envelope from a pocket in the duffle bag and straightening her back, holding the confinement of Angel's letter as well as the lengthy yet rather hurried description he had sent her of what they had all been dealing with for the past few months.

Cordelia nodded.

"Of course... We just didn't expect you so soon," she tried to explain and Buffy smiled a little.

"Right, the manifest of impending doom with just enough lack of good detail to make me actually curious wouldn't be sufficient in making me jump on the first plane available," she stated sarcastically. "Please," she added and Cordelia had to smile as well.

Buffy noticed a very fine thread of tension hanging in the air and she wasn't sure from where it originated - Susannah, or Cordelia. She wasn't even clear on what to make of it, why it was there. What had she done apart from walking through the door! Gees, this was turning out to be the perfect beginning of a great stay.

The silence was growing stale and Cordelia seemed just about to part her lips and break it when the sound of a door opening somewhere behind her made her turn her head that way; Buffy moving her gaze to the spot as well just as a man walked into the large room to join the threesome. He smiled as he met Cordy's eyes with his own, but at the rather meaningful expression on her face he furrowed his brow slightly before he moved his gaze to the young blonde standing to the right of the brunette.

As both ladies were situated at the top of the stairs leading from the entrance of his work place and home - directly into both - he had to tilt his head slightly back.

His eyes grew. Then his smile broadened.

"Buffy," he said and she swallowed, then returned his smile as she nodded.

"Seems that's the way you guys wanna greet me," she murmured, feeling oddly out of place as she looked down at him. Then she added: "It sounds more or less like 'Slayer'... It's been a while since I heard that."

He looked apologetic.

"I didn't mean it to," he assured and she smiled again, this time with more feeling.

"'Course," she said, getting herself moving and slowly walking down the steps to face him on the floor of the foyer. "But I still believe this," she added, holding up the large envelope again before finishing: "was a call for HER to come."

"Yes," Angel admitted. "I need you to dress up as the Slayer just this one last time... I..."

"I know," she interrupted. "I read everything you sent me. I know. You don't have to explain. Where do we start?"

***

"So," Cordelia said as she showed Buffy up the stairs to find her a room to stay in, "I think you'll be comfortable here," she added, looking hesitantly at her former semi-friend as they stepped into the hallway of the second floor and started down it.

"I'm sure I will be," Buffy nodded.

"Angel's told me about... You know. How you've traveled and... everything," Cordelia stated, still rather tryingly before she stopped in front of a door and turned the knob, pushing it open.

"Yeah," Buffy nodded. "Soul searcher and globe trotter extraordinaire - that's me," she added with a small smile and Cordy returned it, walking into the room and having Buffy follow.

"So everybody's all right?" the dark haired asked, turning to the petite blonde as the latter put her duffle bag down on the bed and had a look around.

"Yeah," she then replied. "Everybody's just great."

"I heard what happened to Xander. His eye..." Cordelia said and Buffy smirked slightly as she turned her head to her. "I hope he's moved passed it," the former stated and Buffy smiled.

"He's doing good," she then replied.

"Is Dawn still studying?" Cordelia wondered and Buffy's smile grew as she nodded.

"Angel's really filled you in," she commented and Cordelia smiled back with a shrug.

"I can't say I wasn't a little bit curious," she admitted, then raised her eyebrows in wait for the answer to her previous question.

"I'd say Dawnie loves school almost as much as she's enjoying England... Which is good," Buffy answered.

"Why didn't you stay there?" Cordelia asked and Buffy had a shadow draw over her face before she looked away. "I mean - to be close to Willow and Dawn... and Giles," the former added.

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest and turned to walk up to the single window of the room.

"I needed to get out there, see all the places I've saved," she then answered.

Cordelia watched her in silence for a few moments before she said:

"You deserved to. See them, I mean."

Buffy turned her head to her and smiled rather gratefully.

"Thanks," she replied.

"Well, I'll leave you to it," Cordelia said, turning and walking back up to the door. Hesitating in the doorway she said: "It's good to see you."

Buffy smiled again, then nodded.

"And you," she agreed. "I'm glad you decided to wake up."

Cordelia's smile broadened just a tad at that and then she nodded.

"He told you about that, huh?" she asked.

"He told me about pretty much everything that's been going on around here," Buffy replied and Cordelia struggled to keep her smile bright as she nodded for a second time.

"I'll come up and get you when it's time to rally the troops, okay? Get some rest," she said.

"Thanks," Buffy said, watching the other leave the room and then turning to the bed.

