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What Is To Be

-Twelfth-

By Annie

2003-09-17

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Spike observed Buffy and Angel swiftly disappear up the stairs. He smirked; the lack of a plan seemed to be working to their advantage. He removed himself from the doorway in which he had been standing and walked into the great hall where Susannah had just curtsied after yet another dance ended. She was quite the bell, and he was happy for her. She seemed to be enjoying herself.

She looked up and their eyes met, having her smile widely before she walked to meet him by the side of the dance floor.

Spike drew a small breath, knowing that he had to speak with her, but finding it difficult because he also knew that what he was going to say to her would hurt her. Her obvious devotion for him was even clearer now, and had been so ever since Buffy walked back into his life two short days ago... That was why he needed to do this.

"Hi," she said as she stopped before him and he returned her smile.

"Hi," he replied. "Feet okay?" he added and she laughed.

"No!" she stated. "But it's a pain of good, not bad."

He nodded, then gestured toward the smaller rooms beyond and asked:

"Still... want to sit?"

She smiled another smile, then nodded and slipped one hand over the arm he held out to her. He led her through the hall and further through three rooms before he seemed to find one which met his requirements and there he escorted her up to a deep couch. She sat down with a rather questioning look up at him, and he braced himself before he took a seat next to her.

"It's nice, don't you think?" she asked. "The music and the food and the people... It's good to get out for a while. Pretend that we don't know what we know about everything, you know?"

"Yeah," he agreed slowly.

"And to get dressed up... I haven't danced like this in so long! It's wonderful! You know, I believe you owe me at least three more of those before we leave," she stated and he smiled a little.

"I'm sorry," he then mumbled and she swallowed, looking away from him as he reached out and took one of her hands. "I'm sorry if I led you to believe... I shouldn't have asked you to go with me, Sannah. I don't know if I was fair."

She shook her head with a weak smile on.

"What's fair?" she then asked silently.

"I love her," he stated and at that she directed her gaze in his again.

"I know," she replied, her voice slightly unsteady.

"And I know you do," he said gently. "I never hid her from you... did I? I never tried to deny how big a part of me she is."

Susannah squeezed his hand at that.

"No," she grumbled. "You didn't."

"I didn't mean to lead you on. If I ever did that then..."

"You definitely never did that," she stopped him, smiling again. "I just hoped, maybe... that you'd eventually move on. That she was just a fantasy that you'd someday realize you had to give up... Then she, naturally, had to come here - making her... reality."

"Susannah, you're one of my closest friends right now, and I want you to know that I care for you," he tried but her rather pale smile stopped him from going further on the subject.

"Will, please... no pity-speech, okay?" she asked, taking her hand out of his, though she then granted him a brighter smile. "I think I know when to bow down with dignity and this is my cue. I mean... how could I even for a second think that I could compete against her, right?"

"You are a beautiful young woman!" he said with conviction and she giggled.

"Okay, you've assured you care for me, you've called me the obligatory beautiful - now all that's left is 'we can still BE friends'," she stated and he gave her a look which made her smile again. "Buffy is Buffy," she said. "I know what she's meant to you, Will. What she still means to you. And if you think that she's feeling what you're feeling then who am I to stand in the way? If she really feels the same, then I'm truly happy for you," she finished.

He smiled at that.

"I don't know what she feels," he then replied.

"You will," she said, rising to her feet and he did as well.

"Are you sure that you're...?" he began and she turned her head to him with a look saying he should let it rest, which he did.

She hooked her arm with his again and he felt a little bit calmer that she wasn't merely putting on a brave-face as they headed back to the great hall and joined the rest of the couples on the dance floor.

He hoped Buffy and Angel were doing a good night's work upstairs. All they needed was one more good clue and they might be able to establish a location...

Buffy... he truly wondered what she was feeling. If he was to go on pure instinct... but he couldn't. Too many questions still lacked an answer. And tonight he'd get to ask them. He could barely wait until they got back to the hotel. He wanted to be alone with her... that's all he wanted. To talk with her. There was so much he wanted to say, even if she didn't feel what he did at least now she believed in him. He knew she did.

***

Five minutes after Spike and Susannah re-entered the great hall, Buffy and Angel snuck back down the stairs of the second floor and by a diversion created by Angel they managed to get back into the mass of guests undetected.

Buffy could finally breathe easily and she felt a great wave of both relief and pleasure fill her when she thought of the big step they might have been able to take in order to stop the elusiveness of the prophecy.

"Everything all right?" Fred asked as Buffy came up to her where she stood by the dance floor, watching Gunn twirling a young vampiress in his arms.

"Yeah," Buffy answered the question. "I just think it was a little too easy... and I really wanna get out of here right now before something goes wrong," she added and Fred's eyes widened slightly. "Don't worry," Buffy calmed. "I don't think it's too serious... I just think we should be out of here within the hour."

Fred smiled at that, then nodded.

