Max grunted slightly as he strained to pull himself up. Doing his pull-ups had become a nightly routine for him and he did it almost effortlessly. It was also a way to clear his mind but tonight it not only seemed very difficult to do but he was bogged down by memories. No matter how much he tried to concentrate on his exercise he couldn't seem to focus. Finally he sighed and stopped. It was no use. He grabbed the towel draped across the back of his chair and wiped his face with it before putting his shirt back on.
He sat down on his bed, head in his hands. Even though he tried not to, he couldn't help thinking about the night Liz had come to him when he was doing his pull-ups. He had thought that she had come to make up with him but she had shattered that hope almost immediately. What she had said confused him, even now. He couldn't figure out what had happened to make her say all of that. He didn't believe for once second that she didn't love him.
But what about her and Kyle? A voice asked. Max felt his muscles tense up as he thought about catching them in bed together. He knew she loved him but then that didn't explain why she went and slept with Kyle.
Max got up and paced about. It was a memory that haunted him, that tore him apart. He had felt so lost after that, as if everyone and everything had betrayed him. He couldn't believe that she could do that to him, to them. But she had. Maybe that's why he had gone seeking safety in Tess's arms. Because he wanted to feel loved, he wanted to feel that he was needed by someone. Or maybe he had hoped that if Liz saw him and Tess together she would come running back to him. He hadn't meant for it to go as far as it did.
God, what did I do? Max thought as he thought about his night with Tess. I betrayed Liz on the night she died!
Max felt horror descend on him as it finally hit him what all of this meant. He had been so wrapped up in Liz's death that he hadn't even considered what all of this could mean. He hadn't even considered Tess's feelings! He winced when he remembered how short and cold he had been to her the past week. They had made love and he had shunned her the very next day.
She had every right to be angry at me. He thought. No wonder she had snapped that day in the café, she must have felt so…used.
Max closed his eyes in shame when he thought about how he had blown off her apology. It was him who should have apologized to her and instead she had come to say sorry. He felt angry at himself. He couldn't believe he had treated her like that. He might not have trusted her before but she was different now. Hadn't she proved that already when she had saved them from the skins?
Max got up abruptly, determined to go over to her house and apologize for his behavior. He had just finished slipping on his shoes when he heard someone rap lightly at the window. He looked up, automatically expecting it to be Liz…until he saw Tess standing there almost shyly.
Max closed his eyes for a split second, letting the pain subside. Of course it isn't Liz. He berated himself. She's not here anymore.
Still, he couldn't erase the trace of sadness. Then he remembered why he had been heading to her house in the first place. He hurried over to the window to help Tess in.
"Hey Tess." He greeted as she jumped in.
"Hi." Tess replied with a slight smile once she was in. Max wondered what she was doing here. Tess saw his curious expression and hurried to explain. "I just wanted to talk to you so I—"
"No need to explain." Max told her gently. "I was coming over to your house just now."
"You were?" Tess asked, her eyes looking hopeful.
"Yeah." Max said. He ducked his head in embarrassment. "I wanted to apologize…"
"Apologize?" Tess asked, confused. "For what Max?"
"For the way I have been treating you." Max told her, ashamed. He looked up at her. "I mean it must have hurt you when I just…blew you off after that night…"
Tess touched his arm. "It's okay Max. I understand." She said. "After what you went through the next day…" she shrugged a little. "I guess you had every right to freak out."
Max took her hand in his. "But that's no excuse. I shouldn't have been so insensitive. I was wrong and I'm sorry." He said.
Tess looked at him her eyes slightly misty. She hugged him. Max wrapped his arms around her, returning the hug. "It's okay Max. Really, it is. I understand." She said. She let go and looked at him, smiling. "But thank you. That meant a lot to me."
Max nodded, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat. Tess went and sat down on his bed as Max took a place next to her.
"So, how are you holding up?" she asked gently.
"I'm doing okay, I guess…" he replied, staring at his hands. He looked up at her. "You know I was reading Romeo and Juliet a few days ago, and I remembered something Liz said to me."
"When she came to you that night?" Tess asked. She knew about it as Max had confided in her when they had met in the park.
Max nodded, blinking back the tears. "She told me that it wasn't its name. It was the Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet." He gave Tess a small sad smile. "She said that she didn't want to be Juliet because she died in the end. She died because she loved Romeo so much. She-she didn't want to die for me…"
Tess held his hand and squeezed lightly, knowing how much that had hurt him. Max continued. "But she was my Juliet. As corny as that sounds… she really was. And I can't help thinking that she died because of me…she didn't want to but she did…"
"Max," Tess replied, her voice sympathetic but stern. "It was a plane crash. It was not your fault. It couldn't have been."
"I know." Max replied. "But it was because of me she was on that plane anyway."
"No, it was because of Alex! And don't tell me you should have stopped her." Tess replied, seeing him open his mouth to protest. "You did try, but she went anyway."
"But it was because of me that Alex died. Because I wasn't careful enough." Max argued.
"Max, you have to stop blaming yourself." Tess told him gently. "Other wise you'll destroy yourself." She looked at him. "You have to let go and not hold yourself responsible."
Max looked at her quietly, listening to her. "I don't think I can do it alone… Will you help?" he finally asked in a soft whisper.