It looked alluring enough, but on top of it was something else that beckoned her attention and she grumbled as she walked up and unzipped the duffle bag, starting to unload its contents.

***

Twenty minutes later there was a soft knock on the door and Buffy put the last of her sweaters on their shelf in the borrowed closet before she closed the door to it and invited whoever to come in. The door of the room slid open and Susannah poked her head inside.

"Hi," she said. "Sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt your..."

"Fascinating and fun-filled unpacking?" Buffy asked with a smirk. "Don't worry, I've seen all of it before, doesn't make for a very captivating pastime."

Susannah smiled at that, stepping into the room and sliding the door shut with a soft click before she had a look around.

"It's funny," she said. "When I first came here I thought every room looked the same. It was just another hotel... except it's more or less out of the 'Shining', the way it's in huge need of a good crew of handymen and all," she added and Buffy laughed, nodding her agreement. "Well," Susannah continued. "After a few days I started to notice little things and after a few weeks it grew into something more than a building. It's home... and the people in it are the closest friends I have..."

Buffy looked at her with an understanding façade, which completely hid the confusion she felt as to where the topic was headed.

"I didn't come here to mess with familiarity," she then stated as the other was growing hesitant in her speech. "I didn't come to stay, just to help. When I'm done, I'm leaving. And besides, what's to say I'm not a possible friend?"

Susannah stared at her, and then she smiled a very small smile before she nodded.

"Right. You're right! I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound so... I mean, I'm happy you're here. Angel speaks of you like you're the hero we need to make this equation work, and so does... Cordelia," she assured, pausing again and Buffy had another strange feeling of being watched in anticipation of some sort of reaction.

Or perhaps it wasn't anticipation, perhaps it was just regular wait. What did this girl expect from her? That she'd oh-and-ah over the fact that she was needed to save the world? That she'd actually be shocked that Angel and Cordy thought she was the woman for the job. Well, okay, the Cordy- believing-in-her-so-openly part should have come as a shock, but it didn't. It had been a long time since she thought she actually knew what made Cordelia work. Now, after everything both of them had been through Buffy was only sure of one thing - they had grown up a lot.

Susannah, though. There was a mystery.

The little Angel had told Buffy of her she had stumbled into the Hyperion one late night, covered in blood and murmuring something about a bottle having to be found.

Now, that was an entrance if Buffy had ever heard of one.

The blood had later been determined to belong to a Jade demon, which the mortal had killed with her own hands as the demon had attacked her. Buffy had been skeptical to this particular part of the story since it sounded absolutely absurd. The Jade had a ruthlessness to them that made them hard to destroy even with the strength of a Slayer, and the thought of a mere human performing this task seemed utterly incredible.

Angel had, however, vouched for the truth of it as there had been witnesses so shaken up by the event that they had barely wanted to spill any information at all. It had finally been confirmed, though - Susannah had used nothing but her own hands and feet, a steel wire and the pure adrenaline that had to have been pumping through her veins in that moment, and she had come out standing.

Bruised, yes, but barely scratched otherwise.

She had no family, orphaned since the age ten, and when Angel offered her a permanent place of stay and - should she choose it - employment she had pounced on the offer immediately. She had lived at the hotel for nearly six months and, as far as Buffy knew, she had no plans of leaving.

Buffy still couldn't tell what she thought of the other woman. She wanted to like her, but for some reason... It was as though there was a slight air of hostility coming off the other which the Slayer couldn't place. A part of the tension earlier had most definitely been provided by this girl. The question was: why?

"I'd never do anything to hurt anyone under this roof," Buffy stated as she came out of her musings and Susannah smiled dismissively.

"I didn't think that," she stated.

"Yeah, you did," Buffy disagreed and the other's gaze wavered before it met hers firmly. "I don't blame you," Buffy continued. "I've had a bumpy past with some of the people here, and I'm the first to admit it." Susannah's eyes grew unnoticeably, then she seemed to relax again, listening to the Slayer finishing with: "I just want you to know that no matter what, they're my friends first as well."

"I know," Susannah said, giving Buffy another smile and walking up to the door, opening it she stopped herself on her way out and looked back at the other. "The reason I'm a bit on the edge these days is just that I've heard so many stories from the others... about what's gone down whenever there's been trouble brewing. I just don't want anyone to have to be sacrificed this time."

Buffy stared at the door as Susannah disappeared through it and then closed it with another careful click. The sound of that click seemed to echo through the room for an eternity and finally Buffy closed her eyes.

The numbing ache within her, caused by the memories Susannah's words had stirred, was making it difficult to breathe.