"Of course, if you say so," she stated.

Buffy looked at her, then out on the dancing Gunn.

"Are you okay with that?" she asked and Fred turned her head to the Slayer with a questioning expression. "I mean, your guy - demons - the whole closeness scenario..." she elaborated and Fred shrugged.

"I know he loves me," she then replied. "But if you're referring to the being-close-to-demons part, one thing I've learned is never judge a book by its cover. Fangs and horns can be really misleading... Sometimes they're really NOT, of course," she added and Buffy smiled at that. "But other times... you just have to look beyond them, you know?"

Buffy looked across the room, having her gaze lock with Angel's and then Spike's, who was at the vampire's side.

"I do know," she agreed.

***

The ride in the car home was silent.

Buffy kept finding herself looking to her right and resting her gaze on Spike's profile. She truly wanted to get to talking with him. She felt ready now, to tell him everything that was on her mind in one sweep and then let him react to it freely. Tell him how afraid she was of having to let go of him again, how deep her fear of losing him again went.

She needed him to know all of it so that there were no more questions as to what she felt for him. So that there was no more insecurity from which he might need soothing. And she wanted to begin to make up for all the time they had lost.

This beautiful being had been in her life for so long without being able to show her his true self, and then he had been snatched from her when he finally got to do just that. Now she wanted to show him how he moved her, touched her and kept her. She wanted to tell him the words that kept weighing her mind... And he wanted to hear them, she knew he did.

They pulled up outside the Hyperion and Gunn soon followed.

"What an evening," Cordelia sighed happily as the gang stepped through the front doors of the hotel.

It was two hours since Angel and Buffy obtained the new bit of hopefully helpful information, the drive through the city taking almost an hour.

"It was quite extraordinary," Wesley now said to Cordelia's statement and there were murmurs of agreement from the rest as well.

"I'll develop these," Angel said, bringing out the camera and walking down the steps. "It shouldn't take long."

"I'll make some coffee," Cordelia said and Fred nodded.

"I'll come with you," she offered and they hooked arms as they proceeded the same way Angel had just gone.

The rest walked down the steps as well, facing each other on the floor of the foyer.

Susannah was leaning her head against Spike's shoulder, looking exhausted but pleased as his arm was around her waist. Buffy looked at them for a moment, then turned away. She was tired as well, but they had some more work ahead of them and so there seemed little use to head upstairs and get ready for a bed that would have to wait for probably another few hours.

Wesley excused himself, walking into the research room and after a moment Gunn followed.

Buffy let the moment stretch for as long as it could, but sooner than later she felt compelled to turn and face the other two. Looking straight into Susannah's eyes she tried to make the woman understand that what she was doing was far from working. She couldn't act as an obstacle. All she did was delay... delay... Buffy met the blue eyes of Spike instead and felt a smile easily form on her mouth. There was something close to an understanding there now... Whenever she looked at him she felt as though he knew what she was thinking, what she was feeling.

They had barely spoken two words to each other in private since their dance, but it was as though they didn't need to. And that was what had her smiling now...

Suddenly Susannah jerked, straightening herself up as she blinked and looked around the room.

"Did you hear that?" she asked and Spike turned his head to her, quizzical.

"Hear what?" he wondered as she took a step away from him, her eyes still darting from one spot to the next and the expression in them growing close to terrified.

"That!" she exclaimed. "That... voice. It's whispering."

Buffy exchanged a look with Spike, both of them now worried and Susannah took another few steps forward before she swirled around to face them, her eyes wide now as she looked up at the ceiling.

"Oh, my God..." she exhaled before she put her hands before her ears, closing her eyes tightly as though trying to shut out a loud noise before there was a tremble going through her and she fell in a heap to the floor.

"Susannah!" Spike exclaimed; running up to her and getting to his knees beside her as he checked her pulse, Buffy joining him and then calling for Wesley and Gunn to get out there. "She's burning up!" Spike yelled to Wesley. "Get me some ice, or water, or... something!"

Wesley needed no more encouragement as he turned and sprinted out to the kitchen. Spike lifted Susannah in his arms and walked toward the stairs, Buffy and Gunn following tight on his heels.

"One of you stay down here and tell Wesley where we are," Spike instructed and Gunn placed a hand on one of Buffy's shoulders, saying:

"I'll stay."

She nodded, thankful, before she continued up the stairs with Spike.

Half an hour later Darren stepped out of Susannah's bedroom, being met by Spike, Angel and Cordelia while Buffy kept to the background.

"What's wrong?" Angel inquired.

"Is it serious?" Cordelia asked.

"Will she be okay?" Spike demanded and Darren put his hands up to have them quiet down.

"I'm at a complete loss as to what is the matter with her, but her condition is stable and as far as I can tell she'll be just fine - with a little rest," he then answered them. "She has never suffered a seizure like this before?" he asked Angel and the vampire shook his head.

