Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the story idea.
A/N: Here it is, folks. Sorry to take so long, but honestly, this was a really hard chapter to write. I hope you think it was worth the wait. Jade-Tessier did a fantastic job in beta reading and I thank her for all her wise suggestions. Let me know what you think.
~~
When Sookie told Luke that Lorelai was at the Dragonfly, she'd been lying. In fact, Lorelai had barely managed to drag herself out of bed that morning and call Michel to say she'd be in late.
"Excellent," he'd purred bitterly into her ear. "I simply adore picking up all de slack on my own. Such won-dah-ful newz."
Lorelai stared blankly at her living room wall and absently stroked Lulu's soft coat after she ended the call. Feeling sick, she'd called the diner, but Caesar was of little help and after speaking with Sookie, she knew that he wasn't there anymore, either.
His words kept echoing through her head, "I want to marry you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to live every day until I die knowing that I'll be waking up next to you in the morning." Her lower lip trembled, but no tears fell. She'd spend the entire night alternating between berating herself and pitying herself. She didn't have any tears left.
The telephone interrupted her thoughts.
"Hello," she answered wearily.
"Mom, it's me," cried Rory.
"Hey, honey." Her voice sounded far away even to her own ears.
"What happened? I got your message and you sounded awful! You still sound awful. What's going on?"
"Luke and I broke up." As Lorelai said the words for the first time aloud, her voice broke.
"What?" gasped Rory. "I don't believe it. What happened?"
"It's a long story," said Lorelai, the exhaustion of a sleepless night prevalent in her tone.
"But…things were going so well."
"Yeah," Lorelai agreed, flatly. "They were."
"So?" encouraged Rory.
"I don't have the energy to go through it all, but the bottom line is that he proposed and I said no."
"What?!" Rory shrieked. "Why would you say no?"
"Because!" Lorelai replied defensively.
"That's it? That's your reason?"
"Rory." The warning was implicit.
"I'm sorry, but…I just don't understand," Rory said, her voice softening.
"Neither do I," confessed Lorelai, with a sigh.
"Don't you love him anymore?" Rory asked hesitantly.
"Of course I still love him. I guess I just got a little scared."
"Cold feet are normal."
"They're a little too normal for me, though," said Lorelai, thinking of Max. "God, he must hate me."
"Luke could never hate you," Rory assured her.
"You didn't hear the things he said to me last night."
"What did he say?"
"I don't want to repeat them," said Lorelai firmly.
"Bastard!"
"No, Rory, he was right. He was right about everything. I don't know what I want and until I do I shouldn't subject anyone to my particular brand of crazy, let alone someone I love as much as I love him."
"But, how can you not know what you want?"
Lorelai shrugged, then realized Rory wouldn't have been able to see the movement and said, "I don't know, I just don't."
"Well, let's analyze the problem," decided Rory.
"Please tell me you're kidding."
"Nope. I was looking forward to being your maid-of-honor," Rory stated obstinately, "so let's get down to business."
"Fine," Lorelai pouted.
"So, let's start with some question and answer exercises. On a scale of one to ten, how much do you love me?"
"I thought this was about Luke?"
"We'll get there," Rory assured her. "Now answer the question."
"Fifteen," answered Lorelai dryly.
"On a scale of one to ten?"
"Yeah."
"Okay. And on a scale of one to ten, how much do you love Luke?"
"Thirteen."
"You realize your answers are technically invalid," cautioned Rory.
"You realize I'm letting you analyze my love life," Lorelai reminded her.
"Point taken. So, you love Luke two point less than you love the daughter whom you created out of your own flesh and blood."
"That was a little more graphic than necessary, but yes," said Lorelai as she made a face.
"Okay and on the same scale, how much do you love your parents?"
"Do we really have to do this?"
"No, but I think it'll help," Rory pressed
"Ten," confessed Lorelai.
"So you love Luke three points more than your parents and two points less than me. He's practically a member of the family already on the love scale."
"Yeah, I guess," Lorelai replied, still unconvinced.
"Next question: If you could put your love for Luke into words, what would you say?"
"This is stupid," Lorelai groaned.
"That's not a very nice way to express your love," joked Rory.
"Not my love, these questions."
"We're almost done," Rory told her mother with confidence.
Sighing, Lorelai took a deep breath and tried to think of how she would verbalize her love. "More than coffee or pancakes or pie. More than The Beastie Boys or Ozzy Osbourne. More than my favorite jeans, more than my geisha girl long-sleeved tee shirt, and more than anything besides you."
"You realize the first item on that list was coffee," stammered Rory, incredulous.
"Was it?" asked Lorelai, dumbfounded.
"Yes. You just said that you love Luke more than coffee."
"I did, didn't I?" said Lorelai wrinkling her brow.
"If you had to chose between Luke or coffee, which would you pick?" Rory asked with great urgency.
"Evil child, how could you even suggest such a thing?" Lorelai protested.
"I didn't, you did," Rory reminded her.
"Well, as much as it pains me, I think I'd have to choose Luke," Lorelai admitted. "He's only been gone one night and I miss him so much. I haven't had a single cup of coffee today because I've been too busy moping."
"So, you'd choose a lifetime with Luke over a lifetime with coffee?"
"Yeah," Lorelai answered, realization dawning. "I would."
"And why won't you marry him, again?"
"I didn't know what I wanted before…but I think I do now," Lorelai said slowly with growing realization. "I think I know that it doesn't matter how long we've dated or whether I'm not sure about having more kids. I think the only thing that matters is that we love each other and we make each other happy. I think I get it now."
"Glad to be of service, Ms. Gilmore."
"How did you do that?" Lorelai asked suspiciously.
"Just doing my job, ma'am."
Luke's words came back to her again and instead the deer-in-the-headlights expression, her features adopted a serene look. She felt that she couldn't wait to wake up every morning for the rest of her life next to him. In fact, not waking up next to him this morning had made her decidedly miserable. How could she have been so blind before? What had she been thinking? She had to find him!
"Rory, I've got to go," Lorelai said quickly. "I'll call you later."
Without waiting for an answer, Lorelai ended the call and sprang from the couch. She knew exactly what to get him for Christmas.