In one week, Buffy thought.

In one week it would be one year since everything changed; since everything was given to her and yet everything was taken away.

In one week it would be one year since she watched the sun rise over the heap of rubble which was all that was left of her home town.

In one week it would be one year since she had to make yet another sacrifice in the name of the world.

No, she corrected herself, sinking down on the edge of the bed. I didn't really make that sacrifice, did I?

But the loss had been hers to reap. And sometimes it felt as though it had been hers alone. Sometimes she wished she had stayed, just refused to leave and stayed with him...

Sometimes.

***

Angel looked up when Cordelia rejoined him downstairs in his office. She seemed weary of something and he raised his eyebrows slightly, in question. She sighed, stopping before him and then shaking her head.

"I can't believe that in all this time he didn't let you tell her," she said and he straightened his back.

"Look, I couldn't tell him what to do, okay? He didn't want me to, I had to respect that," he replied.

"But now... she's gonna have the shock of her life," Cordelia pointed out and Angel looked away from her before he came around his desk and leaned against it.

"So is he," he stated and her eyes widened.

"You couldn't get a hold of him?" she asked and he shook his head.

"He's not answering his cell."

"It's that stupid library! Reception is at zero one step through the doors and... I'm going there," she interrupted herself, about to turn and make good on her statement when his hand grabbed her arm and gently stopped her.

"I know you care about him, Cor," he said. "But let him finish his research. We all need him to, and if he finds out that Buffy's here... You and I both know what sort of distraction it'll be for him to see her again."

"I just... don't think it's fair," she grumbled, looking up at him and he smiled a little, letting his hand loosen its grip and then slide down her arm carefully before he stepped away from her.

Cordelia drew a small breath as she observed his back when he began to look through some of the files he had been working on before she entered the room.

"Angel... You do realize what this means, don't you?" she asked carefully and his hands slowed their movements before he turned his head to her again.

"Yeah," he then answered.

"The prophecy..."

"Cordelia," he interrupted. "I said 'yeah'. Now, I'm not gonna let a book dictate the future for me, neither should you."

"But..." she tried, only he gave her a look which cut her off and she sighed.

"Prophecies tend to get screwed up, especially when you know about them. My God, haven't you learned anything over these years?" he wondered and getting the smile he had been looking for from her he smiled back, reassuringly. "Buffy's here," he said. "It'll be all right now."

"I still wanna go to the library," she muttered and his smile widened.

"They say there's a first time for everything," he then quipped and she gave him a dark look before she laughed.

He looked at her for a moment, his eyes sparkling good humor before he stripped it off and replaced it with a stern expression that she knew all too well.

"All right, fine," she sighed. "I hereby solemnly swear that I won't go to the place where the books live."

"These are the last few hours he has left to study those books in peace, Cor," Angel replied to her mock and she crossed her arms over her chest, disliking but defeated. "And it's safe to say it's also the last few hours of peace WE have left," he added and she smirked at that.

"Coward," she taunted and he smiled back, not responding to the slander as he merely turned his eyes on the papers again.

**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************

Hey, y'all! Thanks a lot for the feedback! Very nice!

Okay, so I admit that I'm at a loss here. I have only a slight clue as to what happened on Angel during its season four and now, this season, I have no idea. I wanted to write this as a story line of its own anyways so I hope you won't flame me if it doesn't coincide with the show all the way. I just want to be able to develop it and since Angel has such a deliberate line in the story I'm spinning it off a little bit. Just a few short questions to anyone who would fancy answering them, okay?

*How many eps have been aired of S5 of Angel (this season)?

*Is James Marsters in the picture yet and how was he introduced if he is.

*What members of the cast are still on the show?

I know Cordelia has been in a coma and as you can see I effectively brought her out of it.

*Did Gunn bite the dust yet? Maybe they decided he shouldn't...

*What happened with the whole W&H setting them all up to work for them thing?

Okay, so again, picture this being at the end of this season and so pretty much anything can have happened. And also, if the story lines totally deter from each other I hope, as with any piece of fiction, you are willing to overlook it.

There, that's what I had to say and ask.

Special thanks to skyz (hey!!!) :), Shan-suedluvsbitch (Good to see you again!) :), wolf116 (hey, you!) ;), demona (hello) :), Jessica (hi!) :), Ape18 (hey, been a while! :), Sue (hi, there!) :), Hannah (hello, hello!) :), darklover (wazzap?!) ;) and Captain (Very nice to see ya again!) :).

Really hope you liked this part as well!

A.M.L, Annie.