Chapter 12

Max walked slowly on the deserted streets of Roswell, trying to clear his mind. He had always done this when he found that he couldn't sleep at night. But lately this past week he had been finding himself going out for a walk late at night more and more often. He just couldn't seem to sleep. When he did manage to fall to sleep, he was usually bombarded with nightmares. Sometimes he dreamed of Kivar and the skins but mostly he dreamt of Liz.

The dream always started off the same way, with Liz and him going on a drive to Eagles Point. She was always smiling and laughing like she used to but then the sky used to turn dark and in the darkness he heard her screams sounding far away. He turned to find her, to grab hold before she disappeared, as he knew she would but he was always too late. He could only shout after her as her screams faded away into nothing and he was left standing in the middle of the empty desert staring hopelessly around.

Max shivered slightly when he thought about the dream. The darkness was so penetrating and he felt so helpless. Whenever he woke up sweating from his dreams he couldn't help feeling that he let Liz down, that he wasn't there to help her when she had needed him. Max was in these thoughts when he finally looked up and realized where he had unconsciously led himself.

The familiarity of the alley and the pipe stung him, taunting him. He glanced up at the balcony he had climbed to so often. The balcony was always alight with soft candles, which Liz kept near the window especially when she knew he was coming over. But now it was dark and cheerless. There was no light there, only darkness.

As he stood below looking up, he felt an urge to climb back up there. He wanted to sit there for a while and let the memories wash over him. Before he even realized it he had climbed up the pole and was standing in the small balcony. He stood there looking about. Everything was just as it had been, untouched by anyone.

He felt his throat become choked as he noticed the blanket he and Liz had shared one night laying on the white chair. Max picked it up rubbing the soft blanket between his fingers as he sat down on the chairs. He felt the tears begin to trickle down his face as he sat there, holding the blanket and thinking about Liz.

He missed her so much. It didn't seem possible that she was gone and maybe that's why he had kept away from her room and the Crash Down, because he wasn't ready to accept it. Maybe if he kept away for a while, when he would return she would be there waiting for him as if nothing ever happened. But now as he sat here and gazed inside her still room, he felt a fresh onslaught of tears come. She was really gone.

Max wiped his tears as he picked up the matchbox lying on the small table next to the window. He lit the match and in turn lit some of the candles. Almost immediately the balcony was surrounded by the soft glow of candlelight, something he remembered so well. Then he lay back down on the chair and pulled the blanket around him, inhaling deeply, hoping to catch a whiff of Liz's smell in the blanket. Then under the stars and bathed with the soft candle light he finally fell into a peaceful sleep.