"Not as far as I know," he replied and Darren nodded.

"Can we see her?" Angel wondered and Darren gave another nod.

"I'm a phone call away," he then said and Angel shook his hand.

"I appreciate that," Angel said and Darren smiled before taking the coat Buffy handed him and heading for the stairs.

"I don't understand..." Cordelia mumbled. "What happened?"

Spike looked at her, a tight anxiousness in the lines of his face as he answered:

"There's only one who can tell us."

He put his hand on the doorknob and turned it before stepping inside. Angel hesitated, then he followed. Cordelia watched the door close before turning to Buffy.

"She seemed all right before," the former said and Buffy nodded.

"Don't worry," she then replied. "I'm sure Darren's right and after a good night's sleep she'll be right as rain."

Cordelia smiled a little at the expression and though Buffy desperately wanted to join the two males and listen to whatever Susannah may have to disclose, she discarded that emotion and walked with the Cordy down to join the rest of the crew in the kitchen.

She would get to hear whatever was said, she knew she would. So, for the time being, silent lay her curiosity - because it had to.

***

"Sannah," Spike said gently, leaning over her and her eyes fluttered open, meeting his.

A fleeing smile graced her lips and then it faded as she suddenly looked anguished, her gaze burdened and regretful.

"It whispered his name," she murmured and Spike frowned, sinking down on the bedside next to her and stroking her brow tenderly before asking:

"What whispered his name?"

"The voice," she answered him, tears welling up in her eyes. "It scared me so bad..."

Spike glanced over at Angel, who was standing a few feet away, listening closely.

"There's nothing to be scared of, love," Spike said now, eyes back in Susannah's.

"Yes, there is," she disagreed. "I have a lot to be afraid of... I'm not safe..."

"Shh," he hushed softly. "Of course you are," he then added, trying a smile but this time there was no response from her but that of her tears slowly sliding down her cheeks.

"Don't you see?" she whispered. "It's the... prophecy."

Spike frowned at that, then shook his head slightly which she stopped by nodding.

"It can't be..." he murmured.

"I heard the name," Susannah stated, her eyes widening as though the thought had brought the sound back to her ears and then she closed them, sinking down into her pillow and Spike rose to his feet, turning to Angel with a miserable look on his face.

"What does this mean?" the vampire asked and Spike shook his head in defeat.

"I have no idea," he grumbled as he thought of the part of the prophecy Susannah must have been referring to.

'And on the fifth day a great echo shall roll across the plain and valley, reminding those who forgot.'

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So glad for all the positive reviews I got on the last chapter! Thanks a lot, you guys, for taking the time!

Special and warm thanks to Rachel (Ugh, Isabel! Great that you enjoyed!) :), wolf116 (Wow, Susannah is ranking high on the dislike scale with you, huh? *smile* What did you think of THIS chapter then?) ;), shelly (Thanks a lot! Really happy to read that!) :), Keleven (So happy to see your name up there! Really nice to read that you're liking this! *glad!*) :), Winters (You know, speaking Spiketalk that would mean you actually LIKE Angel. The stupid hair thing, I mean. *smiles very widely* I'll throw you another piece of bate to try and keep you that way, then! Hope you approved!) ;), maribel (nice to hear, chicka! Or...read. ;) Thanks!) :), Ayavalla (Wonderful that you think!) :), thechosen (Well, I hope - wherever it is - that you'll like it! And that you'll keep liking it! Thanks for both reviews!) ;), MissK (Great to read that you actually like the interruptions. I was almost, almost worried that they were too much of an obstacle for you all - though I have to admit I just LOVE writing them! ;) Thanks, girl!) :), Captain (Oh, well then - happy birthday a day late! :) *smiles that you liked the Angel-stab* Oh! The Spike-cake... mh-mh-mh-mh- mh! I can not find words for my gratitude!) :), Caitlin (hehe, nah - read fanfiction instead! MUCH better! ;) Nope, the timing was off for our beloved master vamp... so sad that I had to use him like that, but hey, he won't bite - right? :) Oh, and ouch about the tree through a window! Thanks a lot for all your thoughts on the chapter, makes me really happy!!!) :), caikes27 (Oh, I'm glad it finally worked! Wow, wonder what's up with that then?! And great that you think that!) :)

To all, I would not be if not for you!

I recently learned that I have been nominated with TRAppED for an Eternal Devotion Award. I am SO happy and would LOVE to know who nominated me! So, if you read this - huge thank you! - and please, write me a small little note or something at the end of a review or... an email or... telepathy? No, but really, I'd love to know, so pretty please, let me! :) *am glad, glad*

And also forgot to write at the A/N of last chapter that the lyric of the song, of course, belonged to the song "When You Look At Me", performed by Celine Dion, writtin by James Horner and Will Jennings and taken off of the album All The Way... - A Decade Of Song.

Okay, I hope that you liked this chapter as well!

A.M.L, Annie.